4. Julie B.
It was Howard that spotted the flier.
“Look at this berk! DJ Jones. A multisensory experience? Every idiot with a laptop thinks they’re a DJ these days.”
Vince stared at the photo in shock. The man was older than Vince. He looked like a proper man under his eyeliner, but the resemblance was undeniable.
“He looks a bit like me, don’t he?” Vince asked, posing next to the flier and trying to emulate Jones’s intense stare.
Howard frowned, but nodded.
“There’s a resemblance, to be sure. He looks a bit older and more like a man, rather than a tiny woodland sprite.”
Vince was sure it wasn’t meant as a compliment, but he liked the idea of being a sprite. He’d always wanted to be something magical.
Vince read the flier carefully. It had to be the same Jones.
“Don’t tell me you’re actually interested in this nonsense? Or are you just going to hit on your doppelganger? Taking narcissism to its logical conclusion?”
Vince felt his face turn red. Howard had asked once if Vince could find a way to contact the man he’d been with and ask if he’d been recently tested, but he’d let it go when Vince had made a song and dance of avoiding the question. Vince could easily track down Dan Ashcroft, but he didn’t dare. He preferred the uncertainty of the endless STD testing to the humiliation of not being recognized or being told to piss off.
But if he could just bump into Dan at a show, that would be different. Vince could play it cool. He’d have to practice playing it cool in the mirror for a while, but he was sure he could do it. He wasn’t sure what he wanted from Dan, but he needed some kind of closure on that night. He was tired of feeling like an open wound.
Vince startled when Howard touched his shoulder.
“Whoa there, Vince.” Howard mimed like he was trying to calm a frightened llama. He was joking, but Vince was aware that Howard was leaving space between them, as though Vince would ever need distance from Howard. Of anyone he’d ever met, Howard was the safest. Howard was the human equivalent of wooly jumper.
“The other act, The Pod, they look… interesting,” Vince said as he attempted to regain his composure. “This says they transcend musical genres as fast as they create them. I don’t know what that means, but it sounds well arty. You should come.”
The words were out of his mouth and they could not be retrieved. Vince had just invited Howard to try and help him track down some guy he’d had sex with in a public bathroom.
Fortunately, Howard laughed at the idea. He assured Vince he had no interest in seeing a couple of “titboxes” banging a conch shell on a keyboard and calling it art. Vince was going to call Howard out on being unfair, but then he noticed the sketch on the flier was of two lanky young men banging conch shells on keyboards.
It looked kind of cool.
Xxx
Vince went for an entirely new look, with flares and a Stones t-shirt he’d personalized and a denim jacket. He’d recently lightened his hair, and it made him look like the bad guy from Karate Kid. Vince had decided to embrace the resemblance and the entire eighties aesthetic.
If Dan didn’t recognize him, he could always blame it on the hair.
The club was packed, and Vince had to wait in line for hours. He had to put on a bit more makeup to finally get through the door. Vince was so accustomed to people thinking he was girly, it hadn’t occurred to him that he could be too masculine-looking to get into a club. It was weirdly flattering. Vince wanted to have a flexible aesthetic.
Jones was already performing when Vince walked in. The music was jarring and scary, but Jones looked amazing. His tables were like a pawn shop counter, covered in bizarre curios, and his hair had to be at least eight different colors. Vince felt inspired. He scanned the crowd for Dan for a few songs before trying to make his way towards the bar. No sooner did he turn around than he walked headlong into a familiar form.
Vince yelled: “You’re here!”
All his hours practicing an indifferent response to Dan had been in vain.
The man tilted his head, looking deep in thought for a full minute before answering, “Yes. Yes, I am here. Thanks. I needed to hear that.”
Dan Ashcroft would never look so… tribal as the man in front of him. What he had initially mistaken for curls were actually tiny little braids sticking out all over the man’s head. He also had henna tattoos running down his neck to the pale, bare chest peeking out from under his orange jacket. He was probably the only person in the club who did not look like anyone else, and that alone was enough to warrant Vince’s attention.
“Are you a musician?” Vince asked hopefully. If the man wasn’t in a band, one needed to be formed for him right away. His look shouldn’t be going to waste.
“I am one half of the art collective called The Pod.”
“Is that a band?”
“We utilize the variation of sound waves through different media to create new and innovative aural and spiritual experiences.”
“So… is it a band?”
The man looked thoughtful before finally answering, “Sure. We’re a band. A band of spirits, a band of thoughts, a band of…”
“I like guys in bands,” Vince said boldly. “I’m called Vince.”
The man again seemed to think hard before answering, “I’m called… Julie B.”
“Genius!”
“Such an overused word, it’s lost all meaning. Mozart was a genius, and so is a sale at Tesco. What are words when we strip them of their context and meaning?”
