Unto God, the Lord belong the issues of death. -- Psalm 68:20
Two opposite spectrums of the emotion meter found
Saturday: I headed to Children's Hospital for the last time of the summer, and that morning, I witnessed the saddest thing that has ever happened in my life. There was this patient whom I have been seeing for the past couple of week; an eight year old girl ad her mother. The girl was diagnosed with leukemia and was told that she'd have about a year to live. I was one of the few people who sat and played with her, while she stayed in bed most of the time (except going to a service). Well, that morning, her mom had to leave for a family emergency and meanwhile, I was still with the girl, Josephine (Joey).
All of a sudden, Joey asks me to read some passages from the Bible…ok, sure. She asked me to read the beginning of Genesis, the Death of Christ, and a few Psalms. I questioned her pleadings but I read them anyways, to please her. So I read the first two books, and I looked at her, held her hand, and she smiled. =) Then, I continued on with Psalms, but then…the unthinkable happened. =/ I finished with Psalm 23, and right when I finished it, I looked back up and found her eyes closed…The vital sign machine (with the lines that pulsate up and down) all of a sudden…went straight. =(
Her heart rate just stopped. I couldn't believe my eyes. Her pulse in which my hands were holding onto hers…diminished. *eyes looking panicky* I spoke, "Josephine…Josephine!...Josephine!!"
Nothing.
A huge swept of emotion came over me, as I put her hand up to my lips, with my head bent over her, crying out. What just happened? I looked at her face again, no smile, no frown, just relaxed, peaceful, eyes closed, head upright. I looked at her other hand and noticed that she was holding onto a rosary. Moments later, her mother came in and saw me crying. She asked, "What happened?" I looked at her eyes, tears falling from my face, and told her what had just happened.
The mother came closer to where her daughter was, and tears started to drip from her face. I hugged the mother, as both of us stood up, crying into each other's shoulder. Soon enough, a nurse overheard both of us crying. She came in, took one look at us, the daughter, the vital machine, then called for assistance. They had to move Josephine out and the mother went with her every step of the way. As for me, I wasn't allowed to go with them, so I stayed back, went to the cafeteria, went outside, and tried to compose myself.
An odd/miraculous thing happened while I was holding onto the mother. A ray of light beamed onto the daughter, as though a beam of sun would jut out from the clouds. I told the mother to look, she did, and we both stood there in awe…smiling a little. The beam of light appeared to be spinning around too as though it was carrying her spirit outwards.
It was beautiful.
Her mom said, "I think she just went to a better place." I nodded. "God's with her now," she added. "Praise the LORD," I replied. I walked over to one side of the bed, and the mother walked to the other side. We held hands and said three "Our Fathers…Hail Mary's…Lord Be's…and one Ignatius prayer"
While sitting in the cafeteria, I started to think to myself. I felt sorry for the mother because Joey was her only child and she had no husband to be there for her. I pondered, "Why her? Why now? She looked healthy, she was happy, she was awake. Why her, God, why?" I started to cry again, while looking at the Bible which I happened to have with me. "Was this a sign? Is God trying to tell me something?" Just so happened that it had to happen on my last day of volunteering.
I don't think I'll be able to make it to her funeral since she's from out of town. I've never seen anyone die before my eyes. I can't imagine if something like that were to happen to someone close. =/ But anyways, must move on…
That was really hard for me to type out…*inhales, exhales*
Here I Am, Lord
I, the Lord of sea and sky,
I have heard my people cry.
All who dwell in dark and sin,
My hand will save.
Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
I, who made the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear my light to them?
Whom shall I send?
[Chorus]
I, the Lord of snow and rain,
I have borne my people's pain.
I have wept for love of them.
They turn away.
[Chorus]
I will break their hearts of stone,
Give them hearts for love alone.
I will speak my words to them.
Whom shall I send?
[Chorus]
I, the Lord of wind and flame,
I will send the poor and lame.
I will set a feast for them.
My hand will save.
[Chorus]
Finest bread I will provide,
'Til their hearts be satisfied.
