#4 A Second Chance at Love
Title: A Second Chance at Love
Group(s): Super Junior
Pairing(s): Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi
Rating: PG
Word Count: 6172
Summary: Kyuhyun is a Korean born and raised in the United States. Zhou Mi is a Chinese citizen living in Korea. A chance encounter and a whirlwind tour of Seoul set the stage for a relationship that defies odds.
Freedom. The word I’d waited to describe my life with ever since I could walk. I was finally moving out of my house in Los Angeles and into a dorm at Seoul Arts College. As happy as I was, I knew I would miss my friends... and parents too, I guessed. My grandparents, aunts, and uncles lived in Seoul, so I wouldn’t be too lost or lonely.
Oh, who was I kidding! I could barely speak Korean because I’d lived in America for my entire life, and everyone was going to think I was some sort of Korean wannabe!
Still, I never thought the moment would come where I would say my final goodbyes to my mom and dad. We were all standing in the middle of my dorm room. It was tiny, just enough space for one person to live in. Inside were a single twin bed, a simple desk and chair, a mini fridge (Perfect for stacking up on food!), a small closet, and a small dresser. Connected was a tiny bathroom with a full-sized shower, sink, and toilet... and a mini cabinet and trash can. It was the perfect room for me, and I would even be able to redecorate the place, considering I’d be staying there for four years, minimum.
I turned to my mom who was holding a tissue to her eyes. “Mom, I’ll be home for Christmas, so stop crying. Take care of the pets at home and don’t shop too much.” I smiled and gave her a hug.
“Kyuhyun! My baby! I can’t believe you’re in college! I’m getting so old!” she cried, and she wrapped her arms around my neck, in a constricting, choking sort of way.
“Mom, I can’t breathe,” I struggled to say.
“Oh, sorry,” she laughed, backing up. “You better do all of your homework, okay?”
“Okay, Mom, okay.” I turned to my dad. “Take care of mom, and make sure she doesn’t shop too much!” I smiled and gave him a hug, as well.
He hugged me back, thankfully without choking me or my head would have fallen off. Yes, he’s super strong. “Be good. Do your homework, and don’t get in trouble.” He smiled.
While I watched my parents walk off campus through my window, I finally realized that it was Friday and school didn’t start until Wednesday. Great, what was I supposed to do after I unpacked? And the time…. I looked at my phone and gasped. Only 8:00 AM?!
After an hour of unpacking and getting used to my new room, I got dressed, grabbed my phone and wallet, and walked off campus. I was on my own. I was finally in the real world with no support from my parents. I looked around and saw buildings, trees, people, and cars. But I didn’t know my way around Seoul. Where was I supposed to go?
Remembering that I had a map of Seoul on my phone, I pulled it out and decided to go to the grocery store to pick up some food for my mini fridge. While walking, I was so occupied with my phone that I bumped into someone.
“Aii! Sorry,” I apologized in English, before I remembered I was in Korea and not LA. “I mean... mianhae! Mianhamnida!” I bowed and stuttered over my words.
“I’m guessing you aren’t from Korea,” the man said with a laugh.
“You speak...” I looked up at the man and he was... jaw-drop gorgeous! He was a few inches taller than me, with dark brown hair, a sharp facial structure, and nicely-shaped eyes, and he wore a light blue V-neck shirt with designer jeans and shoes. “English?” I gulped. “I was born here, moved to LA when I was three, and now I’m back for college... I don’t really know the language that well. Sorry, I talk too much...”
“It’s fine,” the man said, smiling. “Oh here, you dropped this.” He crouched down to pick up my phone. I hadn’t even realized that I’d dropped it.
“Thanks.” I took the phone and chuckled. Why was he making my heart beat so quickly?
“It’s alright. My name is Zhou Mi, by the way.” He grinned and held out his hand.
“Zhou Mi,” I repeated. “My name is Kyuhyun. It’s nice to meet you,” I said, taking his hand and shaking it. “Uh, you don’t look very Korean....”
“Oh. I’m from China.” He laughed. “I moved here not too long ago.” He gave me a knowing look. “Are you lost, by any chance?”
I looked down, ashamed.
“Did you want me to show you around Seoul?”
I hesitated, considering my options, but with one more look at him, my mind was made up. “That would be nice.”
It was a long and fulfilling day. I followed behind the impromptu tour guide at a brisk pace as he led me down wide streets and narrow streets, along the Han River, from train car to train car in the depths of the subway system. It was as much an experience for him as it was for me, for he had only seen the great monuments a handful of times since moving to Seoul, himself. He wanted to show me more, but by late afternoon my stomach was protesting. I was running on empty and needed to be refueled.
“I’ll buy you an early dinner,” he said as we walked, and he shook his head when I tried to argue. “I insist. Besides, it’s customary for the oldest person to treat the younger ones.”
I paused. “How do you know I’m younger?” I asked.
“You just moved here for college, did you not?” He smiled. “I’ve been there and done that, already, so I have a year or two on you, at least.”
“Oh, really? What’s your degree in?”
He frowned. “I… didn’t exactly finish,” he said. “Some opportunities arose that I couldn’t really say no to. Here, this is a good place!”
He shoved me into a small, western-style café, practically pushing me down into a booth. A waitress handed us two menus, and I gave mine a good once-over before politely asking Zhou Mi to just get me whatever he was getting. He was the one with the vocabulary relevant to ordering food, after all.
As the waitress was walking away, I took the opportunity to ask the question that was on my mind. “So, some opportunities arose? What do you do, exactly?”
He sighed, tracing the edge of the table with his finger. “I’m a singer,” he said. “No one big yet, obviously, but I do have a recording contract, and I am currently working on my first album….” He trailed off.
“What? Why the long face?”
He shook his head. “It’s just that I’ve been working on this album for a while, but it’s missing something. I keep trying to tell the producers to let me find a partner and sing a duet, so that the listeners don’t get too tired of hearing just me. Besides, it would open up that door in the future, you know? But they’re not too keen on it.”
“Why not?”
“I’m too much of a rookie. They seem to think I won’t be able to find anyone and that I’ll just end up wasting their time.”
I opened my mouth to speak, to try to cheer him up, but at that very moment, the waitress brought us our food. I looked down at the plate and laughed. Zhou Mi had ordered me a burger and fries.
“Thought you’d do me a favor by buying me one last American meal, huh?”
He smiled. “Exactly!” And then he glanced out the window next to us. “It’s so nice outside,” he said. “What do you say we take this food to go?”
So we boxed up our dinners, tipped the waitress, and strolled down the street to a small, grassy park. There, we found a comfortable bench and picnicked the day away, talking and laughing for hours after the last of the food had been devoured. We were only interrupted by the setting sun and my desperate need to get back to my dorm room and finish making myself at home.
But as I laid on my unmade bed, staring at Zhou Mi’s number, hastily scribbled into my palm, I wondered how the day could have possibly been better.
We met again two days later, and again two days after that, both times roaming the city for a while before returning to that park bench. It was there that I learned about Zhou Mi’s life in China, about the family he left behind to see the world. It was also there that I told him about my life in LA and how my parents wanted me to return to Korea for college so that I could learn about my culture, and how I agreed because I wanted to be free for once in my life. And it was on that very bench that Zhou Mi put a hand on my shoulder and called me by a Chinese name-Kui Xian-for the very first time.
