hallowe'en, hallowed things, and holy crap my foot's asleep...
But i can't move because there's an adorable dog cuddling with a dragon on it.
Went to visit the mother in law this morning. Every time I see her she's half the size of the last visit, and I go every week/2 weeks. It's hard. She's ready for death. I haven't been around a terminal patient this much before. It's beautiful and sad and actually sort of wonderful too. Her perspective is completely different. She knows she's at the end and she's taking it with a crazy amount of grace. She's also high as fuck all of the time, so that's probably helping. I got a chance for a private conversation, which was awesome. Told her some things I've been wanting to for quite some time. It felt good. But I also cried a lot, which didn't feel good. I want to help the father in law more, but he's pretty stubborn and independent.
Had birthday cake for breakfast (banana bread covered in chocolate), then made a rhubarb/strawberry/coconut oatmeal bake for second breakfast because it's my day off and fuck you I'll breakfast as much as I want.
Tonight is date night with the husband. We've been doing a lot better lately. Counselling is really helping and I'm getting more control over my mood swings. Might be deciding to change up things on the job front (considering it, anyway) which will actually make a big difference. There's a culture of anger/blame/guilt there that I've been ignoring/repressing for far too long because I love the hours, the money, the customers, and the work. It's just when my bosses get angry for no reason, passive aggressive, and use guilt trips to try to get me to do things I don't want to do (cover people's shifts when I have plans, work doubles, work alone when it's insanely busy).
Anyway, things to consider.
Also- last week was birthday. BIRTHWEEK went amazing. Lots of great time spent with great people. Tons of completely unexpected gifts that were really personal and perfect. House party with 44 attendees, 4 costume changes and a bonfire with 2 chairs burned (one which me and a girlfriend had crafted into a satanic altar last month), and 5 sleepover guests. Epic success. Who says you have to stop having fun in your mid-30's? Not me.