Bent Part 12
Title: Bent
Author: Concupid
Pairing: Howard/Vince
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: angst and anger
Summary: Vince makes some connections, Howard makes some chicken.
Vince sat on a rock and watched Howard go about the business of preparing a meal. Howard didn’t cook with much variety, but he knew the staples and was quite good at cooking meat so it wasn’t overly dry, but also didn’t send them to the hospital.
Vince felt a primal urge to be in charge of grilling, but he knew it was just magic-induced madness. Vince had no idea how to cook a steak. He barely knew how to eat a steak. When he was younger, Howard put a steak on a roll and told Vince is was a cheese steak and that Bob Fossil swore they were delicious. Vince knew he was being lied to, but once he made Howard add a bit of cheddar (it was supposed to be a cheesesteak, after all) it wasn’t half bad. Howard could be sweet in his bossy and overbearing way. After his father left, Vince’s mother had been distraught and depressed. When he was teased at school for being dirty or having smelly clothes, it never occurred to him that he should start changing his clothes on his own. Instead, he wondered why other mothers made their kids take showers and do homework, when his did not. He tried to cheer her up and make her happy, but only with limited success. Sometimes she just cried and there was nothing he could do to help.
As much as he loathed even thinking an unkind word about his mother, a woman who loved and accepted him without condition, he was grateful when he essentially became Howard’s ward. Howard was only supposed to be his supervisor at the zoo, but he quickly stuck his overly long nose into every aspect of Vince’s life. While he bridled at times, there was a sense of security in having someone make him eat vegetables and get his GCSEs. It was good to have someone in the driver’s seat again, because Vince had been bouncing around and feeling lost for too long. When Howard put a whole steak on a roll and called it cheesesteak, what he was really saying was, “Vince Noir, I will make you into a properly civilized human being.”
Vince wanted someone to look after him.
Vince could see every bit of discomfort in Howard’s body as he moved about, putting together a proper campfire meal. Vince had gone at Howard pretty hard, worried he wouldn’t be able to get off otherwise. When a man was… twenty-two, it wasn’t so easy to fuck someone three times without any real recovery time.
He thought of Howard, all red-faced and sweaty and begging for some kind of release. Vince had dragged it out as long as he could, taking perverse pleasure in having complete control over Howard. When they went back to normal, it wouldn’t be the same. As much as Howard clearly loved being bummed silly, he hated not being in control. He’d never be as passive in his right mind. Howard would put himself in Vince’s hands for moments at a time, but then he’d panic and be twice as prickly as usual.
Vince could break Howard down into someone he could hold in the palm of his hand, but then he’d lose his prickly caretaker. It had always been the ultimate conundrum, but now that he’d experienced sex with Howard, it wasn’t hypothetical anymore. He could have amazing, life-affirming sex with Howard or he could rely on Howard to watch over him. Howard’s ego was a brittle thing and it either needed to be broken down all together or held together with sellotape. Vince couldn’t be the one to tear him down and the one to prop him up. A choice had to be made.
Howard winced as he knelt in front of the fire and Vince smiled. Howard looked up, a trace of his usual paranoia on his face, but then he blushed and smiled and looked away. Vince had wanted to spend their time on the island fucking like bunnies: snuggly, playful, horny bunnies. He’d wanted so much to be close to Howard then; to feel safe and connected and free from the burdens of reality. Being alone was Vince’s worst nightmare. Sometimes he got lonely while taking a shower.
There was nothing Howard could have done to hurt Vince more than to reject him when there was no one else to turn to.
He watched Howard carefully arranging the chicken breasts so they were evenly spaced before delicately removing his plastic gloves. Prissy, demanding Howard who was even more annoying as a woman.
“This is what we should have been doing on the island. I should have been bumming you silly until it was time for you to make me dinner.”
He watched carefully to see how the comment would land.
Howard cringed at Vince’s mild vulgarity, but then he kept his head lowered so Vince could not read his face.
“I could have made you forget all those women…”
Howard looked up with the expected wounded expression. It didn’t matter that Howard had just lost his virginity to Vince, they still couldn’t discuss the fact Howard didn’t know a thing about love or sex. Some topics would always be verboten.