It was strange how easily we became friends. I never once thought of him as a stranger, and I don’t think anyone could have. He was the perfect companion, the sweetest of people, and we were close enough in age-separated by only two years, we confirmed early on-that relating was a breeze.
And then there was his laugh, so beautiful and bright that it made me long to hear him sing.
So of course, I asked him when I could.
“Oh?” He seemed to think about it for a moment. “Maybe you could come to the studio with me one day.”
I nodded in agreement. That sounded like a great idea! And maybe I was naïve for following him so willingly, but it seemed impossible that he could be anything but genuine.
“You know,” I said, “I used to sing a bit, too.”
His face lit up. “Really? Sing something for me!”
I shook my head. “Nuh-uh. Not before I get to hear you. It’s only fair.”
He pouted, and then he looked around, as if trying to decide whether or not he wanted to belt out a few notes in front of all the people at the park, just so that I would have to do it, too. But then he sighed. “Alright. I’ll check my recording schedule.”
“It’s a date!” I almost said, but stopped myself just in time. That was going a bit too far too soon. We were still getting to know each other, after all.
Although my racing heart didn’t seem to care.
Wednesday arrived faster than I could ever have expected, and before I knew it, I was stuffing what few books I knew I needed into my backpack and running across campus to my first class. I knew I was going to be that guy, the one who was constantly paranoid about being late while trying to adjust to a college schedule, but I didn’t want to take any chances. This was an entirely different country, after all. And so I kept running.
I walked into my first class of the day, and, to my surprise, almost all the seats were taken already. Class didn't even start until eight! It was only 7:40 AM!
Searching around the room, I found an empty seat next to a nice-looking guy. He had a small, fairy-like face, light brown hair, square-framed glasses, and was dressed like a preppy high school student. To be honest, it was a comforting sight. So I approached him.
"Hi, can I take this seat?" I asked.
"Oh, of course!” He smiled and nodded. “By the way, my name is Ryeowook. I'm a freshman here."
"It’s nice to meet you. My name is Kyuhyun, and I'm a freshman too." I slid into the seat.
He raised an eyebrow at that. “Your accent…?”
“Oh! I was born here, but I was raised in LA, so my Korean is decent, but not perfect.” I leaned in a bit closer. “Do you think I’ll be okay in this class?”
Ryeowook shrugged. “We seem to understand each other just fine. I don’t see why you’d have any problems.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s good,” I said. “I mean, I speak a lot of Korean at home with my parents, but I wasn’t sure what classes would be like. But if you think I seem like I’d do alright, then that’s comforting.”
We talked a bit more before the professor showed up, and then the lecture began. But I couldn’t pay attention for long-not because it was too difficult for me to understand, by any means, but because it was boring as ever! So I took what notes I needed to and spent the rest of the class period doodling in the margins of my spiral.
Somewhere in the middle, I looked over and caught Ryeowook doing the same.
I took a chance, reaching over and drawing a face on the corner of his page, tongue-out and ridiculous. He muffled a laugh with the back of his hand before responding in the same way.
And that was how our friendship began.
“Isn’t it beautiful?”
“The view? Sure, if you like trees, and gazing at tall buildings in the distance.”
“No, Kui Xian! The locks!”
“Oh.” We were standing on one of the observation decks of Namsan Tower, where every square inch of wire railing was covered in padlocks. Buy a padlock, declare your love in Sharpie all over it, latch it to the railing, and throw the key over the edge, and your love will last forever! Or so the saying goes. I wasn’t sure if I believed it.
“Well?”
“I guess they’re… nice. In a sappy sort of way.”
Zhou Mi hit me playfully. “Oh, Kui Xian. You weren’t too popular with the ladies back in LA, I bet.”
“I didn’t care to be popular with the ladies.”
“With the men, then,” he said with a knowing smile, and I wondered how I should feel about that, about him guessing so easily.
I made a face at him and turned back to the locks. I examined the messages written on a few of them, wondering if I would ever be that in love with someone, even for a moment, to want to spend the rest of my life with him.
“By the way, Kui Xian, I’m recording again next weekend. If you’d like to come with me, you’re welcome to.”
And my mind’s response to that was to imagine scribbling our names together on a heart-shaped lock and tossing it up there with the others. That was not an easy one to recover from.
Eventually, Ryeowook and I progressed from decorating each other’s notes to eating lunch together after the morning classes ended. We would go to the dining hall browse through that day’s selection of inedible-looking things, grab what looked least poisonous, and grab two seats together before several thousand other students poured in.
On one day in particular, however, we had company.
That day, I followed Ryeowook to a table occupied by two boys who were playfully fighting over a fish plush toy. The one on the left had a gummy smile and straight brown hair, while the one to the right had shorter, messier dark hair and a cuter smile. They both looked up when they saw us approaching.
"Kyuhyun, this is Eunhyuk and this is Donghae.” Left and right, respectively. “Donghae, Eunhyuk, this is Kyuhyun."
"Hi, Kyuhyun," both of them said in unison, instantly forgetting about the toy.
I waved and took a seat at the table, and Ryeowook laughed. "They're dating, so don't be surprised when they get all mushy!" he said.
"Hey! We don't get mushy." Eunhyuk frowned.
"What are you talking about? Yes we do!" Donghae smiled and snuggled up to Eunhyuk.
I glanced at Ryeowook, and he looked back at me apologetically. It wasn’t like I minded, really. Donghae and Eunhyuk were just two big kids in love, and love did have a knack for bringing out the childish bits of everyone.
Besides, focusing on them was helping me forget what I had immediately seen in their place. Me, resting my head against Zhou Mi’s shoulder. And that was absolutely not okay, because the reality of the situation was that he’d given me no reason to think he saw me as anything other than the poor lost soul he’d bumped into a month ago, and it would do me no good to get my hopes up.
I sighed, waving those thoughts away, and turned back to Eunhyuk and Donghae.
“So, where are you guys from?”
I waited outside with the producers as Zhou Mi entered the booth, approaching the microphone. He glanced at me once through the glass, smiling, before nodding to the man at the soundboard and securing the headphones around his ears. And it was the moment of truth, as the music began to play, the seconds ticking by before Zhou Mi’s entrance. He took a breath.
And from his mouth came the most beautiful singing voice I had heard in ages. He was so sensitive to the music, gliding effortlessly over the instrumental track, but with a musicality that spoke of professionalism. Any trace of a Chinese accent vanished as perfectly-sung, accurate Korean filled the room. This was his element. I was blown away.
I was so absorbed in the sounds that it took me a while to realize it was a song I knew. A remake of an old classic, one that my mom used to play on old vinyl records while she moved about the house. I closed my eyes and let the memories take over, my heart beating along with the rhythm of the track and of Zhou Mi’s voice, and I, too, began to sing.
I sang along with the rest of the song, and at the end, I opened my eyes to find myself at the center of attention. The producer’s hand was on the intercom button, and so I knew Zhou Mi had heard everything. That, and his wide eyes confirmed it.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I got a little carried away. I didn’t mean to hold up the process.”
