"Why does everyone hate France?!" "I don't know. I - ow! Stop fucking hitting me!"
This is my take on the new Transformers movie, so if you've seen it and want to discuss, please do. I'm cutting - obviously - for Spoilers. If you haven't seen it yet...well, what the fuck is wrong with you.
So, overall, I did like it. I was entertained, definitely. As Daddyraph put it, it was definitely a lizard brain movie with lots of Ooh! Ahh! Omg explosions! Omg fights! Omg action! Omg funny line! Gee! Wow! Yay!
That being said, there were definitely things I would change. I was right in my assumption that bringing in so many new character so fast would leave the old ones in the dust and limit characterization to nil. Sideswipe (more on him in a minute) got, what, two lines? One of them was "Damn, I'm good" and that was a great opening line for him. If they had furthered his character, he would have been hugely popular, I bet. But now...that's all anyone will remember him for, unless someone really dug the line "Sam! Sam!" I don't even remember getting a good look at his face. He was just some silver car replacing Jazz. And Arcee being three different motorcycles, but all collectively referred to as "Arcee"? Wtf was that about? Why was one skinny, skate-y female autobot not enough? Did we decide that we were all of a sudden uncomfortable with the gender imbalance and instead of being creative, just cut and paste the one chick we had? She had, I think, one line. Well, one of her did. Are they Arcees 1, 2, and 3? A, B, and C? Arlene, Celia and Emily?
Okay, but wait, let me go back to Sideswipe. Can I just point out that A.) Sideswipe was a Lamborghini and B.) HE HAD A TWIN. Where the hell was Sunstreaker? As I recall, -they- were the twins and they were funny all by themselves. Where the hell did we get the redneck SUV hybrid twins of Fail? They had some good lines, I'll give them that, but what did they -do- aside from fuck up Petra (which did help, I concede that point, but they did it RETARDEDLY)and make fun of the new kid? I want my funny, teamworking boys back, dammit! They had BUCKTEETH for Chrissakes.
I'm okay with what happened to Jetfire. There were already a number of characters to fulfill the soft-spoken, hugeass nice guy type role (that's how I remember old school Jetfire. It's been a while). I'm glad they brought him in and I think making him old was, if not what I expected, pretty funny.
Here are some things I did like. For all that he was only on screen for maybe half an hour of the entire movie, Bumblebee really stole the scene when he was there. I think my favorite of which was him bashing whats-her-slutty-Decepticon into the dashboard. (Which, by the way, totally validates the physical hologram theory. I totally said that out loud, verbatim, when that happened). I think he did get more characterization in this one - we know he's even more snarky than we gave him credit for, he's not above violence as a method of solving problems (Dashboard bitch slap, slamming the twins together to shut them the hell up and his spinal-cord-dectomy of Ravage), and Sam is way more important to him than we knew. Plus little things - how he always manages to show up at the right time, how he refuses to leave and how his stubbornness usually pays off...I was happy. There could have been way more, and he could have -talked- for a change, but I'm happy with what I got.
I liked Lennox in this one, a lot. I love that he and Eps got more screen time.
And how did I not notice that Ironhide has some crazy accent?
Also, just pointing out - in the first movie, "The President" is never named, but we're all pretty sure we know who he is, and that he's a big, ignorant tard. In this movie we have "President Obama", who, while never shown, does take action. (It's stupid action, mind, but he's shown to be acting in what he thinks is best for the people). Somebody's a liberal, I feel.
And I think one of my other favorite parts was how, apparently, Megatron knocked up Starscream hardcore before he died, because when he comes home (Literally, "Starscream, I'm home" or "I'm home, Starscream" as I recall), they have an effton of babies which Starscream has done a piss poor job of raising because they're all dying. He's understandably peeved - who wouldn't be if their babiesdaddy just up and died right when payments are due and there are about eleven thousand mouths to feed? So The Fallen - Starscream's Mother in Law - has been living in the house to help care for the evil grandkinder until Megatron gets his act together, stops rotting at the bottom of the ocean and starts to put bread on the table again. Win.
And I loved Wheelie. I really did.
