Whining and call for HELPplz
Haha, wow. Just... wow.
Recieved an email from my ex-best friend. I'm not even sure I know a word to discripe her behaviour at this point. It's just... unbelieveable, really.
For one thing, she decided to one-sidedly go ahead and change some of the agreements we had eshtablished. She says this is because of "the tone of my posts about her" and because "my insistance to one-sidedly change it continuously".
I'm not sure which posts in particular she is referring to, since even back-tracking my "recent" LJ posts, I have not been able to detect anything that would had been of offensive tone.
The second accusation I can try to imagine from her point of view. For one, it might be that I asked her to pay me back as soon as possible. Her new email states she does not intend to pay me back now, since I had told her she could pay me back when she can. How this is going against asking her to pay back as soon as possible, I'm not quite sure, since it's not like I demand it to be done regardless of her needs for rent, food, clothes, movies, comics, etc. Perhaps it's just me interpreting English in some weird way though? Or maybe it was that I dared to bring the issue up at all? In the past, I have said she can pay whenever it is convinient, when she offered to start paying in small portions every month. That was before she ignored me, called me selfish bitch publicly and we stopped being friends, though, so I did feel with the changed situation it was fair of me to ask for the money sooner rather than later.
She also says that according to her calculations she owes me half of what I think, but I can't claim I'm awfully surprised by this, since her memory is a bit iffy and her recollection of many things of what went on between us around the break-up are rather messy and do not line up with factual records of the time. However, I lend her 600 dollars two times to help her out of a pinch over the years, plus 300 dollars for flight tickets to AX which she promised to pay back within a year, but couldn't, plus 100-ish in various small expenses through out the years. It comes up to around $1600 in total, which she has been paying back to me in form of manga. I've counted she has paid back something of roughly $800 that way, which leaves still $800. Not to mention that with the dollars worth having gone to crap, even if I'd gotten the remaining $800, I'd be losing money. So I'm guessing she probably forgot something from the count of what she owes, or forgot that for all the more expensive items over the years, such as CLAMP no Kisekis, I have send her payment for.
Another thing she might see as me "insisting on changing the agreement" is that I was planning on holding onto the doujinshi she wanted back until she'd payd. I'm not sure *how* this would be changing an agreement, since the whole thing was one-sided demand she made as an after-thought. She gave the doujinshi to me, because she knew I enjoyed doujinshi more. There was an agreement that I would scan them, which I have not gotten around to do for all of them, but I think that means the reasonable demand would had been for me to complite that task. Maybe my idea of reasonable is somehow fucked up...?
Third issue that she might be turning into me disrecardging our agreement is that I have not yet found a new webserver for myself, regardless of having said I'd do it as soon as possible. I've looked into webservers as much as my time restraints have allowed, but it has not been much. Life has been hectic, busy and stressful. Back when I first asked about all this stuff, she was too busy and stressed for us to make agreements, but I guess the fact that my life got busy and hectic after she was ready to sort ownerships out was irrelevant and I should had just sucked it up. Either way, she now announced I have a month before she deletes all my stuff, my email account included *and* that she has changed the password to the server, so I can't even access the control panel this last month. I can't even log in to save all the random files I have there! This is the part that truly leaves me speechless. Everything else I somewhat expected, but this... wow. Just... wow. Fuckity fuck. She says she'll send me what I need if I ask her, but I don't exactly remember everything that I have there, so it's kind of hard to ask.
So, some HALP~ would be appreciated in the form of suggestions for good webservers. I don't need a huge amount of space, I want my own domain name and I'd like it to come with an email account. Any ideas, anyone? What is everyone using for their websites? Please help? As obvious from the reasons stated in the previous paragraph, I need to get this urgently.
It also seems apparent she insists on to keep using our shared domain name. Yes, it was her idea, but it was taken into use as *our* domain. She wanted to share one with me and I moved all my stuff to her server and we agreed on a new domain name. To me, it's not fair solution for her to keep that domain name, when I have watermarked stuff with it too for some years. Again, perhaps my view of fair is fucked up...?
To add another grain to the already broken back, I won't be getting back my Alphonse wig. Apparently she can't find it. I know I left it there, since we were planning on re-using the outfits the next time (which would had been this year) and the wig was put in a plastic bag onto some shelf. I'm guessing it got lost when she moved or something. It was really nice wig though and perfect color and good to wear, so I'm really unhappy over not getting it.
*sigh~* I've really fucking tried to be civilized through this all and the urge to just throw away restraint and be the fucking horrible bitch she accuses me of being. Hey, people believe I'm like that anyway, people I'd like to consider friends get to read from her journal how horrible and awful I am, so why shouldn't I live up to my reputation?
... Because even with everything, I'm apparently too damn weak and still can't forget how much I loved her and how important she was to me. I never wanted to hurt her and eventhough the person I loved clearly is no more, I can't bring myself to intentionally hurt the one who was her once. Right now though I'm just trembling and feeling like surely all the hurt is justification enough to act on my deep dark feelings. I won't do it, she was far too important to me, but by God, I wish I had release for all the feelings I have to keep trapped.
Lately I've been really struggling to try to deal with people we both knew remaining friends with both of us. I don't want to lose any of them, but I can't help sometimes feeling the need for them to more strongly take a stand, be it one way or another. Part of it is me being paranoid/worried, too. The post of "her side of story" my ex-best friend make was... one that portrayed me as quite the lowest of the low. I have no reason to think she wouldn't keep speaking of me in such way, should she ever mention me, and I'm not really comfortable with the thought of my friends listening to such evaluations. The few of said shared friends who have actually said a word for me, in that post or some other time that I may not know of; I really really really appreciate it. Thank you.