“Letters?” Vince offered helpfully.
Julie B.’s eyes widened in awe. “You might be a genius.”
Xxx
Vince was baffled by The Pod, but he couldn’t look away. For one of their songs, they plugged a synthesizer into a potted plant. There was a song where they did nothing but list postal codes. They weren’t always easy to dance to, but Vince was mesmerized, mainly by Julie B. Vince was clearly developing a tall, dark, and handsome type, and Julie B. fit the profile. He was also in a band, which was a big selling point for Vince.
After the show, Vince tracked Julie B. down and invited him for a drink at the bar. Vince had a lager and Julie B. had a cranberry juice with lime.
“Do you not drink?” Vince asked.
“I’m drinking right now,” Julie B. explained as he sipped his fruit juice.
“I mean alcohol.”
Julie B. took a deep breath and gazed meaningfully at the wall.
“Janus 15 and I are trying to create a sound so beautiful, so horrible, so terrifying, that it sears itself into the minds and souls of our audience, leaving them forever changed, though they look the same.”
“That’s a pretty big goal,” Vince observed. “You sound like my mate, Howard. I always tell him to maybe start with something a little more realistic…”
“We need to have it ready for next month to reveal at a Sugar Ape office party.”
“Well, good luck, then. I’m sure it will be genius.”
Julie B. smiled. “That word. Until that performance, Janus 15 and I have sworn off all vices, except of course, the vanity required to write music. We need that one.”
“So no drugs or drink… Sex?”
“We are remaining celibate.”
“Are you and Janus 15… you know. Lovers?”
Julie B. briefly lost his visionary expression and wrinkled up his nose before saying, “Ew, no.” Julie B. leaned forward and whispered, “He’s a vegetarian, but he always smells vaguely of bacon, and he’s always ‘accidentally’ borrowing my pants when he doesn’t do his laundry.”
Although Janus 15 sounded nothing like Howard, Vince recognized the dynamic of deep love and near constant annoyance, so it was not entirely untrue when he said, “Sounds like my mate, Howard.”
Xxx
Vince initiated the first kiss, in the alley behind the club, but Julie B. responded enthusiastically. Vince was buzzed on lager and intoxicated by Julie B.’s pale skin and kind eyes. He was a visionary like Rosey, aloof but vulnerable like Stitch, and fucking sexy and cool like Dan. If Julie B wanted to push Vince up against the wall and have his way with him, Vince had no intention of saying no. He’d come prepared with johnnies, mainly in case he ran into Dan, but for the first time in a long time, he actually wanted to touch someone (other than Howard) and be touched in return. Julie B. made him feel attractive and strangely comfortable.
Vince ran his hand over Julie B.’s crotch, but his hand was promptly pushed away.
“Celibate,” Julie B said between kisses.
It hadn’t occurred to Vince that Julie B. was sincere about not having sex. He’d assumed it was part of his persona and how he picked up partners.
So, for the first time in his life, Vince snogged a man without having sex with him. He wanted to tell Howard, thinking his supervisor would appreciate his old-timey romantic experience, but he ultimately decided Howard would probably balk at the snogging of a stranger in an alleyway. Still, Vince felt proud of the maturity of his latest relationship.
Xxx
Vince did not call Julie B. his boyfriend, because Julie B. hated labels (as evidenced by all the naked tins in his cupboards and the fact that he wasn’t quite sure what size trouser he wore). Julie B. did not want to be known as gay, straight, bi, or pan, and Vince could relate to that. He often felt like none of the labels applied to him fit quite right. On the other hand, Vince would never cut the labels out of his clothes. In fact, he sometimes picked up clothes at thrift shops, just so he could steal the trendier labels and sew them into his own clothes.
Despite their differences when it came to fashion and pop music (Vince enjoyed the kind of music Julie B. felt was destroying humanity), Vince was in his first proper relationship. Julie B. was not in love with anyone else, and while he stayed true to his celibacy pact, he and Vince would snog for hours at a time until their lips were bruised and swollen. Howard scolded Vince for a visible love bite, and Vince couldn’t stop blushing for the rest of the day. Everything in his blighted love life had happened so fast, but with Julie B., Vince was able to take his time.
Howard even asked to meet Julie B. Vince was terrified that Julie B. and Howard would find each other unbearable (because truly, they were both completely unbearable, but in a fun way), but he arranged for Julie B. to drop by for lunch at the zoo.
When Julie B. arrived at the Keeper Hut, Howard said, “So you’re Julie B.”
Julie B. thought hard, stroked his own arm, and finally answered, “Yes. I am still Julie B. Thanks for noticing.”
