[Fic] Resident Behavior - Suho/Kai
Title: Resident Behavior
Pairing: Suho/Kai (with not-so-ninja Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU
Prompt: Hospital!AU Pediatrician!Suho with internresident!Kai
Author's note: much like the other hospital fic I did... All mistakes are mine. I researched! I worked off of life experience! Hopefully you enjoy anyway. XD
***
Joonmyun spent a lot of time at the hospital. Sometimes, he thought it was almost more home than his apartment was - at least until he was face-down in his own bed and breathing it in. He’d spent his residency at the hospital, hired to stay on and be a hospitalist in the pediatrics floors. Every year it seemed, there were new residents, new interns with fresh faces and tired eyes wandering and learning.
When someone called “Dr. Kim!” it usually brought about at least two heads raising. Joonmyun was used to that. But he had a new resident at his side, walking the corridors and getting him acquainted with what could be his new life. Kim Jongin, doctor newly minted, and ready to begin specializing in pediatrics. Jongin, who’d blurted that he looked too young to be teaching, which Joonmyun was going to take as a compliment. Though Jongin hardly looked old enough to be a doctor either, with his shiny new license and years to go before he could break out on his own.
“We get bad breaks, post-op, heart conditions, asthma, bad flu cases, cancer side-effects. Pretty much anything you can imagine, we see here. Some get transferred to specialized hospitals, or have primary care well involved. Others get handed off, and we do our job as doctors. Why peds?”
Asking a doctor why he or she had begun specializing in pediatrics was asking for a different answer from each.
“I like kids better than most adults,” Jongin said, and it had Joonmyun huffing out a laugh.
“They do come with parents, you know? Kids… They’re harder to treat sometimes, because they can’t always tell you what’s wrong,” Joonmyun said. Not that adults were always forthcoming, either. “And they’re harder to lose, when things don’t go how you think they should.”
“I know.” And when Joonmyun stared at him, Jongin shrugged a shoulder. “I lost a couple of friends, in grade school, high school.”
That made sense. Sometimes, it was the bad things in life that shaped the future.
“Here, we see them come in. We admit them, send them back out. We don’t get to see them grow up. A lot of pediatricians like that, getting to see and treat a child through all the phases. We see them sick, and they go home better. And that’s it. You hope to whatever higher power you do or don’t believe in that you don’t see them again.”
“I’ll work hard,” Jongin promised. “I want this.”
He’d spend some of his time in the ER, and in urgent care, and in their partners’ facilities. Residents would see the inside of the hospital, and every other facet they could teach. It meant, when he’d studied and learned, that a doctor could know he was ready for any job.
They said doctors thought they knew everything. Some did, others kept trying to learn. But it was hard to feel in control when a child’s illness spiraled, and the hands that were supposed to save them were helpless. It had gutted him in the past.
“Dr. Kim!” Joonmyun turned, seeing a patient in after surgery on her kidney. She’d be well enough to go home in a day, he thought, smiling and watching her walk toward him as her father helped her wheel her IV stand. She was seven, with a gap-toothed smile, looking up at him as though he were some fluffy teddy bear instead of the man who poked and prodded at her. He never knew, if patients would see him as a source of pain and fear, or of hope.
“Out for a walk!” he said, crouching down to her level.
“I drew you a picture!” she said. “But it’s in my room.”
“Oh! I’ll come by to see it,” he said, squeezing her hand. “What’s your favorite jello?”
“Red!”
A quick glance at her father revealed a nod. “Maybe I’ll have some of that with me. But you finish your walk, and I’ll be by to see you.”
“Okay!” she said, and walked off holding her father’s hand.
“That makes it worth it?” Jongin asked him, as he stood.
“A lot of things,” Joonmyun said. “But that’s one.”
***
No one would have called Joonmyun lazy. He seemed to be at the hospital all the time, even though Jongin knew he had shifts. He bought all the nurses on the floor coffee or tea to their desire at least once a week, taking the time on his break to write little notes on the cups that had the nurses guffawing and throwing wads of paper as Joonmyun passed them out. But no one ever asked him to stop.
Nurses were essential, like his hands were essential, or his eyes, Joonmyun had told him once. They wouldn’t always get along or see eye to eye, but he refused to be a doctor who did not see what the nurses did for his patients, the hospital, and him.
Jongin hadn’t been happy to be assigned to him at first, preferring the older doctor who was staid but experienced. He’d meant it when he said Joonmyun didn’t look old enough. He’d almost looked like a college student out to play. That changed after about a day, even if he’d teased Joonmyun about it again.
Joonmyun could be found checking charts, calling primary care physicians, or leaning over the side of a crib to smooth a baby’s cap. Sometimes he holed himself up in his tiny office to write notes or do paperwork, but even when he was not needed, he sometimes sat with children who were alone, reading to or talking with them. Dr. Kim, the thick rims of his dark glasses giving him the look of a studious high school student sometimes. He had a seemingly endless supply of coloring pages, word games, stickers and temporary tattoos. The nurses said they knew Dr. Kim was on duty, when there was laughter coming from the rooms. Some of the children started crying when they saw him, and some of the teenagers were withdrawn, but Jongin saw Joonmyun interact with all of them.
The first brush with death, Joonmyun had met his eyes as he closed the door of a private room to leave the family privacy to grieve. Joonmyun did not move from beside the door for longer than he had to to set everything in motion, before standing there like a sentinel, eyes closed as he too absorbed the loss. It was a child Jongin had only seen once, but Joonmyun had seen several times, several visits. But his frail body had not been able to last.
He touched Joonmyun’s arm, intending to show solidarity. The shock that traveled up his arm stayed with him.
“Is he your boyfriend?” a little girl asked Joonmyun one day, as they stood together at her bedside.
Joonmyun had smiled at her as he folded his stethoscope, even though he’d already told her who Jongin was. “No, he’s a doctor, too. Want to listen to his heart?”
She nodded, eager, and Jongin had played along.
“Kim and Kim, doctor boyfriends?” Jongin joked in the hall.