Recieved an email from my ex-best friend. I'm not even sure I know a word to discripe her behaviour at this point. It's just... unbelieveable, really.
For one thing, she decided to one-sidedly go ahead and change some of the agreements we had eshtablished. She says this is because of "the tone of my posts about her" and because "my insistance to one-sidedly change it continuously".
I'm not sure which posts in particular she is referring to, since even back-tracking my "recent" LJ posts, I have not been able to detect anything that would had been of offensive tone.
The second accusation I can try to imagine from her point of view. For one, it might be that I asked her to pay me back as soon as possible. Her new email states she does not intend to pay me back now, since I had told her she could pay me back when she can. How this is going against asking her to pay back as soon as possible, I'm not quite sure, since it's not like I demand it to be done regardless of her needs for rent, food, clothes, movies, comics, etc. Perhaps it's just me interpreting English in some weird way though? Or maybe it was that I dared to bring the issue up at all? In the past, I have said she can pay whenever it is convinient, when she offered to start paying in small portions every month. That was before she ignored me, called me selfish bitch publicly and we stopped being friends, though, so I did feel with the changed situation it was fair of me to ask for the money sooner rather than later.
She also says that according to her calculations she owes me half of what I think, but I can't claim I'm awfully surprised by this, since her memory is a bit iffy and her recollection of many things of what went on between us around the break-up are rather messy and do not line up with factual records of the time. However, I lend her 600 dollars two times to help her out of a pinch over the years, plus 300 dollars for flight tickets to AX which she promised to pay back within a year, but couldn't, plus 100-ish in various small expenses through out the years. It comes up to around $1600 in total, which she has been paying back to me in form of manga. I've counted she has paid back something of roughly $800 that way, which leaves still $800. Not to mention that with the dollars worth having gone to crap, even if I'd gotten the remaining $800, I'd be losing money. So I'm guessing she probably forgot something from the count of what she owes, or forgot that for all the more expensive items over the years, such as CLAMP no Kisekis, I have send her payment for.
Another thing she might see as me "insisting on changing the agreement" is that I was planning on holding onto the doujinshi she wanted back until she'd payd. I'm not sure *how* this would be changing an agreement, since the whole thing was one-sided demand she made as an after-thought. She gave the doujinshi to me, because she knew I enjoyed doujinshi more. There was an agreement that I would scan them, which I have not gotten around to do for all of them, but I think that means the reasonable demand would had been for me to complite that task. Maybe my idea of reasonable is somehow fucked up...?
Third issue that she might be turning into me disrecardging our agreement is that I have not yet found a new webserver for myself, regardless of having said I'd do it as soon as possible. I've looked into webservers as much as my time restraints have allowed, but it has not been much. Life has been hectic, busy and stressful. Back when I first asked about all this stuff, she was too busy and stressed for us to make agreements, but I guess the fact that my life got busy and hectic after she was ready to sort ownerships out was irrelevant and I should had just sucked it up. Either way, she now announced I have a month before she deletes all my stuff, my email account included *and* that she has changed the password to the server, so I can't even access the control panel this last month. I can't even log in to save all the random files I have there! This is the part that truly leaves me speechless. Everything else I somewhat expected, but this... wow. Just... wow. Fuckity fuck. She says she'll send me what I need if I ask her, but I don't exactly remember everything that I have there, so it's kind of hard to ask.
So, some HALP~ would be appreciated in the form of suggestions for good webservers. I don't need a huge amount of space, I want my own domain name and I'd like it to come with an email account. Any ideas, anyone? What is everyone using for their websites? Please help? As obvious from the reasons stated in the previous paragraph, I need to get this urgently.
It also seems apparent she insists on to keep using our shared domain name. Yes, it was her idea, but it was taken into use as *our* domain. She wanted to share one with me and I moved all my stuff to her server and we agreed on a new domain name. To me, it's not fair solution for her to keep that domain name, when I have watermarked stuff with it too for some years. Again, perhaps my view of fair is fucked up...?
To add another grain to the already broken back, I won't be getting back my Alphonse wig. Apparently she can't find it. I know I left it there, since we were planning on re-using the outfits the next time (which would had been this year) and the wig was put in a plastic bag onto some shelf. I'm guessing it got lost when she moved or something. It was really nice wig though and perfect color and good to wear, so I'm really unhappy over not getting it.
*sigh~* I've really fucking tried to be civilized through this all and the urge to just throw away restraint and be the fucking horrible bitch she accuses me of being. Hey, people believe I'm like that anyway, people I'd like to consider friends get to read from her journal how horrible and awful I am, so why shouldn't I live up to my reputation?
... Because even with everything, I'm apparently too damn weak and still can't forget how much I loved her and how important she was to me. I never wanted to hurt her and eventhough the person I loved clearly is no more, I can't bring myself to intentionally hurt the one who was her once. Right now though I'm just trembling and feeling like surely all the hurt is justification enough to act on my deep dark feelings. I won't do it, she was far too important to me, but by God, I wish I had release for all the feelings I have to keep trapped.
Lately I've been really struggling to try to deal with people we both knew remaining friends with both of us. I don't want to lose any of them, but I can't help sometimes feeling the need for them to more strongly take a stand, be it one way or another. Part of it is me being paranoid/worried, too. The post of "her side of story" my ex-best friend make was... one that portrayed me as quite the lowest of the low. I have no reason to think she wouldn't keep speaking of me in such way, should she ever mention me, and I'm not really comfortable with the thought of my friends listening to such evaluations. The few of said shared friends who have actually said a word for me, in that post or some other time that I may not know of; I really really really appreciate it. Thank you.