The Heroine (Every Unsatisfied Urge)

[concupiscence66]

Title:  The Heroine
Author: Concupid
Pairing:  Noel/Julian
Warnings:  drug use/abuse/addiction, dub-con (heavily intoxicated)
Rating: R
Summary:  Julian thinks about his bad habits
Author’s note:  The Hero and The Heroine were meant to be one chapter but it got out of control.

Comments

[bluestocking79]

My brain was exploding with thoughts as soon as I finished this chapter, and it's been haunting me with even more thoughts today! I know I've been hurling many of those thoughts at you, but just in case that wasn't enough, here are some more

Part Two, because I am writing a review novel obviously

[bluestocking79]

Noel had a panic attack at the idea of bumming. For all his flirtation, he also managed to work his fear of anal sex into casual conversations as though he regularly spent his nights trying to protect his virtue from men like Julian.

Or, you know, like somebody who thinks he might actually be into that and so is totally preoccupied with it, but is also inexperienced and kind of anxious and scared because of said inexperience, so he jokes about it constantly to ease the tension. ;) Seriously, Julian is not seeing the difference here between being eager but inexperienced and nervous versus not actually wanting that at all, ever, but dutifully offering it in an attempt to secure affection and attention. That conclusion is supported by this: The very first time Julian kissed Noel, he’d used teasing Lee Mack as an excuse, but he’d been surprised by Noel’s eager response. Instead of kissing tightly closed lips as he’d expected, Julian had ended up with Noel’s tongue in his mouth. Does Julian really think that Noel is just putting on a

[concupiscence66]

In Mackenzie Phillips' book, she talks about doing lines and not realizing until she and her friend are falling over that it was heroin rather than coke. It struck me as an intriguing idea. It's like when you think you're about to drink Coke but it's Dr. Pepper. Before your brain catches up, you are terrified because you are wondering, "What the fuck is in this Coke? Poison? A dead rat?" I just thought it would be so unnerving until he realized what was going on and then he could just enjoy himself... I considered calling it the Hero and the Heroin but I could imagine all the people who would correct my spelling before reading the chapter. It's hard to judge how obvious your clues are. I worried that Roger asking if Noel if he'd get in trouble with Julian was too clear a hint that it wasn't a normal drug of choice! In my mind, it was a neon sign

[bluestocking79]

You nailed it, re: the heroin. There was enough uneasiness there, and enough questionable behavior from Roger, that I felt certain that it wasn't what Noel thought it was, but it also wasn't obvious, and it wasn't until this chapter that it became fully clear. And we totally get that feeling of complete alarm from Noel, not knowing what the hell is going on but knowing it's NOT like it's supposed to be, and he doesn't know how to help himself! His shock when Julian explains it to him is endearing, but you can also see him relax into it after that, now that he knows he's probably not going to die from being poisoned by some unknown additive or something. Roger's question about whether Julian will be angry is kind of genius, because on the first read, I thought he was just being kind of catty and bitter about Julian's overprotectiveness of Noel, but looking back, it's clearly also about the fact that it's heroin--and Roger knows very well how Julian feels about that

god DAMN these ELECTRIC SEX PANTS!!!

[pussywhang]

I think this chapter melted the elastic in my underpants. jfc

and then the part where Julian was thinking about Noel's dodgy liver and accidentally introducing him to drugs punched me right in the heart, especially in light of Noel's later drug issues