Pain.

[cmdr_default]

I seem to be in the habit of coming to conclusions about myself these days. Mostly because I've only started to express myself in writing and a lot of things have just been abstract thoughts in Kat's head

Comments

[drmizrahi]

Many of us would rather hide from the source of our pain, just to give the impression that we're stronger than we feel on the inside. But not everyone has the courage to admit it as you did, Commander.

Pardon me--I hope I'm not disturbing you by contacting you this way.

[cmdr_default]

As far as I was concerned, I've been hiding for all my life. I feel like I'm out of my element, spilling my guts to people I used to know or almost know like they're all my psychiatrists. I almost feel like I'm becoming the opposite of myself by talking so much about this.

You aren't disturbing me, Dr. Mizrahi. I don't think I ever got the chance to actually meet you in canon, but it's good to meet you now that my circumstances are better.

[drmizrahi]

It is a little intimidating when you aren't used to sharing your feelings, isn't it? Perhaps I, too, could be said to have spent years of my life in hiding behind the professional image I created. And when I found someone who seemed willing to listen without judging, I .... Well, I was surprised by what I confessed. I think after a while, you start to see your own pain and weakness as something aside from yourself, something you can't acknowledge without betraying who you are.

Thank you, Commander. (Is it all right if I call you that?) I'm glad I finally had a chance to meet you.

[cmdr_default]

I suppose that comes with time, yes. It's hard to know where my boundaries are these days. I no longer feel the need to worry about my social standing, or my reputation with my soldiers (I don't have anyone over or under me anymore, though I'm sure some of the kids would follow me anywhere if I asked them to). It's...oddly freeing. Hiding behind your political facade seems like a reasonable choice to me. Especially considering you were in a very controversial position for a very long time. I'm happy you were able to find someone who you could confide in.

You're welcome, Doctor. And yes, you can call me that. (Although I feel like a bit of a stick in the mud for keeping everyone at arms' length with the politeness.) It's good to meet you, too.

[absolut_zeero]

You know, this reminds me of that song in that game that you come from. We always thought it would have been extra poignant if it had referred to you, too.

[cmdr_default]

No, they'd already spent too much game time on me already. I don't want to take away from Miss Uzuki and her love death robot.

[u_tic_something]

Your modesty annoys the daylights out of me, false or not.

[cmdr_default]

No one asked your opinion, Margulis.

[ummira_mattina]

I'm with you; physical pain is much easier to take than mental. Beyond the 4th wall here I'm kind of just numb to it all; I know that no matter what the worst will always happen. Because she thrives on that crap. Never makes it easier to take though.

I still shove people away. It's the ones who stick who are real treasures.

[cmdr_default]

That isn't surprising. I guess what makes it suck more is the fact that all there is is mental pain here, since the physical isn't possible for us.

I find this true as well. Kat has so many headmates, and almost all of them are very nice. I have trouble not pushing them away.

[ummira_mattina]

This is true. She does like giving me a whole lot of physical pain to me as well. Physical in my world. Which I suppose technically doesn't exist really. Okay, that's bizarre to think about.

That's good you have nice ones.

[cmdr_default]

It is really bizzare. It works when you're trying to make a point or a fic, though. Zeero and her sisters used to whack Raditz over the head with things all the time.

It is.

[carmine_the_red]

It's the pain in your mind, not the pain in your body, that's hardest to deal with.

Um, hi, btw.

[cmdr_default]

In general, that's the only pain there is for me right now.

Pleased to meet you, Mr. Kalahearn. ::shakes hand:: I've heard quite a bit about you from Kat, although it was a while ago.

[carmine_the_red]

::shakes::

Um likewise.

Yeah, been a while. I...don't get out much.

[cmdr_default]

I'm starting to feel like the official door-greeter. I haven't been out and about for very long, myself, but I'm getting used to it. It's weird what a week or two will do.

Thank you for coming out to meet me. I didn't think you would.