004 ✚ voice, plus filters
[the feed starts with a slight clearing of his throat.]
To those who were-- worried --about me last week. Yukio replaced my stitches and I'm fine now.
[uhhh.
there was a thanks here, but it got cut--]
Thanks.
[--off. or not.]
( FILTERED TO EXORCISTS (ALMA, LAVI, KANDA, ALLEN, LENALEE, CROSS, AND.. THAT ONE TYKI.. and Link sure. prolly hackable but why would you want to, there's nothing to hear. )
To those who were-- worried --about me last week. Yukio replaced my stitches and I'm fine now.
[uhhh.
there was a thanks here, but it got cut--]
Thanks.
[--off. or not.]
( FILTERED TO EXORCISTS (ALMA, LAVI, KANDA, ALLEN, LENALEE, CROSS, AND.. THAT ONE TYKI.. and Link sure. prolly hackable but why would you want to, there's nothing to hear. )
Why?
Why did everyone invested in this war have to have such terrible things done to them or waiting in store? It was worse for them than he had seen for so many other fighters in countless other wars. But this... "Holy" war was beginning to seem so unholy that he was sure they were all in Hell - if it did exist - and this was their torture for eternity.
Not even in other timelines could they get a break.
Lavi runs a hand through his hair and instead of going to audio or video like the others he switches to a text, automatically putting it on private. Really he would rather go talk to Kanda in person, but it seemed as if the other wanted to be alone while he told his tale.]
You don't have to tell me ( ... )
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that wasn't.. the problem. he isn't sure if his misunderstanding can or should be cleared up, or if it's just what Lavi wants to believe. 'llujah doesn't know anymore, it's--
it's been far too long. only two years, perhaps. but add in one death, one botched memory-sealing spell, experiments, a dozen more bouquets of water lillies and a whirlwind of memories too blurry to make out, and he's left clinging onto whatever scraps of Lavi he can still recall from what seems like an eternity ago.]
You. [level, firm, but wavering as much as a single hissed syllable can. that could be attributed to the fact that he's actually holding the PDA, as it gripping it will do any good.] You.
[I had thought we were friends
banters and rabbits, braids and death threats, sparring, draping, joking, laughing
if we are or were in yours
he doesn't know what to see Lavi as anymore.]
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maybe
they can.]
You're an idiot, Lavi..
[this whole thing building up after the first few weeks in Nesreca is tiring, avoiding Lavi, respdonding curtly, awkwardly, he hates making or using excuses, because
because]
I don't care if you record it, I don't care if you listen as a friend or as an Apprentice. Stop being such a dumbass.
[he's the one who's been pushing Lavi away.
it's pretty damn hard trying to go back to how it used to be.]
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The reasons why it had been done, they were something that he didn't know. Wasn't sure if he wanted to know. Was it because he was dead in Kanda's home? Or that he had moved on to another record? Betrayed them? All of these doors that they shut on each other, the secrets they all keep... It's poisoning to them and to their relationships with one another.
He would always like to be Kanda's friend. To Lavi it had always seemed like the stoic swordsman needed one even if he said he didn't. Someone to lean on when it just got too hard or to listen in times like these. But he doesn't know if he's somehow lost that right in 'llujah ( ... )
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like they're both trying to open that door at the same time without knowing if it's push or pull.]
Reliving something horrible? [somewhat bitterly, mostly sarcastic and calm and with that off touch of humor that shouldn't be there.] You should've thought of that last week. I told you, no one's seen you in four years and I've been dead for two of them, I don't know if you're alive or not, or if you're even--
[or if i can even still think of you as 'lavi' anymore
how long has it been since he's gotten mad at Lavi? two years. four years. too many years too long.]
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he's not stomping up those stairs, oh no. that's too much of a dead giveaway, and he'd be way too tired once he reached the top why the hell are you all the way up there anyway, Lavi.]
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Both idiots pulling on the door knob on opposite sides, it's not going to move. But given that Kanda's stronger...it'll probably be yanked open and the redhead will fall in on his friend.]