Despite the awkward start, Julie B. and Howard soon landed on the topic of avant garde jazz. When Vince said he hated jazz, Howard inevitably responded, “You fear jazz,” but in some cases, Howard was absolutely correct. The experimental pieces he played for Vince, the kind that Julie B. enjoyed, were terrifying. They were like nightmares being scraped across out-of-tune guitars and smashed between cars.
“But you have to admit Tyrone ‘Dead for Four Minutes’ Jones was the master of the flugelhorn,” Julie B. said with some authority.
“Dead for Four Minutes?” Vince asked. Both Howard and Julie B. began to respond, but Howard ended up deferring and letting Julie B. speak. Vince felt like it was a Very Good Sign.
“He once sustained a note so long and pure that he went into cardiac arrest and was dead for four minutes before being revived,” Julie B. explained.
“After they used the paddles on him, he grabbed his horn and jumped straight back into the solo. Didn’t even need to be counted in-he’d been keeping the beat from the other side,” Howard continued. “Not even death could knock him out of the pocket.”
Vince looked at Julie B. and Howard and noticed there was actually a physical resemblance, beyond the tall, dark, and handsome(ish). Julie B.’s features were so sharp that he looked like a high concept vegetable slicer in a knit cap, but if Vince squinted, he could blur the features until Julie B. looked a bit softer, like Howard. It was an uncomfortable realization, because Howard was a brother/father figure, and Julie B. was someone Vince was desperate to shag. After two weeks of endless snogging, Vince was obsessed with getting Julie B. naked, and he didn’t want thoughts of Howard creeping into his mindtank when he finally had his chance.
When they had to go back to work, Vince was dizzy with nerves. Lunch had gone well, but if Howard hated Julie B., Vince wasn’t sure he could handle it.
“Well, he seems like a complete nutter,” Howard said when they were at a safe distance.
“Yeah,” Vince agreed. “He is well weird.”
“Does he treat you well?”
Vince blushed and avoided Howard’s eyes. “He’s really nice. Really sweet. I like him a lot.”
“I’m happy for you, Vince. You deserve a nice guy.”
Vince gave Howard a tight hug around the waist and literally ran away to get to work before Howard had a chance to say, “Don’t touch me.”
Xxx
Vince didn’t understand The Pod, but that seemed irrelevant. A band wasn’t about having tunes or playing real instruments; it was about looking cool, and the Pod were totally cool on stage. Off stage, Janus 15 was a bit nerdy and bookish, and Julie B. actually liked jazz music, but on stage, they were a progressive machine.
Janus 15 rubbed some marmalade on the mic and said, “Testing, testing.”
Julie B. frowned.
“More marmalade.”
Janus 15 slathered more marmalade on the mic cover, but Vince could see his heart wasn’t in it.
“What’s wrong, Janus 15? You guys sound great. The show is going to be a huge hit,” Vince promised.
Julie B. heaved a sigh and dropped onto the couch next to Vince.
“It doesn’t matter how good the show is, bloody Dan Ashcroft is going to rip us to shreds.”
Vince was shocked to hear the name coming from Julie B.’s mouth, like Julie B. had been reading Vince’s private journal (if such a thing existed). He hadn’t once mentioned Dan to Julie B. He didn’t think it would be a good idea, especially with Julie B. being so serious about sex. Vince was certain Julie B. would not be judgmental, but Vince still didn’t feel ready to reveal something that still filled him with shame.
“Dan Ashcroft?”
Janus 15 moaned and hung his head.
“He’s a pretentious twat,” Julie B. said as he lined his shoes with bubble wrap so he’d feel less “oppressed by gravity” during the gig. “He doesn’t understand music or art or performance…”
“Or writing reviews that don’t involve swear words,” Janus 15 added.
Vince felt guilty by association. He was not at all surprised that Dan hated The Pod, but he was surprised The Pod cared. Julie B. never seemed to care about anyone else’s opinion of his music.
“It’s just a review…”
“Sugar Ape is hugely influential in this area,” Julie B. explained. “His reviews affect our bookings.”
“And they hurt our feelings,” Janus 15 added.
“Maybe you could talk to him and explain what you’re trying to do,” Vince suggested. He tried to imagine Julie B. and Dan Ashcroft having a conversation. On one hand, it couldn’t possibly go well. On the other hand, the mental image of Dan and Julie B. face-to-face was turning Vince on a bit. “Maybe I could talk to him…”
Julie B.’s eyes narrowed, and Vince felt as though he’d been caught in a lie.
“Not that he’d care what I have to say,” Vince added. “I just mean, someone could appeal to his softer side.”
“Dan Ashcroft is the devil,” Janus 15 said with authority. Julie B. didn’t say anything; he just kept staring at Vince.
Xxx
After Janus 15 had left, Vince curled up on the couch next to Julie B. and kissed him on the ear. He loved how pale his ears were against his dark curls.
