"The Mirror Has Two Faces"
The following is a collaboration between the lovely philstar22 and myself for the "Let's Write Together" challenge over at onceuponaland.
Title: The Mirror Has Two Faces
Rating: G
Prompt: Change
Word Count: ~1048
Summary: During The Cricket Game, Regina reflects on her past, her loneliness, and on who she wants to be.
* * *
She had meant it. She wanted to change for him. Why didn’t anyone believe her? Even Henry had turned his back on her. Her son had abandoned her again. Why couldn’t he see that she loved him? Sure, she had made some mistakes. But she was his mother, and she was trying to be better.
“He’s my son,” She thought. “He’s mine. I’m trying to be worthy of him, so why can’t he see it?”
“You know Emma’s right,” A small part of her thought. “You’ll never be worthy of him. Why even try? You are who you are. Why fight it? They don’t believe you, so why should you fight to prove them wrong?”
Walking over to the mirror, she gazed at her reflection. So much had changed and yet so much was still the same. She was still not one of them. Even when she tried to change, she was still alone. Everyone who she loved left her. And even when people pretended to give her a chance, they never truly allowed her the opportunity. Like Emma. She said she believed Regina changed, but she was quick to believe that Regina was responsible the instant something bad happened.
As she looked at herself, her thoughts drifted back. She was behind bars again, captive to Snow White and Charming. The last time she had truly wanted to change. The last time someone claimed to believe she could change but wouldn’t really allow her the chance.
“The woman who saved my life all those years ago had good in her,” Snow had said.
What did Snow understand? She expected Regina to go back to who she was, to forget losing Daniel and all the suffering she had experienced. She believed Regina could only change by being like her, just as Emma did. Regina was her own person. She was a woman who had lost more than those people could ever possibly understand. She was a woman raised by evil itself. How could they expect her to be something she wasn’t and then claim she hadn’t changed just because she wasn’t who they wanted?
“I’m not the same person I was,” Regina thought. “I’m not the naïve Regina of so long ago, but neither am I the evil queen. I’m Henry’s mother. I’m his mother. I raised him. I choose him. She gave him up. Why does she get to decide whether or not I can see my own son?”
Tears of indignation for the injustice she was suffering streamed down her face and Regina averted her eyes from the mirror... she felt broken; she didn’t need to see it.
“You make change sound so easy” she had told Snow right before she stabbed her. Regina couldn’t fathom the depth of her words at the time but she surely had a glimpse. Back then, while she considered it Snow’s proposal, Regina felt if for a moment how hard it would be to give up on her life so far; the magic, the power, leaving herself vulnerable to pain again, being able to feel the loss of him again... let alone all those people she had harmed along the way that, once powerless, they would be out for blood.
“Once one controls something, one no longer need fear it.” Gold’s words seemed to echo from the other side of the room in her vault as mocking as ever. That’s what he had told Henry before he handed him the necklace to control his nightmares from the sleeping curse. The imp almost winked at her. She didn’t care... she would take all the humiliation he could rain down on her, if it meant protecting Henry, her son.
Regina walked up to the nearest wall and rested her forehead against it.
“I just want to be happy, daddy” she had told her father and she didn’t want to have to start over again, not in the way he suggested that night right before...
“No!” she thought to herself, she would not allow herself to think about that night. Regina's chest tightened at the memory and she pushed against the wall.
“Show them regret for what you've done.” Sir Henry’s words bounced off the walls.
Hot tears now full of fury rolled down. She bumped her head against the wall...
“Change will not be thrust upon me!” her own voice shouted in her head.
“I will not be a lady because I am made to and most certainly won’t give up on my ways because someone asks me for my own good”... that’s what she wanted to tell Snow all along. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate the offer or how much it cost the person extending it but it was the fact that she was put in the same position that she had lost so much and fought so hard to break free from, that made it impossible to accept.
And in an instant, fury overtook her, darkness filled her mind... she didn’t need her pity, she didn’t require her charity to survive... that’s what Regina was thinking while she twisted the knife.
When their “test” was revealed, it hit her. The little girl she had saved, that little girl that looked up to her and thought of her as her big sister, her friend and saviour, the young Snow in the pink coat and the white dress, that was the person who was pleading with her so another Regina would take over and claim back her own self; it wasn’t Snow the ruler, the new queen giving her evil predecessor a chance at redemption... it wasn’t charity. And now she had lost both that little girl in the pink coat as well as the thoughtful Regina who had spared young Snow what had really happened to Daniel.
But now, none of these mattered. Now she knew that to offer her son what he needed, a loving mother, meant change. It meant embracing the most powerful magic of all and leaving behind all others. Now it was her choice. Not one to offer anything in exchange because now she wished to know how to love and be a proper mother, and that meant not interfering with other people’s choices and options. She knew better than anyone the damage that could cause.
