disgust, depressed, divorce
Lazy!
Oh man so lazy.
So I had a can of chicken noodle soup, a bowl of rice crisps, and a pixie stick for dinner. House full of food, couldn't be bothered to cook anything.
I need to get in a pattern where I have a meal planned for every night. Husband ate Domino's on the bus for dinner, then stayed up till 2:30am eating Kraft dinner. When I'm surrounded by shit that gross on a daily basis, it depresses me. He's becoming almost comically fat. Doughy. There is no exercise in his life, he drove or bussed all summer, didn't take his bike once. He's been to 2 iaido classes in the last 3 months. Oh, and he joined me for yoga this week. His parents are worried about his weight, I'm terrified. And it's not helping our (nonexistent) sex life because I can't look at him without thinking about how much he's abusing his body. His mother is dying of lung cancer and he started smoking even more than ever before, cigarettes and pot now, so he snores and coughs and just sounds awful all the time. I don't want to be around it, but I feel like if I leave him it'll just get worse and that scares me.
Last night around 3am I tried to make a list of things I love about him, and it was hard. Everything I used to love is nonexistent in his behaviour. Maybe I'm just in a weird slump. I don't know.
Anyway, food.