Ghost!Brendon/Ryan Chapter 5
Title: Morts ou Vivants [Ch. 5/?]
Author: Meeeee! cobrapandemic
Beta: cobrapandemic
Summary: Brendon should have listened to Travie. Now he’s dead too.
Pairing: ghost!Brendon/Ryan, eventual Spencer/Jon
Words: This Chapter: 2,434
A/N: This is based on a dream I had. I hope you love it!
::Chapter One:: ::Chapter Two:: ::Chapter Three:: ::Chapter Four::
BRENDON:
When Brendon rounds the corner of the Starbucks, he has to press a hand to his chest to stop his heart from exploding. Ryan has no clue that it’s him. Which, Brendon thinks, sucks pretty fucking hard.
While speaking to Ryan, Brendon had tried to drop hints, be as him-esque as humanly possible. He almost flailed at Ryan when he dared lie and say his name was George. It’s not. Brendon is nearly positive that it is not.
All he really needs to do is get Ryan to believe it’s him in this new body. Because Maja never said anything about Ryan guessing. So, it’s okay if Ryan figures it out that way…right?
Brendon trudges down the street, mind wandering to useless places. Thinking of unavailing things. He wonders what Pete is doing. Wonders if he ever hooked up with Patrick. Brendon doubts this though. Patrick happens to be the most virginal virgin Brendon knows. And Pete... well Pete is somewhat of a whore.
Brendon’s mind also wanders to Gabe, however much it hurts him to do so. Has Gabe visited him in the hospital to see if he is okay? Does Gabe even care? Probably not, Gabe has no soul. May as well be a fucking snake.
Brendon isn’t watching where he’s going and runs into someone, stumbling back and nearly falling onto his nonexistent ass.
“Oh, shit, dude! Sorry. Fuck. Crap man, my bad. Here-“ The guy reacts by reaching out to brush Brendon off, despite Brendon not having fallen down. Brendon smiles and looks up. He has to stop himself from screaming, “Joe!”
“Uh, it’s, no problem. Really.” Brendon says to his former friend, Joe Trohman. And Joe looks as bushy and high as ever. His brown afro is sitting awkwardly on his head, eyes red from smoking up. It makes Brendon’s lips quirk at the corners.
Joe is scratching at the back of his neck, a habit Brendon recognizes as the man being uncomfortable.
“Right. Well. Again. Sorry.” He says with a short laugh and steps around Brendon carefully, heading in the opposite direction. Brendon sighs as he watches Joe’s retreating figure.
“Fucking great.” Murmurs Brendon bitterly, starting the long walk back to the apartments. Just fucking great. He had no idea how difficult it would be. To not have your best friends…the love of your life…know who you are.
At least when he was a ghost he was able to watch them.
Now if he’s caught staring it will seem creepy and he really doesn’t need Pete or Ryan or Joe putting a restraining order on him. Especially Pete. Pete will have the cops on the scene in literally two seconds.
There’s the distant sound of thunder and Brendon looks up to see storm clouds rolling in from the west. “Well, fuck me.” He grumbles because really? It’s Vegas. It rains once every four years for Christ’s sake.
Picking up his pace, Brendon makes a dash for his street; refusing to be caught in the rain because he has a sneaking suspicion he will look like a ailing puppy with his new blond curls soaked to the root. Brendon has never been into blondes, male nor female. He supposes it’s because of Audrey. She dyed her hair a lot.
It begins to drizzle lightly and Brendon can’t even see the lights of Glenn Lakes, so he breaks into a run. He keeps asking himself why he didn’t take the car. But it just seemed like such a nice day.
Seemed being the key word.
The rain begins to fall harder and Brendon curses, breaking into a sprint. No use trying to stay dry, it’s too late for that. So he focuses on getting back to the apartment before the lightening starts.
He’s maybe running for two or three minutes when a white sports car with blue tinted lights pulls along side him. He knows it’s Maja. I mean, c’mon. White car. Blue lights. Angel dressed in white. Blue eyes. It’s pretty fucking obvious.
“I forgive you for being a meanie, now get in. You’re human now, you can get sick.” Maja calls out to him from the drivers seat and Brendon goes to her without complaint.
The inside of the car has the saccharine smell of leather wafting through it's air conditioned interior. Brendon likes the way it feels to actually...feel. To feel the air around him. Feel the rain drops sending chills up and down his spine as cold air dries them. He missed feeling things. Even the painful things. At least then he knew he was alive.
