When did living become so difficult?
The lows keep getting lower and I don't know how to handle it. This is just so bad. I never imagined that this could take over like it has. I am working on putting the pieces back together, but in the mean time I am just trying to get through each day. It has become so difficult to not be sad. To not be bothered and angry by something so irrational. To not take out my anger on friends, family. I am so far from me right now that it just seems impossible fix things.
My emotions are getting out of control again, but the thing is that I am trying so hard to not say things, to not get upset, to just control everything and to be happy. But I am failing far worse than I ever have before.
I have come to fear these downs so much. I'll do whatever it takes to avoid them, but they seem to just reach out and pull me into an emotional wreck.
Anna Nalick - Citadel
I'm sitting on a citadel
Contemplating life
Making a point to waste my time
I'm walking on clouds of white
What if I fall?
What if I don't?
What if I never make it home?
What if I bleed?
What if I break?
And I find that I can't take
The city below the Citadel
Holding my own hand?
And I'm breaking on the balcony
Breaking window panes
Killing the pain of broken hearts
I'm walking on clouds
Walking on stars
What if I fall?
What if I don't?
What if I never make it home?
What if I bleed?
What if I break?
And I find that I can't take
The city below the Citadel
Holding my own hand?
I'm holding on to something
It's keeping me from jumping
I'm so afraid to go it alone
And holding up this fortress
With imaginary forces
Longing for a life down below
What if I fall?
What if I don't?
What if I never make it home?
What if I bleed?
What if I break?
And I find that I can't take
The city below the Citadel
Holding my own hand?