(no subject)
d'you ever wonder if you are still friends with someone?
or maybe why you are?
or perhaps it's more, say we are still friends then what's missing now that was there before?
je ne sais pas.
i feel unconnected from someone that i used to feel ... 'specially connected to.
not like an ordinary friend. a super friend.
and now i don't even know. nevermind.
on the other hand.
i haven't talked to [one of] my best friend[s] in months. when we do talk, there are weird pauses because she goes to a different school and she hates it and i generally like school and what is there to say when you are the person who is happier.
but the strange thing is, i don't feel that sense of urgency with her. the spreading, quickfire distance. i know i suck at keeping in touch and she isn't the greatest either, but i still have never felt like she was gone the way i feel like you are gone. and i talk to you a lot more than her and others.
certain things are inevitable.
and sometimes, you really believe it will happen in that fashion.
circumstances will force people apart.
it's weird when you realize, that isn't applicable here.
that this distance is of your own making. well yours and the other person's.
that the both of you let it happen.
then you get into that destructive thought cycle of perhaps they wanted it to happen. you allowed it and they forced it.
as appealing as the melodrama of that is, i don't think it's what happened.
but i do admit, this wasn't circumstantial.
it was you and i slacking off and finding there wasn't as much there when we weren't trying.
but maybe that's too cynical. i always wonder if there's a point in trying to figure out things in the past. maybe you should just leave the good...good.
let the horses die.
wait.
i mean let the dead horses lie.
no the saying is let sleeping dogs lie, right? where did the horses come from?
nevermind. my proverbs are failing me, so i shall stop with them.
edit: there's a saying about beating a dead horse. right? well i think that's what confused me.