Citizen Erased -- Chapters 4 & 5
Summary: Disoriented after her transformation into a vampire, Bella struggles with amnesia. As she learns to control her new powers and abilities, she must also come to terms with what she is ... and with the vampire she doesn’t remember marrying. Bella/Edward.
Previous Installments:
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
***
Citizen Erased
Written by Coquette
Author’s Note: Some of you misunderstood the last chapter a bit. For those of you who didn’t catch my rewrite of it, I just wanted to clarify that Alice DOES see Bella getting her memories back, and that she DOES see Bella returning to normal. Remember the vision she shared with Edward in Chapter 8 & 9 of Spiral Static. None of that has changed. Just so you know. ;)
***
Citizen Erased
Written by Coquette
Chapter Four
The face in the mirror was unfamiliar but not unpleasing.
Edward stood behind me, looming almost a full head taller than me, with his hands heavy upon my shoulders. He watched me without expression as I acquainted myself with my own appearance. I had to be careful with him watching my reaction so closely. It was difficult to act as though what I saw in the mirror didn’t surprise me. I was a little dumbstruck, to be honest.
Bella had described herself in the journals as quite plain. I could see that, reflected there in the mirror. There was nothing particularly striking about my features in and of themselves. The shocking parts were all in the details. My skin, for example. It was flawless, a heart-shaped face cut from a solid piece of quartz. I had a subtle glow about me, like Edward and the others. My hair fell in loose ringlets around my shoulders, reaching down to the middle of my back. The curls were becoming, and they softened my appearance with an air of femininity.
What captured my attention the most were my eyes. They were crimson red, unlike any eyes I’d ever seen. The Cullens didn’t have eyes like that. They caught me off guard. Frightened me.
Edward must have felt my tension through my shoulders. “You still have human blood inside of your veins,” he murmured, his mouth close to my ear. “Your eyes will change to the same color as ours eventually. Just give it time.”
I leaned into his touch unconsciously, grateful for the reassurance he offered. “People keep saying that to me. Just give it time.”
Edward spun me around gently, dragging my attention away from the face in the mirror, until I was facing him. “It will get easier,” he assured me, molding his hand to my cheek.
“They keep saying that a lot, too.”
“That’s because it’s true.”
His thumb rubbed little circles on my temple, lulling me into relaxation. Such power he held over me already. All he had to do was touch me and whisper a few little words.
Guilt gnawed at my insides, and I could barely meet his eyes. The way he was looking at me, so adoring and watchful, broke my heart. I hated lying to him. I hated that he thought I was someone I wasn’t. “I don’t know if I want to do this,” I whispered. To me, the words had a dual meaning.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“Hunt.”
He knitted his brow. “It’s what we do, Bella. You’ll fall into it easily enough. You’re built for it.”
“If you say so.”
His hand moved to rest on my shoulder again. “Tell me what you’re afraid of.”
I’m afraid of hurting you, I thought to myself. I’m afraid you’ll never forgive me for it.
“I’m thirsty,” I said, looking away from those liquid eyes that saw far too much. “All the time. It frightens me. Like I could lose control of it if I’m not careful.”
“We all deal with that every day,” he replied, his tone patient. “It’s normal. Do you want me to get you something before we go? To stave off the hunger for a bit? It’s a bit of a run to the hunting grounds.”
I nodded, my gaze still training on the ground.
Edward lifted my chin up, searching my face for a moment, his own face still wiped free of expression. I trembled under that gaze, fearful he could see right through me. But he said nothing. He just brought me close, one hand on the back of my head like I was something precious to him, and left a smoldering kiss on my forehead.
I gasped when he touched my bare skin, trembling beneath the cool pressure of his lips.
Pulling back, he took my face again in his hands. “Well, there’s something that hasn’t changed,” he said in a low voice, smiling at me crookedly. “I’ll be back in a minute with something for you to eat. The others will want to leave soon.”
Dropping one last kiss on my brow, Edward turned and slipped silently from the room. I stared at his lanky, retreating form as it disappeared down the stairs and put my hands over my face, exhaling in frustration. I just couldn’t do this to him anymore. It had been less than an hour since that terrible lie had slipped from my lips, and it was an hour too long for my mental well-being. I hated every second of it. I thought perhaps it would get easier as time went on, but with every kind word he spoke to me, every time he touched me like I was his lover, it only got worse.
I cared for him too much already.
I began to pace, furious with myself. I didn’t know what to do. I felt trapped there in that house; trapped by my own mistakes, by my own foolishness and inexplicable existence. The whole situation felt like a bad dream.
I chuckled at the thought, shaking my head unhappily. Wouldn’t that be something now, if all of this were only a dream? Perhaps I would wake up into a life that was more normal. The thought should have comforted me, but it only frightened me instead. Normality would be nice, but if this were just a dream, would he still be there if I woke up? I clung to the dream selfishly, unwilling to give him up.
As I continued to pace, something strange caught my eye in the window.
At first, I wondered if that too were part of a dream. It was so subtle, I thought I had imagined it.
The moon was out, so the lawn outside was lit up like daylight to me. My eyes caught every detail, crisp and vivid, but the colors bled together under the glare of the moonlight, splintering into shades of muted blues and grays.
That ability to see every little nuance was the only reason I saw him.
It was nothing but a shadow at first, swaying in a different direction than the wind. But then I saw the eyes watching me - a dim gold, glinting in the darkness like the eyes of a cat. At first I thought it might be Edward or one of the other Cullens. Their eyes were variations of the same golden color - all except mine. But I could hear all seven of them downstairs, readying themselves for the hunting trip.
It was a different vampire out there then, hidden amongst the trees away from the moonlight, silent and still as death. A stranger. Someone I hadn’t met yet.
I sniffed the air, trying to catch his scent, but the wind was moving the other way, carrying it away from me.
Now that I had noticed the eyes, it wasn’t difficult to focus in and make out the rest of his features, though they were still shrouded in darkness. He wasn’t very tall, but from the little I could see of his face, I could tell he was angelically beautiful. The confident way he held himself made him seem greater in stature than he really was.
His lips curled into a knowing smile, as if he knew that I could see him. And then he did the strangest thing. Eyeing me suggestively, he put one slender finger to his smiling lips ... as if to tell me to keep a secret. And then he vanished, faster than even my eyes could follow, quieter than my ears could hear. Like a phantom or a hallucination.
I blinked in confusion, scanning the forest for any sign of him. But there was nothing. Only the gentle sounds of nighttime echoed back to me, the sounds of the Cullens downstairs, chatting in low voices amongst themselves. Who was he? Did the Cullens know he was out there? They didn’t seem to hear him or smell him anymore than I did. Perhaps I had just imagined him. But I wasn’t sure if my imagination was capable of dreaming up a face that perfect.
I heard a noise behind me. Lightning fast, I spun my head around, already spooked from the sight of the stranger in the yard.
Alice was standing in the doorway, frowning at me. “Did I frighten you?” she asked in her musical voice, still lovely though she addressed me in an even, unemotional tone.
