divorce feels like a headstone, and this marriage is a grave
by dementis
she needs you more than loves you
and you both know it.
her hair is strawberry perfect
and her skin is soapy clean,
and the perfume she uses is bitter on your tongue
but you don't mind the taste if it means
being together a little longer.
no bridges,
no threats,
no monster masks
or men with too many arms.
the day you were going to ask her to marry you,
you never showed.
did you know she still sat and waited,
gulping cheap restaurant wine
while the band played her favorite song,
and she never even cried?
oh, she cussed you out for it,
called you a flake and a disappointment,
but she didn't cry.
the day you finally did,
she wondered if it would last.
it didn't.
because she needs you more than loves you,
and now when you crawl into your empty bed
with her photo on the nightstand,
it feels like crawling into a grave,
lying back and opening your mouth
as they shovel soil into your throat.
you know full well that it's easier to hate her
and to be so full with rage that you choke on it,
and that it takes the strength of a hundred men
to show kindness.
but you do,
you do,
you do
because you love her more than your facades,
you love her more than your midnight escapades,
and so you wear your wedding band still
even though in your heart,
you know she needed you
a hell of a lot more than she loved you.
and in the early morning,
you pretend you aren't waiting for her ringtone
and pretend you aren't cooking her favorite breakfast,
and pretend that out of everything you're missing,
you miss her the most.
because, really,
she needs you more than loves you,
and you have always deserved
better.