Zhou Mi shook his head, taking off the earphones and moving to the door of the booth, opening it quickly. “No, Kui Xian! That was… that was amazing!”
I shrugged. “I mean, I sang in choir in high school, but I’m not anything special, I promise you.”
To my left, the producer chuckled. “He’s not lying, kid. That was pretty spectacular.” And then he turned to Zhou Mi. “Haven’t you been bugging me about singing a duet?”
Zhou Mi looked at me, and then at the producer, and then back at me, and I could tell he was thinking quickly, processing everything at the speed of light. And then, the most brilliant grin spread across his face.
“Kui Xian, do you know the harmony?”
And that was how my voice ended up in the last track of Zhou Mi’s debut album.
“The two of you are being especially sappy today.”
Eunhyuk and Donghae glanced up at me from where they had been nuzzling noses. “It’s our one year anniversary!” Donghae proclaimed with a smile.
From the seat next to me, Ryeowook clapped excitedly. “Congratulations, you two! Wow, it’s been a year already?”
Eunhyuk nodded. “One fabulous year,” he said, and pressed a kiss to Donghae’s cheek.
I don’t know what possessed me to ask, but I couldn’t stop the words from falling out of my mouth. “How did you get together?”
“Well,” Eunhyuk began, detaching himself from Donghae, “we were chemistry lab partners at the beginning of last year, and Donghae may or may not have neglected to rise off a pipette all the way….”
Donghae rolled his eyes. “So I got a little soap in the potassium permanganate. Small explosion. No big deal.”
Eunhyuk jabbed him in the side with an elbow. “But what was a big deal was you freaking out and shattering two or three beakers and a graduated cylinder!”
“Hey, now! Don’t complain! We bonded over the cleanup process!”
Eunhyuk turned back to me. “Needless to say, we nearly failed the class, thanks to him.”
“I’d like to think things turned out pretty well!”
“Of course they did, sweetie,” Eunhyuk said with a smirk, and kissed Donghae again.
Donghae sighed dreamily. “They say you’re not supposed to date on the rebound, but in my case, I think I made a pretty good decision.”
I squinted. “On the rebound?” I wasn’t familiar with that phrase in Korean.
“Yeah, you know, when you start dating someone immediately after breaking up with someone else.” Donghae shrugged. “So maybe I was a little heartbroken because my ex moved back to China to become a pop star and I was looking to get over it quick. I haven’t regretted it.”
Eunhyuk hummed. “Your ex. That tall, gangly thing. What was his name again?”
“It doesn’t matter, baby.”
“Well now you’ve got me kind of curious! I want to go look him up, see if he’s dropped an album yet or not. I want to see how I measure up against my predecessor!”
Donghae chuckled, sighing again. “Because you’re so insistent, fine. His name was Zhou Mi.”
I nearly choked on my rice.
Ryeowook patted me on the back. “You alright, Kyuhyun?”
I nodded. “Tried to swallow too much,” I lied, but it was convincing enough to everyone else.
Inside, I seethed.
Zhou Mi had lied to Donghae, had told him that he was going back to China to record, and then had clearly never contacted him again. Of course, I didn’t know for sure that it was a lie, but at the moment, it didn’t seem like it could be much else. And if he had lied to Donghae about that, what had he lied to me about? What else was there about him that I didn’t know?
My feelings for him had been growing, deepening, as of late, so I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I didn’t know if I could be so trusting, didn’t know if I wanted to be.
I had to see him.
I had agreed to meet Zhou Mi with the intent of calling him out on his deceptions. But as I waited for him at the park that had become more or less ours over the weeks, I began thinking…. What reason did Zhou Mi have to share information about his love life with me? He had no idea that I even knew Donghae existed, let alone ate meals with him on a regular basis. So maybe Zhou Mi wasn’t the liar I thought he was, and I had simply overreacted. For all I knew, he had very legitimate reasons for telling Donghae he was going back to China. Maybe it was the only good reason he could come up with for dropping out of school.
These thoughts eased my mind, and when I saw Zhou Mi approaching, the regular megawatt smile gleaming, my fears disappeared completely. How could someone like this possibly be anything other than sincere?
The sky's bright colors were fading as I walked through the park with Zhou Mi at my side. The lamp lights turned on as the sky grew dark and the sun disappeared beneath the horizon. He stepped ahead of me and took a seat on our bench, patting the empty space next to him, which I gladly took.
We sat in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the scenery around us, before Zhou Mi cleared his throat, breaking the silence. "Kui Xian, do remember when we first met?" he asked.
"I remember it as clear as crystal. That day was unforgettable.” For a lot of reasons. I smiled and turned to face him.
He blushed. "What if I told you that I bumped into you on purpose? You wouldn't freak out and run away from me, would you?"
I couldn't help but to let out a small laugh. "I would never run away from you,” I said, because who could? “But why me?"
He fidgeted. "Well you were cute…. I mean you still are. You looked like a nice guy. Helpless, but nice. And for some reason, I just wanted to get to know you." His cheeks began to turn a darker shade of red.
"You're blushing.” I smiled as I called him out on it and brushed my fingers against his burning cheek. "You really did that just to meet me?"
He nodded and looked up at me. "Well now I have gotten to know you, and… you're a great guy, and we harmonize perfectly, and you make me smile and laugh and in so many ways, you’re perfect.” He hesitated, taking my hands in his. “Do you... want to be my boyfriend?"
I froze in my position and looked at him with big eyes. It wasn’t a question at all, now that I stopped to think about it. My heart had been trying to tell me from the beginning what it wanted, just as my mind had been trying to show me, and everything led back to him-Zhou Mi. He looked so vulnerable then as he waited for my answer, and I couldn’t possibly say no to that face, didn’t want to, even for a second.
A smile slowly crept onto my lips and I nodded. “Yes,” I said softly. “Yes, definitely yes.” And I wrapped my arms around him, leaning into his shoulder as I felt him do the same and sighing, feeling oddly relieved.
I was about to open my mouth to say something else when a rustle in the bushes startled the both of us. I immediately let go of him and grabbed onto his hand. "What was that?" I asked.
He shook his head. "I'm not sure. It might be a bird or something.” Then I followed his gaze as he glanced around, seeing how empty the park was that evening. “I'm getting a bit freaked out,” he said. “C’mon, let's leave. I’ll walk you back to campus."
He pulled me along quickly, only slowing down once we were several blocks away, but even then, he didn’t let go of my hand. It made me giddy just thinking about it, to know that he wanted this with me, in the same way that I had been wanting it for so long now subconsciously. A boyfriend. I had a boyfriend! And any negative thought I’d had earlier in the day was banished for good as I squeezed his hand tighter.
We stopped at the base of the steps leading up to the dormitory, and I looked wistfully up at my bedroom window.
“I guess this is it,” I began. “I’ll see you la-”
But my train of thought was severed as his lips connected with my cheek. The faintest of kisses, and it had me melting in side. I turned to him, but by then he was long gone, running back in the direction from which we had come, turning every few seconds to smile and wave.
I was floating, and I carried that feeling with me for the rest of the night.