“That would be new,” Joonmyun agreed. “Though I’ve never brought a boyfriend to the hospital.”
“Do you mean fictional ones, or real ones?”
It was a question he shouldn’t have asked, far too personal and beyond the scope of any mentoring that was going on. But Joonmyun didn’t look offended or angry.
“Would that be a problem?” Joonmyun asked.
Real ones, then.
“No problem,” Jongin said, and let the topic drop.
Until he caught Joonmyun staring at him one day, as they were sorting through papers.
“What?” Joonmyun shook his head but that wasn’t flying. “Seriously, what?”
He started bumping his foot against Joonmyun’s leg under the table.
Joonmyun pursed his lips, staring at Jongin very seriously through his glasses. “I’m gay.”
Oh. That.
“I know. I knew when you asked if it’d be a problem instead of laughing it off,” Jongin said. He could see he’d surprised Joonmyun, but he hadn’t become a doctor because he lacked brains. Seeing as it had been days since that conversation, and nothing had really changed, Jongin thought he’d demonstrated pretty well that wasn’t a problem.
Not much had changed. It wasn’t as though he’d never checked out Joonmyun before, or admired him in his glasses or whatever. But it was a little different knowing he didn’t have some sweet-faced girl waiting for him at home.
Jongin cleared his throat, knowing he’d regret at least some of his next words. “You’re a good doctor, no matter whose pants you want in. You dating anyone now?”
“No,” Joonmyun said slowly, still clearly thrown by Jongin’s response. They’d never really sat and had a heart to heart about their personal lives. That was a few months of reluctant fantasies he could’ve really grabbed on to.
So he dropped hints. At first, it was kind of funny because he was waiting to see if Joonmyun would catch on.
Questions like “It’s probably against the rules to date coworkers here, yeah?”
And then Joonmyun’s question had been, “Why- Wait, you like one of the nurses? Aren’t they all married? Oh wait, there’s-“
He’d let Joonmyun puzzle on that for a few days, Jongin shaking his head every time Joonmyun narrowed his eyes at him or one of the nurses.
He bought Joonmyun coffee, returning the favor for all the coffees he’d bought Jongin and the nurses. He even added his own special note “:P” to the side.
“Thanks,” Joonmyun said, laughing when he saw it. “Very professional.”
“Look who’s talking. By the way, it’s not one of the nurses.”
He felt pretty good about his bombshell, walking back out to look over the charts Joonmyun had put out for him to look through.
“There are no women doctors on this floor. At one of the offices?” Joonmyun asked him later. It was starting to be a puzzle Joonmyun needed to figure out, nagging at him in a way that had Jongin biting the inside of his lip in a grin and then also in worry. If Joonmyun were appalled, well, that would take the humor out of it entirely.
“No, here at the hospital. But I don’t date women.”
That was the bigger bombshell by far.
“You didn’t say anything when I told you-“ Joonmyun began, before stopping. “Not that you had to.”
“You didn’t ask,” Jongin said easily.
His relationship with Joonmyun was so different than any of the ones he’d had in medical school. There, they’d bonded together almost in solidarity, getting through heavy work loads, longer weeks, sleepless nights. The’d come out of it with a medical license, and then scattered to their chosen fields.
Joonmyun was different. He was a doctor, had been a doctor for at least five years longer than Jongin had. He was a doctor, a good one. A good teacher, and mentor, and colleague. He didn’t treat Jongin like he were still a student, asking him his opinions, and discussing room visits. Seeing Joonmyun and his silly ties to amuse the children only made him more certain of his desired path. He’d spent six months in the hospital and the offices, and he was actually feeling like his license was going to mean something.
The paycheck helped, small enough as it was. And he sure hadn’t intended for Joonmyun’s smile to get under his skin. Or to let Joonmyun know about it. He did better pining from the corner where rejection wasn’t a sure thing, and awkwardness where they both worked long hours wasn’t going to hinder things.
He still had time left in years, part of that under Joonmyun’s tutelage. It couldn’t have been more inconvenient, or more impossible to swallow down.
Jongin’s father had advised him not to wait a day, if he found the person he liked. Apparently, his mother had almost started dating someone else, which meant of course that Jongin would have never been born. Which was a great way to put a very fine point on it. He’d waited plenty of days, but if Joonmyun wasn’t dating, he wasn’t waiting until he was pining hopelessly rather than shot down so he could get over it.
But Joonmyun was so…Joonmyun. He was waiting to be read from the employee handbook on conduct, and a lecture on why it was a bad idea since Jongin was an intern, and on and on. And Joonmyun surprised him, again.
“Me?” Joonmyun asked, in a tone that indicated surprise and disbelief - like Jongin had said he was attracted to pinball machines.
***
Joonmyun cornered Kyuhyun in the break room, leaning against the swinging door to ensure they’d have privacy.
“I have a problem.”
Ever a doctor, Kyuhyun scanned Joonmyun to make sure he had all four limbs still attached and then tilted his head. “What kind of problem?”
“What if someone working with you…admitted they liked you?”
“Jongin?” Kyuhyun asked.
“What?” Joonmyun squeaked. “No. I didn’t- I said with, not for! How did you-“
“You talk about him. You said he was ‘blossoming as a doctor.’”
“I did not say that! Was I drunk?”
Kyuhyun sputtered as he swallowed his coffee and tried to laugh at the same time. “Maybe a little. Hey, at least you didn’t compose an ode to his face.”
Which Kyuhyun had done, not long after Joonmyun had met Kyuhyun. Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun worked together, too, albeit in a different fashion. Or wait.
“You were a resident when you started dating Zhou Mi, weren’t you?”
“Not the most advisable thing, but yeah.”
“How long did you know you wanted to date him before you took the chance?”
Joonmyun’s head tilted to the side as he watched Kyuhyun’s face color slightly.
“Well, ah. It took us a little while to start dating, actually. Uh. We actually slept together before we figured that out. Actually. I was kind of living with him before we started dating.”
“But you’d know each other a while before you slept together?”
“Well.”
There was something Kyuhyun wasn’t telling him, and that wasn’t okay. “Kyuhyun?”
