Okay, so I admit I was a little apprehensive going into this. Stomach churning, butt-cheeks clenching, all the familiar stuff you feel when you're facing-- Whatever it was I was facing
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When I swam back to consciousness, I could hear a voice yelling and ranting. It sounded oddly familiar, but I could place it, couldn't put my finger on it. Low, dark voice. Though, something seems to be missing. Accent? I don't know. Groaning, I rolled over to my back and pulled the hair out of my face
( ... )
He couldn't see his feet? Those were his issues? I had a penis! And he was all over the feeling of my breasts and--
"Would you stop doing that?" I snapped, ready to burst into tears with the force of that headache, "And what the hell did you drink last night? Jesus, Wesley, I'm getting vision pain flashbacks." I muttered, lifting a so very not manicured hand to my head.
"What happened?" He demanded, pushing himself up off the floor and trying to stay upright. Yeah, Wesley, deal with high heels for a moment, wouldja? "Oh my good bloody god! You're-you're in my body."
"Yes!" I yelled, "And DUH!" And oh my GOD now would be the time to stop yelling.
"Wesley, you will inform me at once what the meaning of these proceedings are. And why the deceased Seer of the half breed has returned!"
"Oh would you please knock if off?" I asked, turning towards Illyria and levelling my gaze with hers, "No wonder your people couldn't wait to shuffle off the mortal coil! In case it hasn't escaped your attention? We're dealing with something
( ... )
"There's no need to be snippy at me!" I scowled at her and pointed an accusing finger. Of course one shouldn't let go of the table with these shoes on ones feet. I flailed my arms and quickly grabbed the table again. "*I* sound strange? Or you do...errrr..." God, this was confusing. "It's very odd to hear myself talking like...well like you
( ... )
"There's no need to be snippy?" I looked at Wes-- Me, what? --incredulously, wondering if I'd heard him right. "You made it sound so simple what with the standing still and the candles and the chanting. You gave me a penis! *Your* penis! And if that's not a very, very eww moment right there? I don't know what is."
"Would you please not say penis when referring to my anatomy?"
What the hell does he want me to call it? His John Thomas, his one-eyed trouser snake? Geez, after boinking Lilah for all those months I thought he'd have come out of his shell a little.
"Wesley, you are wrong." Big, blue and stupid told me, looking me up and down, "You sound different. You will explain this to me!"Oh, she was getting in my face. She was so getting in my face... And if I knew for certain that I could glow right now? I'd be telling Wesley to do it... Or at least letting him know what figurative buttons to press to
( ... )
"Yes, that I what I'm telling you. And *no*, that's not how you do it. You have to be specific. Oh, bloody hell. I'll write it down for you." And then hope she pronounced it right. Dammit, I should come with her...him...me. I'll have to write down passes, give her the card keys and the likes. And then pray to whatever deity she doesn't run into Angel
( ... )
"Specific?" I asked, puzzled. For good measure I shot a glance at the courtyard, made sure Illyria was still talking to that shrub, and then turned back, "It's a book, Wesley, how specific can you be?"
"Oh, bloody hell. I'll write it down for you."
Geez, again with the testy. What was with him? It wasn't like he had to walk into the fiery pits of hell to get this book-templatey thing. It was all down to me. Me who never wanted to walk into that place again. My life sucked.
"*That* body? You are aware that *this* is *your* body. There is nothing wrong with this body. It's a very nice body! And why the hell am I defending your body!"
I couldn't stop my eyebrow from shooting upwards. What was his deal? It was my body, he was right... "What? Of course I know it's my body, Wesley. And 'very nice'? What does that mean?" I asked, walking towards him and digging a chewed fingernail in his-- My --chest. Eww.
"I'll have you know my body is more than nice. Geez." I muttered, "Besides, the only reason I don't want you walking
( ... )
"Do you know how many books there are just in my library, Cordelia?" I asked, giving her an incredulous look. And how odd was it to refer to my own body as 'Cordelia'. "I'll write it down for you," I repeated with a sigh. I wonder if she can take those templates out of the building. That would make things easier. Can't say I've ever tried it before. There never had been a reason.