“Any luck with Ryan?” Maja chirps in from beside Brendon, her tiny pale hands clasping the wheel lightly. Brendon gives her a sidelong glance.
“You already know what happened. You always do.” He retorts, the thickness of the air growing somehow thicker. Maja let's out a cloying laugh that reminds Brendon of nails on a chalk board. Or Freddy Kruger raking his razor-fingers along steel pipes.
“Oh, I suppose I do then. You did well with him today, all things considered. Just keep trying, honey. You'll win him over in no-”
“Why did you tell me what it meant?” Brendon cuts in, brain-to-mouth filter clogged with lost words and unanswered questions. He continues. “When my chest hurt. So bad I thought I was going to cave in on myself, why did you just have to tell me it was because of Ryan? Because of Ryan loving me. If I didn't know he loved me, Maja, it would be so much easier to let him go. You ruined me.”
Maja tries not to look at the tears in Brendon's deep chocolate eyes. Because, yes. Yes, she did ruin him. Though not intentionally. Never intentionally. She isn't a demon.
“Brendon, I-”
“Just take me home.” He says, barely audible, but Maja hears him and doesn't object. She punches on the gas, swerving in and out of the lazy 3 pm traffic.
Brendon doesn't care if they crash. Maybe he needs to die. If it'll make the pain go away.
RYAN:
Ryan is sitting at the empty bar of the Bucks waiting for Jon to lock up the registers. Spencer is texting him incessantly.
Spence: guys & i ordered chinese. U should brng that jon guy
Ryan half smiles at the text, Spencer has a thing for Jon, Ryan is more than fully aware. Every time Spence comes to pick Ryan up he gives Jon what he likes to call “The Look” and yeah, Ryan knows.
Ryan: Y so u can get in his pnts? lol sure ill ask him
Ryan tucks his cell into his pocket just as Jon exits the staff room, messenger bag thrown recklessly over his shoulder. Ryan knows that Jon walks home, seeing as he lives so close, so he goes in for the kill.
“Hey, Jon. You doing anything tonight?” He starts off simply. He doesn't want to bombard him with a: Hey, do you want to come over so my best friend can sexually assault you in the comfort of my apartment while watching Jackass re-runs?
Jon looks up with a crooked smile. “Uh, not really. I know, I'm a loser.” He smirks when he says this. Jon Walker smirks a lot. No wonder all the female employees and customers swoon at the sight of him. He's the perfect American stud. But Ryan prefers skinny guys with brown doe-eyes and...
No.
Let it go, Ryan.
“Great, um...I don't want to sound forward or anything but, a few of my friends are hanging at my apartment tonight. Some Chinese. Maybe some TV and Guitar Hero. You wanna join?” Ryan finds himself babbling and snaps his lips shut. Jon scratches the back of his neck contemplatively.
“Your buddy with the blue eyes gonna be there?” He asks, a red blush creeping up his hairy cheeks. Ryan almost laughs.
“Yeah, Spencer is gonna be there. So you in?”
Jon nods frantically. “I'm so in.”
BRENDON:
Brendon doesn't say goodbye to Maja when he steps out of the white sports car. He doesn't feel the need to since she'll be watching his every fucking move. If he jerks off, she sees. If he curses, she hears. If he runs over a damned squirrel, she's there with animal control. Well...okay maybe not that last one but Brendon wouldn't put it past her.
The rain has stopped considerably as Brendon enters the apartment building, shaking the excess water from his golden locks. It's then that he feels a buzzing in his pocket. He pulls out his cell to see a text from Bill. He hardly knows Bill, just knows he hated him before he changed and hates him now, but it would've been suspicious if he'd have turned down Bill's flirting in his new body. So he accepted Bill's number in exchange for his own.
Bad decision.
Bill: Yo! Jace baby ;) how do u feel about hanging out w/ a couple frnds 2nite?
Brendon texts back swiftly as he enters the elevator. What kind of friends?
Bill: my good friend in 313 ry-ry. Hes a cool dude. So u gnna come with?
Brendon feels his heart jump out of his chest, do a back-hand-spring and plow right back into him. He has to take a deep breath as he exits onto his floor.
Yea. What time?