“One shift,” Kyuhyun said, putting down his coffee and leaning his head back to laugh. “We’d known each other one shift. We slept together the first day we met. And don’t tell Zhou Mi I told you, or he’ll kill me.”
“Oh,” Joonmyun said. “So I’ve basically waited a decade by wishing after Jongin for months.”
“Only if you judge your relationships on me, which isn’t a great plan. So, he’s into you, and you’re into him. Do you trust him not to take a shot at your career if things go bad?”
Joonmyun raised his eyebrows. “Did you after a day?”
“I didn’t. But I can tell you some things are worth taking a risk for. Protect yourself as best you can. Zhou Mi and I… We kept our relationship out of the hospital as best we could. Eventually.”
Slept together on the first day, and in the hospital. Joonmyun was still chuckling as he made his way to the elevator. But he knew what Kyuhyun meant. Kyuhyun still ate with Zhou Mi in the cafeteria regularly, and they took their breaks together when they could. But there were no relationship-related fights going on, no making out in the hallways. Anyone who didn’t know, didn’t see the fond looks that were traded, would think that they were just very good friends.
Which was also true, Joonmyun knew. And it was not a small thing that he envied.
***
Jongin was preparing himself for rejection. He expected it would be nicer than Joonmyun patting him on the head like a little boy and telling him to go play. There was regret, momentarily, until he realized he couldn’t regret it. Joonmyun didn’t seem like the type to make his life a living hell, and most people in Jongin’s past had told him it was hard for them to tell who he liked. Even if it was the people he liked. So he couldn’t have counted on Joonmyun to have picked up on it naturally, falling into flirting, and then more.
And the time had come, he thought, as Joonmyun led him to the emptiest part of the cafeteria so they could eat. He eyed Joonmyun’s jacket with an internal laugh. There’d been that one time, a few weeks in when he’d tried on Joonmyun’s lab coat and had gotten a strange look.
“Is that mine?”
“It could be mine,” Jongin teased. “I’m Dr. Kim, too.”
“Wait for your certification, and then you’ll have pediatrician under it, too,” Joonmyun had advised. But he’d had a smile when he turned back around.
The only time he really saw Joonmyun ruffled was when a code was called, or when someone was teasing him. The first, he dealt with with authority. The second, with embarrassed smiles and laughter.
He was sunk, and Joonmyun didn’t even know it as they veered away from small talk and into the lecture Jongin had expected.
“Working together and dating is really inadvisable,” Joonmyun started and Jongin nodded, expecting that. “There are a lot of dangers involved, risk. Careers, feelings. People have done it, and succeeded but given the rate of relationship failure… Being together that much just makes things harder if something goes wrong.”
“Right. I understand,” Jongin said. He could’ve written Joonmyun’s speech himself. They were all very valid points from someone who prided himself on his professionalism.
“You have your work schedule?”
Jongin blinked. “Yeah, it’s on my phone. Why?”
“Let me see it.”
He navigated to the right screen, pushing it toward Joonmyun with confusion. Maybe Joonmyun would draw him a diagram showing how much time they spent together and emphasizing what a bad idea it was.
“I’m off most of this next Tuesday, and so are you,” Joonmyun mused. “So, yeah. There’s a lot of reasons to be careful, and maybe we should keep it to ourselves for a while just in case. We need to be professional here at work, too, but… If you’re free Tuesday, we could have dinner. Or, a movie. Lunch? It’s been a long time since I’ve dated anyone I worked with. But it’d be nice to have a first date not at the hospital. Please say something.”
Jongin was staring. Obviously he was staring, the way that Joonmyun was talking. “I thought you were going to tell me no.”
“I should. We both know that. But I know someone whose relationship started…about like this. They’ve been dating for years. It’s possible. And I like you. It’s a risk I’m willing to take. Just as long as you know the risks, too.”
“I knew when I told you.”
“I know it’s not very romantic to ask someone out talking about risks.”
Jongin laughed, relaxing back into his seat for the first time. “Yeah, actually it is. When you want something enough to try, regardless.”
“Someone,” Joonmyun said, meeting his eyes.
It took all his words from him. There weren’t so many years between them, just a world of experience in terms of being a doctor. It was what they did, and who they were, and they showed each other that every day.
So yeah, it was someone.
“Dinner on Tuesday,” Jongin agreed.
***
Jongin wasn’t a big fan of waiting. It was like holding his breath for a really long time, waiting for that date. Almost an entire week, really, and big chunks of that were spent with Joonmyun. He wondered how other people did it. If they asked someone on a date, and then had that date immediately. Or if they sat around staring at the other person hoping they didn’t change their mind between the asking and the dating. That, or just pining and waiting for that day to get there because they’d waited long enough. Jongin was kind of between the two, in a haze of being being amazed that Joonmyun really did want to go out with him, and just really wanting to get to it. He wanted to see what Joonmyun would wear, where he’d decide they should go to eat.
He also wanted a kiss. Or a dozen kisses, he wasn’t picky. Looking up to see Joonmyun studying a patient’s chart, tracing the bob of his Adam’s apple, or the way he licked his lips, was bringing Jongin only distraction. He tried to funnel that distraction into his time off, because first and foremost he was there for his patients. But he had conversations with Joonmyun, debates, patient visits. It had been hard that first day not to grab Joonmyun and ask him if he was still okay with it. Instead they’d shared a smile, and Joonmyun had set him to his tasks.
Though he thought Joonmyun’s smile had lingered in his eyes just a little bit longer. That was what they could give each other. It was for no one but each other to know, or wonder about. There was nothing strange in the way that Jongin pressed his shoulder to Joonmyun’s as they were reading together. He hadn’t even looked at Joonmyun when he’d done it, instead asking a question about the lab test result, like it was totally normal. It was. He’d done it before, just slightly differently and with less intent.
Not less enjoyment, though.
Joonmyun saw through everything though, laughing at him with his eyes when he dropped off coffee on Jongin’s table, and warning him with quiet looks. They knew. It was flirting, in the nicest way. The touch of Joonmyun’s fingers as they passed charts to each other or Joonmyun slapping at his arm before going to answer a nurse’s question.