Then there was a finger nail prodding in my chest. I was expecting the sharp sting that usually went along with it, but of course that never came. Because now I had the nails of doom and she had my own... less lethal nails. Non existent nails. I've never noticed how ugly my hands were. Good lord.
Sighing, I automatically wiped my hands off on my...her...dress and then leaned back against the counter again. I'm well aware about the fact of how much nicer then nice her body is. I mean...I'm starting to figure that out. I hope we get it solved soon before I actually have to see the living proof. This is Cordelia's body. Not some one night stand I used to pick
( ... )
"Do you know how many books there are just in my library, Cordelia?"
"If this is the part where you get all snooty and tell me that Wolfram and Hart has the best reference guide in the world? I'm taking your body and going to get drunk," I frowned, "Really drunk."
Because, really, color me bored. I didn't care how many books Wes had. I only cared about the one that would get me my body back. The one with the breasts. And the nice hair. And the lack of Wesley in it, tripping over my dress. God.
"Toe and then heel, Wesley. Geez. The quicker you work your mojo the better..." I was so going to end up with broken limbs after this.
"Cordelia? I'm in your body. There is no 'mojo' in your body I could use. There is in mine...yours...the one you're in now. But I doubt you'll know how to use it."Okay, so what did *that* mean? That he couldn't do the spell? That you had to have mojo in your body to work this stuff
( ... )
He really had to get out of self-flagellating all the time, especially when he was in my body. That look just wasn't pretty on me and coupled with the panda-who-doesn't-know-how-to-apply-make-up? It was just that much less hot.
"It's not your fault." I said again, glaring over at Illyria as she peered at us through the glass doors. Geez, what was her deal? Did she expect us to be playing hide the boner or something? Please, we could show *some* self-restraint, I was sure.
Or at least, I could.
"How do I get rid of it?" I asked Wesley, taking no satisfaction in the squeak he gave off. Once upon a time, I might have looked at this and seen the funny side. Right here, right now? I wasn't finding anything funny, least of all this.
"I-I...oh god. You uh...well...errr the...I-you...Christ."
"That was helpful." I murmured, watching as he let out a litany of curses in, like, fifteen languages or something.
"Try a cold shower?"That was it?! Try a cold shower? Was he on crack?! "You take a cold shower, Wesley," I frowned,
( ... )
Yes, well. It's hard to be helpful when you're talking about my own bloody body. But then she'd see it with her eyes. Or my eyes but her vision? Good lord, I was starting to confuse myself. Not to mention that the room was starting to spin. Why was it so hot in here? Why was Cordelia...errr...her body so warm
( ... )
Geez. It was like I was asking him to leap off a bridge for me or something. He had experience with his-- Boners. And I'd put money on the fact that Wes had indulged a little five knuckle shuffle at one point in his life... Did he have to act so-- British about it all?
"You-you-you can't-can't expect me... Cordelia! You can't be that clueless. You *know* how to get rid of-of-of...."
"Of course I know how to get rid of one," I hissed, folding my arms across my chest, "I just don't see why I should have to go beat off when it's clearly not my body."
"Oh my good bloody buggering god...why me?"
Him? He thought he had it bad? I was just about to launch into a tirade of how comfortable his friggin' boner was when the asshole had the audacity to just up and *faint* on me! Faint! And to make matters worse? He just looked like a total girl when he did it, all limp-wristed and-- Eww. I did *not* look like that
( ... )
There was a voice muttering at me. It sounded vaguely familiar, but it wasn't quite right. As though I usually heard that same voice deeper and with a different way of speaking. And there was something... Oh god, I remember now. I was listening to my own voice as Cordelia used it to talk
( ... )
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"Would you stop doing that?" I snapped, ready to burst into tears with the force of that headache, "And what the hell did you drink last night? Jesus, Wesley, I'm getting vision pain flashbacks." I muttered, lifting a so very not manicured hand to my head.
"What happened?" He demanded, pushing himself up off the floor and trying to stay upright. Yeah, Wesley, deal with high heels for a moment, wouldja? "Oh my good bloody god! You're-you're in my body."
"Yes!" I yelled, "And DUH!" And oh my GOD now would be the time to stop yelling.
"Wesley, you will inform me at once what the meaning of these proceedings are. And why the deceased Seer of the half breed has returned!"
