let's hide all our feelings
let's hide all our feelings
woohyun/sunggyu with hoya
pg-13 (for language)
1408 words
howon watches from the corner of his eyes, woohyun reaching out to sunggyu, pecking him on a cheek. he clenches a fist and tries, very hard, to focus on the television, staring so intensely at it, his eyes start to water.
howon sees sunggyu sauntering into the dining area, eyes in narrow slits from sleep, and giving woohyun a back hug. he doesn't clench a fist, this time, but jabs a fork violently into his sausage when woohyun tilts his head towards sunggyu. they kiss, morning breath and all, they kiss. howon eats his breakfast and tries, very hard, to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest.
he jolts awake at about three in the morning, bladder full, and hurries out of bed to relief himself. he hears woohyun's rough voice, calling out sunggyu's name and howon quickens his steps towards the bathroom. he slams the door close, he slams his mind close from thinking about it, he wants to slam his heart close against woohyun but he can't.
woohyun has the hugest row with sunggyu; not unusual but it still shocks howon to the very core seeing the man he loves on the couch, late in the night, sobbing his heart out. howon takes a tentative step towards woohyun, an arm ready to give a comforting pat when woohyun, very softly, asks,
"why does love hurt so much?"
howon has been asking himself that every single day ever since he fell in love with woohyun.
he doesn't say a word, but sits on the couch next to woohyun and pulls him into a hug. howon cannot say a word because all he wants to say is 'i love you' and maybe kiss those tears away, anything, anything at all so woohyun could smile again.
howon hears the door click and sunggyu comes out, his face apologetic, as he settles in between him and woohyun (he tries not punch the living daylights of out sunggyu, this jerk). sunggyu cups woohyun's face and apologises, his voice gentle, sincere and howon gets up. when sunggyu is sorry, he really is, and howon kind of wishes that it isn't like that.
[no one can memorise your smile, the way i can]
"i wish you'd stop looking at woohyun like that," sunggyu mutters, when they are alone in the kitchen, washing the dishes together, "i don't like it. At all."
howon lets go of the cup he is washing and slowly turns to face sunggyu. his leader has never been subtle, this is one of the many examples, but howon doesn't think that sunggyu can be this blunt.
"i don't understand," howon lies, his voice almost quivers but he continues anyway, "what are you trying to say?”
sunggyu blinks and for a moment, howon sees a flash of doubt crosses his face. the elder hardens his expression and coolly replies, "all i'm saying is, there are other fishes in the sea, howon."
this catches howon by surprise and he gapes at sunggyu, "you're never one to talk in riddles, hyung."
sunggyu lets out a sigh. he sounds frustrated, and he even looks it as he slams a plate into the sink. no more cool expression, sunggyu's voice now is just irritated and harsh, "fuck off from woohyun. and it's a warning."
howon thinks no how about you fuck off but he stiffly nods instead, as he lowers his gaze to the floor, at his feet, not quite daring to meet sunggyu's eyes. sunggyu is a fiercely possessive person (of his singing dreams, of woohyun, of everything his) and howon knows better than to cross the line. he watches sunggyu huffs in frustration before resuming to washing the dishes. sunggyu's angry, howon can tell, as he violently scrubs a bowl and flings it to howon's side of the sink so he can wash the soap away. sunggyu never says a word about it anymore and howon lets it slide.
(howon doesn't quite think that silence can be this painful; it is like a knife is slowly cutting through his skin)
[this distance hurts; even more so when you’re just across the room and refusing to meet my gaze]
woohyun corners howon after practice one day, palm slamming into the mirrors next to howon's face.
"why are you avoiding me?" woohyun questions, his eyes imploring and howon has to look away.
"huh," is all howon says as he tries to wriggle away from woohyun. he is very, very close to woohyun's face, he can feel woohyun's breath, can smell it, sweet, like candy.
"you don't talk to me anymore," woohyun mumbles, "did i do something wrong?"
howon remembers sunggyu's rough words, the truth almost spilling out of his lips, but he shakes his head, "no. nothing's wrong."
woohyun gives howon a look, one that seems to ask why howon's lying, but he keeps his silence. howon sees the hurt, the disappointment in woohyun's eyes but he thinks how good it'd be; to be able to kiss woohyun full on the mouth, drink in the sweet taste, maybe explore woohyun with his own lips, with his own hands and mark out howon's with his tongue when he feels like it. he isn't ashamed when woohyun looks at him as if he knows, not really, not with woohyun but all howon can do is stay rooted to the spot, staring at the spot in between woohyun's eyebrows and thinking he'd like to kiss him there too. Very much.
"you can always tell me anything, you know," woohyun whispers, placing a palm on howon's shoulders and it brings howon straight back to the present, "anything at all. if there's anything bothering you-"
"you're just being sensitive, woo," howon manages, pushing woohyun away. woohyun feels warm under his touch. "let's go, your boyfriend might be looking for you." it hurts to say it like that, but it is the the truth and the truth, as howon sees it, isn't always so kind.
he walks away from woohyun and is about to open the door when woohyun mumbles, not very clearly, but howon hears it anyway, because it's woohyun, "don't you trust me?"
howon spins around to face woohyun, but keeps a distance, because he's afraid of what he might do, "i trust you, woohyun. it is myself that i don't trust."
howon can see it, the way woohyun opens his mouth, and he knows woohyun is about to counter everything that he has just said but he never waits as he opens the door out of the practice room and slams it close.
[sunny, scorching day; your skin scorches mine when we brush past each other a while ago]
they are playing around, wrestling each other, all seven of them, being like little boys, running and yelling and shrieking (definitely sungyeol, howon doesn't shriek ) when somehow, howon finds himself pinning woohyun to the floor. their faces are just so close to each other, they are breathing each other's air and howon thinks he will go crazy if he doesn't pull himself away now-
someone yanks him away from the back, playfully saying, "get off my man, howon," and it's sunggyu, all laughing and smiley eyes but howon hears the underlying warning, the second one: fuck off from woohyun.
the moment sunggyu is alone with howon, he explodes. howon has seen it coming, sunggyu is a jealous man and howon knows sunggyu will never hold back like he does, he never has that kind of control (but why must he when woohyun's all his to keep).
"i told you," sunggyu angrily says, through gritted teeth and clenched fists, "to keep away."
"i tried, okay?" howon shoots back and he wants to say more, he doesn't feel like holding back this time but his words get muffled with sunggyu's mouth against his. "wha- asdfhlpmkl-"
howon doesn't know why but he kisses back, almost furiously as he clings onto sunggyu's body as if he's going to die anytime. it is surreal; the way sunggyu is biting at his lips, ramming his tongue into his mouth and kissing, kissing him and he is doing exactly the same. they kiss for a long time, howon feels, until sunggyu’s phone start to ring.
woohyun.
sunggyu shoves him out of the way and runs out of the room to pick up the call.
howon fingers his lips, he can still taste sunggyu and he tries very hard not to think of woohyun.
for once.
a/n i am obviously pathetic. i don't think i even ended it at all so yes, i'm terribly sorry ;-( this was also written on impulse so i think i was quite careless in some parts :\ but i feel like i still must write it out cos of all my woogyu feels ;~; sigh they are still my favourite pairing heheh ^^ hope you enjoyed reading this and your comments will bedeeply appreciated ♥
this is also for infinitechaser (not exactly for sungyeol's birthday but i hope this'll do for now) and catchyourpie for entertaining all my nonsense on twitter ♥ ♥ ♥