I will give my life to them.
Whom shall I send?
[Chorus]
Genesis 46:2
"And God spake unto Israel in the visions of the night,
and said, Jacob, Jacob. And he said, Here am I."
***PICTURE STORY***
That afternoon, I went to the third floor playroom and made some bracelets, while watching the US Men's basketball team lose to Lithuania. =/
There was a whole new set of beads, and one fo them included letters, so I made some for Mary & Shau. Three other children came in and decided to make some as well. Bracelet making is so peaceful. =)
Around 2:30pm, I got picked up by Mary/Shau and we dropped Shau off, and then Mary and I made a quick stop at her house. There, I got to play with Garfield, lol…
Ain't he cute? Lol..=D
From there, the Yu girls and I stopped at Wal-Mart briefly, followed by heading over to Kenny's meeting/BBQ. It was pretty good I must say, although there were times of emptiness, but then that's where the Olympics filled in. =)
We started it by talking about the Labor Day Retreat, and how the NOCBC is in charge of the program. So, we brainstormed ideas for games, schedule, and music, which went pretty well. Need a new cover though for the program. This would be my first retreat with the church, but from what I heard, the turnout of people won't be as big as it used to be. Nonetheless, I love retreats; I find them fun. They remind me of Jesuit's retreats, which I found very relaxing, peaceful, fulfilling, and somewhat entertaining.
Then, it seemed like all of the girls disappeared, or had somewhere to go, which left just the guys. Hmm… In the game room, Tekken 4 was the only game played (although DDR was popped in later). I managed to add onto the nuber of versus games played (45 total, dang!) that night. It's always hilarious to watch the slow motion finishing move and make fun of it. Lol! =P
Kenny eventually announced that the BBQ chicken/sausage was done, so now it was yum yum time. Corn, red velvet cake, and homebaked custard tarts added to the excitement. ^_^;
Yum Yum. =)
Seems like someone was hungry, lol…
Animals I tell ya…ravages, hehe…=X
7 layer cake, mmm…
Lol, funniest moment on the table occurred when Jim was saying how he gained so much weight over the summer from not working out. Then, he proceeds to show his huge belly to Kenny to prove his point, lol! Oh, and that yellow volleyball has a smilet face on it. =P
Aww, so kute; it was in a corner in Kenny's room. =)
The guys ended up playing poker, and I was just there to observe; after awhile though, it got repititive, but then that's where the Olympic games came on. =)
Oh, poo-ness, looks like Danny may win this again…
Got more serious when it came down to just three people…but then…
It came down to young Kenny and Danny, who played for 5 more hours to determine the winner! I think Danny let Kenny win because he wanted to end it soon.
Watching the Olympics has never been so entertaining as that night, lol. Kenneth and I started to watch the swimming events and were getting all up into it (and he made fun of it too). Funny facial expressions. We were all like, "Look at that person; he/she's not even on the screen! That's sad…" Lol! *makes swimming motions and jumps up and down* "Go, go, go!" Haha...go go USA and 24 medals in swimming! =DDD
Then came track, lol, where the runners would make funny expression as they ran, hehe…I love the Olympics. =P
Random thought: While driving to Children's hospital, I saw a black and white Volkswagon beetle that had decals saying "GEEK Squad" Lol!
Sunday: That morning, I went to church and when I was singing, I got into it as usual; I don't care if the people behind me start giggling. Their loss. =0 And then, during Dr. Pinker's message, I started to tear up. Haha, and Carol's mom was right next to me; I hope I didn't freak her out. =P I had to leave Bible study early to go back home, so that my mom could use the car to see Exorcist: The Beginning, while my dad and I made our way to Ms. Debbie's house to celebrate my cousin's birthday.
That morning, I had said a prayer asking for my friends to in some way, some how be there for me in my time of despair. In addition, I hoped that everything went well with the family. I'll just say now that by the end of the day (or start of the new day), my prayers were answered. =)
In the backyard of the house, Ms. Debbie has a garden and a little pond. I just had to take picture of these funny creatures.