“A little,” I admitted, my shoulders still tight with tension. “You move very quietly.”
I stared at her face to see if there was any apprehension there. Had she seen or heard the vampire outside? If she had, she didn’t seem upset by his presence. Perhaps he was a friend of the family. A neighbor for all I knew. Or a family member I had yet to meet. Maybe I had imagined him after all. It didn’t seem like a vampire could be skilled enough to elude all of the Cullens at once. I tried to put it from my mind.
Alice looked upset with me, just as she had downstairs. “Did I do something to make you angry?” I asked tentatively.
“You know what you did,” was her cool reply.
My stomach turned to lead under her gaze. It wasn’t difficult to catch her meaning. I was already riddled with the guilt of it. “How did you know I lied?”
“Oh, please, Bella,” she said, rolling her golden eyes heavenward. “You’re a terrible liar. I didn’t even need to use my powers to figure that out.”
“I am? A bad liar?” It was news to me.
“Awful. You know none of us believe you, right? You wouldn’t know your own name if it hadn’t been told to you. You’d better be glad Edward gave you those journals to write in, or you’d really be lost.”
“But everyone seemed to believe me...”
“Everyone wants Edward to stop freaking out,” Alice clarified. “He’s been inconsolable for days, Bella. And it gets bad when he’s inconsolable. One thing you need to learn about Edward ... he overreacts. When he gets the faintest hint of an idea in his head, he goes full steam ahead without thinking. Like heading off to Italy before listening to reason.”
What she could mean by that, I couldn’t begin to guess. Another thing that was probably explained in the journals I had yet to finish reading.
“Everyone thinks that you’re going to get your memories back soon enough, so why not fib a bit?” she continued. “Carlisle and Esme are the only ones that agree with me. Jasper and I had an argument over it outside. He doesn’t understand why I’m upset. ”
“I’m sorry,” I said, trying to convey my sincerity. Mostly though, I think I just blubbered. I felt awful, every bit as distressed as she was. “I didn’t mean to upset anyone.”
“Then stop pretending. If you don’t tell him, I will. Though a lot of good that will do. I’ve already told him, but he’s ignoring me. He needs to hear it from you.”
“I never wanted to lie to him,” I told her, grateful for the opportunity to confide in someone. The burden had been too much to bear on my own. “I never meant any harm. But did you see his face? He looked like his heart was ready to break if I told him I didn’t remember. I ... care for him, Alice. I couldn’t stand to watch it.”
Her face softened as I spoke. “Bella ... things will return to normal. But this isn’t the way to move it along faster. I know you don’t feel like yourself, but that’s only because you’re a newborn. This new side of you is just stronger than the Bella-side of you right now. But give it time. The scales will tip in the other direction. I saw it all play out in my mind long before you were even turned. Who do you think told Edward to buy you those journals in the first place?”
I didn’t catch her meaning. “What do you mean, you’ve seen it play out?”
“You don’t know what it is that I can do?” she realized. “You haven’t read that far into the journals yet.”
I shook my head. “Are you a mind-reader like Edward?”
“No. I can see things in your future. If you stay on a certain path, that is.”
“A certain path?”
“Just trust me,” she said, staring intently into my face. She didn’t seem angry anymore. Just pleading. “Be honest with Edward, and be careful with his heart. He’s not thinking straight right now. When it comes to you, Bella, he never does. I can barely see his future at all. It keeps changing because his mind is unstable, racing from thought to thought.”
“Should I tell him the truth now? I’ll go downstairs and do it, I swear.”
Alice’s lips thinned as she pondered. “No. Just ... wait a bit. Until the right moment comes up. Ease him into it gently. I don’t know where his head is right now. He’s angry with me because of what I keep telling him in his thoughts. I’m not convinced he doesn’t already know but just doesn’t want to admit it to himself. Edward is much smarter than you think he is, Bella. He’s smarter than I am. Just keep that in mind next time you feel like fibbing.”
“I’m sorry, Alice,” I said, hanging my head a little. “I don’t mean to be so much trouble.”
The corner of her mouth pulled into a half-smile. “Oh, Bella,” she sighed, but her voice affectionate. “You wouldn’t be you if you weren’t trouble. So let that be a comfort to you.”
***
Chapter Five
The hunting trip wasn’t what I expected it to be.
Not that I knew what to expect
Esme and Carlisle stayed behind, entrusting me into the care of the younger vampires to accompany me on my first outing. We all ran together for miles and miles, through thick woods bathed in starlight. I enjoyed the experience, free from the monotony of the house at last, with the wind in my face and Edward at my side. I marveled at the strength in my legs, at the speeds they were capable of. Though admittedly, I was still slower than the rest of them. Perhaps a bit less coordinated. I wondered if some of Bella Swan’s klutziness was still haunting my movements.
The hunting grounds were up in the hills, far enough away from the city lights that shone in the distance, but not an uncomfortable distance from the house. At least, not for us.
“There are humans camping nearby,” grumbled Emmett when we came to a stop in a clearing of trees. “I caught wind of them a while back when we were running. Should we move further west? Who knows if we’ll find anything grazing there.”
I sniffed the air thoughtfully, frowning. I couldn’t smell anything. The wind kept shifting around us, stirring it all up.
“They’re probably sound asleep in their tents,” said Jasper dismissively. “We know where they are. If we stay away from them, there shouldn’t be a problem.”
I could feel apprehension grip the entire group as he spoke. I kept my mouth shut, observing in silence.
Edward’s lips were pressed into a hard, disapproving line. He had his eyes on me but addressed the others when he spoke. “Do you think she’ll be all right?”
“She’ll be fine,” Alice assured him. “If she smells a human, I think she’ll be able to control herself.” Then she looked right at Edward as if speaking silently to him, which come to think of it, she probably was. He nodded slightly, almost imperceptivity, his eyes darting in Jasper’s direction.
“Well, there you go,” said Jasper, turning his back on the group and walking toward the dark line of trees. “Bella will be fine. So what are we waiting for?” Casting a final grin our way, he slipped into the forest ahead of us.
“Watch him,” Alice said to the others under her breath. “I can’t see what he’ll do until he decides to do it.”
I didn’t really understand what she meant, but the others seemed to. We entered the thick copse of trees, following in Jasper’s footsteps, silent as the breeze that swept through the branches over my head. Something shifted in the feel of the group. It focused into something sharper, faster, deadlier. I tried to keep up, but I didn’t really understand what was happening. Edward spoke to me in a voice so low, I was certain nothing except the vampires around me could have possibly heard him.
He tried to explain to me how to give in to my other side - the predator, the monster inside of me that demanded satiation. Giving in to instinct, he called it. But I resisted, doubting myself, like a child hovering at the edge of a swimming pool, unsure of how to dive in. I felt awkward at the same time that I felt graceful. I felt misplaced. Uneager. Embarrassed. This just wasn’t me.
The prey, a herd of deer clamoring through the trees, didn’t stand a chance against any of them.