I'll probably think of more I have to say later, but this is what I've got now. I think I'm half and half for this one. The things I liked are about equal with what I didn't, so not bad, really.
So, overall, I did like it. I was entertained, definitely. As Daddyraph put it, it was definitely a lizard brain movie with lots of Ooh! Ahh! Omg explosions! Omg fights! Omg action! Omg funny line! Gee! Wow! Yay!
That being said, there were definitely things I would change. I was right in my assumption that bringing in so many new character so fast would leave the old ones in the dust and limit characterization to nil. Sideswipe (more on him in a minute) got, what, two lines? One of them was "Damn, I'm good" and that was a great opening line for him. If they had furthered his character, he would have been hugely popular, I bet. But now...that's all anyone will remember him for, unless someone really dug the line "Sam! Sam!" I don't even remember getting a good look at his face. He was just some silver car replacing Jazz. And Arcee being three different motorcycles, but all collectively referred to as "Arcee"? Wtf was that about? Why was one skinny, skate-y female autobot not enough? Did we decide that we were all of a sudden uncomfortable with the gender imbalance and instead of being creative, just cut and paste the one chick we had? She had, I think, one line. Well, one of her did. Are they Arcees 1, 2, and 3? A, B, and C? Arlene, Celia and Emily?
Okay, but wait, let me go back to Sideswipe. Can I just point out that A.) Sideswipe was a Lamborghini and B.) HE HAD A TWIN. Where the hell was Sunstreaker? As I recall, -they- were the twins and they were funny all by themselves. Where the hell did we get the redneck SUV hybrid twins of Fail? They had some good lines, I'll give them that, but what did they -do- aside from fuck up Petra (which did help, I concede that point, but they did it RETARDEDLY)and make fun of the new kid? I want my funny, teamworking boys back, dammit! They had BUCKTEETH for Chrissakes.
I'm okay with what happened to Jetfire. There were already a number of characters to fulfill the soft-spoken, hugeass nice guy type role (that's how I remember old school Jetfire. It's been a while). I'm glad they brought him in and I think making him old was, if not what I expected, pretty funny.
Here are some things I did like. For all that he was only on screen for maybe half an hour of the entire movie, Bumblebee really stole the scene when he was there. I think my favorite of which was him bashing whats-her-slutty-Decepticon into the dashboard. (Which, by the way, totally validates the physical hologram theory. I totally said that out loud, verbatim, when that happened). I think he did get more characterization in this one - we know he's even more snarky than we gave him credit for, he's not above violence as a method of solving problems (Dashboard bitch slap, slamming the twins together to shut them the hell up and his spinal-cord-dectomy of Ravage), and Sam is way more important to him than we knew. Plus little things - how he always manages to show up at the right time, how he refuses to leave and how his stubbornness usually pays off...I was happy. There could have been way more, and he could have -talked- for a change, but I'm happy with what I got.
I liked Lennox in this one, a lot. I love that he and Eps got more screen time.
And how did I not notice that Ironhide has some crazy accent?
Also, just pointing out - in the first movie, "The President" is never named, but we're all pretty sure we know who he is, and that he's a big, ignorant tard. In this movie we have "President Obama", who, while never shown, does take action. (It's stupid action, mind, but he's shown to be acting in what he thinks is best for the people). Somebody's a liberal, I feel.
And I think one of my other favorite parts was how, apparently, Megatron knocked up Starscream hardcore before he died, because when he comes home (Literally, "Starscream, I'm home" or "I'm home, Starscream" as I recall), they have an effton of babies which Starscream has done a piss poor job of raising because they're all dying. He's understandably peeved - who wouldn't be if their babiesdaddy just up and died right when payments are due and there are about eleven thousand mouths to feed? So The Fallen - Starscream's Mother in Law - has been living in the house to help care for the evil grandkinder until Megatron gets his act together, stops rotting at the bottom of the ocean and starts to put bread on the table again. Win.
And I loved Wheelie. I really did.
I'll probably think of more I have to say later, but this is what I've got now. I think I'm half and half for this one. The things I liked are about equal with what I didn't, so not bad, really.