I wasn’t expecting to have the same cheek slapped, hard, anytime soon, but sure enough, this was the greeting I received from a livid Donghae the next day at lunch. I stood there, stunned, for a few seconds before I found my voice.
“First, ow,” I said, rubbing the sore spot. “Second, why?”
“You’re seeing Zhou Mi,” he growled. “How could you do that to me? You agreed to be his boyfriend when you knew he used to be mine and you knew how much he meant to me-”
“Time out!” I said, throwing up my hands. “Weren’t we just celebrating your one year anniversary with Eunhyuk? Weren’t we just talking about how happy the two of you are together?” Then my eyes widened. “And how do you even know about us?”
Eunhyuk stepped forward. “I’m sorry, Kyuhyun,” he said. “I didn’t mean to spy on you, but… that park is on the route to my parents’ house. I was heading back from having dinner with them, and… well…” He sighed. “I couldn’t not tell Donghae, not when I knew Zhou Mi had told him he’d left the country. What would have happened if they’d run into each other, huh?”
Donghae was shaking his head. “That jerk! That monster! He lied to me! He broke my heart! I loved him, loved him, and he knew and lied to me anyway!” Then he turned to me, grabbing me by the shirt collar. “You can’t go out with him,” he said. “You can’t let him do the same thing to you! You can’t give him the satisfaction!”
I looked to Ryeowook for help, for something, but he just frowned, shrugging. “I’m sorry,” he mouthed. “I’m really sorry.”
And I had never been more conflicted than in that moment.
Zhou Mi tried to call me several times over the next week, but I couldn’t bring myself to answer the phone. What would I say to him? What would I do about our fledgling relationship? Could we continue like this, upsetting others for the sake of our own happiness? Maybe I had known Zhou Mi longer than Donghae, but Donghae was one of the only good friends I had made at school, and I couldn’t throw him away that easily. It was an unsolvable problem, and I was at a loss.
One day, I decided to take a walk to clear my head. I wandered, slowly, through the neighborhoods around campus for what seemed like hours, and when I finally emerged from where I had been deep in thought, I was surprised to find that my feet had led me to that park of their own accord.
And there, in the distance, sitting on our bench, cell phone in hand, was Zhou Mi.
He saw me immediately, and I knew then I was trapped. I couldn’t just leave, not when all of this was unsettled, but I had to make up my mind quickly, had to decide how to end this or save it. So I sighed, making my way over to him and claiming my usual seat.
A moment of silence passed between us, and then he said, “I talked to Donghae. Cleared things up between us.”
I nodded. “That’s good,” I said.
“I should have told you. I knew there was a chance you could run into him, but I was so afraid that you would hate me.” He looked down. “That was the last thing I wanted.”
“What really happened?” I asked.
“A year ago I got my big break,” he said. “Things were shaky between Donghae and I, anyway. I knew he had stronger feelings for me than I did for him, and I knew that, considering where our relationship was, I wouldn’t have time to try to make it work if I was focusing on my career. I tried to let Donghae down gently, because he was a good guy, Kui Xian, and I didn’t want to hurt him, but he just wouldn’t take a hint. He couldn’t see that I didn’t want us like he did, and he was so sure that we could pull through.” He gulped. “So I lied. I told him I had to go back to China. It was the only way I could get him to let go.” Then he reached over and took my hand. “I’m so sorry for keeping this from you, Kui Xian. I don’t want this to get in the way of our relationship. I want us to start with a clean slate.”
I looked down at his hand in mind, swallowed hard, and slowly pulled my hand away. I knew what I had to do, and I couldn’t…. I just couldn’t….
“We can’t see each other anymore, Zhou Mi.”
I waited for endless second before looking up at him. He was shocked, bewildered, to say the least.
“Is it because of Donghae?” he asked softly.
I shook my head. “No,” I said. “No, Zhou Mi, that’s not it at all.” And that was the truth. “I wasn’t sure what to make of it all at first, but I believe you. You had good reasons, good intentions.”
“Then…. why?”
I sighed, looking down again. “Honestly,” I began, “after going through this, after seeing Donghae and Eunhyuk together, happy together, finally, after a year’s worth of hard work…. I just don’t think I can do this, us, yet.” I shrank down in my seat. “I just don’t think I’m ready.”
We sat like that, the silence sitting heavily on top of us, for several long minutes, before I finally felt Zhou Mi shift beside me.
“I understand, Kui Xian,” he said, so softly, and he squeezed my hand one last time. “Thank you for everything.”
And I couldn’t even watch him walk away, too afraid that the tears would fall.
I received one more text message from Zhou Mi, a week later, letting me know that his album was dropping in a month, that our track was still included, and that after his album promotions were over, he was moving back to China, permanently, to continue his career from there.
I was too distraught to respond.
And that was the end.
Two years later, I was a new man.
I had signed a contract with the company that ran the studio where I had recorded that duet, and I was training to become a singer, something that had long been a secret desire of mine but that had been locked away for so long because I just didn’t think it was possible. Excited though I was to be realizing a dream, I didn’t want to turn my back on my studies, so I was taking it slow.
Donghae and Eunhyuk had both graduated, moving to Incheon to start a life, and a business, together. Ryeowook had become my best friend, and, eventually, my roommate, as we decided to get a room together on campus to save money.
My life was happy and, for the most part, complete. But every few days, I found myself taking the long way home from the studio, walking past that old café where I’d had my first meal in Korea, and past that quaint little park where I’d almost found my first love.
Today was one of those days.
The door was open to the café, and I stopped as I passed by, hearing the familiar chords of the duet floating through the air and onto the street from the radio within. The other voice, the one that was not my own, brought back so many memories, and I couldn’t move, transfixed by the sound.
And then, something else caught my attention. Chatter from within.
“Ah, Zhou Mi! One of my favorite artists! I miss him….”
“You don’t have to, Sookyung! He’s back in Korea!”
My eyes widened, and before I knew it, I was running.
Everything I had regretted since the day he left, everything I had thought I didn’t need…. If he was back, then there was one place he might be, and I had a chance, I had a chance….
And sure enough, there he was, sitting on our bench, staring back at me with the same shocked expression as I’m sure I wore on my own face, frozen in time.
“Zhou Mi….” I whispered.
I slid silently into the seat beside him, left empty as always, and just stared at him, for the longest time. He looked the same, exactly the same, and when he smiled softly at me, I felt my heart begin to beat faster, as it always had.
“Kui Xian,” he said softly.
And I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed him until then.
I couldn’t stop my thoughts from escaping through my mouth. “I was so afraid,” I said. “I had seen what heartbreak could do to a person, had felt that anger, and…. I didn’t want to experience it. I wanted to stay as far away as I possibly can.”
“You didn’t have to worry with me, Kui Xian,” he said. “I would have protected you.”
“I know that now,” I admitted. I was silent for a moment longer, and then, “When I heard you were here, all the feelings, everything I felt for you then and now just came rushing back to me, and I…. I realized how wrong I was….”
My throat closed up, and I looked at him, eyes sending a silent plea his way. We held each other’s gaze for the longest, most torturous of moments, and then he smiled, taking my hand.
“Do you believe in second chances, Kui Xian?” he asked.