It changed, slowly. And some of the sick anticipation faded with it.
And it changed, ironically with Joonmyun’s stiff neck.
“Working too hard?” Jongin asked him when he went into Joonmyun’s office to find him rotating his head.
“Or something. I think I slept wrong last night.”
“I think I know a doctor who could help with that,” Jongin teased.
Joonmyun was laughing, but it faded when Jongin put his hands on Joonmyun’s shoulders. There was no objection, and with the door closed, no one to see. It wasn’t some assignation, just a massage. Unless a voyeur had been in Jongin’s mind, in which case it was the give of Joonmyun’s muscles under his kneading fingers, and the sound of Joonmyun’s sighs as he relaxed under Jongin’s touch. Maybe it wasn’t going to ease the twinge in Joonmyun’s neck, but it’d do something to relaxing him in general.
“You’re hired,” Joonmyun said after a minute of that.
A crack about him making house calls was on his lips when he realized that might be too suggestive.
“Any time, anywhere,” Jongin settled on, as he moved back toward his usual corner. “You’re tense.”
“Bad sleep, got to thinking about a case. Sometimes you just can’t shut it off.”
“Need to run it past someone?”
“I’ve started it already, but I’ll definitely want you to look at the chart. Jongin.”
Joonmyun waved him back, standing up and stepping closer. Jongin’s breath caught, frozen upright for a long moment until he began to lean down. Joonmyun’s eyes were focused on his lips, slowly closing, and it sent tingles down his spine. They bumped hard, and then softer, finding each other’s lips and holding on. Joonmyun’s fingers curled into Jongin’s shirt, and it was three kisses and a shiver later before Jongin even thought to raise a hand and touch Joonmyun’s side.
And he was still a little stunned - pleased but stunned - when Joonmyun tilted his head back and grinned.
“We’re working,” Jongin said, the first words that came out of his mouth as he caught sight of Joonmyun’s hospital ID.
“We can deduct it from our break.”
“That’s… That’s not what I expected from you.”
Joonmyun’s lips trembled. “You think I cite the employee handbook at every opportunity. I’m not some stick in the mud.”
“No, you’re not.”
And as Jongin leaned in again, Joonmyun stopped him for a moment. “We really can’t do this-“
“Very much. I know. And only discreetly. And never let it impact our patients.”
“That,” Joonmyun agreed. “Also, I couldn’t wait for Tuesday.”
Jongin’s face burned but he pulled Joonmyun up into another lingering kiss, until Joonmyun pulled away and pressed his face to Jongin’s neck.
“You smell good.”
“I’m not wearing anything.”
Joonmyun hummed. “I know.”
And then Joonmyun had pushed him off before Jongin could smell Joonmyun as well. But he’d managed it hours later, when he’d gone to get coffee only to lock himself into Joonmyun’s office for just one more kiss. He picked Joonmyun up nearly off the floor to a quiet squawk, inhaling against Joonmyun’s shoulder. It was good his shift was only another couple of hours, because that scent was staying with him. And so was the way Joonmyun was stroking his hair.
“This is such a bad idea,” Joonmyun said, and Jongin knew he wasn’t talking about the kiss.
He was talking about them.
“We’ll make it a good one,” Jongin said. He sounded more confident than he was. But they both wanted it. That counted for something.
To their credit, they only had sex at the hospital once, and they’d both been free for lunch. Their pagers could go off any time anyway, so that wasn’t new. But it added a sense of urgency as Joonmyun pushed him back on his office floor - his office his rules apparently. A liberal dosing of soap after very cautious clothes removal had meant they had gone back to work hungry, but no worse for the wear.
Joonmyun wasn’t slow to correct him, guide him a different way about patient care. Sometimes, that stung. But Joonmyun listened to him very carefully, and that made him feel like he was still part of things. The patients were their first concern.
And at Joonmyun’s apartment, they were free to be themselves.
***
But it was another year before Jongin had let himself fully admit that Joonmyun with his smiles for the children, his respect for his coworkers, his anger at neglect, had wormed himself around Jongin’s heart. He’d seen Joonmyun deeply asleep in the on call room, woken him, eaten with him, cursed with him, slept with him, kissed him, dated him. He taught Jongin to be a better doctor, how to respect their profession.
But Joonmyun had been right. Jongin liked the work out of the hospital the best. Where a chubby faced toddler became an adolescent over visits and years. By the time he completed his residency, he knew Joonmyun’s job of watching patients come and go wasn’t for him.
But he had his medical license, and his certification, and he’d applied to every office in the city - until he found a place and had a real job. It took a call to one of the nurses to find out when Joonmyun’s shift ended. He felt a little weird, waiting on the trunk of Joonmyun’s car for him to come out. He’d probably gotten sidetracked handing out stickers or something.
Joonmyun spotted him right away as he came into the lot, grinning.
“I think loitering isn’t allowed in this lot, sir. This is doctors only.”
“Good thing I have an in with one.”
Joonmyun stepped up to him, still wearing his dogs-with-smiley-faces tie over his blue button-up shirt. His hands felt warm even through Jongin’s slacks, and Jongin had to keep himself from putting his hand over Joonmyun’s.
“Did you find out?”
“I did,” Jongin said. “I… I think we should go have dinner.”
“Oh?” Joonmyun’s eyes lit even behind his glasses, illuminated by the parking structure lights.
“A consolation dinner.” And he waited just a moment, just for the leading edge of Joonmyun’s hope to wane, so he could toss it back up again. “Since you’re going to have to put up with me for a lot longer.”
“You got the job!”
Not slow to catch on, Joonmyun. Jongin laughed, as he patted the back of Joonmyun’s head, pressed into Jongin’s chest since Jongin was still on the car.
“Get down here, brat,” Joonmyun said, and pulled Jongin down so they could hug properly.
“This means I can steal your lab coat now.”
Dr. Kim, pediatrician. Both of them were. Both with different ways of being doctors. But he relaxed in Joonmyun’s passenger seat, content to be taken anywhere Joonmyun wanted to go.