I know part of what happened and I don't know if I'll one day know everything but what I do is bad enough. The worst I've heard of in any record. As for disappearing so abruptly...apparently there's a reason behind that, I just don't know what it is myself yet. But I'm alive here and I want to be your friend here.
[And then as he sends it off, having delayed his words, he hears steps on the creaky and weakened ( ... )
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given that 'llujah's had the arm strength of a somewhat normal person for a few years now, it might leave them in a standstill for even longer.
the PDA goes off in his hand, but it's forgotten, lost in a white-knuckled grip that doesn't let up when he forgoes the usual knock and shoves open the door of Lavi's room, the one he's seen the redhead look out the window of every so often.
luckily the PDA is already in his dominant hand, already clenched. he can't make a fist but it's almost like gripping a sword's handle and he's striding over to wherever Lavi is and
decking him as hard as he can
which, unfortunately, doesn't amount to anything like he'd usually deliver, and is most certainly not up to par with Lenalee's punches or Bookman's clawings.
judging by the expression on his face, he probably knows this. and doesn't give a shit. he's too busy trying to catch his breath.]
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He's on his bed, moving to stand even as the door opens and Kanda storms into the room. Lavi is surprised to see that it's Kanda standing there, moving toward him.]
What are yo-- [His words get cut off as the hit connects and Lavi's head is whipped to the side ( ... )
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that Lavi doesn't actually fall over only further proves to himself just what kind of effect this surgery's had on him. he had an idea before, but he's never really attempt to.. punch anyone. has wanted to, of course, and settled for hitting or kicking a wall. or a chair.
this just reminds him all the more of what's happened in the time he hasn't seen Lavi.
he doesn't say anything when Lavi's arms wrap around him, aside from a sharp intake of breath and a sound that's cut off halfway. he can't move his arms, whether because Lavi's hug is stopping him or he just can't feel them right now, or whether
whether it's because he doesn't know if he should, if he can. if he's allowed to, knowing that they don't share the same sentiment.
they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but the past two years of not knowing has led to 'llujah convincing himself that it's over. that the next time they see each other, Rose Cross or no, they're as good as strangers. in fact, that's what they should be, considering.].. ( ... )
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You used to give in to that punching impulse a lot more. Perhaps another side effect of not being around the redhead anymore, not having anyone you really wanted to punch and could without any terrible repercussions. The chair or wall were just ample substitutes.
Thing is... Lavi doesn't expect Kanda to hug him back even if his arms are free. Stitches in his arms can't make it at all comfortable to move them. So even if Kanda was a hugger...being hugged back wouldn't cross his mind ( ... )
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but as it is, he.. can't do anything. both because he knows know what, and because. well.
arms. numb.
he's probably going to regret that punch later. except, not really.
it would be so easy just to revert back to what they were four years ago. idiot rabbit and silly yuu and bakanda and all that. it should be. so easy.
but the fact of the matter is what isn't. it isn't easy, isn't simple, isn't like taking two steps back into old comfort zones. it's like climbing out of an abyss two miles too deep. maybe it's pathetic to say he's resigned himself to this darkness, but.
he's accepted some minimal amount of help in getting through this.
maybe he can accept some help in getting out of it.]
No one knows why. The Noahs--
[..come to think of it, 'llujah hasn't really been filled in on any of this either. save for what Lenalee and Marie have told him in secret. Central's pretty intent on ( ... )
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It might surprise him enough that Lavi will let go, pull back and look at him. Because right now he's just hugging, chin hovering over a shoulder but not making contact with it. That would be too close.
If it was so easy - no matter the years he had gone on alone - then it shouldn't matter if he fell back into it. Lavi doesn't know how to be around 'llujah because of this. And he hates not knowing anything.
Actually, that makes him pull away and he sits on his bed, taking Kanda's hand long enough to give a gentle tug to make him sit too. For once his face looks a little sad and shut down instead of that happy-go-lucky rabbit that 'llujah knows is still in this one.]
I'm still me, yeah? At home...for me... I'm still in China with the old man and Chaoji. And this weird Noah we've never seen before shows up. Then I got sent here only to go back for five minutes and I get kicked back just as that Noah... [Lavi pauses, remembering the tongue and shudders.] His tongue...it's long and it has ( ... )
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