Title: The Mirror Has Two Faces
Rating: G
Prompt: Change
Word Count: ~1048
Summary: During The Cricket Game, Regina reflects on her past, her loneliness, and on who she wants to be.
* * *
She had meant it. She wanted to change for him. Why didn’t anyone believe her? Even Henry had turned his back on her. Her son had abandoned her again. Why couldn’t he see that she loved him? Sure, she had made some mistakes. But she was his mother, and she was trying to be better.
“He’s my son,” She thought. “He’s mine. I’m trying to be worthy of him, so why can’t he see it?”
“You know Emma’s right,” A small part of her thought. “You’ll never be worthy of him. Why even try? You are who you are. Why fight it? They don’t believe you, so why should you fight to prove them wrong?”
Walking over to the mirror, she gazed at her reflection. So much had changed and yet so much was still the same. She was still not one of them. Even when she tried to change, she was still alone. Everyone who she loved left her. And even when people pretended to give her a chance, they never truly allowed her the opportunity. Like Emma. She said she believed Regina changed, but she was quick to believe that Regina was responsible the instant something bad happened.
As she looked at herself, her thoughts drifted back. She was behind bars again, captive to Snow White and Charming. The last time she had truly wanted to change. The last time someone claimed to believe she could change but wouldn’t really allow her the chance.
“The woman who saved my life all those years ago had good in her,” Snow had said.
What did Snow understand? She expected Regina to go back to who she was, to forget losing Daniel and all the suffering she had experienced. She believed Regina could only change by being like her, just as Emma did. Regina was her own person. She was a woman who had lost more than those people could ever possibly understand. She was a woman raised by evil itself. How could they expect her to be something she wasn’t and then claim she hadn’t changed just because she wasn’t who they wanted?
“I’m not the same person I was,” Regina thought. “I’m not the naïve Regina of so long ago, but neither am I the evil queen. I’m Henry’s mother. I’m his mother. I raised him. I choose him. She gave him up. Why does she get to decide whether or not I can see my own son?”
Tears of indignation for the injustice she was suffering streamed down her face and Regina averted her eyes from the mirror... she felt broken; she didn’t need to see it.
“You make change sound so easy” she had told Snow right before she stabbed her. Regina couldn’t fathom the depth of her words at the time but she surely had a glimpse. Back then, while she considered it Snow’s proposal, Regina felt if for a moment how hard it would be to give up on her life so far; the magic, the power, leaving herself vulnerable to pain again, being able to feel the loss of him again... let alone all those people she had harmed along the way that, once powerless, they would be out for blood.
“Once one controls something, one no longer need fear it.” Gold’s words seemed to echo from the other side of the room in her vault as mocking as ever. That’s what he had told Henry before he handed him the necklace to control his nightmares from the sleeping curse. The imp almost winked at her. She didn’t care... she would take all the humiliation he could rain down on her, if it meant protecting Henry, her son.
Regina walked up to the nearest wall and rested her forehead against it.
“I just want to be happy, daddy” she had told her father and she didn’t want to have to start over again, not in the way he suggested that night right before...
“No!” she thought to herself, she would not allow herself to think about that night. Regina's chest tightened at the memory and she pushed against the wall.
“Show them regret for what you've done.” Sir Henry’s words bounced off the walls.
Hot tears now full of fury rolled down. She bumped her head against the wall...
“Change will not be thrust upon me!” her own voice shouted in her head.
“I will not be a lady because I am made to and most certainly won’t give up on my ways because someone asks me for my own good”... that’s what she wanted to tell Snow all along. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate the offer or how much it cost the person extending it but it was the fact that she was put in the same position that she had lost so much and fought so hard to break free from, that made it impossible to accept.
And in an instant, fury overtook her, darkness filled her mind... she didn’t need her pity, she didn’t require her charity to survive... that’s what Regina was thinking while she twisted the knife.
When their “test” was revealed, it hit her. The little girl she had saved, that little girl that looked up to her and thought of her as her big sister, her friend and saviour, the young Snow in the pink coat and the white dress, that was the person who was pleading with her so another Regina would take over and claim back her own self; it wasn’t Snow the ruler, the new queen giving her evil predecessor a chance at redemption... it wasn’t charity. And now she had lost both that little girl in the pink coat as well as the thoughtful Regina who had spared young Snow what had really happened to Daniel.
But now, none of these mattered. Now she knew that to offer her son what he needed, a loving mother, meant change. It meant embracing the most powerful magic of all and leaving behind all others. Now it was her choice. Not one to offer anything in exchange because now she wished to know how to love and be a proper mother, and that meant not interfering with other people’s choices and options. She knew better than anyone the damage that could cause.