“Were you and Dan Ashcroft lovers?” Julie B. asked out of the blue.
“What? What are you even…? Why would you…? We had sex once. Twice, but it was the same night, and he doesn’t even know who I am.”
Julie B. pulled Vince into his lap and kissed him on the forehead. “I don’t think anyone could forget you, Vince Noir, rock’n’roll star.”
Vince curled up his legs and enjoyed the feeling of being wrapped up in Julie B.’s slim frame.
“He was off his tits, I was stupid. It was nothing, and I didn’t really want you to know about it.”
“You look a bit like Dan’s flatmate, Jones,” Julie B. pointed out.
Vince had clearly seen the resemblance, but he still felt flattered by the comparison.
“I thought I knew what was going on under all that hair, but now I’m not sure,” Julie B. said as he stroked Vince’s legs. It wasn’t a sexual movement, but Vince immediately felt it in his cock.
“What do you mean? There’s nothing going on under this hair.”
“I think part of the reason Dan Ashcroft hates me so much is because sometimes people confuse us,” Julie B. said with a meaningful look. “People often ask me if we’re related.”
Vince put his head on Julie B.’s shoulder.
“The first time I saw you, I thought you were Dan for a moment, but that’s nothing to do with why I like you. You’ve been the total opposite of Dan. I really like you, Julie.”
“Julie B.”
“I really like you, Julie B. I don’t want you thinking I don’t fancy you for you.”
Julie B. pursed his lips.
“Is it Dan you saw in me at first?” Julie B. asked. “Or was it Howard?”
“What does Howard have to do with this? He wasn’t at the club.”
“Howard looks exactly like my uncle Mort. You can’t have failed to notice the resemblance between us.”
Vince shuddered. “I noticed a little, but it’s just weird. He’s like my boss/dad. I don’t think he even has sex. He doesn’t like being touched.”
“He’s a paternal figure in your life. You look up to him and associate him with safety…”
“Howard’s my mate. I’m not entirely sure he has a dick. He’s wound so tight, I don’t know a thing about him. He could be all smooth like a Barbie doll down there.”
“An aloof father figure…”
“Quit making it sound creepy!” Vince yelled as he covered his ears. “This couch is for snogging, not for talking about Howard.”
Julie B. gently pulled Vince’s hands from the sides of his face.
“It’s perfectly normal to experience a sexual attraction to a parental figure. Look at Oedipus.”
“Oedipus ain’t an example of normal.”
“The Oedipus complex. It’s a natural experience.”
“I remember reading Oedipus at school. That shit weren’t natural.”
xxx
Vince wore a skintight black “The Pod” t-shirt, a pair of tight red trousers, silver cowboy boots, and a feather boa. Vince wasn’t sure if it was cool, but he liked the outfit, and Julie B. had said it was important that Vince dress in a way that would cause him to emit positive energy.
Vince was desperate for the gig to go well. It was unlikely that Dan would be writing a positive review, but after the show, Julie B. would no longer have to be celibate, and Vince didn’t want anything ruining Julie B.’s mood. Vince was glad he’d had a chance to take things slow and really get to know Julie B. and savor the more innocent aspects of being physical with another man, but it had been a month and Vince was gagging for a shag.
“Clubbing has a reputation as something young, beautiful, cool people do for fun and excitement,” Julie B. announced at the beginning of their set. “We’d like to challenge that idea and see if clubbing can’t be something more.”
Vince let himself get lost in the sound of Julie B.’s voice and tried not to worry about the words too much. Especially when Julie B. and Janus 15 spent fifteen minutes reciting depressing facts over a thumping bass line. Vince lost himself in the music and fantasies of what would happen later that night, when he had Julie B. to himself.
“Is this idiot singing about the city of India?” a familiar voice asked. “Is it part of the act, or are they really that stupid?”
Vince suddenly found himself face to face with an annoyed-looking Dan Ashcroft.
Dan narrowed his eyes and gave Vince a questioning look.
“Vince?” he offered helpfully.
Dan nodded and looked painfully uncomfortable. “Yeah. Um. How are you?”
And that was Dan Ashcroft sober. He looked ready to crawl out of his skin and completely disgusted by everything and everyone around him.
“Great,” Vince yelled, making sure to never stop dancing. “How are you?”
It was absurd small talk, but Vince was at a loss. He couldn’t deny still feeling attracted to Dan, but it was different. Dan no longer looked like a reckless wild man. He actually looked a bit like Howard. Vince wondered how he’d failed to notice the premature crow’s feet before that gave Dan’s eyes such a charming squint.
“If any of the windows in this building opened, I would throw myself out of it.”
Vince gave Dan a pat on the arm.
“Relax!” Vince suggested. “Enjoy it. Everyone is having a good time… now that they aren’t talking about feline AIDS anymore.”