I didn’t disapprove of what they did because I understood their hunger. But I turned my face away from it all the same, feeling a wave of displeasure wash over me when I smelled the blood. It was a very good thing Edward had gotten me to eat something before we left. I was growing increasingly convinced that I wanted no part of this.
But something happened to me on that hunt. I don’t know how to describe it. Witnessing the violence ... it drew something out of me. Perhaps more of my basic memories were coming back to me, but it was more primal and instinctual than that. Bella Swan’s reactions, her hesitance, her shyness - I could see her coming through clearly in my own actions. I felt almost human as I watched them, standing there on the sidelines, petrified.
The others had transformed into something I barely recognized. Ripping, tearing, biting. Only Edward resisted, holding back, his flat black eyes searching my discomfited face. He refrained from feeding for reasons he didn’t vocalize.
The wind shifted, and a very enticing smell washed over me. Something different from the scent of the animals in the forest, different from the scent of the vampires as well. It was heady, rich, intoxicating. Hunger exploded in my mind and in my stomach, screaming at me to pay it heed. Venom filled my mouth, and I started to pant. It was nearly impossible, but I gripped my head on both sides, and managed to force down the thirst, locking it away tight in my brain.
It took me a moment, but I figured out what it was that I had detected in the air. The humans Emmett had mentioned camping nearby ... it was them. Though they were still more than a mile away, oblivious to our presence, their scent was thick in the air, carried by the ever-changing direction of the wind. The others seemed to smell it, too.
“Oh, no...” Edward breathed, and then he pulled me close as if anticipating something. His eyes were on Jasper. “Grab him!”
Had Jasper not already given himself over to his inner predator, I think he would have been able to resist the scent. But as it was, Emmett, Alice, and Rosalie were barely able to restrain him. I watched in horror, safe in Edward’s arms, as the beast within him snapped and snarled mindlessly, desperate to get away and chase after that scent. It was like watching a physical manifestation of what was going on inside of my head and stomach.
It could have easily been me there in his place. So that was why everyone thought I was going to lose myself. That was why they seemed so impressed and bewildered with my control. I hadn’t really understood before that moment.
Poor Jasper.
It took a while to calm him down, but somehow they managed it. Emmett pinned Jasper to the ground, and they lay there gasping until the fight went out of him. Alice stroked his hair, murmuring to him in a placid, soothing voice. It seemed to help pacify him.
“I suggest we leave soon,” said Rosalie, wrinkling her nose as she stared in the distance. Her eyes were black as coal. But then again, so were everyone else’s. “The wind might shift again. We should have never attempted to hunt here, especially with a newborn.”
“Don’t tell Carlisle,” muttered Emmett darkly. “He’ll be furious.”
Alice turned to look at Edward, her fingers still tangled in Jasper’s hair. “Bella?” she asked.
Edward’s hands squeezed my shoulders reassuringly. “She’s fine. She resisted, just like you said she would.”
“Thank goodness for that. I don’t think we could have handled them both.”
They started off into the woods with Jasper in tow. I was relieved to see that he seemed to be gaining control of himself again, slowly but surely. Edward kept his arms around me and guided me with even steps after them. We lagged behind the group a bit as a result, who moved with much more urgency away from the scent.
“Are you all right?” he asked when we were out of earshot.
I was having trouble thinking with the weight of his hands on me. “I wasn’t expecting Jasper to lose it like that.”
“I’m sorry you had to see that. But I’m also proud of you for not reacting the same way.” He smiled, his face shining down at me, pale as the moonlight that filtered through the trees around us. “Though I couldn’t help but notice ... you’re not joining in with the hunting.”
“No,” I admitted, hesitant. “Neither are you.”
He ignored the last part. “Does it bother you?”
“Not really. I just don’t think I want to do it myself.”
He stopped walking and turned me around to face him, pushing my hair back from my face. I shivered, eyes closing when his skin touched mine. “Do you want me to bring you something?” he asked. “I can tell that you’re thirsty. I admit I don’t really understand how you can be around all of this and not give into it. I’m barely able to myself.”
“I don’t really understand it either,” I replied quite honestly. “The stuff from the butcher - can I get more of that instead of having to kill?”
Edward looked disgusted. “If that’s what you prefer. I find it rather revolting.”
“All of it is revolting. At least I don’t have to think about where it comes from that way.”
He shook his head at me in mystification, but eventually it faded into that crooked smile I was growing so acquainted with.
“What?” I asked, feeling self-conscious.
“Nothing,” he said. “It’s just that I was so afraid that you would become this monster once you were turned. That I would have to watch you kill a human being - or at least try to at some point. That you’d be mad and ravenous like the rest of us were. And here you are, just as bothered by the thought of killing as you were as a human. But then again, you always did head in a different direction than everyone else around you. Always against the flow.”
His eyes caressed my face, so loving and sweet that it pained me. My heart was still weighed down with the guilt of my lie to him. “I’ll take you back now, if you want,” he said, his voice sliding like silk over my troubled mind.
I shook my head, momentarily dazed. “No,” I managed. “I like it out here. It’s peaceful. You should go ahead with the others and hunt. You’ve barely joined in yourself. And look.” I pulled one of the journals from my jacket pocket. “I brought reading material.”
“Hmm, nice try. But I’m not leaving you alone.” He took the journal from me, running his fingers over the leather cover. His voice was much more reserved when he spoke again, reminiscent of the first Edward I had encountered - painfully solemn. “How far have you read?”
“You just took her to the meadow.” My eyes grew wide as I caught myself. “I mean ... you just took me to the meadow.”
Oh, crap. Alice wasn’t kidding. I was awful at lying. Surely he had caught that.
But his face was free from expression when he replied. “You’ve quite a ways to go.”
A heavy silence pressed in on us. Somehow I gathered together the courage to speak again. “I-I think I owe you an apology,” I said after a long moment has passed.
He looked up at me with calm eyes. “For what?”
And there it was. The perfect moment to confess, when he was looking at me with so much quiet patience. But I couldn’t open my mouth. I was scared to death that all I had to do was say a few words to send him headfirst into despair again. The words froze my tongue. I stared at him, fearful of the fierce love that shone down at me, and kept my mouth shut.
He watched my face in silence, and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what he was thinking. “You know,” he began after a moment, his voice low and unemotional. “Alice and the others think you’re lying to me. About your memories beginning to return. Their thoughts are full of it.”
Panic gripped my insides. Still, I was unable to speak.
“But of course,” he continued, eyes still on the journal, “I already knew you were lying the second you opened your mouth.”
I cringed, waiting for it ... for him to drop the axe and tell me how furious and disappointed he was with me. But the seconds ticked by, and the hateful words never came.
“Then why did you act like you believed me?” I finally asked.
His smile was sweet and sad when he turned it on me. “I wasn’t acting like anything. I guess it just gave me reason to hope, is all. You were so Bella when you said it. I could see her there in your face, in your eyes and in your words. Her compassion, her fear of letting others down, of hurting me. The way you looked at me ... it was just like the way she would look at me whenever something frightened or upset me, and she felt helpless to do anything about it.”