“…whose faces you were never going to see again…”
“You win! All right?” Howard yelled. “Just stop it, you win. I give up.” Howard scrubbed at his face and raked his fingers through his hair. He looked tired and scared. “You always win, what can you possibly need to prove? I’m a useless idiot. You win.”
Vince watched Howard pull into himself, trying to make his gangly body compact. He wanted to grab Howard by the hair and kiss him. He wanted to flex his muscles and exert his dominance and show Howard who was really in charge.
But something in his gut warned him that it might just be the magic making him all crazy. Besides, he wouldn’t be able to follow up on it. Their last session had nearly done Vince in. He needed to sleep and rehydrate before he gave Howard another good rogering.
Instead, he went to Howard and put his arm around his broad shoulders. Howard melted into him and began sobbing. Vince was used to Howard crying, but the big man usually sang while he cried or did an interpretive dance. Howard didn’t just quietly sob into Vince’s shirt.
“Feelings are rubbish,” Vince commiserated. “You’ll feel better when you’re back to yourself.”
Howard laughed but it turned into a hiccup.
Howard sputtered, “Vince, I know…. I… say st-stupid things…” before he began crying again. Vince stroked Howard’s hair, but could not think of something to say to ease Howard’s pain. Unkind words kept springing into his brain, but he couldn’t remember how to build Howard up when he was down. Apparently that was not something he associated with being a man.
When Howard wanted to cheer Vince up, it was usually with candy or a present.
Vince tried to focus on loving Howard, but every failure and every slight kept popping into his head and feeding his rage. It was absurd that Howard would even think Vince could ever truly “win”. Howard always held all the cards.
“When you started at the zoo, you listened to everything I said,” Howard said softly. Vince’s body tensed as he prepared to fight off whatever tactic Howard was about to throw at him. “It made me feel like a man. I wanted to be like Tommy and be someone you could admire. I know you don’t like to hear about Tommy, but he was a great man.”
“And then he was a grated man.” Vince waited for Howard to get angry and puff himself up at the slight to his hero, but instead he sagged further into Vince’s arms.
Vince felt the anger and jealousy rising in his stomach, but he couldn’t take another shot at Howard. He was already defeated. He tried to keep his tone neutral as he asked “What made Tommy so special?”
“He looked out for me,” Howard said softly. “He taught me everything I know about zoo-keeping. He made me feel like there was a place for me in this world and I let him down in every way possible.”
“Did you love him?”
“More than anything.”
Howard sat up and wiped the tears from his face before moving back to the fire to attend to their dinner.
Vince felt something break inside of him. He didn’t feel angry or sad. He just felt tired.
“I’m sorry about Tommy,” Vince said. “You know, that he got all weird and crazy.”
“I should have found him sooner. I was so upset when they said he died…” Howard shook his head. “Tommy wouldn’t have let me down like that.”
Vince knelt beside the fire, so close to Howard that their arms were touching.
“I couldn’t take it if something bad happened to you, Howard. You’re the only person I can really count on.”
“And I let you down all the time,” Howard sighed as he lethargically poked at the fire.
Vince thought of all the times Howard had hurt him over the years; all those wounds that never quite healed because Vince kept picking at them. Vince thought the scars would make him tougher and remind him that it was dangerous to let a person get too close, but it never worked. He could never keep any kind of distance from Howard.
“You’re still here, cooking me chicken…”
“I get jealous and I let it get in the way of our friendship.”
Vince smiled, “So do I. And people think we have nothing in common!”
They ate in near silence until Howard brought out the marshmallows. They tried to sing campfire songs but couldn’t remember the lyrics, so they wrote their own. They retired to their tent, after Howard triple checked that the fire was properly extinguished and the food secured, and held one another tight while taking turns telling terrible ghost stories. When Howard fell asleep first, Vince put his head on the Northerner’s broach chest and listened to his heart beat steady and strong. Howard smelled like sex and smoke, but otherwise, he was warm and familiar. They were a good match. Vince’s greatest fear was that of being abandoned and Howard was terrified of letting people down. All they had to do to be safe was to stay still and stay close.
