Good From Ill

[cobalt999]

Journals have a way of exposing our weaknesses, whether we want them to or not. These flaws are embedded, and emerge unspoken. Terse, everyday accounts suggest an absent imagination. Soaking sentimentality proves no restraint. When we speak of others, we say as much about ourselves. And when we speak of ourselves, we never say quite what we intend

Comments

[homais]

Glad I caught this: I'm on a midterm break from the Arabic gulag, so I'm actually reading English until, uhh, tomorrow.

My comment on this is mostly practical and selfish - LJ has made it easy to keep up with you, something I want to continue doing (thus me rooting for you starting up some other online journal). But if you don't, I'd prefer not to lose track of you, however that may be accomplished.

[cobalt999]

I'm likely to stay with LJ, not only for the convenience of maintaining existing friends, but because I like the platform. The comment system is clean and logical, there are more opportunities for socialization, and I like the ease of a friends page. I also think the tone is more fitting, as I've always intended on writing a journal rather than a blog. The downside is that LJ may encourage old habits, and I risk writing cobalt999 2.0.

In any case, you have no need to worry. Even if I decided to flee the continent and communicate by cryptic postcard, I'd have an interest in keeping up with you.

[laozi]

I empathize with your thought process here, and with your decision. It's a decision that I've often flirted with, for similar reasons. I always end up coming around to other matters that I feel the need to work through with writing, though, and I enjoy the exchange with others that livejournal facilitates, so I compromise by periodically deleting all my old entries and starting afresh. It's an imperfect solution, though, and the prospect of discontinuing my journal has recently become more appealing to me than ever before.

I'll miss reading your posts. I'm a relative latecomer to your journal, but I've enjoyed my brief readership here. Your entries are often thought-provoking and challenging, and always very well-written. I hope that you will continue writing in some manner, even if only for your own eyes.

[cobalt999]

I admire your approach. I don't have the commitment to immolate my words and emerge phoenix-like, much less with your frequency. There's something noble in that. When I consider the collective effort that went into all my entries, I don't think I could ever hit the button. It's too much of me to destroy with such finality.

Colin suggested a Top 10 of cobalt999 entries, and I could probably sort out a prime lot from 836 contenders. If or when I put it together, you'll have a chance to read any salvageable material you might have missed. I'll probably return to LJ for reasons of convenience, but I need to savor some distance to make sure I do so with the right intentions.

The man has a knack for titling

[colinmarshall]

My selections for inclusion in the top ten:

Form and function

One Day in the Life

The Estonian

Institution of Excellence

One Long Set

Cabbage Soup

The Vancouver Puzzle

That River of Days

Fortune

The Gnarled Tree

Summer's End

Deaths

(Yes, twelve.)

Re: The man has a knack for titling

[csn]

Gee, now I'm gonna ask for my own..

[frumiousb]

Well, you know what you need. But it was always a pleasure to read your thoughtful and intelligent posts. (except when you were being too hard on yourself, of course.)

[cobalt999]

Thanks. That means a lot to me coming from you.

[nyuanshin]

That first paragraph hits squarely on something I've been thinking about myself recently. What this entry gives away to me is a combination of clear-eyed strength and a lingering tendency toward self-indulgence that looks uncomfortably familiar to me. That latter is a big handicap for a lot of people I know, and in the course of breaking down and reconstructing yourself that should probably be on the list of things to go.

I think this is a good decision; a hiatus and a fresh start can help provide a sense of freedom and an excuse to do better. Good luck, and I'll see you when you surface.

[cobalt999]

You're partly responsible for this, you know. It reminds me of another time someone motivated me to rethink my habits.

[nyuanshin]

Glad to be of service, I guess. Was it this, or something more?

[cobalt999]

I'd like to point to something specific, but really it was a process of observation more than anything else.

For what it's worth, your advice there was better than anything anyone else had to say at the time.

[zwilichkl]

I do hope you start a new journal- I'd like to keep in touch. I hope with some distance you feel some compassion toward your past self. It's a hard thing to do (I am working on this myself).

[cobalt999]

It's difficult to feel compassion, when my behavior cost me so many friends and opportunities. I still have trouble building relationships, and it's a sore spot to think of the human investments I wasted.

This doesn't drag me down anymore, but I can't say I've fully reconciled.

Even if I were disappearing forever, I'd want to keep up with you.