With him, I absolutely did.
Group(s): Super Junior
Pairing(s): Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi
Rating: PG
Word Count: 6172
Summary: Kyuhyun is a Korean born and raised in the United States. Zhou Mi is a Chinese citizen living in Korea. A chance encounter and a whirlwind tour of Seoul set the stage for a relationship that defies odds.
Freedom. The word I’d waited to describe my life with ever since I could walk. I was finally moving out of my house in Los Angeles and into a dorm at Seoul Arts College. As happy as I was, I knew I would miss my friends... and parents too, I guessed. My grandparents, aunts, and uncles lived in Seoul, so I wouldn’t be too lost or lonely.
Oh, who was I kidding! I could barely speak Korean because I’d lived in America for my entire life, and everyone was going to think I was some sort of Korean wannabe!
Still, I never thought the moment would come where I would say my final goodbyes to my mom and dad. We were all standing in the middle of my dorm room. It was tiny, just enough space for one person to live in. Inside were a single twin bed, a simple desk and chair, a mini fridge (Perfect for stacking up on food!), a small closet, and a small dresser. Connected was a tiny bathroom with a full-sized shower, sink, and toilet... and a mini cabinet and trash can. It was the perfect room for me, and I would even be able to redecorate the place, considering I’d be staying there for four years, minimum.
I turned to my mom who was holding a tissue to her eyes. “Mom, I’ll be home for Christmas, so stop crying. Take care of the pets at home and don’t shop too much.” I smiled and gave her a hug.
“Kyuhyun! My baby! I can’t believe you’re in college! I’m getting so old!” she cried, and she wrapped her arms around my neck, in a constricting, choking sort of way.
“Mom, I can’t breathe,” I struggled to say.
“Oh, sorry,” she laughed, backing up. “You better do all of your homework, okay?”
“Okay, Mom, okay.” I turned to my dad. “Take care of mom, and make sure she doesn’t shop too much!” I smiled and gave him a hug, as well.
He hugged me back, thankfully without choking me or my head would have fallen off. Yes, he’s super strong. “Be good. Do your homework, and don’t get in trouble.” He smiled.
While I watched my parents walk off campus through my window, I finally realized that it was Friday and school didn’t start until Wednesday. Great, what was I supposed to do after I unpacked? And the time…. I looked at my phone and gasped. Only 8:00 AM?!
After an hour of unpacking and getting used to my new room, I got dressed, grabbed my phone and wallet, and walked off campus. I was on my own. I was finally in the real world with no support from my parents. I looked around and saw buildings, trees, people, and cars. But I didn’t know my way around Seoul. Where was I supposed to go?
Remembering that I had a map of Seoul on my phone, I pulled it out and decided to go to the grocery store to pick up some food for my mini fridge. While walking, I was so occupied with my phone that I bumped into someone.
“Aii! Sorry,” I apologized in English, before I remembered I was in Korea and not LA. “I mean... mianhae! Mianhamnida!” I bowed and stuttered over my words.
“I’m guessing you aren’t from Korea,” the man said with a laugh.
“You speak...” I looked up at the man and he was... jaw-drop gorgeous! He was a few inches taller than me, with dark brown hair, a sharp facial structure, and nicely-shaped eyes, and he wore a light blue V-neck shirt with designer jeans and shoes. “English?” I gulped. “I was born here, moved to LA when I was three, and now I’m back for college... I don’t really know the language that well. Sorry, I talk too much...”
“It’s fine,” the man said, smiling. “Oh here, you dropped this.” He crouched down to pick up my phone. I hadn’t even realized that I’d dropped it.
“Thanks.” I took the phone and chuckled. Why was he making my heart beat so quickly?
“It’s alright. My name is Zhou Mi, by the way.” He grinned and held out his hand.
“Zhou Mi,” I repeated. “My name is Kyuhyun. It’s nice to meet you,” I said, taking his hand and shaking it. “Uh, you don’t look very Korean....”
“Oh. I’m from China.” He laughed. “I moved here not too long ago.” He gave me a knowing look. “Are you lost, by any chance?”
I looked down, ashamed.
“Did you want me to show you around Seoul?”
I hesitated, considering my options, but with one more look at him, my mind was made up. “That would be nice.”
It was a long and fulfilling day. I followed behind the impromptu tour guide at a brisk pace as he led me down wide streets and narrow streets, along the Han River, from train car to train car in the depths of the subway system. It was as much an experience for him as it was for me, for he had only seen the great monuments a handful of times since moving to Seoul, himself. He wanted to show me more, but by late afternoon my stomach was protesting. I was running on empty and needed to be refueled.
“I’ll buy you an early dinner,” he said as we walked, and he shook his head when I tried to argue. “I insist. Besides, it’s customary for the oldest person to treat the younger ones.”
I paused. “How do you know I’m younger?” I asked.
“You just moved here for college, did you not?” He smiled. “I’ve been there and done that, already, so I have a year or two on you, at least.”
“Oh, really? What’s your degree in?”
He frowned. “I… didn’t exactly finish,” he said. “Some opportunities arose that I couldn’t really say no to. Here, this is a good place!”
He shoved me into a small, western-style café, practically pushing me down into a booth. A waitress handed us two menus, and I gave mine a good once-over before politely asking Zhou Mi to just get me whatever he was getting. He was the one with the vocabulary relevant to ordering food, after all.
As the waitress was walking away, I took the opportunity to ask the question that was on my mind. “So, some opportunities arose? What do you do, exactly?”
He sighed, tracing the edge of the table with his finger. “I’m a singer,” he said. “No one big yet, obviously, but I do have a recording contract, and I am currently working on my first album….” He trailed off.
“What? Why the long face?”
He shook his head. “It’s just that I’ve been working on this album for a while, but it’s missing something. I keep trying to tell the producers to let me find a partner and sing a duet, so that the listeners don’t get too tired of hearing just me. Besides, it would open up that door in the future, you know? But they’re not too keen on it.”
“Why not?”
“I’m too much of a rookie. They seem to think I won’t be able to find anyone and that I’ll just end up wasting their time.”
I opened my mouth to speak, to try to cheer him up, but at that very moment, the waitress brought us our food. I looked down at the plate and laughed. Zhou Mi had ordered me a burger and fries.
“Thought you’d do me a favor by buying me one last American meal, huh?”
He smiled. “Exactly!” And then he glanced out the window next to us. “It’s so nice outside,” he said. “What do you say we take this food to go?”
So we boxed up our dinners, tipped the waitress, and strolled down the street to a small, grassy park. There, we found a comfortable bench and picnicked the day away, talking and laughing for hours after the last of the food had been devoured. We were only interrupted by the setting sun and my desperate need to get back to my dorm room and finish making myself at home.
But as I laid on my unmade bed, staring at Zhou Mi’s number, hastily scribbled into my palm, I wondered how the day could have possibly been better.
We met again two days later, and again two days after that, both times roaming the city for a while before returning to that park bench. It was there that I learned about Zhou Mi’s life in China, about the family he left behind to see the world. It was also there that I told him about my life in LA and how my parents wanted me to return to Korea for college so that I could learn about my culture, and how I agreed because I wanted to be free for once in my life. And it was on that very bench that Zhou Mi put a hand on my shoulder and called me by a Chinese name-Kui Xian-for the very first time.