He paused there, gazing off into the distance, and smiled as if remembering something fondly. “You always were a terrible actress, Bella. To think ... being reminded of that fact, to have it bring me such comfort at a time like this...” His eyes flickered back to my face, suddenly serious. “If you need to, Bella, just ... lie to me. I think it’s easier on both of us right now.”
His words slid through me like a knife. I caved under the pressure, ready to beg for his forgiveness if I had to. “Please understand,” I whispered pleadingly. “I never wanted to hurt you. I woke up to you grieving over me - desperate for me to be something I’m not. And it made me hurt, seeing it.”
But my words only made him smile more. “See? There she is again, shining in your face. Oh, Bella, forgive me. I think I’ve put too much pressure on you.”
Wait. That couldn’t be right. Why was he asking me for forgiveness? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? I turned my face away, feeling shamed by the love that radiated off of him. For him to look right at me, to know I had lied about something so sensitive and to not care - it was like being pardoned from an unforgiveable crime the very second I had committed it.
I think I fell a little bit more in love with him at that moment. It was the first time in my existence I could remember being shown unconditional love.
“You are Bella, you know,” he continued. He said it to me like a command or an incantation. “I can see that now. Written all over you. Even if you can’t.”
“I don’t feel very much like Bella,” I confessed.
He smiled at me knowingly. “Let me let you in on a little secret about her. She was never once comfortable in her own skin. I wouldn’t expect you to be either. So here’s how it’s going to be from now on between us. I’m going to treat you just as I would treat her. Like my wife because that’s exactly what you are. And you’re going to read your journals and try your best to remember. It will come back to you, and there’s nothing I can do to force that. But I’m comforted, looking at you now. Oh, Bella. Forgive me for doubting.”
He bundled me up into his arms and whispered a stream of loving words into my hair. I was speechless. How on earth had this creature fallen for someone like me? I felt so undeserving, so disgraced by the purity of it, that I could barely bring myself rest in his arms. “I’m so sorry,” was all I could say as I buried my face in his chest. “Please forgive me.”
“Hush, you silly girl,” he whispered back, stroking my back through the loose material of my shirt. “Just relax. I’ve got you.”
One of his hands slid around my cheek, and he pulled me away from his chest. Caressing my face, he nuzzled me with the tip of his nose before locking eyes with me, staring at me with obvious intent. I licked my lips nervously, unable to keep from trembling under that gaze.
He was going to kiss me.
My eyes fluttered shut and I froze, waiting. But a long moment passed, and his lips never brushed against mine.
“Not ready for that, are you?” he asked, his face very close. I could taste his breath, sweet on my tongue.
Oh, I was ready. I wanted it more than I could say. But it felt wrong somehow - to accept that kind of love from him without deserving it. I’m sure he could read the hesitance all over my face.
“It’s all right,” he said when I didn’t answer. “We’ll take things slow. I’m not going to pressure you into anything.” He held my face between both of his hands and kissed my cheek softly, his lips achingly close to mine. Then he sighed in displeasure. “Damn it all - Alice is coming back this way. They’re wondering what happened to us.”
As if on cue, Alice skipped into the clearing. She turned a knowing smile on me, obviously pleased by something. For all I knew, she had been listening to every word we’d spoken. “There you two are,” she said. “We’re taking Jasper home now. He’s calmer now that he’s fed. Are you both ready?”
Edward nodded and slipped his arm around my shoulders, guiding me toward his sister. When we reached her, he slipped his other arm around her, and we all fell into step together.
“So,” said Alice, smirking up at Edward. “Believe me now? I told you she was lying.”
“Oh, hush,” he muttered. His tone was good-natured, despite his words.
“But I guess it’s not her fault,” Alice continued. “You do tend to overreact a bit, Edward. You make us all a bit crazy, worrying about you.”
His arms tightened around us both. “Good thing I have such persistent women in my life, to keep me on the straight and narrow when I start to slip.”
Alice grinned over at me. I tried to smile back, but my thoughts were still troubled. I couldn’t help but feel a bit out of place there with the two of them. I was happy that I had a place to fit in, that I had been accepted into their hearts even when I messed up, but my vision was still clouded with uncertainty. I wanted to remember. I wanted to know what they were thinking when they looked at me. I wanted to know myself as well if not better than they knew me.
“What’s wrong, Bella?” asked Alice. “You look a bit lost over there.”
Edward’s hand squeezed my shoulder, and he pressed a kiss to my temple. “You all right?”
I sighed. “Yes. I’m just thinking is all. I’m worried. I mean ... will I remember, Alice? You said you can see the future. Do you know?”
“Well, sure, Bella. Of course you’re going to remember.”
“But when?” I pleaded.
“Hmmm, I really can’t say. When I get visions, sometimes I know exactly when an event will happen. I can name the second. But other times, I’ll just get a flash of something, usually when there’s some kind of doubt or indecision involved. I do see you with your memories back, but I have no idea when that’s going to happen.”
She shook her head, seeming slightly frustrated. “It’s been bothering me ... the last few days,” she continued. “It’s like I can’t see the way I should be able to see. Sometimes it’s there, and sometimes it just isn’t. It’s as though something is blocking me. It reminds me of when you and Edward were in Paris on your honeymoon, and that vampire...” She trailed off, her eyes growing wide in panic as something occurred to her. “Oh, damn.”
Edward and Alice both stopped walking at the exact same time, bringing the three of us to an abrupt halt. I looked up into their faces in confusion, but they didn’t offer me any kind of explanation.
Edward was staring at Alice, horror alight on his face. “What did you just say?”
“Edward...” Alice said slowly, her eyes going a bit unfocused as if she was seeing something play out in her mind. “I can’t say for certain ... but I think we need to get Bella out of Forks. Right now.”
***
To be continued.
Author’s Note: Here’s some story background information for those of you who haven’t read the prequel to this story, Spiral Static. Feel free to skip if you know all this already.
Backstory:
While on their honeymoon, Edward and Bella were attacked by a small but powerful group of vampires in Paris. Their leader, still unnamed, explained that they were hired by the Volturi to force Edward and Bella into compliance. A deadline was set for Bella to be changed into a vampire.
The leader of the vampires has special talents. Though not explained fully, he is able to block out Edward’s ability to hear his thoughts and Alice’s ability to capture him in her visions. The leader handled Bella roughly, frightened her with suggestiveness, and even had Edward tortured. For this, and for attempting to take the choice of immortality out of Bella’s hands, Edward swore revenge on the leader and the rest of the vampires.
When the deadline approached, the vampires returned to see if their demands had been fulfilled. Edward and the Cullens were ready for them and killed them with the help of the werewolves. The leader, however, was not with them at the time, much to Edward’s anger and disappointment.