Dan gave a bitter laugh.
“This is what passes for entertainment in Shoreditch,” Dan mused.
Vince shrugged. “It’s weird. Weird is good.”
“Julie B. is staring at you,” Dan pointed out. Vince suddenly felt nervous and shot Julie B. his most radiant smile. He didn’t want Julie B. to be worried about who Vince was really there to see.
“He’s my boyfriend,” Vince explained. “He says you’re going to write a terrible review, but I think he’s wrong.”
“I’m pretty sure he’s right. This is bollocks.”
Vince shook his head. “No. You won’t write a good review, but look at this crowd. Tell me there isn’t something interesting happening here.”
Dan looked thoughtful. “I did pass a guy in a leisure suit calling his mum to say he loved her.”
“That’s the power of the Pod!” Vince yelled before throwing himself back into the dancing. He didn’t look back for Dan; he just let himself get lost in Julie B.’s voice. He was describing the seven faces of a tree, and due to artistic integrity, had included in the song that he didn’t actually remember all the faces, just some.
Xxx
Vince and Julie B. held hands as they walked to Julie B.’s flat.
“I saw you talking to Dan Ashcroft.”
Vince felt guilty. “I told him I was there with you and that your band is special.”
Julie B. smiled. “That’s what I love about you, Vince Noir. You’re so full of positive energy. You rejuvenate my spirit. I’m not surprised Dan sought you out. His spirit is on its last legs.”
“He just stumbled into me,” Vince corrected. “And you guys are special. You saw how the crowd loved you, even the ones what were crying.”
Julie B. stopped and turned to face Vince.
“You are the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on.”
Vince didn’t swoon at the words, and for the rest of the walk to Julie B.’s apartment, he mentally kicked himself for missing his chance to fall into Julie B.’s arms. How he would have loved to be carried home by Julie B., his knight in shiny silver trousers.
Xxx
Vince expected to head straight to the bedroom, but they ended up snogging on Julie B.’s couch, as they had been doing for over a month. When he tried to undo Julie B.’s trousers, he was pushed away.
“It’s been over two months since I…” Julie B. waved towards his family jewels.
“Then you should be happy about what I’m about to do,” Vince teased as he licked his lips.
“Entirely too happy,” Julie B. explained. “If you touch my cock, it’s going to explode.”
“Good! Let me make you come,” Vince purred, hoping to sound sexy.
“Is that really what you want?”
It was such a bizarre question, even for a man like Julie B.
“Of course! I want to see you get off. It’s been so long. I just want to make you feel good. The only performance I care about is the one you gave at Sugar Ape, and that was genius.”
Julie B. smiled and gave Vince a long and passionate kiss.
“I’m in no rush,” Julie B. explained. “I’ve enjoyed being with you without all the bodily fluids and the clean up.”
“I’ll clean you up,” Vince promised as he again worked on Julie B’s trousers.
“I want to do right by you,” Julie B. confessed, looking somewhat embarrassed. “You’ve been very patient and supportive, and… I don’t want to come in two seconds and ruin the evening.”
Vince pushed Julie B. until he was flat on his back on the sofa.
“I am going to suck your cock until your eyes cross,” Vince promised. He kissed his way around Julie B.’s chest before undoing his trousers completely. Julie B.’s cock throbbed in Vince’s hand, and his pants were wet from where he was leaking with excitement. He gave Julie B.’s cock a few warm up strokes through the pants, but before he could even get the last piece of material out of the way, Julie B. tensed and groaned and came in Vince’s hand.
Julie B. looked embarrassed, but Vince felt amazing.
“That was so fucking hot,” he whispered. “I can’t believe I made you come like that. I know it’s the celibacy…”
“It isn’t just the celibacy,” Julie B. said softly. “You’re very beautiful, Vince Noir.”
Vince fussed with his hair and tried to subtly suck in his cheeks.
“I’m not talking about your gorgeous face or your amazing body,” Julie B. added. “I mean you are beautiful.”
“Let’s go in the bedroom, yeah? I want you to fuck me before I start blubbering.”
Xxx
Julie B. went on about all the ways they could “express their physical desire,” but Vince wanted to get bummed. There was something to be said for every sex act, but having a man inside of him was the most exciting and intimate.
“I haven’t actually experienced this particular act,” Julie B. admitted, looking twitchier than normal. “I don’t want to rush things.”
Vince guided Julie B. through the process and nearly came from having his prostate stroked by Julie B’s long and slender fingers. His thighs were twitching and he was aching for release, but he wanted to come with Julie B. inside of him.
He guided Julie B’s cock into his tight passage as they stared into each other’s eyes. The eye contact was almost as intimate as the penetration. It only took a few strokes for Vince to come, but he held Julie B. tight the whole time and curled up in Julie B.’s arms afterwards.