Our threshhold of eating yummy goodness.
The table of yum yum-ness.
Oh, yeah, chocolate chip ice cream cake; I luv ice cream cake…=D
Making the wish upon a red/white/blue candle.
That's a big knife…=0
Lol, after opening his gifts, he put the ribbon of one on his chin, hehe…crazy.
His gifts included cards, a CD player, Usher CD, New Found Glory CD, Kanye West CD, and a pack of Slim Jims, hehe. =D We so listened to them for a good bit.
But then, it started to get a tad boring, and I wanted to watch the Olympics, so we went to one of the rooms with a television and chilled there till it was time to go.
Random pics:
Scary doll…
Ms. Debbie's birds-Rainbow and Ditto.
Around 4pm, my dad and I made a short stop at my cousin's house, then drove to our house, where I waited till night time before going to Mike's house to watch the Olympics. That night, Mary, Mike, and I were supposed to head over to Kevin's house to watch a movie, but Mary was summoned home. Dropped her off and then waited at the new house till she was ready. However, turns out that she couldn't go, and I ended up staying at the house till like 12:30am. But that night, I experienced something phenomenal…something indescribable…something miraculous almost.
That night, my prayer was answered by two certain individuals whom I hold very close to my heart. (won't name any names but one can probably figure it out) The first answering came from a phone call, whom I got to share my experience of what had happened Saturday. I was/am thankful to have this person hear me out and be sympathetic. It really meant a lot to me. Then, that morning, I happened to read a Xanga entry that mentioned me and was basically an appreciation of who I was. I totally did not expect to read such thing at that point in time.
I couldn't really sleep that night, and stayed up till around 3:30am, just thinking about how amazing I felt. God had answered, he had delivered, he had shown me what it means to be a brother/sister of Christ. It was surreal. =D To those people, thank you so much. I have learned so much from yall and I truly think that God had sent yall as a messenger to my life. Meaning, my encountering of yall happened for a reason, beyond my control. My getting to know yall happened for a reason. *gets a lil' emotional* All I can say is…thanks be to God. =)
Saturday: I headed to Children's Hospital for the last time of the summer, and that morning, I witnessed the saddest thing that has ever happened in my life. There was this patient whom I have been seeing for the past couple of week; an eight year old girl ad her mother. The girl was diagnosed with leukemia and was told that she'd have about a year to live. I was one of the few people who sat and played with her, while she stayed in bed most of the time (except going to a service). Well, that morning, her mom had to leave for a family emergency and meanwhile, I was still with the girl, Josephine (Joey).
All of a sudden, Joey asks me to read some passages from the Bible…ok, sure. She asked me to read the beginning of Genesis, the Death of Christ, and a few Psalms. I questioned her pleadings but I read them anyways, to please her. So I read the first two books, and I looked at her, held her hand, and she smiled. =) Then, I continued on with Psalms, but then…the unthinkable happened. =/ I finished with Psalm 23, and right when I finished it, I looked back up and found her eyes closed…The vital sign machine (with the lines that pulsate up and down) all of a sudden…went straight. =(
Her heart rate just stopped. I couldn't believe my eyes. Her pulse in which my hands were holding onto hers…diminished. *eyes looking panicky* I spoke, "Josephine…Josephine!...Josephine!!"
Nothing.
A huge swept of emotion came over me, as I put her hand up to my lips, with my head bent over her, crying out. What just happened? I looked at her face again, no smile, no frown, just relaxed, peaceful, eyes closed, head upright. I looked at her other hand and noticed that she was holding onto a rosary. Moments later, her mother came in and saw me crying. She asked, "What happened?" I looked at her eyes, tears falling from my face, and told her what had just happened.
The mother came closer to where her daughter was, and tears started to drip from her face. I hugged the mother, as both of us stood up, crying into each other's shoulder. Soon enough, a nurse overheard both of us crying. She came in, took one look at us, the daughter, the vital machine, then called for assistance. They had to move Josephine out and the mother went with her every step of the way. As for me, I wasn't allowed to go with them, so I stayed back, went to the cafeteria, went outside, and tried to compose myself.