Now who on earth could that have been, hiding in the woods with his finger to his lips? :)
If you would like to read more about him, pull up chapter seven of Spiral Static and meet him. He’s quite a specimen. Hopefully, not what you would expect to find in a villain. Till next time. -Coquette
Previous Installments:
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
***
Citizen Erased
Written by Coquette
Author’s Note: Some of you misunderstood the last chapter a bit. For those of you who didn’t catch my rewrite of it, I just wanted to clarify that Alice DOES see Bella getting her memories back, and that she DOES see Bella returning to normal. Remember the vision she shared with Edward in Chapter 8 & 9 of Spiral Static. None of that has changed. Just so you know. ;)
***
Citizen Erased
Written by Coquette
Chapter Four
The face in the mirror was unfamiliar but not unpleasing.
Edward stood behind me, looming almost a full head taller than me, with his hands heavy upon my shoulders. He watched me without expression as I acquainted myself with my own appearance. I had to be careful with him watching my reaction so closely. It was difficult to act as though what I saw in the mirror didn’t surprise me. I was a little dumbstruck, to be honest.
Bella had described herself in the journals as quite plain. I could see that, reflected there in the mirror. There was nothing particularly striking about my features in and of themselves. The shocking parts were all in the details. My skin, for example. It was flawless, a heart-shaped face cut from a solid piece of quartz. I had a subtle glow about me, like Edward and the others. My hair fell in loose ringlets around my shoulders, reaching down to the middle of my back. The curls were becoming, and they softened my appearance with an air of femininity.
What captured my attention the most were my eyes. They were crimson red, unlike any eyes I’d ever seen. The Cullens didn’t have eyes like that. They caught me off guard. Frightened me.
Edward must have felt my tension through my shoulders. “You still have human blood inside of your veins,” he murmured, his mouth close to my ear. “Your eyes will change to the same color as ours eventually. Just give it time.”
I leaned into his touch unconsciously, grateful for the reassurance he offered. “People keep saying that to me. Just give it time.”
Edward spun me around gently, dragging my attention away from the face in the mirror, until I was facing him. “It will get easier,” he assured me, molding his hand to my cheek.
“They keep saying that a lot, too.”
“That’s because it’s true.”
His thumb rubbed little circles on my temple, lulling me into relaxation. Such power he held over me already. All he had to do was touch me and whisper a few little words.
Guilt gnawed at my insides, and I could barely meet his eyes. The way he was looking at me, so adoring and watchful, broke my heart. I hated lying to him. I hated that he thought I was someone I wasn’t. “I don’t know if I want to do this,” I whispered. To me, the words had a dual meaning.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“Hunt.”
He knitted his brow. “It’s what we do, Bella. You’ll fall into it easily enough. You’re built for it.”
“If you say so.”
His hand moved to rest on my shoulder again. “Tell me what you’re afraid of.”
I’m afraid of hurting you, I thought to myself. I’m afraid you’ll never forgive me for it.
“I’m thirsty,” I said, looking away from those liquid eyes that saw far too much. “All the time. It frightens me. Like I could lose control of it if I’m not careful.”
“We all deal with that every day,” he replied, his tone patient. “It’s normal. Do you want me to get you something before we go? To stave off the hunger for a bit? It’s a bit of a run to the hunting grounds.”
I nodded, my gaze still training on the ground.
Edward lifted my chin up, searching my face for a moment, his own face still wiped free of expression. I trembled under that gaze, fearful he could see right through me. But he said nothing. He just brought me close, one hand on the back of my head like I was something precious to him, and left a smoldering kiss on my forehead.
I gasped when he touched my bare skin, trembling beneath the cool pressure of his lips.
Pulling back, he took my face again in his hands. “Well, there’s something that hasn’t changed,” he said in a low voice, smiling at me crookedly. “I’ll be back in a minute with something for you to eat. The others will want to leave soon.”
Dropping one last kiss on my brow, Edward turned and slipped silently from the room. I stared at his lanky, retreating form as it disappeared down the stairs and put my hands over my face, exhaling in frustration. I just couldn’t do this to him anymore. It had been less than an hour since that terrible lie had slipped from my lips, and it was an hour too long for my mental well-being. I hated every second of it. I thought perhaps it would get easier as time went on, but with every kind word he spoke to me, every time he touched me like I was his lover, it only got worse.
I cared for him too much already.
I began to pace, furious with myself. I didn’t know what to do. I felt trapped there in that house; trapped by my own mistakes, by my own foolishness and inexplicable existence. The whole situation felt like a bad dream.
I chuckled at the thought, shaking my head unhappily. Wouldn’t that be something now, if all of this were only a dream? Perhaps I would wake up into a life that was more normal. The thought should have comforted me, but it only frightened me instead. Normality would be nice, but if this were just a dream, would he still be there if I woke up? I clung to the dream selfishly, unwilling to give him up.
As I continued to pace, something strange caught my eye in the window.
At first, I wondered if that too were part of a dream. It was so subtle, I thought I had imagined it.
The moon was out, so the lawn outside was lit up like daylight to me. My eyes caught every detail, crisp and vivid, but the colors bled together under the glare of the moonlight, splintering into shades of muted blues and grays.
That ability to see every little nuance was the only reason I saw him.
It was nothing but a shadow at first, swaying in a different direction than the wind. But then I saw the eyes watching me - a dim gold, glinting in the darkness like the eyes of a cat. At first I thought it might be Edward or one of the other Cullens. Their eyes were variations of the same golden color - all except mine. But I could hear all seven of them downstairs, readying themselves for the hunting trip.
It was a different vampire out there then, hidden amongst the trees away from the moonlight, silent and still as death. A stranger. Someone I hadn’t met yet.
I sniffed the air, trying to catch his scent, but the wind was moving the other way, carrying it away from me.
Now that I had noticed the eyes, it wasn’t difficult to focus in and make out the rest of his features, though they were still shrouded in darkness. He wasn’t very tall, but from the little I could see of his face, I could tell he was angelically beautiful. The confident way he held himself made him seem greater in stature than he really was.
His lips curled into a knowing smile, as if he knew that I could see him. And then he did the strangest thing. Eyeing me suggestively, he put one slender finger to his smiling lips ... as if to tell me to keep a secret. And then he vanished, faster than even my eyes could follow, quieter than my ears could hear. Like a phantom or a hallucination.
I blinked in confusion, scanning the forest for any sign of him. But there was nothing. Only the gentle sounds of nighttime echoed back to me, the sounds of the Cullens downstairs, chatting in low voices amongst themselves. Who was he? Did the Cullens know he was out there? They didn’t seem to hear him or smell him anymore than I did. Perhaps I had just imagined him. But I wasn’t sure if my imagination was capable of dreaming up a face that perfect.
I heard a noise behind me. Lightning fast, I spun my head around, already spooked from the sight of the stranger in the yard.
Alice was standing in the doorway, frowning at me. “Did I frighten you?” she asked in her musical voice, still lovely though she addressed me in an even, unemotional tone.
“A little,” I admitted, my shoulders still tight with tension. “You move very quietly.”