It was strange how easily we became friends. I never once thought of him as a stranger, and I don’t think anyone could have. He was the perfect companion, the sweetest of people, and we were close enough in age-separated by only two years, we confirmed early on-that relating was a breeze.
And then there was his laugh, so beautiful and bright that it made me long to hear him sing.
So of course, I asked him when I could.
“Oh?” He seemed to think about it for a moment. “Maybe you could come to the studio with me one day.”
I nodded in agreement. That sounded like a great idea! And maybe I was naïve for following him so willingly, but it seemed impossible that he could be anything but genuine.
“You know,” I said, “I used to sing a bit, too.”
His face lit up. “Really? Sing something for me!”
I shook my head. “Nuh-uh. Not before I get to hear you. It’s only fair.”
He pouted, and then he looked around, as if trying to decide whether or not he wanted to belt out a few notes in front of all the people at the park, just so that I would have to do it, too. But then he sighed. “Alright. I’ll check my recording schedule.”
“It’s a date!” I almost said, but stopped myself just in time. That was going a bit too far too soon. We were still getting to know each other, after all.
Although my racing heart didn’t seem to care.
Wednesday arrived faster than I could ever have expected, and before I knew it, I was stuffing what few books I knew I needed into my backpack and running across campus to my first class. I knew I was going to be that guy, the one who was constantly paranoid about being late while trying to adjust to a college schedule, but I didn’t want to take any chances. This was an entirely different country, after all. And so I kept running.
I walked into my first class of the day, and, to my surprise, almost all the seats were taken already. Class didn't even start until eight! It was only 7:40 AM!
Searching around the room, I found an empty seat next to a nice-looking guy. He had a small, fairy-like face, light brown hair, square-framed glasses, and was dressed like a preppy high school student. To be honest, it was a comforting sight. So I approached him.
"Hi, can I take this seat?" I asked.
"Oh, of course!” He smiled and nodded. “By the way, my name is Ryeowook. I'm a freshman here."
"It’s nice to meet you. My name is Kyuhyun, and I'm a freshman too." I slid into the seat.
He raised an eyebrow at that. “Your accent…?”
“Oh! I was born here, but I was raised in LA, so my Korean is decent, but not perfect.” I leaned in a bit closer. “Do you think I’ll be okay in this class?”
Ryeowook shrugged. “We seem to understand each other just fine. I don’t see why you’d have any problems.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s good,” I said. “I mean, I speak a lot of Korean at home with my parents, but I wasn’t sure what classes would be like. But if you think I seem like I’d do alright, then that’s comforting.”
We talked a bit more before the professor showed up, and then the lecture began. But I couldn’t pay attention for long-not because it was too difficult for me to understand, by any means, but because it was boring as ever! So I took what notes I needed to and spent the rest of the class period doodling in the margins of my spiral.
Somewhere in the middle, I looked over and caught Ryeowook doing the same.
I took a chance, reaching over and drawing a face on the corner of his page, tongue-out and ridiculous. He muffled a laugh with the back of his hand before responding in the same way.
And that was how our friendship began.
“Isn’t it beautiful?”
“The view? Sure, if you like trees, and gazing at tall buildings in the distance.”
“No, Kui Xian! The locks!”
“Oh.” We were standing on one of the observation decks of Namsan Tower, where every square inch of wire railing was covered in padlocks. Buy a padlock, declare your love in Sharpie all over it, latch it to the railing, and throw the key over the edge, and your love will last forever! Or so the saying goes. I wasn’t sure if I believed it.
“Well?”
“I guess they’re… nice. In a sappy sort of way.”
Zhou Mi hit me playfully. “Oh, Kui Xian. You weren’t too popular with the ladies back in LA, I bet.”
“I didn’t care to be popular with the ladies.”
“With the men, then,” he said with a knowing smile, and I wondered how I should feel about that, about him guessing so easily.
I made a face at him and turned back to the locks. I examined the messages written on a few of them, wondering if I would ever be that in love with someone, even for a moment, to want to spend the rest of my life with him.
“By the way, Kui Xian, I’m recording again next weekend. If you’d like to come with me, you’re welcome to.”
And my mind’s response to that was to imagine scribbling our names together on a heart-shaped lock and tossing it up there with the others. That was not an easy one to recover from.
Eventually, Ryeowook and I progressed from decorating each other’s notes to eating lunch together after the morning classes ended. We would go to the dining hall browse through that day’s selection of inedible-looking things, grab what looked least poisonous, and grab two seats together before several thousand other students poured in.
On one day in particular, however, we had company.
That day, I followed Ryeowook to a table occupied by two boys who were playfully fighting over a fish plush toy. The one on the left had a gummy smile and straight brown hair, while the one to the right had shorter, messier dark hair and a cuter smile. They both looked up when they saw us approaching.
"Kyuhyun, this is Eunhyuk and this is Donghae.” Left and right, respectively. “Donghae, Eunhyuk, this is Kyuhyun."
"Hi, Kyuhyun," both of them said in unison, instantly forgetting about the toy.
I waved and took a seat at the table, and Ryeowook laughed. "They're dating, so don't be surprised when they get all mushy!" he said.
"Hey! We don't get mushy." Eunhyuk frowned.
"What are you talking about? Yes we do!" Donghae smiled and snuggled up to Eunhyuk.
I glanced at Ryeowook, and he looked back at me apologetically. It wasn’t like I minded, really. Donghae and Eunhyuk were just two big kids in love, and love did have a knack for bringing out the childish bits of everyone.
Besides, focusing on them was helping me forget what I had immediately seen in their place. Me, resting my head against Zhou Mi’s shoulder. And that was absolutely not okay, because the reality of the situation was that he’d given me no reason to think he saw me as anything other than the poor lost soul he’d bumped into a month ago, and it would do me no good to get my hopes up.
I sighed, waving those thoughts away, and turned back to Eunhyuk and Donghae.
“So, where are you guys from?”
I waited outside with the producers as Zhou Mi entered the booth, approaching the microphone. He glanced at me once through the glass, smiling, before nodding to the man at the soundboard and securing the headphones around his ears. And it was the moment of truth, as the music began to play, the seconds ticking by before Zhou Mi’s entrance. He took a breath.
And from his mouth came the most beautiful singing voice I had heard in ages. He was so sensitive to the music, gliding effortlessly over the instrumental track, but with a musicality that spoke of professionalism. Any trace of a Chinese accent vanished as perfectly-sung, accurate Korean filled the room. This was his element. I was blown away.
I was so absorbed in the sounds that it took me a while to realize it was a song I knew. A remake of an old classic, one that my mom used to play on old vinyl records while she moved about the house. I closed my eyes and let the memories take over, my heart beating along with the rhythm of the track and of Zhou Mi’s voice, and I, too, began to sing.
I sang along with the rest of the song, and at the end, I opened my eyes to find myself at the center of attention. The producer’s hand was on the intercom button, and so I knew Zhou Mi had heard everything. That, and his wide eyes confirmed it.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I got a little carried away. I didn’t mean to hold up the process.”