An odd/miraculous thing happened while I was holding onto the mother. A ray of light beamed onto the daughter, as though a beam of sun would jut out from the clouds. I told the mother to look, she did, and we both stood there in awe…smiling a little. The beam of light appeared to be spinning around too as though it was carrying her spirit outwards.
It was beautiful.
Her mom said, "I think she just went to a better place." I nodded. "God's with her now," she added. "Praise the LORD," I replied. I walked over to one side of the bed, and the mother walked to the other side. We held hands and said three "Our Fathers…Hail Mary's…Lord Be's…and one Ignatius prayer"
While sitting in the cafeteria, I started to think to myself. I felt sorry for the mother because Joey was her only child and she had no husband to be there for her. I pondered, "Why her? Why now? She looked healthy, she was happy, she was awake. Why her, God, why?" I started to cry again, while looking at the Bible which I happened to have with me. "Was this a sign? Is God trying to tell me something?" Just so happened that it had to happen on my last day of volunteering.
I don't think I'll be able to make it to her funeral since she's from out of town. I've never seen anyone die before my eyes. I can't imagine if something like that were to happen to someone close. =/ But anyways, must move on…
That was really hard for me to type out…*inhales, exhales*
Here I Am, Lord
I, the Lord of sea and sky,
I have heard my people cry.
All who dwell in dark and sin,
My hand will save.
Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
I, who made the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear my light to them?
Whom shall I send?
[Chorus]
I, the Lord of snow and rain,
I have borne my people's pain.
I have wept for love of them.
They turn away.
[Chorus]
I will break their hearts of stone,
Give them hearts for love alone.
I will speak my words to them.
Whom shall I send?
[Chorus]
I, the Lord of wind and flame,
I will send the poor and lame.
I will set a feast for them.
My hand will save.
[Chorus]
Finest bread I will provide,
'Til their hearts be satisfied.
I will give my life to them.
Whom shall I send?
[Chorus]
Genesis 46:2
"And God spake unto Israel in the visions of the night,
and said, Jacob, Jacob. And he said, Here am I."
***PICTURE STORY***
That afternoon, I went to the third floor playroom and made some bracelets, while watching the US Men's basketball team lose to Lithuania. =/
There was a whole new set of beads, and one fo them included letters, so I made some for Mary & Shau. Three other children came in and decided to make some as well. Bracelet making is so peaceful. =)
Around 2:30pm, I got picked up by Mary/Shau and we dropped Shau off, and then Mary and I made a quick stop at her house. There, I got to play with Garfield, lol…
Ain't he cute? Lol..=D
From there, the Yu girls and I stopped at Wal-Mart briefly, followed by heading over to Kenny's meeting/BBQ. It was pretty good I must say, although there were times of emptiness, but then that's where the Olympics filled in. =)
We started it by talking about the Labor Day Retreat, and how the NOCBC is in charge of the program. So, we brainstormed ideas for games, schedule, and music, which went pretty well. Need a new cover though for the program. This would be my first retreat with the church, but from what I heard, the turnout of people won't be as big as it used to be. Nonetheless, I love retreats; I find them fun. They remind me of Jesuit's retreats, which I found very relaxing, peaceful, fulfilling, and somewhat entertaining.
Then, it seemed like all of the girls disappeared, or had somewhere to go, which left just the guys. Hmm… In the game room, Tekken 4 was the only game played (although DDR was popped in later). I managed to add onto the nuber of versus games played (45 total, dang!) that night. It's always hilarious to watch the slow motion finishing move and make fun of it. Lol! =P
Kenny eventually announced that the BBQ chicken/sausage was done, so now it was yum yum time. Corn, red velvet cake, and homebaked custard tarts added to the excitement. ^_^;
Yum Yum. =)
Seems like someone was hungry, lol…
Animals I tell ya…ravages, hehe…=X
7 layer cake, mmm…
Lol, funniest moment on the table occurred when Jim was saying how he gained so much weight over the summer from not working out. Then, he proceeds to show his huge belly to Kenny to prove his point, lol! Oh, and that yellow volleyball has a smilet face on it. =P
Aww, so kute; it was in a corner in Kenny's room. =)
The guys ended up playing poker, and I was just there to observe; after awhile though, it got repititive, but then that's where the Olympic games came on. =)
Oh, poo-ness, looks like Danny may win this again…
Got more serious when it came down to just three people…but then…
It came down to young Kenny and Danny, who played for 5 more hours to determine the winner! I think Danny let Kenny win because he wanted to end it soon.
