remembering ugliness

[colibri29]

Telling dirty jokes, giving alcoholic drinks. He always did this to me growing up, took me to parties with him, giving me wine coolers, with all the adults telling jokes I didn't understand.... leaving me to conclude that every stupid joke was about sex. I think I gave this idea to the other kids at school too. I remember feeling stunted, being

Comments

[meg_levins]

This post is sad and lovely at the same moment. How indeed? An adult's inability to guide and soothe his daughter through the years of adolescence, perhaps due to cluelessness? Assuming you were an adult before you hit puberty? How sad to have that confusion and revulsion to contend with at the same time you contend with a changing body, a changing heart. But what's better? Was my father better with his complete and utter lack of interest in me? I could have been a million other places when I was out late at night, not with dynia or at klondike's. I could have been doped up, or drunk or sleeping with boys and girls alike and still in bed at home by 6:00 the next morning. He never asked, never enforced, never disciplined and he should be thankful I somehow was able to navigate my adolescent years with some sort of blind luck. Because of his blind eye, I became good at lying and I got away with many things. And now look at him. What is he? What has he been for so many years? Mean and spiteful, disinterested, judgmental. I

yes!

[meg_levins]

oh my, yes... YES!!! freeze that frame!

...your description of your father is riveting...