Zhou Mi shook his head, taking off the earphones and moving to the door of the booth, opening it quickly. “No, Kui Xian! That was… that was amazing!”
I shrugged. “I mean, I sang in choir in high school, but I’m not anything special, I promise you.”
To my left, the producer chuckled. “He’s not lying, kid. That was pretty spectacular.” And then he turned to Zhou Mi. “Haven’t you been bugging me about singing a duet?”
Zhou Mi looked at me, and then at the producer, and then back at me, and I could tell he was thinking quickly, processing everything at the speed of light. And then, the most brilliant grin spread across his face.
“Kui Xian, do you know the harmony?”
And that was how my voice ended up in the last track of Zhou Mi’s debut album.
“The two of you are being especially sappy today.”
Eunhyuk and Donghae glanced up at me from where they had been nuzzling noses. “It’s our one year anniversary!” Donghae proclaimed with a smile.
From the seat next to me, Ryeowook clapped excitedly. “Congratulations, you two! Wow, it’s been a year already?”
Eunhyuk nodded. “One fabulous year,” he said, and pressed a kiss to Donghae’s cheek.
I don’t know what possessed me to ask, but I couldn’t stop the words from falling out of my mouth. “How did you get together?”
“Well,” Eunhyuk began, detaching himself from Donghae, “we were chemistry lab partners at the beginning of last year, and Donghae may or may not have neglected to rise off a pipette all the way….”
Donghae rolled his eyes. “So I got a little soap in the potassium permanganate. Small explosion. No big deal.”
Eunhyuk jabbed him in the side with an elbow. “But what was a big deal was you freaking out and shattering two or three beakers and a graduated cylinder!”
“Hey, now! Don’t complain! We bonded over the cleanup process!”
Eunhyuk turned back to me. “Needless to say, we nearly failed the class, thanks to him.”
“I’d like to think things turned out pretty well!”
“Of course they did, sweetie,” Eunhyuk said with a smirk, and kissed Donghae again.
Donghae sighed dreamily. “They say you’re not supposed to date on the rebound, but in my case, I think I made a pretty good decision.”
I squinted. “On the rebound?” I wasn’t familiar with that phrase in Korean.
“Yeah, you know, when you start dating someone immediately after breaking up with someone else.” Donghae shrugged. “So maybe I was a little heartbroken because my ex moved back to China to become a pop star and I was looking to get over it quick. I haven’t regretted it.”
Eunhyuk hummed. “Your ex. That tall, gangly thing. What was his name again?”
“It doesn’t matter, baby.”
“Well now you’ve got me kind of curious! I want to go look him up, see if he’s dropped an album yet or not. I want to see how I measure up against my predecessor!”
Donghae chuckled, sighing again. “Because you’re so insistent, fine. His name was Zhou Mi.”
I nearly choked on my rice.
Ryeowook patted me on the back. “You alright, Kyuhyun?”
I nodded. “Tried to swallow too much,” I lied, but it was convincing enough to everyone else.
Inside, I seethed.
Zhou Mi had lied to Donghae, had told him that he was going back to China to record, and then had clearly never contacted him again. Of course, I didn’t know for sure that it was a lie, but at the moment, it didn’t seem like it could be much else. And if he had lied to Donghae about that, what had he lied to me about? What else was there about him that I didn’t know?
My feelings for him had been growing, deepening, as of late, so I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I didn’t know if I could be so trusting, didn’t know if I wanted to be.
I had to see him.
I had agreed to meet Zhou Mi with the intent of calling him out on his deceptions. But as I waited for him at the park that had become more or less ours over the weeks, I began thinking…. What reason did Zhou Mi have to share information about his love life with me? He had no idea that I even knew Donghae existed, let alone ate meals with him on a regular basis. So maybe Zhou Mi wasn’t the liar I thought he was, and I had simply overreacted. For all I knew, he had very legitimate reasons for telling Donghae he was going back to China. Maybe it was the only good reason he could come up with for dropping out of school.
These thoughts eased my mind, and when I saw Zhou Mi approaching, the regular megawatt smile gleaming, my fears disappeared completely. How could someone like this possibly be anything other than sincere?
The sky's bright colors were fading as I walked through the park with Zhou Mi at my side. The lamp lights turned on as the sky grew dark and the sun disappeared beneath the horizon. He stepped ahead of me and took a seat on our bench, patting the empty space next to him, which I gladly took.
We sat in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the scenery around us, before Zhou Mi cleared his throat, breaking the silence. "Kui Xian, do remember when we first met?" he asked.
"I remember it as clear as crystal. That day was unforgettable.” For a lot of reasons. I smiled and turned to face him.
He blushed. "What if I told you that I bumped into you on purpose? You wouldn't freak out and run away from me, would you?"
I couldn't help but to let out a small laugh. "I would never run away from you,” I said, because who could? “But why me?"
He fidgeted. "Well you were cute…. I mean you still are. You looked like a nice guy. Helpless, but nice. And for some reason, I just wanted to get to know you." His cheeks began to turn a darker shade of red.
"You're blushing.” I smiled as I called him out on it and brushed my fingers against his burning cheek. "You really did that just to meet me?"
He nodded and looked up at me. "Well now I have gotten to know you, and… you're a great guy, and we harmonize perfectly, and you make me smile and laugh and in so many ways, you’re perfect.” He hesitated, taking my hands in his. “Do you... want to be my boyfriend?"
I froze in my position and looked at him with big eyes. It wasn’t a question at all, now that I stopped to think about it. My heart had been trying to tell me from the beginning what it wanted, just as my mind had been trying to show me, and everything led back to him-Zhou Mi. He looked so vulnerable then as he waited for my answer, and I couldn’t possibly say no to that face, didn’t want to, even for a second.
A smile slowly crept onto my lips and I nodded. “Yes,” I said softly. “Yes, definitely yes.” And I wrapped my arms around him, leaning into his shoulder as I felt him do the same and sighing, feeling oddly relieved.
I was about to open my mouth to say something else when a rustle in the bushes startled the both of us. I immediately let go of him and grabbed onto his hand. "What was that?" I asked.
He shook his head. "I'm not sure. It might be a bird or something.” Then I followed his gaze as he glanced around, seeing how empty the park was that evening. “I'm getting a bit freaked out,” he said. “C’mon, let's leave. I’ll walk you back to campus."
He pulled me along quickly, only slowing down once we were several blocks away, but even then, he didn’t let go of my hand. It made me giddy just thinking about it, to know that he wanted this with me, in the same way that I had been wanting it for so long now subconsciously. A boyfriend. I had a boyfriend! And any negative thought I’d had earlier in the day was banished for good as I squeezed his hand tighter.
We stopped at the base of the steps leading up to the dormitory, and I looked wistfully up at my bedroom window.
“I guess this is it,” I began. “I’ll see you la-”
But my train of thought was severed as his lips connected with my cheek. The faintest of kisses, and it had me melting in side. I turned to him, but by then he was long gone, running back in the direction from which we had come, turning every few seconds to smile and wave.
I was floating, and I carried that feeling with me for the rest of the night.
