I Will Hate
Title: I Will Hate
Rating: T/PG-13
Fandom: Star Wars
Summary: Atris reflects on all that she has become, as she waits for the Exile to follow the trail of the Handmaiden. M!Exile x Atris, mild M!Exile x Handmaiden.
Warnings: Somewhat sexual in nature.
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He will follow her.
I know it. He thinks I am blind. That I cannot see his darkness, nor how the foolish girl is seduced by it, drawn to it. She dreams only of battle, of the thrill of power when a foe is cut down - and in him, she sees the thrill of the fight, the caged nexu that rests within his chest.
She is foolish. It is I who he has first known, on that night so long ago when we were both young fools, dreaming of ideals and the Republic. It is I who cried out as I submitted to him, as flesh yielded to flesh, in the throes of sweet passion.
Does he whisper my name when he makes love to her? Does she really think I cannot see past her lies - to know that the Exile has dreamed of her, and seen me in her? Does she think I could not see, even then, the way she spoke of him, the way she regards him?
But that is all past.
She hangs now, in my grasp, and I will hate her, for I see his affection towards her.
I will hate her, because she is still beautiful, and because he loves her.
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He has come for her.
He has come, stumbling across the bodies of her defeated sisters. And even now, as he stands and challenges me, he thinks I cannot see the lust smouldering in his eyes. He thinks I am fallen, and I am blind.
But if I am fallen, it is because he has set my feet on that path with the gentle words that melted my ice, with kisses that set soft skin aflame.
We once loved. And then he left for the Mandalorian Wars, and all I could taste was the ashes of the darkness he brought into my life; the depths he has thrown me into. I have tasted of the Dark Side, and the Dark Side has tasted of me, in the rough shape of his flesh and his form.
He says he has come to save me, and he draws his lightsaber, now silver, now sparkling white fire.
I will hate him, for I know he is not pure.
I will hate him, because I offered him my purity, and then he strode away.
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He says he has come to save me.
He does not know he has always been my curse, and my destruction. And even now, when he stands over me, lightsaber in hand, I know I taste defeat at his feet once again.
He goes to that girl first, frees her, tenderly holds her to make sure she is fine, before he turns to me.
He says he has to go, to face the old woman. He does not know who she is. Once more, he walks away to his death, leaving me to live with the pieces of the life he has shattered, like glass.
Once more, he leaves us to continue, bent on another forsaken quest among the ruins of the Dark Side, and turns his back on the Light.
He has not come to save me, but to destroy me again. He offers me mercy in an unendurable existence.
There are so many reasons for me to go on hating him.
But this is the truth: he has come for her.
And because she is beautiful to him, I will hate him.
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A/N: Length isn’t always good. One of my shorter pieces, inspired by good ‘ol Queen, Freddie Mercury, and “I Want To Break Free.” Hints of M!Exile x Atris, and M!Exile x Handmaiden. Whether Atris is simply being jealous and overpossessive, or the M!Exile x Handmaiden really exists is up to you. I’m sorry, I played with M!Exile, and it’s always seemed instinctive to me, so there you go, an M!Exile fic.
Any challenges would be appreciated. I’m always open to ideas, and you will be credited.
-Cymru