***
Pairing: Suho/Kai (with not-so-ninja Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU
Prompt: Hospital!AU Pediatrician!Suho with internresident!Kai
Author's note: much like the other hospital fic I did... All mistakes are mine. I researched! I worked off of life experience! Hopefully you enjoy anyway. XD
***
Joonmyun spent a lot of time at the hospital. Sometimes, he thought it was almost more home than his apartment was - at least until he was face-down in his own bed and breathing it in. He’d spent his residency at the hospital, hired to stay on and be a hospitalist in the pediatrics floors. Every year it seemed, there were new residents, new interns with fresh faces and tired eyes wandering and learning.
When someone called “Dr. Kim!” it usually brought about at least two heads raising. Joonmyun was used to that. But he had a new resident at his side, walking the corridors and getting him acquainted with what could be his new life. Kim Jongin, doctor newly minted, and ready to begin specializing in pediatrics. Jongin, who’d blurted that he looked too young to be teaching, which Joonmyun was going to take as a compliment. Though Jongin hardly looked old enough to be a doctor either, with his shiny new license and years to go before he could break out on his own.
“We get bad breaks, post-op, heart conditions, asthma, bad flu cases, cancer side-effects. Pretty much anything you can imagine, we see here. Some get transferred to specialized hospitals, or have primary care well involved. Others get handed off, and we do our job as doctors. Why peds?”
Asking a doctor why he or she had begun specializing in pediatrics was asking for a different answer from each.
“I like kids better than most adults,” Jongin said, and it had Joonmyun huffing out a laugh.
“They do come with parents, you know? Kids… They’re harder to treat sometimes, because they can’t always tell you what’s wrong,” Joonmyun said. Not that adults were always forthcoming, either. “And they’re harder to lose, when things don’t go how you think they should.”
“I know.” And when Joonmyun stared at him, Jongin shrugged a shoulder. “I lost a couple of friends, in grade school, high school.”
That made sense. Sometimes, it was the bad things in life that shaped the future.
“Here, we see them come in. We admit them, send them back out. We don’t get to see them grow up. A lot of pediatricians like that, getting to see and treat a child through all the phases. We see them sick, and they go home better. And that’s it. You hope to whatever higher power you do or don’t believe in that you don’t see them again.”
“I’ll work hard,” Jongin promised. “I want this.”
He’d spend some of his time in the ER, and in urgent care, and in their partners’ facilities. Residents would see the inside of the hospital, and every other facet they could teach. It meant, when he’d studied and learned, that a doctor could know he was ready for any job.
They said doctors thought they knew everything. Some did, others kept trying to learn. But it was hard to feel in control when a child’s illness spiraled, and the hands that were supposed to save them were helpless. It had gutted him in the past.
“Dr. Kim!” Joonmyun turned, seeing a patient in after surgery on her kidney. She’d be well enough to go home in a day, he thought, smiling and watching her walk toward him as her father helped her wheel her IV stand. She was seven, with a gap-toothed smile, looking up at him as though he were some fluffy teddy bear instead of the man who poked and prodded at her. He never knew, if patients would see him as a source of pain and fear, or of hope.
“Out for a walk!” he said, crouching down to her level.
“I drew you a picture!” she said. “But it’s in my room.”
“Oh! I’ll come by to see it,” he said, squeezing her hand. “What’s your favorite jello?”
“Red!”
A quick glance at her father revealed a nod. “Maybe I’ll have some of that with me. But you finish your walk, and I’ll be by to see you.”
“Okay!” she said, and walked off holding her father’s hand.
“That makes it worth it?” Jongin asked him, as he stood.
“A lot of things,” Joonmyun said. “But that’s one.”
***
No one would have called Joonmyun lazy. He seemed to be at the hospital all the time, even though Jongin knew he had shifts. He bought all the nurses on the floor coffee or tea to their desire at least once a week, taking the time on his break to write little notes on the cups that had the nurses guffawing and throwing wads of paper as Joonmyun passed them out. But no one ever asked him to stop.
Nurses were essential, like his hands were essential, or his eyes, Joonmyun had told him once. They wouldn’t always get along or see eye to eye, but he refused to be a doctor who did not see what the nurses did for his patients, the hospital, and him.
Jongin hadn’t been happy to be assigned to him at first, preferring the older doctor who was staid but experienced. He’d meant it when he said Joonmyun didn’t look old enough. He’d almost looked like a college student out to play. That changed after about a day, even if he’d teased Joonmyun about it again.
Joonmyun could be found checking charts, calling primary care physicians, or leaning over the side of a crib to smooth a baby’s cap. Sometimes he holed himself up in his tiny office to write notes or do paperwork, but even when he was not needed, he sometimes sat with children who were alone, reading to or talking with them. Dr. Kim, the thick rims of his dark glasses giving him the look of a studious high school student sometimes. He had a seemingly endless supply of coloring pages, word games, stickers and temporary tattoos. The nurses said they knew Dr. Kim was on duty, when there was laughter coming from the rooms. Some of the children started crying when they saw him, and some of the teenagers were withdrawn, but Jongin saw Joonmyun interact with all of them.
The first brush with death, Joonmyun had met his eyes as he closed the door of a private room to leave the family privacy to grieve. Joonmyun did not move from beside the door for longer than he had to to set everything in motion, before standing there like a sentinel, eyes closed as he too absorbed the loss. It was a child Jongin had only seen once, but Joonmyun had seen several times, several visits. But his frail body had not been able to last.
He touched Joonmyun’s arm, intending to show solidarity. The shock that traveled up his arm stayed with him.
“Is he your boyfriend?” a little girl asked Joonmyun one day, as they stood together at her bedside.
Joonmyun had smiled at her as he folded his stethoscope, even though he’d already told her who Jongin was. “No, he’s a doctor, too. Want to listen to his heart?”
She nodded, eager, and Jongin had played along.
“Kim and Kim, doctor boyfriends?” Jongin joked in the hall.
“That would be new,” Joonmyun agreed. “Though I’ve never brought a boyfriend to the hospital.”