I stared at her face to see if there was any apprehension there. Had she seen or heard the vampire outside? If she had, she didn’t seem upset by his presence. Perhaps he was a friend of the family. A neighbor for all I knew. Or a family member I had yet to meet. Maybe I had imagined him after all. It didn’t seem like a vampire could be skilled enough to elude all of the Cullens at once. I tried to put it from my mind.
Alice looked upset with me, just as she had downstairs. “Did I do something to make you angry?” I asked tentatively.
“You know what you did,” was her cool reply.
My stomach turned to lead under her gaze. It wasn’t difficult to catch her meaning. I was already riddled with the guilt of it. “How did you know I lied?”
“Oh, please, Bella,” she said, rolling her golden eyes heavenward. “You’re a terrible liar. I didn’t even need to use my powers to figure that out.”
“I am? A bad liar?” It was news to me.
“Awful. You know none of us believe you, right? You wouldn’t know your own name if it hadn’t been told to you. You’d better be glad Edward gave you those journals to write in, or you’d really be lost.”
“But everyone seemed to believe me...”
“Everyone wants Edward to stop freaking out,” Alice clarified. “He’s been inconsolable for days, Bella. And it gets bad when he’s inconsolable. One thing you need to learn about Edward ... he overreacts. When he gets the faintest hint of an idea in his head, he goes full steam ahead without thinking. Like heading off to Italy before listening to reason.”
What she could mean by that, I couldn’t begin to guess. Another thing that was probably explained in the journals I had yet to finish reading.
“Everyone thinks that you’re going to get your memories back soon enough, so why not fib a bit?” she continued. “Carlisle and Esme are the only ones that agree with me. Jasper and I had an argument over it outside. He doesn’t understand why I’m upset. ”
“I’m sorry,” I said, trying to convey my sincerity. Mostly though, I think I just blubbered. I felt awful, every bit as distressed as she was. “I didn’t mean to upset anyone.”
“Then stop pretending. If you don’t tell him, I will. Though a lot of good that will do. I’ve already told him, but he’s ignoring me. He needs to hear it from you.”
“I never wanted to lie to him,” I told her, grateful for the opportunity to confide in someone. The burden had been too much to bear on my own. “I never meant any harm. But did you see his face? He looked like his heart was ready to break if I told him I didn’t remember. I ... care for him, Alice. I couldn’t stand to watch it.”
Her face softened as I spoke. “Bella ... things will return to normal. But this isn’t the way to move it along faster. I know you don’t feel like yourself, but that’s only because you’re a newborn. This new side of you is just stronger than the Bella-side of you right now. But give it time. The scales will tip in the other direction. I saw it all play out in my mind long before you were even turned. Who do you think told Edward to buy you those journals in the first place?”
I didn’t catch her meaning. “What do you mean, you’ve seen it play out?”
“You don’t know what it is that I can do?” she realized. “You haven’t read that far into the journals yet.”
I shook my head. “Are you a mind-reader like Edward?”
“No. I can see things in your future. If you stay on a certain path, that is.”
“A certain path?”
“Just trust me,” she said, staring intently into my face. She didn’t seem angry anymore. Just pleading. “Be honest with Edward, and be careful with his heart. He’s not thinking straight right now. When it comes to you, Bella, he never does. I can barely see his future at all. It keeps changing because his mind is unstable, racing from thought to thought.”
“Should I tell him the truth now? I’ll go downstairs and do it, I swear.”
Alice’s lips thinned as she pondered. “No. Just ... wait a bit. Until the right moment comes up. Ease him into it gently. I don’t know where his head is right now. He’s angry with me because of what I keep telling him in his thoughts. I’m not convinced he doesn’t already know but just doesn’t want to admit it to himself. Edward is much smarter than you think he is, Bella. He’s smarter than I am. Just keep that in mind next time you feel like fibbing.”
“I’m sorry, Alice,” I said, hanging my head a little. “I don’t mean to be so much trouble.”
The corner of her mouth pulled into a half-smile. “Oh, Bella,” she sighed, but her voice affectionate. “You wouldn’t be you if you weren’t trouble. So let that be a comfort to you.”
***
Chapter Five
The hunting trip wasn’t what I expected it to be.
Not that I knew what to expect
Esme and Carlisle stayed behind, entrusting me into the care of the younger vampires to accompany me on my first outing. We all ran together for miles and miles, through thick woods bathed in starlight. I enjoyed the experience, free from the monotony of the house at last, with the wind in my face and Edward at my side. I marveled at the strength in my legs, at the speeds they were capable of. Though admittedly, I was still slower than the rest of them. Perhaps a bit less coordinated. I wondered if some of Bella Swan’s klutziness was still haunting my movements.
The hunting grounds were up in the hills, far enough away from the city lights that shone in the distance, but not an uncomfortable distance from the house. At least, not for us.
“There are humans camping nearby,” grumbled Emmett when we came to a stop in a clearing of trees. “I caught wind of them a while back when we were running. Should we move further west? Who knows if we’ll find anything grazing there.”
I sniffed the air thoughtfully, frowning. I couldn’t smell anything. The wind kept shifting around us, stirring it all up.
“They’re probably sound asleep in their tents,” said Jasper dismissively. “We know where they are. If we stay away from them, there shouldn’t be a problem.”
I could feel apprehension grip the entire group as he spoke. I kept my mouth shut, observing in silence.
Edward’s lips were pressed into a hard, disapproving line. He had his eyes on me but addressed the others when he spoke. “Do you think she’ll be all right?”
“She’ll be fine,” Alice assured him. “If she smells a human, I think she’ll be able to control herself.” Then she looked right at Edward as if speaking silently to him, which come to think of it, she probably was. He nodded slightly, almost imperceptivity, his eyes darting in Jasper’s direction.
“Well, there you go,” said Jasper, turning his back on the group and walking toward the dark line of trees. “Bella will be fine. So what are we waiting for?” Casting a final grin our way, he slipped into the forest ahead of us.
“Watch him,” Alice said to the others under her breath. “I can’t see what he’ll do until he decides to do it.”
I didn’t really understand what she meant, but the others seemed to. We entered the thick copse of trees, following in Jasper’s footsteps, silent as the breeze that swept through the branches over my head. Something shifted in the feel of the group. It focused into something sharper, faster, deadlier. I tried to keep up, but I didn’t really understand what was happening. Edward spoke to me in a voice so low, I was certain nothing except the vampires around me could have possibly heard him.
He tried to explain to me how to give in to my other side - the predator, the monster inside of me that demanded satiation. Giving in to instinct, he called it. But I resisted, doubting myself, like a child hovering at the edge of a swimming pool, unsure of how to dive in. I felt awkward at the same time that I felt graceful. I felt misplaced. Uneager. Embarrassed. This just wasn’t me.
The prey, a herd of deer clamoring through the trees, didn’t stand a chance against any of them.
