Yet more proof I have no life!
Yeah, guess what time it is. This fic is alive! This bit, however, is just a teaser. Posting full chapters on LJ is a pain in the buttocks, and I want to finish the first major arc, then I'll start posting the rest of it. Until then, constructive criticism on my Big Boss characterization would be helpful!
Gospel Gear Ikari Preview: A Musical Interlude, and Conversation Over Dinner
"...I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all!"
As he walked into the apartment, Shinji noted that the singing coming from the direction of the bathroom was actually not bad. Not that he could tell what Jack was singing, the song being in English, but it would have gotten applause if he'd been singing karaoke for an audience.
"Um... hello?" he said, slightly hesitant to embarass his new guardian by interrupting.
"I see a little silhouetto of a man! Scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango?"
" I'm back!" Shinji said, slightly louder, "And I stopped by the store and picked up something for supper on the way home!"
"...very very frightni- Oh hey, Shinji. Just put it on the counter, I'll be out in a few seconds."
"I can go ahead and start on it if you'd like."
"That'd be great."
* * * * *
"This is pretty good," Jack said as he began to eat. "Where'd you learn to cook, Shinji?"
"My uncle was out a lot, so I learned how to make things for myself."
"Instant noodles get old after a while?"
"Yeah," Shinji replied, "and I didn't want to be anymore of a burden than I had to be."
Well, that was something to think about. The only way the ensuing silence could have been any more awkward, Jack mused, would have been if Shinji had somehow found the supervision report Akagi had demanded he keep, detailing Shinji's activities, behavior, moods, and any major incidents that could affect them. Fortunately, he was clever enough to keep that well-hidden in a locked drawer in his desk. No need for the boy to get the idea that Big Boss viewed him as nothing but an Angel-killing weapon that just so happened to be alive. Shinji was a human being, and he deserved better than Ikari the Elder's idea of guardianship, which was to have someone check on the boy every other day or so to make sure he wasn't dead. He was also an Angel-killing weapon that just so happened to be alive.
Big Boss was nothing if not pragmatic. He could order people he'd known and fought alongside for decades to their deaths if it would accomplish the mission he had set before himself. Still, he was not a souless killing machine; he hadn't quite managed to crush his capacity for empathy yet. He was sometimes unsure whether or not this was a good thing.
"Was it that bad there, Shinji?" he finally asked.
Shinji hesitated for just a moment before answering.
"It wasn't... bad, I guess. They didn't abuse me or anything like that. I had everything I needed. They just..." He paused here for a moment, searching for the right words. "They didn't like me, I guess. I know my uncle hates my father, and I know he and my aunt didn't want another kid to take care of."
"They only had one child, didn't they?"
"Yeah," Shinji replied, but he's eight years older than me and I think they only wanted to go through having to take care of a little kid once."
"Some people just aren't the nurturing type, Shinji. You can't blame yourself for their attitude."
Shinji's expression darkened at that, and Jack immediately kicked himself.
Way to remind the kid about his daddy issues, Jack. You are antismooth.
"I know," he said, "I know that. I just wish..."
He trailed off.
"I can't say my experiences have been completely the same as yours, Shinji," Jack said, "but I understand more than you know."
"Do you?"
"Well, my parents were just cold; my major malfunctions come from a number of other things, but yeah. Joining FOXHOUND more or less requires that you have some sort of horrible trauma in your past that renders you a sad and/or hateful shell of the person you could have been. We crack jokes about things that would render an ordinary mortal a grieving, glibbering wreck, because the alternative is going insane. Wolf especially can tell you about not having a family, and she started her stint as a child soldier much younger than you, too."
"What happened to her?"
"Not my business to go into detail, Shinji. If you and her hit it off, and you decide you have to know, ask her. She has a soft spot for you, I think, the worst she'll do is say she doesn't want to talk about it. The point is, I can tell you've got issues. We all do, and we help each other deal with them. You don't have to deal with your problems alone."
"Okay."
"Now, far be it from me to be all business, but I think we should discuss your progress with the training for a moment."
"Is there a problem?" Shinji asked.
"You're actually doing pretty well. Dr. Akagi says you're getting used to the Evangelion, and Wolf thinks you have what it takes to be a marksman."
"...Really?"
"Really. There are numerous little improvements for you to make, but you're still a novice, and the only cure for that is time and work. That can be arranged. The only other thing I could ask is that you be quicker to act on your orders."
"I can't..." Shinji hesistated, "I really don't think I'm cut out for this."
"More experienced soldiers than you disagree."
"It's not like I'm piloting it because I want to," he muttered.
"It doesn't matter if you want to or not," Big Boss said, his voice hardening. "If you don't, everyone on Earth will die."
"I know."
"If it makes you feel any better, I've had to take missions I wasn't happy with. Get the job done and you'll be a free man; that's all you can do."
"And then what?"
"Whatever you like. NERV's got a pretty good retirement package set up for the pilots, in addition to the living wages you're being paid now. You could pick a career based solely on your interests, knowing that the money side of things was taken care of, as long as you weren't careless." Big Boss thought a moment, then continued, "Of course, if you decide you need extra money and you don't mind combat, a year or two of personal training from me and and my best soldiers will probably be worth entrance to the special ops group of your choice."
"Maybe I don't want to fight for a living," Shinji said.
Big Boss looked at him for a moment, considered the bloodthirst he'd seen in Shinji's fight with the Third Angel, and smiled.