“That was amazing,” he whispered. Vince had never had sex with someone who truly wanted him before. He’d always been someone’s second choice. He admitted as much to Julie B. and was rewarded with an even tighter embrace.
“You are second to none, Vince Noir.”
Xxx
Vince fell asleep in Julie B.’s arms but startled awake in the middle of the night. Julie B. was looking down at him.
“You were having a nightmare, I think,” Julie B. explained.
Vince couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a nightmare, though they had been pretty standard occurrences throughout his childhood.
“Fuck me, Julie B.,” Vince begged as he pulled Julie B. on top of him. “You feel so good inside of me.”
Julie B. didn’t need much encouragement, and soon enough, he had Vince pinned to the mattress and was preparing him for another round.
“Want you so bad,” Vince murmured as Julie B. rubbed his cock against Vince’s arse. “It’s going to feel so good when you put it in me.”
“Be patient,” Julie B. said with a surprising amount of authority. There was something odd about the way he spoke, but Vince liked it. Julie B. said, “I’m going to take good care of you,” as he slipped the head of his cock inside. He gave a few thrusts until he was at least halfway in. Then he added, “I’ve got you, Little Man.”
Vince gasped at the nickname and dug his nails into Julie B.’s back, trying to get him deeper, faster.
“Christy,” he whispered as Julie B.’s cock hit him in just the right spot over and over again. “Perfect.”
“Does that feel good, Little Man?” Vince recognized what was off about Julie B.’s speaking voice. He was throwing in a hint of a Northern accent.
“Julie B.”
“Go ahead and say it,” Julie B. said with a wicked smile as he fucked Vince with a steady rhythm.
Vince closed his eyes and put his hands on Julie B.’s broad shoulders.
“Howard,” Vince whispered before coming hard on Julie B.’s stomach. For a moment, he felt a touch of guilt, but Julie B. was grinning like a maniac and looking proud of himself. Vince decided he’d deal with his brain in the morning. For a few more hours, he could just focus on feeling good.
Xxx
Vince was sore and exhausted when he went into work. He and Julie B. had spent two solid days making up for lost time, and Vince was tender all over.
Not that he regretted a moment. He didn’t regret giving Julie B. a blowjob in the shower that morning or being bent over the kitchen table while their breakfast got cold. He didn’t regret riding Julie B.’s cock on the couch while they’d watched early morning cartoons, right before Vince had to go to work.
He did slightly regret the night before, when Julie B. had given him a spanking and scolded him for not cleaning the monkey cages until Vince had promised to be a good boy if only “Howard” would fuck him. The role play had been insanely hot at the time, but in the cold light of day, it just seemed perverse.
“Rough night?” Howard asked as Vince walked into the hut.
“What are you talking about?” Vince squeaked. “You’ve been listening to too much jazz. It’s made you go wrong in the head.”
Howard looked confused.
“Something wrong, Little Man?”
Vince felt a blush move from his cheeks down to his toes. He wasn’t sure if he’d told Julie B. about the nickname or if Howard had used it during their lunch, but Julie B. had picked up on its significance, a significance Vince hadn’t noticed himself.
The worst part was that when he’d tried to tell Julie B. why it was weird and wrong to even think of Howard as a sexual person, Julie B. hadn’t understood at all. The more he’d explained about how Howard had taken care of him after every awkward sexual encounter, especially the Dan Ashcroft incident, the more Julie B. seemed to think it was normal for Vince to perv on his best friend.
“Julie B. had a big gig this weekend,” Vince explained as he stared at his boots. “Just tired, is all.”
“How were the reviews?” Howard asked so gently that Vince wanted to punch him. He wanted to punish Howard for being so present and concerned right when Vince needed him to be indifferent and self-involved.
“Not too bad. Sugar Ape called it passable as entertainment.”
Howard smiled. “There you go. That’s high praise for a bunch of nonsense.”
After Howard left the room and put the kettle on, it occurred to Vince he should have defended the Pod, but their music was nonsense to pretty much everyone but Julie B. and Janus 15. To Vince, that was the point of the Pod. They truly made no effort to make the crowd happy. They did was they wanted to and went home and complained about the poor reviews. Vince admired their confidence and the way Julie B. and Janus 15 could disregard the rest of the world, as long as they supported one another. In a way, it was a bit like Howard and Vince, except theirs was more of a one-way street. Howard took care of Vince, but there was never really a chance for Vince to reciprocate. Vince wondered if that was why he had sexual fantasies about Howard, because it would be a way to even things out between them. Vince didn’t have much else to offer.
“Come have your tea,” Howard ordered from the other room. “You’ve got a busy day today. The monkey cage needs to be cleaned, and I saw Bob Fossil feeding those hairy bastards nachos last night.”
