freewrite

[cnaorte]

Step one - Place a bullet in the chamber of the gun

Comments

[obsessive24]

Hmm... For me, a 'free write' doesn't mean you don't edit; it just means you write down whatever comes to mind and then go back to edit later. It has been said that the difference between genius and madness is the willingness to go back and change what you have done. ;)

Anyway, upon first read, I really liked this. Particularly loved the steps at the start, and the endnote.

Front temple lobe sounds a bit weird to me. I thought 'lobe' is a term for the actual brain, so it kind of doesn't make sense to me to say 'front temple lobe' because she's not actually holding the gun to her brain per se. 'Front temple' should do nicely.

Liked the never dids, that just appealed to me.

Now, it was not just one monumental problem that pushed her till this point; that would be stupid and cliché; ...
Can you have two semi-colons in a row like that? I'm not the expert on this one, but it looks kind of strange. Anyway, it would be pretty easy to substitute one or the other with a comma or full stop.

oh, how death had always tickled her sides and

Very Impressive(But then again, what do I know about story telling)

[pinkbunnyofdoom]

Lol, a girl killing herself to be immortal. The only way I see that possibly being worked in, is if you wanted to give the girl some greek/roman roots(and a bit of a cliched romanticism, that wouldn't really fit with the rest of her character).

You had me eating at your breadcrumbs, and though there were bits I thought sounded rough(being a free write I imagine they would), You lead through them. Loved the ending.

<3 Jason

[anonymous]

i loved the story...it seemed so real...after people die everyone figures out who they were unlike when they are alive...people really are that way and thats sad!