Bill: 6ish. I'll come get ya, baby
Brendon grimaces at Bill calling him “Baby” but doesn't say anything. He needs Bill tonight. He needs to see Ryan and Bill is the only way.
He texts back as he enters his apartment: seeya then xxx
RYAN:
Spencer is sitting in the recliner stuffing his face with Doritos when Ryan enters, Jon on his flanks.
“Ry, for fucks sake you took...Oh...” Spencer's mouth snaps shut and his eyes go wide at the site of Jon entering the living room fully. Gerard looks up from his sketch pad to wave at the new visitor and Mikey very obviously checks Jon out. Bob glares at Mikey.
“Uhm, Jon these are my friends Ray, Frank, Gerard, Mikey and Bob.” Ryan points to the guys consecutively. Jon waves politely. “And the piggy in the chair there is Spencer.”
Spencer pokes his pink tongue out and blushes when Jon winks and walks over to him. Ryan watches as the two ogle each other. He turns away, feeling as if he's intruding upon something special and private.
It sort makes him feel a little lonely.
Sort of.
By way of diversion, he shuffles into the kitchen picking up the house phone to order the Chinese and do the remainder of last night's dishes.
He's about midway through drying the plates when there's a knock at the door. He assumes it's the Chinese guy and grabs the twenty from the table. The same twenty the blond guy, Jace, gave him.
He pulls the door open, already thanking the delivery guy. “Wow, you came fast-”
He looks up and sees that it's Bill. He can't stop himself when he murmurs. “You're not Chinese.”
Bill grins, “I'm not.” he says, loping inside past Ryan like he owns the place. Ryan starts to close the door but then there's Jace. Standing there in a lavender hoodie and skin-tight jeans. He has his hood up, covering his blond hair and with just his brown eyes sparkling there, Ryan immediately thinks, Brendon?
“Hi. Uh, William invited me. If it's fine with you.” Jace is shifting from foot to foot. Like Brendon. And it's almost sickening to watch knowing that it's not Brendon and Brendon isn't coming back. Ever.
Ryan makes space for Jace to enter, not saying anything. Not that he could. Not that he wants to.
Instead he steps out into the hall and shuts the door, the silence of the empty coordinator like a euthanizer to his speeding heart.
Brown eyes that sparkle, a smile that can stop a heart. Enough pent up energy to power Vegas for years and years. It has to be.
Except it isn't.
Ryan slides down the door, clutching his knees to his chest, biting his bottom lip absently.
It isn't him. It's coincidence. It's impossible for it to be Brendon because it's against the rules of life. It's not plausible. Science says...Science says men came from monkeys. Ryan supposes that science is total bullshit sometimes.
But this time. It has to be right. Right?
Ryan hears the door knob twisting behind him and slides over so that he's against the wall instead. He looks up to see Gerard smiling down at him.
“You alright, Ry-man?” He asks, sitting down next to Ryan, crossing his legs Indian-style.
Ryan nods a little. Doesn't want to talk though. Not even to Gee. And Gerard always knows how to cheer someone up.
“You know, that guy...Jason I think, he seems really nice. He was asking me about you. Actually, he was asking everyone about you. He seems really interested.” Gerard says, twisting the laces of his Converse absently. Ryan is breathing shallowly, the knowledge of Jace wanting to know about him over-powering his system.
“Yeah?” He asks, barely a whisper and Gee nods frantically.
“Hell yeah. Is he dating anyone? Is he gay? Is he into me? When's his birthday? Does he like pandas? I swear if the guy wasn't so outgoing and damn hot, I'd be freaked out.” Gerard says with a chuckle. He turns to Ryan, a serious look spreading across his normally chipper features. “Ryan, you know I love you. But you've been single since Keltie. It's been three years and those one-night stands aren't enough. You need a relationship. And, excuse me for being intrusive but, the Jason kid seems like your type. You should go hop on that band wagon. Life's too short, kid.”
Gerard is up again and inside before Ryan has the chance to respond. To really weigh Gerard's little speech. But three words are itching in Ryan's mind as the Chinese guy walks up.
As he pays for the food.
As he goes back inside.
As he walks over to Jace and says, “I heard you were asking about me.”
As he smirks at Jace and Jace blushes, three words go through Ryan's mind:
Life's too short.
And how short it is.
******
A/N: I'm too sleepy to write a coherent note to you guys so I'll just say goodnight...so goodnight :)