I wasn’t expecting to have the same cheek slapped, hard, anytime soon, but sure enough, this was the greeting I received from a livid Donghae the next day at lunch. I stood there, stunned, for a few seconds before I found my voice.
“First, ow,” I said, rubbing the sore spot. “Second, why?”
“You’re seeing Zhou Mi,” he growled. “How could you do that to me? You agreed to be his boyfriend when you knew he used to be mine and you knew how much he meant to me-”
“Time out!” I said, throwing up my hands. “Weren’t we just celebrating your one year anniversary with Eunhyuk? Weren’t we just talking about how happy the two of you are together?” Then my eyes widened. “And how do you even know about us?”
Eunhyuk stepped forward. “I’m sorry, Kyuhyun,” he said. “I didn’t mean to spy on you, but… that park is on the route to my parents’ house. I was heading back from having dinner with them, and… well…” He sighed. “I couldn’t not tell Donghae, not when I knew Zhou Mi had told him he’d left the country. What would have happened if they’d run into each other, huh?”
Donghae was shaking his head. “That jerk! That monster! He lied to me! He broke my heart! I loved him, loved him, and he knew and lied to me anyway!” Then he turned to me, grabbing me by the shirt collar. “You can’t go out with him,” he said. “You can’t let him do the same thing to you! You can’t give him the satisfaction!”
I looked to Ryeowook for help, for something, but he just frowned, shrugging. “I’m sorry,” he mouthed. “I’m really sorry.”
And I had never been more conflicted than in that moment.
Zhou Mi tried to call me several times over the next week, but I couldn’t bring myself to answer the phone. What would I say to him? What would I do about our fledgling relationship? Could we continue like this, upsetting others for the sake of our own happiness? Maybe I had known Zhou Mi longer than Donghae, but Donghae was one of the only good friends I had made at school, and I couldn’t throw him away that easily. It was an unsolvable problem, and I was at a loss.
One day, I decided to take a walk to clear my head. I wandered, slowly, through the neighborhoods around campus for what seemed like hours, and when I finally emerged from where I had been deep in thought, I was surprised to find that my feet had led me to that park of their own accord.
And there, in the distance, sitting on our bench, cell phone in hand, was Zhou Mi.
He saw me immediately, and I knew then I was trapped. I couldn’t just leave, not when all of this was unsettled, but I had to make up my mind quickly, had to decide how to end this or save it. So I sighed, making my way over to him and claiming my usual seat.
A moment of silence passed between us, and then he said, “I talked to Donghae. Cleared things up between us.”
I nodded. “That’s good,” I said.
“I should have told you. I knew there was a chance you could run into him, but I was so afraid that you would hate me.” He looked down. “That was the last thing I wanted.”
“What really happened?” I asked.
“A year ago I got my big break,” he said. “Things were shaky between Donghae and I, anyway. I knew he had stronger feelings for me than I did for him, and I knew that, considering where our relationship was, I wouldn’t have time to try to make it work if I was focusing on my career. I tried to let Donghae down gently, because he was a good guy, Kui Xian, and I didn’t want to hurt him, but he just wouldn’t take a hint. He couldn’t see that I didn’t want us like he did, and he was so sure that we could pull through.” He gulped. “So I lied. I told him I had to go back to China. It was the only way I could get him to let go.” Then he reached over and took my hand. “I’m so sorry for keeping this from you, Kui Xian. I don’t want this to get in the way of our relationship. I want us to start with a clean slate.”
I looked down at his hand in mind, swallowed hard, and slowly pulled my hand away. I knew what I had to do, and I couldn’t…. I just couldn’t….
“We can’t see each other anymore, Zhou Mi.”
I waited for endless second before looking up at him. He was shocked, bewildered, to say the least.
“Is it because of Donghae?” he asked softly.
I shook my head. “No,” I said. “No, Zhou Mi, that’s not it at all.” And that was the truth. “I wasn’t sure what to make of it all at first, but I believe you. You had good reasons, good intentions.”
“Then…. why?”
I sighed, looking down again. “Honestly,” I began, “after going through this, after seeing Donghae and Eunhyuk together, happy together, finally, after a year’s worth of hard work…. I just don’t think I can do this, us, yet.” I shrank down in my seat. “I just don’t think I’m ready.”
We sat like that, the silence sitting heavily on top of us, for several long minutes, before I finally felt Zhou Mi shift beside me.
“I understand, Kui Xian,” he said, so softly, and he squeezed my hand one last time. “Thank you for everything.”
And I couldn’t even watch him walk away, too afraid that the tears would fall.
I received one more text message from Zhou Mi, a week later, letting me know that his album was dropping in a month, that our track was still included, and that after his album promotions were over, he was moving back to China, permanently, to continue his career from there.
I was too distraught to respond.
And that was the end.
Two years later, I was a new man.
I had signed a contract with the company that ran the studio where I had recorded that duet, and I was training to become a singer, something that had long been a secret desire of mine but that had been locked away for so long because I just didn’t think it was possible. Excited though I was to be realizing a dream, I didn’t want to turn my back on my studies, so I was taking it slow.
Donghae and Eunhyuk had both graduated, moving to Incheon to start a life, and a business, together. Ryeowook had become my best friend, and, eventually, my roommate, as we decided to get a room together on campus to save money.
My life was happy and, for the most part, complete. But every few days, I found myself taking the long way home from the studio, walking past that old café where I’d had my first meal in Korea, and past that quaint little park where I’d almost found my first love.
Today was one of those days.
The door was open to the café, and I stopped as I passed by, hearing the familiar chords of the duet floating through the air and onto the street from the radio within. The other voice, the one that was not my own, brought back so many memories, and I couldn’t move, transfixed by the sound.
And then, something else caught my attention. Chatter from within.
“Ah, Zhou Mi! One of my favorite artists! I miss him….”
“You don’t have to, Sookyung! He’s back in Korea!”
My eyes widened, and before I knew it, I was running.
Everything I had regretted since the day he left, everything I had thought I didn’t need…. If he was back, then there was one place he might be, and I had a chance, I had a chance….
And sure enough, there he was, sitting on our bench, staring back at me with the same shocked expression as I’m sure I wore on my own face, frozen in time.
“Zhou Mi….” I whispered.
I slid silently into the seat beside him, left empty as always, and just stared at him, for the longest time. He looked the same, exactly the same, and when he smiled softly at me, I felt my heart begin to beat faster, as it always had.
“Kui Xian,” he said softly.
And I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed him until then.
I couldn’t stop my thoughts from escaping through my mouth. “I was so afraid,” I said. “I had seen what heartbreak could do to a person, had felt that anger, and…. I didn’t want to experience it. I wanted to stay as far away as I possibly can.”
“You didn’t have to worry with me, Kui Xian,” he said. “I would have protected you.”
“I know that now,” I admitted. I was silent for a moment longer, and then, “When I heard you were here, all the feelings, everything I felt for you then and now just came rushing back to me, and I…. I realized how wrong I was….”
My throat closed up, and I looked at him, eyes sending a silent plea his way. We held each other’s gaze for the longest, most torturous of moments, and then he smiled, taking my hand.
“Do you believe in second chances, Kui Xian?” he asked.
With him, I absolutely did.