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"When I was in my twenties, I figured something out: if you are a weird-looking dude (which I am) and you want to date exclusively beautiful women (which I did), the key is to pursue beautiful women who are already in relationships. Let's say you live in Omaha, and you meet a hot single woman who is actively dating lots of different guys. In ( Read more... ) -
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Yesterday someone remarked that they had never seen me so mellow. I think what she meant was "Jesus, Alex, you never shut up." -
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"I tried to give advice, I really did. Nothing too complicated. Like, Stop hollering at strange girls on the street, and don't bring up the Beyonder any more than necessary. Did he listen? Of course not! Trying to talk sense to Oscar about girls was like trying to throw rocks at Unus the Untouchable. Dude was impenetrable. He'd hear me out ( Read more... ) -
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I apologized to my mom today for not taking the grownup job. -
Your Guide To Holiday Romance
Avoid any girl who won’t kiss you if your breath smells like whiskey. She has oral-purity issues that are undesirable.
http://johncarney.tumblr.com/post/58720715/your-guide-to-holiday-romance -
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Truth be told, I was a little disappointed the ice cream party turned out to be a legit ice cream party and not anything weird like people wrestling in Rocky Road. -
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Oh the great big "you're doing it wrong" macro that is my life. -
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