"Maybe not," he said, "but some people come to find they enjoy the lifestyle."
~Chaotic Neutral
Gospel Gear Ikari Preview: A Musical Interlude, and Conversation Over Dinner
"...I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all!"
As he walked into the apartment, Shinji noted that the singing coming from the direction of the bathroom was actually not bad. Not that he could tell what Jack was singing, the song being in English, but it would have gotten applause if he'd been singing karaoke for an audience.
"Um... hello?" he said, slightly hesitant to embarass his new guardian by interrupting.
"I see a little silhouetto of a man! Scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango?"
" I'm back!" Shinji said, slightly louder, "And I stopped by the store and picked up something for supper on the way home!"
"...very very frightni- Oh hey, Shinji. Just put it on the counter, I'll be out in a few seconds."
"I can go ahead and start on it if you'd like."
"That'd be great."
* * * * *
"This is pretty good," Jack said as he began to eat. "Where'd you learn to cook, Shinji?"
"My uncle was out a lot, so I learned how to make things for myself."
"Instant noodles get old after a while?"
"Yeah," Shinji replied, "and I didn't want to be anymore of a burden than I had to be."
Well, that was something to think about. The only way the ensuing silence could have been any more awkward, Jack mused, would have been if Shinji had somehow found the supervision report Akagi had demanded he keep, detailing Shinji's activities, behavior, moods, and any major incidents that could affect them. Fortunately, he was clever enough to keep that well-hidden in a locked drawer in his desk. No need for the boy to get the idea that Big Boss viewed him as nothing but an Angel-killing weapon that just so happened to be alive. Shinji was a human being, and he deserved better than Ikari the Elder's idea of guardianship, which was to have someone check on the boy every other day or so to make sure he wasn't dead. He was also an Angel-killing weapon that just so happened to be alive.
Big Boss was nothing if not pragmatic. He could order people he'd known and fought alongside for decades to their deaths if it would accomplish the mission he had set before himself. Still, he was not a souless killing machine; he hadn't quite managed to crush his capacity for empathy yet. He was sometimes unsure whether or not this was a good thing.
"Was it that bad there, Shinji?" he finally asked.
Shinji hesitated for just a moment before answering.
"It wasn't... bad, I guess. They didn't abuse me or anything like that. I had everything I needed. They just..." He paused here for a moment, searching for the right words. "They didn't like me, I guess. I know my uncle hates my father, and I know he and my aunt didn't want another kid to take care of."
"They only had one child, didn't they?"
"Yeah," Shinji replied, but he's eight years older than me and I think they only wanted to go through having to take care of a little kid once."
"Some people just aren't the nurturing type, Shinji. You can't blame yourself for their attitude."
Shinji's expression darkened at that, and Jack immediately kicked himself.
Way to remind the kid about his daddy issues, Jack. You are antismooth.
"I know," he said, "I know that. I just wish..."
He trailed off.
"I can't say my experiences have been completely the same as yours, Shinji," Jack said, "but I understand more than you know."
"Do you?"
"Well, my parents were just cold; my major malfunctions come from a number of other things, but yeah. Joining FOXHOUND more or less requires that you have some sort of horrible trauma in your past that renders you a sad and/or hateful shell of the person you could have been. We crack jokes about things that would render an ordinary mortal a grieving, glibbering wreck, because the alternative is going insane. Wolf especially can tell you about not having a family, and she started her stint as a child soldier much younger than you, too."
"What happened to her?"
"Not my business to go into detail, Shinji. If you and her hit it off, and you decide you have to know, ask her. She has a soft spot for you, I think, the worst she'll do is say she doesn't want to talk about it. The point is, I can tell you've got issues. We all do, and we help each other deal with them. You don't have to deal with your problems alone."
"Okay."
"Now, far be it from me to be all business, but I think we should discuss your progress with the training for a moment."
"Is there a problem?" Shinji asked.
"You're actually doing pretty well. Dr. Akagi says you're getting used to the Evangelion, and Wolf thinks you have what it takes to be a marksman."
"...Really?"
"Really. There are numerous little improvements for you to make, but you're still a novice, and the only cure for that is time and work. That can be arranged. The only other thing I could ask is that you be quicker to act on your orders."
"I can't..." Shinji hesistated, "I really don't think I'm cut out for this."
"More experienced soldiers than you disagree."
"It's not like I'm piloting it because I want to," he muttered.
"It doesn't matter if you want to or not," Big Boss said, his voice hardening. "If you don't, everyone on Earth will die."
"I know."
"If it makes you feel any better, I've had to take missions I wasn't happy with. Get the job done and you'll be a free man; that's all you can do."
"And then what?"
"Whatever you like. NERV's got a pretty good retirement package set up for the pilots, in addition to the living wages you're being paid now. You could pick a career based solely on your interests, knowing that the money side of things was taken care of, as long as you weren't careless." Big Boss thought a moment, then continued, "Of course, if you decide you need extra money and you don't mind combat, a year or two of personal training from me and and my best soldiers will probably be worth entrance to the special ops group of your choice."
"Maybe I don't want to fight for a living," Shinji said.
Big Boss looked at him for a moment, considered the bloodthirst he'd seen in Shinji's fight with the Third Angel, and smiled.
"Maybe not," he said, "but some people come to find they enjoy the lifestyle."
~Chaotic Neutral