It's hard to hold a drink when the world is wobbling.
01. The sidewalks throughout my new neighborhood are all busted up, save for the occasional stretch of fresh concrete where you can tell the homeowner just got completely fed up with the state of things and re-paved that bitch herself. The thing about the sidewalks is that I am by nature a clumsy walker, with a history of sprained ankles, skinned knees and appalling black bruises up and down my body, and I know that as careful as I am today, picking my way through the detritus and stumbling over the loose paving stones, as careful as I am today, it is absolutely certain that one day I will not be paying attention and I am going to trip and hurt myself. I am sad in advance.
02. But then also I have been wondering what the fuck is the deal with these no-good college kids all around me, smashing up their beer bottles all over the sidewalks so that when I do trip, I am going to land in broken glass. After my first day of garbage pickup, I know the answer. It is not the kids, it is the garbage picker-uppers, who do not handle the trash cans or the glass recyclables at all delicately. Garbage day was yesterday and the streets are littered with old fast food bags, coffee grounds, orange rinds, coffee cups that have fallen out out the cans and the trucks. Murray walks along in heaven, picking up every greasy paper towel.
03. Today my new boss intimidated me into working an additional 45 minutes by walking into the office and announcing, "Wow! It's 5:31! Shouldn't you all be gone now?" I am the only one it worked on.
04. I can now tell you quite a few things about Medicare, especially if you live in the seven-state region represented by ____ _____ ____ ______.
05. I have been listening to a lot of Rotary Downs (new album out 10/6!) and I think it is mostly because it reminds me of being in college, and I need a lot of reminding so that I do not yell at the kids to get off my lawn.
06. In the last hour of my day-long drive to my new town, I stopped for gas and a bathroom break, and I decided to pump the gas first, and because I was distracted by what I believe the medical term is bladder urgency, I left my wallet on top of my car when I went inside the gas station and left it on the roof of my car. It contained all my ID, all my cash, all my credit cards, it contained everything, and I drove off without noticing for 15 miles. At Mile 15, I drove back in a panic and searched the store and the parking lot and it was nowhere to be found, and now it was getting down, and I had a complete meltdown in the parking lot for about the next hour. And then I cancelled my credit card and debit card and finally got back into the car to finish my trip, because at least my hotel room for the night had been prepaid.
About Mile 15, I realized that I hadn't yet turned off my voice mailbox at my old house, that maybe someone found my wallet and my license and called my old number and left a message. And they had. And they were already in my new town, having been on the way themselves. They met up with me outside my hotel and handed over my bruised and beaten wallet, which they had driven past on the side of the road and then one of them said, "Hey, was that money I saw flying around?"
I think they saved nearly all the cash, and the Social Security card, and the license, and the expired Barnes & Noble membership, and my health insurance ID. They would not accept a reward. I started my job on time and more or less intact and I am bound and determined to like it here, just for them.