“Do you mean fictional ones, or real ones?”
It was a question he shouldn’t have asked, far too personal and beyond the scope of any mentoring that was going on. But Joonmyun didn’t look offended or angry.
“Would that be a problem?” Joonmyun asked.
Real ones, then.
“No problem,” Jongin said, and let the topic drop.
Until he caught Joonmyun staring at him one day, as they were sorting through papers.
“What?” Joonmyun shook his head but that wasn’t flying. “Seriously, what?”
He started bumping his foot against Joonmyun’s leg under the table.
Joonmyun pursed his lips, staring at Jongin very seriously through his glasses. “I’m gay.”
Oh. That.
“I know. I knew when you asked if it’d be a problem instead of laughing it off,” Jongin said. He could see he’d surprised Joonmyun, but he hadn’t become a doctor because he lacked brains. Seeing as it had been days since that conversation, and nothing had really changed, Jongin thought he’d demonstrated pretty well that wasn’t a problem.
Not much had changed. It wasn’t as though he’d never checked out Joonmyun before, or admired him in his glasses or whatever. But it was a little different knowing he didn’t have some sweet-faced girl waiting for him at home.
Jongin cleared his throat, knowing he’d regret at least some of his next words. “You’re a good doctor, no matter whose pants you want in. You dating anyone now?”
“No,” Joonmyun said slowly, still clearly thrown by Jongin’s response. They’d never really sat and had a heart to heart about their personal lives. That was a few months of reluctant fantasies he could’ve really grabbed on to.
So he dropped hints. At first, it was kind of funny because he was waiting to see if Joonmyun would catch on.
Questions like “It’s probably against the rules to date coworkers here, yeah?”
And then Joonmyun’s question had been, “Why- Wait, you like one of the nurses? Aren’t they all married? Oh wait, there’s-“
He’d let Joonmyun puzzle on that for a few days, Jongin shaking his head every time Joonmyun narrowed his eyes at him or one of the nurses.
He bought Joonmyun coffee, returning the favor for all the coffees he’d bought Jongin and the nurses. He even added his own special note “:P” to the side.
“Thanks,” Joonmyun said, laughing when he saw it. “Very professional.”
“Look who’s talking. By the way, it’s not one of the nurses.”
He felt pretty good about his bombshell, walking back out to look over the charts Joonmyun had put out for him to look through.
“There are no women doctors on this floor. At one of the offices?” Joonmyun asked him later. It was starting to be a puzzle Joonmyun needed to figure out, nagging at him in a way that had Jongin biting the inside of his lip in a grin and then also in worry. If Joonmyun were appalled, well, that would take the humor out of it entirely.
“No, here at the hospital. But I don’t date women.”
That was the bigger bombshell by far.
“You didn’t say anything when I told you-“ Joonmyun began, before stopping. “Not that you had to.”
“You didn’t ask,” Jongin said easily.
His relationship with Joonmyun was so different than any of the ones he’d had in medical school. There, they’d bonded together almost in solidarity, getting through heavy work loads, longer weeks, sleepless nights. The’d come out of it with a medical license, and then scattered to their chosen fields.
Joonmyun was different. He was a doctor, had been a doctor for at least five years longer than Jongin had. He was a doctor, a good one. A good teacher, and mentor, and colleague. He didn’t treat Jongin like he were still a student, asking him his opinions, and discussing room visits. Seeing Joonmyun and his silly ties to amuse the children only made him more certain of his desired path. He’d spent six months in the hospital and the offices, and he was actually feeling like his license was going to mean something.
The paycheck helped, small enough as it was. And he sure hadn’t intended for Joonmyun’s smile to get under his skin. Or to let Joonmyun know about it. He did better pining from the corner where rejection wasn’t a sure thing, and awkwardness where they both worked long hours wasn’t going to hinder things.
He still had time left in years, part of that under Joonmyun’s tutelage. It couldn’t have been more inconvenient, or more impossible to swallow down.
Jongin’s father had advised him not to wait a day, if he found the person he liked. Apparently, his mother had almost started dating someone else, which meant of course that Jongin would have never been born. Which was a great way to put a very fine point on it. He’d waited plenty of days, but if Joonmyun wasn’t dating, he wasn’t waiting until he was pining hopelessly rather than shot down so he could get over it.
But Joonmyun was so…Joonmyun. He was waiting to be read from the employee handbook on conduct, and a lecture on why it was a bad idea since Jongin was an intern, and on and on. And Joonmyun surprised him, again.
“Me?” Joonmyun asked, in a tone that indicated surprise and disbelief - like Jongin had said he was attracted to pinball machines.
***
Joonmyun cornered Kyuhyun in the break room, leaning against the swinging door to ensure they’d have privacy.
“I have a problem.”
Ever a doctor, Kyuhyun scanned Joonmyun to make sure he had all four limbs still attached and then tilted his head. “What kind of problem?”
“What if someone working with you…admitted they liked you?”
“Jongin?” Kyuhyun asked.
“What?” Joonmyun squeaked. “No. I didn’t- I said with, not for! How did you-“
“You talk about him. You said he was ‘blossoming as a doctor.’”
“I did not say that! Was I drunk?”
Kyuhyun sputtered as he swallowed his coffee and tried to laugh at the same time. “Maybe a little. Hey, at least you didn’t compose an ode to his face.”
Which Kyuhyun had done, not long after Joonmyun had met Kyuhyun. Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun worked together, too, albeit in a different fashion. Or wait.
“You were a resident when you started dating Zhou Mi, weren’t you?”
“Not the most advisable thing, but yeah.”
“How long did you know you wanted to date him before you took the chance?”
Joonmyun’s head tilted to the side as he watched Kyuhyun’s face color slightly.
“Well, ah. It took us a little while to start dating, actually. Uh. We actually slept together before we figured that out. Actually. I was kind of living with him before we started dating.”
“But you’d know each other a while before you slept together?”
“Well.”
There was something Kyuhyun wasn’t telling him, and that wasn’t okay. “Kyuhyun?”
