(no subject)
4:30 am.
SSgt Ochoa picked him up...
He called me at 3:45 to say goodbye.
By 4:30 pm he had Drill Insructors screaming at him.
Putting some major fear into him...
He also called me at 1:30.
From the airport before he left for MCRD San Diego.
While I was in my Economics class, so I ran out to catch it.
We only got to talk a few moments...
But I cought up with my teacher and told him why I bolted...
He's a former Marine so he said anything to do with the Corps is ok by him.
I don't know what to do with myself.
I want to cry, but I feel like I'm on the verge of bursting into tears all the time...
Without letting it all out.
Last night his mom and I kept up him way too late crying.
I'm going to miss him so much it hurts.
I mean I feel like there is a pressure on my chest.
I know he's safe for now.
The DIs are going to make his life hell.
For 13 weeks...
And they WILL break him.
Everyone breaks.
That's their job.
I just hope he's still my sweet, loving man when he comes home.
Not some stupid Jar Head that can't leave the boots at the door.
It's going to be a few weeks before I hear from him.
Those will be the worst.
I feel so alone.
And lost.
After boot he goes to Advanced Combat Training.
Everyone that's not infantry does...
And then he goes to his MOS training.
All together almost a year of training.
And regardless of his rank they will treat him like a piece of shit.
He went in PFC instead of Private because of his education so far.
And if he makes Guide (which I hope he does) he'll be closer to Lance Corporal.
After all that training, including Jump School, he will go overseas.
He's promised a tour of duty in Iraq and/or Afghanistan.
It makes me want to be sick.
But I can't worry too much now...
I have to come to grips with being lonely.
Once I deal with that I need to just keep going with my life.
We'll see each other when we can.
And I can't worry too much about the future.
Or else I will go absolutely crazy.
I love him.
I'm proud for him.
I'm happy that he will be a part of something bigger than himself.
And that he will have something to be proud of forever.
But I wish he hadn't gone.
I miss him.
And he will not be the same man when he gets out of just boot camp.
If he goes to war... even though he won't really be in any hot zones...
That changes people.
So there is a very real possibilty it won't work out.
I hate it.
I've given up a lot to make things work, and so has he.
And now he's made a choice that affects everyone that knows him...
Not just me... or his mom.
And we all have to work to keep each other sane.
It's going to be tough.
His poor mom...
This will be her first Mother's Day totally alone.
Her mom is dead.
Her son is gone.
I will be there, but I'm not hers.
It's not the same.
I can't handle even thinking of it anymore.
I'm going to go cry myself to sleep.
Hopefully in a week or two I hear from him...
Then I won't be such a mess.
A letter, a scribbled note... Anything.
Anything will help.