Vince tried very hard not to think about monkey cages.
“Howard, when you worked with Tommy… were the two of you close?”
Howard’s shoulders fell, and Vince immediately regretted the question. Howard blathered on about Tommy all the time, but he always got sad when other people mentioned his former boss and mentor.
“I admired him a great deal, Vince. He was a great man. He taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn’t teach me everything he knew, so we’ll probably never find the extra key ring or where he put the first aid kit…”
“I mean, personally. Were you… close?”
Vince felt unsettled as Howard’s body went stiff. “What do you mean? Close?”
“Were you friends? Did you talk about personal stuff, like we do?”
Howard’s cheeks turned pink and he suddenly remembered he needed to restock the coffee filters, but Vince followed him.
“I’m not being funny,” Vince said sincerely. “I was just thinking about how you’re always helping me out and looking after me, and I wondered if that’s what it was like with Tommy.”
“Tommy helped me through some hard times,” Howard said quietly. Vince desperately wanted to know more, but Howard was making it clear he wasn’t about to open up. For a moment, Vince imagined getting on his knees and sucking Howard off. He could almost hear the quiet noises Howard would make as he tried not to draw attention to the hut as Vince licked and sucked and made him come.
When Vince had asked Julie B. if he wanted to play like Vince was Janus 15, Julie B. had actually shuddered and said, “Janus 15 is my best friend and partner, and he is a beautiful person, but I don’t want him anywhere near my genitalia. That’s why it makes me so angry when he borrows my pants. He keeps saying, ‘then label them,’ because he knows how much I hate labels!”
And though he hadn’t said as much, Vince was pretty sure Julie B. didn’t normally fancy men and that Vince was an exception. Vince wondered if he looked pretty enough if Howard might not being willing to make an exception as well.
“Let’s get to work, Little Man,” Howard said, patting Vince on the shoulder as he passed. Vince remembered how safe and loved he’d felt in Julie B.’s arms, being called ‘Little Man’ and being treated like someone special and beautiful.
“Julie B. is going to leave me.”
Howard stopped at the door and turned around, concern in his tiny little eyes.
“They’re going on a tour of Germany with some angry DJs, and then they’re going to open for some death metal bands in Sweden…”
Howard put his hand on Vince’s shoulder. “He’ll back. I know it sounds like a long time, but we’ll find ways to keep you busy…”
Vince’s cock immediately responded, and he ended up physically pushing Howard out of the way and running to the relative safety of the monkey cages.
Xxx
Vince ran straight into a small man in a turban, knocking them both to the ground.
“Sorry,” Vince apologized. “I’m in a hurry to… clean monkey crap.”
The small man allowed Vince to help him to his feet.
“Um, do you work at the zoo?” Vince asked. If the man wasn’t taking over the psychic kiosk, then he was simply wearing the best zoo outfit Vince had ever seen.
The man gestured towards the now camel-shaped psychic kiosk.
“So you’re Naboo the Enigma? Genius.”
The small man nodded and began moving gracefully towards the kiosk. He left behind a scent of distant lands and really high-quality weed.
When Vince arrived at the monkey cages, he was sad to see Howard had not been joking about the nachos.
“You’d better appreciate this, Howard,” he mumbled to himself. Maybe he was having sexual fantasies about Howard because his only current method of making the older man happy was doing all of the grossest jobs at the zoo.
“Stop worrying about that ballbag,” Davy Jones whined. “I feel like my insides are on fire!”
Vince dropped his shovel.
“Now everybody just calm down and let Vince do his job,” Mike Nesmith said with his usual calm.
Vince pinched his own arm, and it hurt.
“Quit mucking about and get to… mucking,” Micky Dolenz snapped as he held his stomach.
“The cage won’t clean itself.”
Vince jumped at Howard’s voice.
“There’s something wrong with the Monkees,” Vince whispered.
“I know. They ate nachos.”
“Don’t talk about us like we’re not here,” Pete Tork whimpered. “That’s rude and demeaning.”
Howard kept looking at Vince like nothing was out of the ordinary.
“Come on, Little Man. Some back-breaking labor will take your mind off your troubles,” Howard suggested gently.
“Yeah, Little Man,” Micky yelled. “Get to cleaning.”
“Do you hear something… strange?” Vince whispered to Howard.
Howard cocked his head and looked very serious. Lines appeared around his eyes and mouth as he concentrated. Julie B. insisted Howard couldn’t be more than 25, despite the lines on his face. Julie B. said that if the lines went away when Howard’s face was relaxed, they weren’t actually wrinkles yet. Vince was the first to concede that, for all his strangeness, Julie B. was incredibly intelligent, but he was certain Julie B. was dead wrong about Howard. Howard was definitely not younger than Julie B.