“One shift,” Kyuhyun said, putting down his coffee and leaning his head back to laugh. “We’d known each other one shift. We slept together the first day we met. And don’t tell Zhou Mi I told you, or he’ll kill me.”
“Oh,” Joonmyun said. “So I’ve basically waited a decade by wishing after Jongin for months.”
“Only if you judge your relationships on me, which isn’t a great plan. So, he’s into you, and you’re into him. Do you trust him not to take a shot at your career if things go bad?”
Joonmyun raised his eyebrows. “Did you after a day?”
“I didn’t. But I can tell you some things are worth taking a risk for. Protect yourself as best you can. Zhou Mi and I… We kept our relationship out of the hospital as best we could. Eventually.”
Slept together on the first day, and in the hospital. Joonmyun was still chuckling as he made his way to the elevator. But he knew what Kyuhyun meant. Kyuhyun still ate with Zhou Mi in the cafeteria regularly, and they took their breaks together when they could. But there were no relationship-related fights going on, no making out in the hallways. Anyone who didn’t know, didn’t see the fond looks that were traded, would think that they were just very good friends.
Which was also true, Joonmyun knew. And it was not a small thing that he envied.
***
Jongin was preparing himself for rejection. He expected it would be nicer than Joonmyun patting him on the head like a little boy and telling him to go play. There was regret, momentarily, until he realized he couldn’t regret it. Joonmyun didn’t seem like the type to make his life a living hell, and most people in Jongin’s past had told him it was hard for them to tell who he liked. Even if it was the people he liked. So he couldn’t have counted on Joonmyun to have picked up on it naturally, falling into flirting, and then more.
And the time had come, he thought, as Joonmyun led him to the emptiest part of the cafeteria so they could eat. He eyed Joonmyun’s jacket with an internal laugh. There’d been that one time, a few weeks in when he’d tried on Joonmyun’s lab coat and had gotten a strange look.
“Is that mine?”
“It could be mine,” Jongin teased. “I’m Dr. Kim, too.”
“Wait for your certification, and then you’ll have pediatrician under it, too,” Joonmyun had advised. But he’d had a smile when he turned back around.
The only time he really saw Joonmyun ruffled was when a code was called, or when someone was teasing him. The first, he dealt with with authority. The second, with embarrassed smiles and laughter.
He was sunk, and Joonmyun didn’t even know it as they veered away from small talk and into the lecture Jongin had expected.
“Working together and dating is really inadvisable,” Joonmyun started and Jongin nodded, expecting that. “There are a lot of dangers involved, risk. Careers, feelings. People have done it, and succeeded but given the rate of relationship failure… Being together that much just makes things harder if something goes wrong.”
“Right. I understand,” Jongin said. He could’ve written Joonmyun’s speech himself. They were all very valid points from someone who prided himself on his professionalism.
“You have your work schedule?”
Jongin blinked. “Yeah, it’s on my phone. Why?”
“Let me see it.”
He navigated to the right screen, pushing it toward Joonmyun with confusion. Maybe Joonmyun would draw him a diagram showing how much time they spent together and emphasizing what a bad idea it was.
“I’m off most of this next Tuesday, and so are you,” Joonmyun mused. “So, yeah. There’s a lot of reasons to be careful, and maybe we should keep it to ourselves for a while just in case. We need to be professional here at work, too, but… If you’re free Tuesday, we could have dinner. Or, a movie. Lunch? It’s been a long time since I’ve dated anyone I worked with. But it’d be nice to have a first date not at the hospital. Please say something.”
Jongin was staring. Obviously he was staring, the way that Joonmyun was talking. “I thought you were going to tell me no.”
“I should. We both know that. But I know someone whose relationship started…about like this. They’ve been dating for years. It’s possible. And I like you. It’s a risk I’m willing to take. Just as long as you know the risks, too.”
“I knew when I told you.”
“I know it’s not very romantic to ask someone out talking about risks.”
Jongin laughed, relaxing back into his seat for the first time. “Yeah, actually it is. When you want something enough to try, regardless.”
“Someone,” Joonmyun said, meeting his eyes.
It took all his words from him. There weren’t so many years between them, just a world of experience in terms of being a doctor. It was what they did, and who they were, and they showed each other that every day.
So yeah, it was someone.
“Dinner on Tuesday,” Jongin agreed.
***
Jongin wasn’t a big fan of waiting. It was like holding his breath for a really long time, waiting for that date. Almost an entire week, really, and big chunks of that were spent with Joonmyun. He wondered how other people did it. If they asked someone on a date, and then had that date immediately. Or if they sat around staring at the other person hoping they didn’t change their mind between the asking and the dating. That, or just pining and waiting for that day to get there because they’d waited long enough. Jongin was kind of between the two, in a haze of being being amazed that Joonmyun really did want to go out with him, and just really wanting to get to it. He wanted to see what Joonmyun would wear, where he’d decide they should go to eat.
He also wanted a kiss. Or a dozen kisses, he wasn’t picky. Looking up to see Joonmyun studying a patient’s chart, tracing the bob of his Adam’s apple, or the way he licked his lips, was bringing Jongin only distraction. He tried to funnel that distraction into his time off, because first and foremost he was there for his patients. But he had conversations with Joonmyun, debates, patient visits. It had been hard that first day not to grab Joonmyun and ask him if he was still okay with it. Instead they’d shared a smile, and Joonmyun had set him to his tasks.
Though he thought Joonmyun’s smile had lingered in his eyes just a little bit longer. That was what they could give each other. It was for no one but each other to know, or wonder about. There was nothing strange in the way that Jongin pressed his shoulder to Joonmyun’s as they were reading together. He hadn’t even looked at Joonmyun when he’d done it, instead asking a question about the lab test result, like it was totally normal. It was. He’d done it before, just slightly differently and with less intent.
Not less enjoyment, though.
Joonmyun saw through everything though, laughing at him with his eyes when he dropped off coffee on Jongin’s table, and warning him with quiet looks. They knew. It was flirting, in the nicest way. The touch of Joonmyun’s fingers as they passed charts to each other or Joonmyun slapping at his arm before going to answer a nurse’s question.
