thoughts

[colie722]

I realized something yesterday. I'm never going to find someone to show me affection the way I want them to. I'm way too much of a bitch. I want my way as the only way. I mean I do make exceptions and try to be as understanding as I can and there for everyone all of the time but the people I love the most are the ones I hate the most. I mean

Comments

[sonofenki]

I dont know when you will get this, but I read it and I have to say, it kills me to know all these things, if this person could do anything to mae you love them more i know he would, I know I would, I can see this situation turning into a happy family if everyone involved is willing to put forth the effort and the time and understanding to make it work, he loves you more than he has loved anyone including himself in years, he would kill anyone that even thought about hurting you. There isnt alot to say i hope you know how he feels, and know that if you cant live with how things are and want to go somewhere else it would kill him but he would let you go, he is used to dieing inside while keeping the shell strong as if nothing has happend, but you know this, you seen him with his son, when his son leaves, it kills him, but he acts as if nothing is wrong, he is complex and hard to reach and harder to effect visibly, but you can do that to him.

[colie722]

I know the love is there. I do feel it. But situations have made things hard for me to comprehend. I cannot love two as I love one. I have tried so hard in so many ways that I know have been seen and even those that may not have been. The connection I have with both is far greater then I ever thought possible but yet is lost because I love one more then another. The connection of the two is still disturbing to me on some level. I can only turn away so many times before it tears at me again. I wish to make everyone happy and I can't. For the lose of me to leave only a shell I fear is too great to hold on to what I really want. The love of two I cannot give as it is the love of one is what I really want. I am sorry for me actions and reactions to events and situations as they occur but this has and I fear always will be an issue. Only I can overcome this and I know that but I feel I must share all that I can with you if only to relieve myself of this guilt I feel inside.