"Oh would you please knock if off?" I asked, turning towards Illyria and levelling my gaze with hers, "No wonder your people couldn't wait to shuffle off the mortal coil! In case it hasn't escaped your attention? We're dealing with something ( ... )
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"Would you please not say penis when referring to my anatomy?"
What the hell does he want me to call it? His John Thomas, his one-eyed trouser snake? Geez, after boinking Lilah for all those months I thought he'd have come out of his shell a little.
"Wesley, you are wrong." Big, blue and stupid told me, looking me up and down, "You sound different. You will explain this to me!"Oh, she was getting in my face. She was so getting in my face... And if I knew for certain that I could glow right now? I'd be telling Wesley to do it... Or at least letting him know what figurative buttons to press to ( ... )
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"Oh, bloody hell. I'll write it down for you."
Geez, again with the testy. What was with him? It wasn't like he had to walk into the fiery pits of hell to get this book-templatey thing. It was all down to me. Me who never wanted to walk into that place again. My life sucked.
"*That* body? You are aware that *this* is *your* body. There is nothing wrong with this body. It's a very nice body! And why the hell am I defending your body!"
I couldn't stop my eyebrow from shooting upwards. What was his deal? It was my body, he was right... "What? Of course I know it's my body, Wesley. And 'very nice'? What does that mean?" I asked, walking towards him and digging a chewed fingernail in his-- My --chest. Eww.
"I'll have you know my body is more than nice. Geez." I muttered, "Besides, the only reason I don't want you walking ( ... )
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Then there was a finger nail prodding in my chest. I was expecting the sharp sting that usually went along with it, but of course that never came. Because now I had the nails of doom and she had my own... less lethal nails. Non existent nails. I've never noticed how ugly my hands were. Good lord.
Sighing, I automatically wiped my hands off on my...her...dress and then leaned back against the counter again. I'm well aware about the fact of how much nicer then nice her body is. I mean...I'm starting to figure that out. I hope we get it solved soon before I actually have to see the living proof. This is Cordelia's body. Not some one night stand I used to pick ( ... )
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"If this is the part where you get all snooty and tell me that Wolfram and Hart has the best reference guide in the world? I'm taking your body and going to get drunk," I frowned, "Really drunk."
Because, really, color me bored. I didn't care how many books Wes had. I only cared about the one that would get me my body back. The one with the breasts. And the nice hair. And the lack of Wesley in it, tripping over my dress. God.
"Toe and then heel, Wesley. Geez. The quicker you work your mojo the better..." I was so going to end up with broken limbs after this.
"Cordelia? I'm in your body. There is no 'mojo' in your body I could use. There is in mine...yours...the one you're in now. But I doubt you'll know how to use it."Okay, so what did *that* mean? That he couldn't do the spell? That you had to have mojo in your body to work this stuff ( ... )
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"It's not your fault." I said again, glaring over at Illyria as she peered at us through the glass doors. Geez, what was her deal? Did she expect us to be playing hide the boner or something? Please, we could show *some* self-restraint, I was sure.
Or at least, I could.
"How do I get rid of it?" I asked Wesley, taking no satisfaction in the squeak he gave off. Once upon a time, I might have looked at this and seen the funny side. Right here, right now? I wasn't finding anything funny, least of all this.
"I-I...oh god. You uh...well...errr the...I-you...Christ."
"That was helpful." I murmured, watching as he let out a litany of curses in, like, fifteen languages or something.
"Try a cold shower?"That was it?! Try a cold shower? Was he on crack?! "You take a cold shower, Wesley," I frowned, ( ... )
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"You-you-you can't-can't expect me... Cordelia! You can't be that clueless. You *know* how to get rid of-of-of...."
"Of course I know how to get rid of one," I hissed, folding my arms across my chest, "I just don't see why I should have to go beat off when it's clearly not my body."
"Oh my good bloody buggering god...why me?"
Him? He thought he had it bad? I was just about to launch into a tirade of how comfortable his friggin' boner was when the asshole had the audacity to just up and *faint* on me! Faint! And to make matters worse? He just looked like a total girl when he did it, all limp-wristed and-- Eww. I did *not* look like that ( ... )
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