It changed, slowly. And some of the sick anticipation faded with it.
And it changed, ironically with Joonmyun’s stiff neck.
“Working too hard?” Jongin asked him when he went into Joonmyun’s office to find him rotating his head.
“Or something. I think I slept wrong last night.”
“I think I know a doctor who could help with that,” Jongin teased.
Joonmyun was laughing, but it faded when Jongin put his hands on Joonmyun’s shoulders. There was no objection, and with the door closed, no one to see. It wasn’t some assignation, just a massage. Unless a voyeur had been in Jongin’s mind, in which case it was the give of Joonmyun’s muscles under his kneading fingers, and the sound of Joonmyun’s sighs as he relaxed under Jongin’s touch. Maybe it wasn’t going to ease the twinge in Joonmyun’s neck, but it’d do something to relaxing him in general.
“You’re hired,” Joonmyun said after a minute of that.
A crack about him making house calls was on his lips when he realized that might be too suggestive.
“Any time, anywhere,” Jongin settled on, as he moved back toward his usual corner. “You’re tense.”
“Bad sleep, got to thinking about a case. Sometimes you just can’t shut it off.”
“Need to run it past someone?”
“I’ve started it already, but I’ll definitely want you to look at the chart. Jongin.”
Joonmyun waved him back, standing up and stepping closer. Jongin’s breath caught, frozen upright for a long moment until he began to lean down. Joonmyun’s eyes were focused on his lips, slowly closing, and it sent tingles down his spine. They bumped hard, and then softer, finding each other’s lips and holding on. Joonmyun’s fingers curled into Jongin’s shirt, and it was three kisses and a shiver later before Jongin even thought to raise a hand and touch Joonmyun’s side.
And he was still a little stunned - pleased but stunned - when Joonmyun tilted his head back and grinned.
“We’re working,” Jongin said, the first words that came out of his mouth as he caught sight of Joonmyun’s hospital ID.
“We can deduct it from our break.”
“That’s… That’s not what I expected from you.”
Joonmyun’s lips trembled. “You think I cite the employee handbook at every opportunity. I’m not some stick in the mud.”
“No, you’re not.”
And as Jongin leaned in again, Joonmyun stopped him for a moment. “We really can’t do this-“
“Very much. I know. And only discreetly. And never let it impact our patients.”
“That,” Joonmyun agreed. “Also, I couldn’t wait for Tuesday.”
Jongin’s face burned but he pulled Joonmyun up into another lingering kiss, until Joonmyun pulled away and pressed his face to Jongin’s neck.
“You smell good.”
“I’m not wearing anything.”
Joonmyun hummed. “I know.”
And then Joonmyun had pushed him off before Jongin could smell Joonmyun as well. But he’d managed it hours later, when he’d gone to get coffee only to lock himself into Joonmyun’s office for just one more kiss. He picked Joonmyun up nearly off the floor to a quiet squawk, inhaling against Joonmyun’s shoulder. It was good his shift was only another couple of hours, because that scent was staying with him. And so was the way Joonmyun was stroking his hair.
“This is such a bad idea,” Joonmyun said, and Jongin knew he wasn’t talking about the kiss.
He was talking about them.
“We’ll make it a good one,” Jongin said. He sounded more confident than he was. But they both wanted it. That counted for something.
To their credit, they only had sex at the hospital once, and they’d both been free for lunch. Their pagers could go off any time anyway, so that wasn’t new. But it added a sense of urgency as Joonmyun pushed him back on his office floor - his office his rules apparently. A liberal dosing of soap after very cautious clothes removal had meant they had gone back to work hungry, but no worse for the wear.
Joonmyun wasn’t slow to correct him, guide him a different way about patient care. Sometimes, that stung. But Joonmyun listened to him very carefully, and that made him feel like he was still part of things. The patients were their first concern.
And at Joonmyun’s apartment, they were free to be themselves.
***
But it was another year before Jongin had let himself fully admit that Joonmyun with his smiles for the children, his respect for his coworkers, his anger at neglect, had wormed himself around Jongin’s heart. He’d seen Joonmyun deeply asleep in the on call room, woken him, eaten with him, cursed with him, slept with him, kissed him, dated him. He taught Jongin to be a better doctor, how to respect their profession.
But Joonmyun had been right. Jongin liked the work out of the hospital the best. Where a chubby faced toddler became an adolescent over visits and years. By the time he completed his residency, he knew Joonmyun’s job of watching patients come and go wasn’t for him.
But he had his medical license, and his certification, and he’d applied to every office in the city - until he found a place and had a real job. It took a call to one of the nurses to find out when Joonmyun’s shift ended. He felt a little weird, waiting on the trunk of Joonmyun’s car for him to come out. He’d probably gotten sidetracked handing out stickers or something.
Joonmyun spotted him right away as he came into the lot, grinning.
“I think loitering isn’t allowed in this lot, sir. This is doctors only.”
“Good thing I have an in with one.”
Joonmyun stepped up to him, still wearing his dogs-with-smiley-faces tie over his blue button-up shirt. His hands felt warm even through Jongin’s slacks, and Jongin had to keep himself from putting his hand over Joonmyun’s.
“Did you find out?”
“I did,” Jongin said. “I… I think we should go have dinner.”
“Oh?” Joonmyun’s eyes lit even behind his glasses, illuminated by the parking structure lights.
“A consolation dinner.” And he waited just a moment, just for the leading edge of Joonmyun’s hope to wane, so he could toss it back up again. “Since you’re going to have to put up with me for a lot longer.”
“You got the job!”
Not slow to catch on, Joonmyun. Jongin laughed, as he patted the back of Joonmyun’s head, pressed into Jongin’s chest since Jongin was still on the car.
“Get down here, brat,” Joonmyun said, and pulled Jongin down so they could hug properly.
“This means I can steal your lab coat now.”
Dr. Kim, pediatrician. Both of them were. Both with different ways of being doctors. But he relaxed in Joonmyun’s passenger seat, content to be taken anywhere Joonmyun wanted to go.
***