I didn’t disapprove of what they did because I understood their hunger. But I turned my face away from it all the same, feeling a wave of displeasure wash over me when I smelled the blood. It was a very good thing Edward had gotten me to eat something before we left. I was growing increasingly convinced that I wanted no part of this.
But something happened to me on that hunt. I don’t know how to describe it. Witnessing the violence ... it drew something out of me. Perhaps more of my basic memories were coming back to me, but it was more primal and instinctual than that. Bella Swan’s reactions, her hesitance, her shyness - I could see her coming through clearly in my own actions. I felt almost human as I watched them, standing there on the sidelines, petrified.
The others had transformed into something I barely recognized. Ripping, tearing, biting. Only Edward resisted, holding back, his flat black eyes searching my discomfited face. He refrained from feeding for reasons he didn’t vocalize.
The wind shifted, and a very enticing smell washed over me. Something different from the scent of the animals in the forest, different from the scent of the vampires as well. It was heady, rich, intoxicating. Hunger exploded in my mind and in my stomach, screaming at me to pay it heed. Venom filled my mouth, and I started to pant. It was nearly impossible, but I gripped my head on both sides, and managed to force down the thirst, locking it away tight in my brain.
It took me a moment, but I figured out what it was that I had detected in the air. The humans Emmett had mentioned camping nearby ... it was them. Though they were still more than a mile away, oblivious to our presence, their scent was thick in the air, carried by the ever-changing direction of the wind. The others seemed to smell it, too.
“Oh, no...” Edward breathed, and then he pulled me close as if anticipating something. His eyes were on Jasper. “Grab him!”
Had Jasper not already given himself over to his inner predator, I think he would have been able to resist the scent. But as it was, Emmett, Alice, and Rosalie were barely able to restrain him. I watched in horror, safe in Edward’s arms, as the beast within him snapped and snarled mindlessly, desperate to get away and chase after that scent. It was like watching a physical manifestation of what was going on inside of my head and stomach.
It could have easily been me there in his place. So that was why everyone thought I was going to lose myself. That was why they seemed so impressed and bewildered with my control. I hadn’t really understood before that moment.
Poor Jasper.
It took a while to calm him down, but somehow they managed it. Emmett pinned Jasper to the ground, and they lay there gasping until the fight went out of him. Alice stroked his hair, murmuring to him in a placid, soothing voice. It seemed to help pacify him.
“I suggest we leave soon,” said Rosalie, wrinkling her nose as she stared in the distance. Her eyes were black as coal. But then again, so were everyone else’s. “The wind might shift again. We should have never attempted to hunt here, especially with a newborn.”
“Don’t tell Carlisle,” muttered Emmett darkly. “He’ll be furious.”
Alice turned to look at Edward, her fingers still tangled in Jasper’s hair. “Bella?” she asked.
Edward’s hands squeezed my shoulders reassuringly. “She’s fine. She resisted, just like you said she would.”
“Thank goodness for that. I don’t think we could have handled them both.”
They started off into the woods with Jasper in tow. I was relieved to see that he seemed to be gaining control of himself again, slowly but surely. Edward kept his arms around me and guided me with even steps after them. We lagged behind the group a bit as a result, who moved with much more urgency away from the scent.
“Are you all right?” he asked when we were out of earshot.
I was having trouble thinking with the weight of his hands on me. “I wasn’t expecting Jasper to lose it like that.”
“I’m sorry you had to see that. But I’m also proud of you for not reacting the same way.” He smiled, his face shining down at me, pale as the moonlight that filtered through the trees around us. “Though I couldn’t help but notice ... you’re not joining in with the hunting.”
“No,” I admitted, hesitant. “Neither are you.”
He ignored the last part. “Does it bother you?”
“Not really. I just don’t think I want to do it myself.”
He stopped walking and turned me around to face him, pushing my hair back from my face. I shivered, eyes closing when his skin touched mine. “Do you want me to bring you something?” he asked. “I can tell that you’re thirsty. I admit I don’t really understand how you can be around all of this and not give into it. I’m barely able to myself.”
“I don’t really understand it either,” I replied quite honestly. “The stuff from the butcher - can I get more of that instead of having to kill?”
Edward looked disgusted. “If that’s what you prefer. I find it rather revolting.”
“All of it is revolting. At least I don’t have to think about where it comes from that way.”
He shook his head at me in mystification, but eventually it faded into that crooked smile I was growing so acquainted with.
“What?” I asked, feeling self-conscious.
“Nothing,” he said. “It’s just that I was so afraid that you would become this monster once you were turned. That I would have to watch you kill a human being - or at least try to at some point. That you’d be mad and ravenous like the rest of us were. And here you are, just as bothered by the thought of killing as you were as a human. But then again, you always did head in a different direction than everyone else around you. Always against the flow.”
His eyes caressed my face, so loving and sweet that it pained me. My heart was still weighed down with the guilt of my lie to him. “I’ll take you back now, if you want,” he said, his voice sliding like silk over my troubled mind.
I shook my head, momentarily dazed. “No,” I managed. “I like it out here. It’s peaceful. You should go ahead with the others and hunt. You’ve barely joined in yourself. And look.” I pulled one of the journals from my jacket pocket. “I brought reading material.”
“Hmm, nice try. But I’m not leaving you alone.” He took the journal from me, running his fingers over the leather cover. His voice was much more reserved when he spoke again, reminiscent of the first Edward I had encountered - painfully solemn. “How far have you read?”
“You just took her to the meadow.” My eyes grew wide as I caught myself. “I mean ... you just took me to the meadow.”
Oh, crap. Alice wasn’t kidding. I was awful at lying. Surely he had caught that.
But his face was free from expression when he replied. “You’ve quite a ways to go.”
A heavy silence pressed in on us. Somehow I gathered together the courage to speak again. “I-I think I owe you an apology,” I said after a long moment has passed.
He looked up at me with calm eyes. “For what?”
And there it was. The perfect moment to confess, when he was looking at me with so much quiet patience. But I couldn’t open my mouth. I was scared to death that all I had to do was say a few words to send him headfirst into despair again. The words froze my tongue. I stared at him, fearful of the fierce love that shone down at me, and kept my mouth shut.
He watched my face in silence, and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what he was thinking. “You know,” he began after a moment, his voice low and unemotional. “Alice and the others think you’re lying to me. About your memories beginning to return. Their thoughts are full of it.”
Panic gripped my insides. Still, I was unable to speak.
“But of course,” he continued, eyes still on the journal, “I already knew you were lying the second you opened your mouth.”
I cringed, waiting for it ... for him to drop the axe and tell me how furious and disappointed he was with me. But the seconds ticked by, and the hateful words never came.
“Then why did you act like you believed me?” I finally asked.
His smile was sweet and sad when he turned it on me. “I wasn’t acting like anything. I guess it just gave me reason to hope, is all. You were so Bella when you said it. I could see her there in your face, in your eyes and in your words. Her compassion, her fear of letting others down, of hurting me. The way you looked at me ... it was just like the way she would look at me whenever something frightened or upset me, and she felt helpless to do anything about it.”