Watching the Olympics has never been so entertaining as that night, lol. Kenneth and I started to watch the swimming events and were getting all up into it (and he made fun of it too). Funny facial expressions. We were all like, "Look at that person; he/she's not even on the screen! That's sad…" Lol! *makes swimming motions and jumps up and down* "Go, go, go!" Haha...go go USA and 24 medals in swimming! =DDD
Then came track, lol, where the runners would make funny expression as they ran, hehe…I love the Olympics. =P
Random thought: While driving to Children's hospital, I saw a black and white Volkswagon beetle that had decals saying "GEEK Squad" Lol!
Sunday: That morning, I went to church and when I was singing, I got into it as usual; I don't care if the people behind me start giggling. Their loss. =0 And then, during Dr. Pinker's message, I started to tear up. Haha, and Carol's mom was right next to me; I hope I didn't freak her out. =P I had to leave Bible study early to go back home, so that my mom could use the car to see Exorcist: The Beginning, while my dad and I made our way to Ms. Debbie's house to celebrate my cousin's birthday.
That morning, I had said a prayer asking for my friends to in some way, some how be there for me in my time of despair. In addition, I hoped that everything went well with the family. I'll just say now that by the end of the day (or start of the new day), my prayers were answered. =)
In the backyard of the house, Ms. Debbie has a garden and a little pond. I just had to take picture of these funny creatures.
Our threshhold of eating yummy goodness.
The table of yum yum-ness.
Oh, yeah, chocolate chip ice cream cake; I luv ice cream cake…=D
Making the wish upon a red/white/blue candle.
That's a big knife…=0
Lol, after opening his gifts, he put the ribbon of one on his chin, hehe…crazy.
His gifts included cards, a CD player, Usher CD, New Found Glory CD, Kanye West CD, and a pack of Slim Jims, hehe. =D We so listened to them for a good bit.
But then, it started to get a tad boring, and I wanted to watch the Olympics, so we went to one of the rooms with a television and chilled there till it was time to go.
Random pics:
Scary doll…
Ms. Debbie's birds-Rainbow and Ditto.
Around 4pm, my dad and I made a short stop at my cousin's house, then drove to our house, where I waited till night time before going to Mike's house to watch the Olympics. That night, Mary, Mike, and I were supposed to head over to Kevin's house to watch a movie, but Mary was summoned home. Dropped her off and then waited at the new house till she was ready. However, turns out that she couldn't go, and I ended up staying at the house till like 12:30am. But that night, I experienced something phenomenal…something indescribable…something miraculous almost.
That night, my prayer was answered by two certain individuals whom I hold very close to my heart. (won't name any names but one can probably figure it out) The first answering came from a phone call, whom I got to share my experience of what had happened Saturday. I was/am thankful to have this person hear me out and be sympathetic. It really meant a lot to me. Then, that morning, I happened to read a Xanga entry that mentioned me and was basically an appreciation of who I was. I totally did not expect to read such thing at that point in time.
I couldn't really sleep that night, and stayed up till around 3:30am, just thinking about how amazing I felt. God had answered, he had delivered, he had shown me what it means to be a brother/sister of Christ. It was surreal. =D To those people, thank you so much. I have learned so much from yall and I truly think that God had sent yall as a messenger to my life. Meaning, my encountering of yall happened for a reason, beyond my control. My getting to know yall happened for a reason. *gets a lil' emotional* All I can say is…thanks be to God. =)