Author: Concupid
Pairing: Howard/Vince
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: angst and anger
Summary: Vince makes some connections, Howard makes some chicken.
Vince sat on a rock and watched Howard go about the business of preparing a meal. Howard didn’t cook with much variety, but he knew the staples and was quite good at cooking meat so it wasn’t overly dry, but also didn’t send them to the hospital.
Vince felt a primal urge to be in charge of grilling, but he knew it was just magic-induced madness. Vince had no idea how to cook a steak. He barely knew how to eat a steak. When he was younger, Howard put a steak on a roll and told Vince is was a cheese steak and that Bob Fossil swore they were delicious. Vince knew he was being lied to, but once he made Howard add a bit of cheddar (it was supposed to be a cheesesteak, after all) it wasn’t half bad. Howard could be sweet in his bossy and overbearing way. After his father left, Vince’s mother had been distraught and depressed. When he was teased at school for being dirty or having smelly clothes, it never occurred to him that he should start changing his clothes on his own. Instead, he wondered why other mothers made their kids take showers and do homework, when his did not. He tried to cheer her up and make her happy, but only with limited success. Sometimes she just cried and there was nothing he could do to help.
As much as he loathed even thinking an unkind word about his mother, a woman who loved and accepted him without condition, he was grateful when he essentially became Howard’s ward. Howard was only supposed to be his supervisor at the zoo, but he quickly stuck his overly long nose into every aspect of Vince’s life. While he bridled at times, there was a sense of security in having someone make him eat vegetables and get his GCSEs. It was good to have someone in the driver’s seat again, because Vince had been bouncing around and feeling lost for too long. When Howard put a whole steak on a roll and called it cheesesteak, what he was really saying was, “Vince Noir, I will make you into a properly civilized human being.”
Vince wanted someone to look after him.
Vince could see every bit of discomfort in Howard’s body as he moved about, putting together a proper campfire meal. Vince had gone at Howard pretty hard, worried he wouldn’t be able to get off otherwise. When a man was… twenty-two, it wasn’t so easy to fuck someone three times without any real recovery time.
He thought of Howard, all red-faced and sweaty and begging for some kind of release. Vince had dragged it out as long as he could, taking perverse pleasure in having complete control over Howard. When they went back to normal, it wouldn’t be the same. As much as Howard clearly loved being bummed silly, he hated not being in control. He’d never be as passive in his right mind. Howard would put himself in Vince’s hands for moments at a time, but then he’d panic and be twice as prickly as usual.
Vince could break Howard down into someone he could hold in the palm of his hand, but then he’d lose his prickly caretaker. It had always been the ultimate conundrum, but now that he’d experienced sex with Howard, it wasn’t hypothetical anymore. He could have amazing, life-affirming sex with Howard or he could rely on Howard to watch over him. Howard’s ego was a brittle thing and it either needed to be broken down all together or held together with sellotape. Vince couldn’t be the one to tear him down and the one to prop him up. A choice had to be made.
Howard winced as he knelt in front of the fire and Vince smiled. Howard looked up, a trace of his usual paranoia on his face, but then he blushed and smiled and looked away. Vince had wanted to spend their time on the island fucking like bunnies: snuggly, playful, horny bunnies. He’d wanted so much to be close to Howard then; to feel safe and connected and free from the burdens of reality. Being alone was Vince’s worst nightmare. Sometimes he got lonely while taking a shower.
There was nothing Howard could have done to hurt Vince more than to reject him when there was no one else to turn to.
He watched Howard carefully arranging the chicken breasts so they were evenly spaced before delicately removing his plastic gloves. Prissy, demanding Howard who was even more annoying as a woman.
“This is what we should have been doing on the island. I should have been bumming you silly until it was time for you to make me dinner.”
He watched carefully to see how the comment would land.
Howard cringed at Vince’s mild vulgarity, but then he kept his head lowered so Vince could not read his face.
“I could have made you forget all those women…”
Howard looked up with the expected wounded expression. It didn’t matter that Howard had just lost his virginity to Vince, they still couldn’t discuss the fact Howard didn’t know a thing about love or sex. Some topics would always be verboten.