He paused there, gazing off into the distance, and smiled as if remembering something fondly. “You always were a terrible actress, Bella. To think ... being reminded of that fact, to have it bring me such comfort at a time like this...” His eyes flickered back to my face, suddenly serious. “If you need to, Bella, just ... lie to me. I think it’s easier on both of us right now.”
His words slid through me like a knife. I caved under the pressure, ready to beg for his forgiveness if I had to. “Please understand,” I whispered pleadingly. “I never wanted to hurt you. I woke up to you grieving over me - desperate for me to be something I’m not. And it made me hurt, seeing it.”
But my words only made him smile more. “See? There she is again, shining in your face. Oh, Bella, forgive me. I think I’ve put too much pressure on you.”
Wait. That couldn’t be right. Why was he asking me for forgiveness? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? I turned my face away, feeling shamed by the love that radiated off of him. For him to look right at me, to know I had lied about something so sensitive and to not care - it was like being pardoned from an unforgiveable crime the very second I had committed it.
I think I fell a little bit more in love with him at that moment. It was the first time in my existence I could remember being shown unconditional love.
“You are Bella, you know,” he continued. He said it to me like a command or an incantation. “I can see that now. Written all over you. Even if you can’t.”
“I don’t feel very much like Bella,” I confessed.
He smiled at me knowingly. “Let me let you in on a little secret about her. She was never once comfortable in her own skin. I wouldn’t expect you to be either. So here’s how it’s going to be from now on between us. I’m going to treat you just as I would treat her. Like my wife because that’s exactly what you are. And you’re going to read your journals and try your best to remember. It will come back to you, and there’s nothing I can do to force that. But I’m comforted, looking at you now. Oh, Bella. Forgive me for doubting.”
He bundled me up into his arms and whispered a stream of loving words into my hair. I was speechless. How on earth had this creature fallen for someone like me? I felt so undeserving, so disgraced by the purity of it, that I could barely bring myself rest in his arms. “I’m so sorry,” was all I could say as I buried my face in his chest. “Please forgive me.”
“Hush, you silly girl,” he whispered back, stroking my back through the loose material of my shirt. “Just relax. I’ve got you.”
One of his hands slid around my cheek, and he pulled me away from his chest. Caressing my face, he nuzzled me with the tip of his nose before locking eyes with me, staring at me with obvious intent. I licked my lips nervously, unable to keep from trembling under that gaze.
He was going to kiss me.
My eyes fluttered shut and I froze, waiting. But a long moment passed, and his lips never brushed against mine.
“Not ready for that, are you?” he asked, his face very close. I could taste his breath, sweet on my tongue.
Oh, I was ready. I wanted it more than I could say. But it felt wrong somehow - to accept that kind of love from him without deserving it. I’m sure he could read the hesitance all over my face.
“It’s all right,” he said when I didn’t answer. “We’ll take things slow. I’m not going to pressure you into anything.” He held my face between both of his hands and kissed my cheek softly, his lips achingly close to mine. Then he sighed in displeasure. “Damn it all - Alice is coming back this way. They’re wondering what happened to us.”
As if on cue, Alice skipped into the clearing. She turned a knowing smile on me, obviously pleased by something. For all I knew, she had been listening to every word we’d spoken. “There you two are,” she said. “We’re taking Jasper home now. He’s calmer now that he’s fed. Are you both ready?”
Edward nodded and slipped his arm around my shoulders, guiding me toward his sister. When we reached her, he slipped his other arm around her, and we all fell into step together.
“So,” said Alice, smirking up at Edward. “Believe me now? I told you she was lying.”
“Oh, hush,” he muttered. His tone was good-natured, despite his words.
“But I guess it’s not her fault,” Alice continued. “You do tend to overreact a bit, Edward. You make us all a bit crazy, worrying about you.”
His arms tightened around us both. “Good thing I have such persistent women in my life, to keep me on the straight and narrow when I start to slip.”
Alice grinned over at me. I tried to smile back, but my thoughts were still troubled. I couldn’t help but feel a bit out of place there with the two of them. I was happy that I had a place to fit in, that I had been accepted into their hearts even when I messed up, but my vision was still clouded with uncertainty. I wanted to remember. I wanted to know what they were thinking when they looked at me. I wanted to know myself as well if not better than they knew me.
“What’s wrong, Bella?” asked Alice. “You look a bit lost over there.”
Edward’s hand squeezed my shoulder, and he pressed a kiss to my temple. “You all right?”
I sighed. “Yes. I’m just thinking is all. I’m worried. I mean ... will I remember, Alice? You said you can see the future. Do you know?”
“Well, sure, Bella. Of course you’re going to remember.”
“But when?” I pleaded.
“Hmmm, I really can’t say. When I get visions, sometimes I know exactly when an event will happen. I can name the second. But other times, I’ll just get a flash of something, usually when there’s some kind of doubt or indecision involved. I do see you with your memories back, but I have no idea when that’s going to happen.”
She shook her head, seeming slightly frustrated. “It’s been bothering me ... the last few days,” she continued. “It’s like I can’t see the way I should be able to see. Sometimes it’s there, and sometimes it just isn’t. It’s as though something is blocking me. It reminds me of when you and Edward were in Paris on your honeymoon, and that vampire...” She trailed off, her eyes growing wide in panic as something occurred to her. “Oh, damn.”
Edward and Alice both stopped walking at the exact same time, bringing the three of us to an abrupt halt. I looked up into their faces in confusion, but they didn’t offer me any kind of explanation.
Edward was staring at Alice, horror alight on his face. “What did you just say?”
“Edward...” Alice said slowly, her eyes going a bit unfocused as if she was seeing something play out in her mind. “I can’t say for certain ... but I think we need to get Bella out of Forks. Right now.”
***
To be continued.
Author’s Note: Here’s some story background information for those of you who haven’t read the prequel to this story, Spiral Static. Feel free to skip if you know all this already.
Backstory:
While on their honeymoon, Edward and Bella were attacked by a small but powerful group of vampires in Paris. Their leader, still unnamed, explained that they were hired by the Volturi to force Edward and Bella into compliance. A deadline was set for Bella to be changed into a vampire.
The leader of the vampires has special talents. Though not explained fully, he is able to block out Edward’s ability to hear his thoughts and Alice’s ability to capture him in her visions. The leader handled Bella roughly, frightened her with suggestiveness, and even had Edward tortured. For this, and for attempting to take the choice of immortality out of Bella’s hands, Edward swore revenge on the leader and the rest of the vampires.
When the deadline approached, the vampires returned to see if their demands had been fulfilled. Edward and the Cullens were ready for them and killed them with the help of the werewolves. The leader, however, was not with them at the time, much to Edward’s anger and disappointment.
Now who on earth could that have been, hiding in the woods with his finger to his lips? :)
If you would like to read more about him, pull up chapter seven of Spiral Static and meet him. He’s quite a specimen. Hopefully, not what you would expect to find in a villain. Till next time. -Coquette