“Please, Vince. We promise not to give you a hard time,” Mike said in his reassuring voice.
“I hear angry monkey screeching,” Howard said. “Am I meant to hear something else?”
Vince looked at the camel-shaped kiosk where Naboo the Enigma was looking properly inscrutable.
“No. I think I’m just having a weird day,” Vince said before letting himself into the cage. Despite their agitation, the Monkees kept to Mike’s promise to not deal Vince a mauling. In fact, they did a nice version of “Daydream Believer” as Vince worked.
Xxx
“I can understand animals,” Vince announced as soon as he walked through the door. Julie B. gave him a lingering kiss and asked to hear more. Vince had been prepared for an hour of convincing Julie B. he wasn’t insane. He wasn’t sure how to proceed.
“I bumped into the new zoo psychic, and then when I went to clean the monkey cage with the Monkees - the ones Fossil named - I could hear them talking, and it wasn’t just them. They all talk. All the animals talk now.”
“Did they impart any wisdom to you?”
“No. They just told me to work faster and said Howard was a dick.”
Julie B. looked mildly disappointed. “Well, perhaps when you get to know them better.”
Xxx
Vince straddled Julie B.’s waist and lowered himself onto his partner’s erect cock. It was awkward, but he loved watching Julie B.’s face as their bodies joined. He always looked so surprised to be having sex.
“I’m going to miss this,” Vince purred as he slowly worked himself on Julie B.’s cock.
“There are plenty of other men,” Julie B. hissed. “You’ll find someone.”
Vince stopped moving and pouted.
“Don’t you even care?”
Julie B. smiled and stroked the side of Vince’s face.
“As long as there is a chance I can survive making the music I want to make, I’m going to chase those opportunities, and you have your own thing at the zoo… which has recently gotten a bit more complicated.”
“So, we’ll just… move one.”
“We’ll move apart. I’m not leaving you behind, Vince. That’s not what’s happening.”
Vince couldn’t bear any more of Julie B.’s insight, so he made damn sure Julie B. wasn’t capable of speech for the next fifteen minutes. When he collapsed, panting and sweating, onto Julie B.’s chest, all the feelings that had been alleviated by the sex came rushing back.
“I don’t want to be alone,” Vince whispered. He felt foolish, but desperate for reassurance.
“You won’t be,” Julie B. whispered back. “You’ll be with Howard.”
Xxx
The day Julie B. left for his tour, Howard took Vince out for a drink. Vince carefully nursed a lager, afraid of loosening his tongue and saying something he’d regret.
“How old are you, Howard?”
“Twenty-five. I know the ‘tache makes me look older and more sophisticated…”
Vince tuned out as Howard rambled on. Howard was probably younger than all of Vince’s lovers. He wasn’t a mature father figure; he was just a kid with an old-man mustache. He had no business trying to take care of Vince.
“Something wrong, Little Man?”
Vince looked at Howard’s concerned face, and the love he felt was so overpowering, he had to look away. Howard was the most important person in Vince’s world, and if he were to abandon Vince…
Vince couldn’t bear to think of it. He’d have nothing left.
“Howard,” Vince said in a voice that sounded creaky and strange to his own ears. “I have to tell you something really important, and how you react is going to change the course of our friendship forever.”
Howard frowned. “Is this about you getting red highlights? I told you before, it’s your head. If you get brain damage from all the chemicals…”
“It’s not about my hair. It’s about me.”
“What is it, Little Man?”
The night before, Julie B. had taken Vince from behind as they’d laid on their sides. He’d kissed Vince’s neck and called him ‘my beautiful Little Man’ and gently stroked Vince’s chest and cock while they’d fucked. It had been beautiful.
“I understand the animals when the talk,” Vince admitted. He waited for Howard to laugh or snap at him for being silly. He wanted one sign that Howard wasn’t the perfect partner Vince had built him up to be.
Howard’s eyes became shiftier than usual as he leaned forward.
“Do they… talk about me?”
Vince felt like all the bones in his body had turned to dust. He felt ready to fall to the floor in a heap.
“C’mon, Vince. Tell me. I can handle it.”
The nervous look on Howard’s face assured Vince that Howard absolutely could not take hearing what the animals said behind his back. Howard’s ego made spider webs look sturdy and substantial.
“The call you the King Keeper,” Vince lied. He smiled as Howard sat up straighter in his chair.
“Well, that makes sense,” Howard observed in a haughty tone.
By Julie B.’s calculation, Vince had been slowly falling in love with Howard for years, and yet Vince was still falling. When Howard wasn’t looking, Vince switched his nearly full lager for Howard’s third, close to empty glass. He was going to have to keep his wits about him, but he liked seeing Howard drunk and silly and unguarded. He’d already fallen; it was time to see how far he could go before he finally hit the ground.