“…whose faces you were never going to see again…”
“You win! All right?” Howard yelled. “Just stop it, you win. I give up.” Howard scrubbed at his face and raked his fingers through his hair. He looked tired and scared. “You always win, what can you possibly need to prove? I’m a useless idiot. You win.”
Vince watched Howard pull into himself, trying to make his gangly body compact. He wanted to grab Howard by the hair and kiss him. He wanted to flex his muscles and exert his dominance and show Howard who was really in charge.
But something in his gut warned him that it might just be the magic making him all crazy. Besides, he wouldn’t be able to follow up on it. Their last session had nearly done Vince in. He needed to sleep and rehydrate before he gave Howard another good rogering.
Instead, he went to Howard and put his arm around his broad shoulders. Howard melted into him and began sobbing. Vince was used to Howard crying, but the big man usually sang while he cried or did an interpretive dance. Howard didn’t just quietly sob into Vince’s shirt.
“Feelings are rubbish,” Vince commiserated. “You’ll feel better when you’re back to yourself.”
Howard laughed but it turned into a hiccup.
Howard sputtered, “Vince, I know…. I… say st-stupid things…” before he began crying again. Vince stroked Howard’s hair, but could not think of something to say to ease Howard’s pain. Unkind words kept springing into his brain, but he couldn’t remember how to build Howard up when he was down. Apparently that was not something he associated with being a man.
When Howard wanted to cheer Vince up, it was usually with candy or a present.
Vince tried to focus on loving Howard, but every failure and every slight kept popping into his head and feeding his rage. It was absurd that Howard would even think Vince could ever truly “win”. Howard always held all the cards.
“When you started at the zoo, you listened to everything I said,” Howard said softly. Vince’s body tensed as he prepared to fight off whatever tactic Howard was about to throw at him. “It made me feel like a man. I wanted to be like Tommy and be someone you could admire. I know you don’t like to hear about Tommy, but he was a great man.”
“And then he was a grated man.” Vince waited for Howard to get angry and puff himself up at the slight to his hero, but instead he sagged further into Vince’s arms.
Vince felt the anger and jealousy rising in his stomach, but he couldn’t take another shot at Howard. He was already defeated. He tried to keep his tone neutral as he asked “What made Tommy so special?”
“He looked out for me,” Howard said softly. “He taught me everything I know about zoo-keeping. He made me feel like there was a place for me in this world and I let him down in every way possible.”
“Did you love him?”
“More than anything.”
Howard sat up and wiped the tears from his face before moving back to the fire to attend to their dinner.
Vince felt something break inside of him. He didn’t feel angry or sad. He just felt tired.
“I’m sorry about Tommy,” Vince said. “You know, that he got all weird and crazy.”
“I should have found him sooner. I was so upset when they said he died…” Howard shook his head. “Tommy wouldn’t have let me down like that.”
Vince knelt beside the fire, so close to Howard that their arms were touching.
“I couldn’t take it if something bad happened to you, Howard. You’re the only person I can really count on.”
“And I let you down all the time,” Howard sighed as he lethargically poked at the fire.
Vince thought of all the times Howard had hurt him over the years; all those wounds that never quite healed because Vince kept picking at them. Vince thought the scars would make him tougher and remind him that it was dangerous to let a person get too close, but it never worked. He could never keep any kind of distance from Howard.
“You’re still here, cooking me chicken…”
“I get jealous and I let it get in the way of our friendship.”
Vince smiled, “So do I. And people think we have nothing in common!”
They ate in near silence until Howard brought out the marshmallows. They tried to sing campfire songs but couldn’t remember the lyrics, so they wrote their own. They retired to their tent, after Howard triple checked that the fire was properly extinguished and the food secured, and held one another tight while taking turns telling terrible ghost stories. When Howard fell asleep first, Vince put his head on the Northerner’s broach chest and listened to his heart beat steady and strong. Howard smelled like sex and smoke, but otherwise, he was warm and familiar. They were a good match. Vince’s greatest fear was that of being abandoned and Howard was terrified of letting people down. All they had to do to be safe was to stay still and stay close.