Are there any extra support mechanisms available to the family? It sounds like sitting down with a group of other parents of autistic children might be very helpful to this mother.
This youtube video (and others by its creator) was truly eye-opening to me when it comes to autism. Autism wasn't really an interest of mine back when I was still doing the psychology thing, but this made me realize that there's a lot more going on with autistic people than meets the eye. I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on it as well...
The family has supports available (that they are maybe kinda not so much using), and mom has come to our parent support group, our parent education group, and has her own individual therapy. Mom just really, really, really wants her daughter to be "normal" like her brother, and it kills her that she's not. I'm not faulting her for that though. I can only imagine it must be devastating to lose the idea of having one's child be a normal, perfect child just like everyone else, and goodness knows it makes the incredibly difficult job of being a parent exponentially more difficult. But it was like, oh my god woman, I've just told you that your daughter is, for the first time in her life, relating to people LIKE A PERSON, and you're harping on how many pages are in her books? Please...
I feel for her, I really, really do, but that exchange was just maddening.
I would love to talk some time about autism and what's going on behind the screens of sensory dysregulation and disconnectedness. There's a lot there. I mean A LOT.
Rock on! And, eh... kind of. I tap into the just slightly when I do things like play video games, and more so with GH because of the 'rocking out' aspect that doesn't mix well with demureness.
(And as an aside, this game is kicking my ass. In GH2 I've finally started to get to a point where the Hard level is starting to gel. It's not easy yet, and certainly not as 99-100% playable as Medium, but I think I'm starting to get it. Except I'm stuck on the set with Carry Me Home and Psychobilly Freak-out, and those songs are freakin insane! I don't see myself beating them (at least not without waaaaay too many hours/days of practice.)
The parent just might not really understand, comprehend or come to terms yet with the fact that her child will ALWAYS be different, that no amount of therapy or drugs or anything else will help to the point of her baby girl being "normal". I'm not a parent but I think that would be a really hard thing to deal with, especially if she's just learning it. She may need therapy of her own to deal with it and it seems needs something(maybe a support group as mentioned or a Q&A with a doctor) to help her understand the situation better.
She understands. Her daughter is 13. She's had a lot of time to sit with the idea. You're right though, in that she has yet to come to terms with it. She knows, intellectually, that her daughter is severely limited, and that while the potential for progress is great, she will never be the normal ideal daughter she'd imagined. But emotionally, she's just not there. I commented to brbrbrad about her supports and therapy and whatnot, but there's something she hasn't been able to work through in this, a quality of true acceptance, that eludes her. She "knows" that no such thing exists, but the feelings underlying her words belie her desperation for a magic potion, a quick fix, a do-over.
It's sad, and it hurts (in a therapisty way) to see her struggle so hard with it. Most of the time I feel a great deal of compassion for her about this, but right then it was overshadowed by a resounding WTF.
Well, why HAVEN'T you fixed her? I mean, what the hell?! What are you people even doing there anyway? ~~~
Last night Gwen and I watched the film "Ordinary People" (Timothy Hutton, Mary Tyler Moore, Donald Sutherland). It had been on my to-see list for cultural literacy purposes for some time, but I'm really glad to now have it under my belt because it's a great movie at face value-- not just for cultural literacy. If you haven't seen it, I recommend it. It really demonstrates how fairly normal people can inflict tremendous damage on their children without even trying, much like your parent might be doing in your example. Maybe the movie wouldn't be illuminating for you at all, given the industry you work in, but I found it to be an elegant portrait of dysfunctional normalcy.
I know, I know. I haven't fixed her yet, and it's all my fault. It's because I'm not a good enough therapist. Maybe if I stopped sitting on my ass and ignoring the kids all day, she'd be better by now. ;->
(Heh, thanks, that was fun!)
I've heard of that movie, but never seen it. Now I'm even more motivated to check it out.
Hearing all this crap about what you deal with child and parent wise gives me a whole new perspective on my friend's mother. This woman has 5 kids. The middle one (and only boy) is autistic. Mom has had many sugeries on her back (taking out/fusing disks etc.) and some how manages to raise 4 girls and an autistic son. I sorta lose a little respect for your parent an her 2 kid situation and gain a whole new respect for my friend's mom!
(the down side to college is learning about all the things your child might be born with.)
well, She's got a cabinet full of perks and valium...so all else fails she can go into a drugged up stupor. lol The local paper did give her a little award and do an article on her. Something about local beefy women who deserve medals and free massages and vacations. lol
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This youtube video (and others by its creator) was truly eye-opening to me when it comes to autism. Autism wasn't really an interest of mine back when I was still doing the psychology thing, but this made me realize that there's a lot more going on with autistic people than meets the eye. I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on it as well...
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I feel for her, I really, really do, but that exchange was just maddening.
I would love to talk some time about autism and what's going on behind the screens of sensory dysregulation and disconnectedness. There's a lot there. I mean A LOT.
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I ended up naming my Cabbage Patch doll Jessica. Now that I think back to it, I really miss her. :'(
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I know I look all sweetness, but I can only contain the feisty for so long. It's gotta come out somehow.
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(And as an aside, this game is kicking my ass. In GH2 I've finally started to get to a point where the Hard level is starting to gel. It's not easy yet, and certainly not as 99-100% playable as Medium, but I think I'm starting to get it. Except I'm stuck on the set with Carry Me Home and Psychobilly Freak-out, and those songs are freakin insane! I don't see myself beating them (at least not without waaaaay too many hours/days of practice.)
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It's sad, and it hurts (in a therapisty way) to see her struggle so hard with it. Most of the time I feel a great deal of compassion for her about this, but right then it was overshadowed by a resounding WTF.
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~~~
Last night Gwen and I watched the film "Ordinary People" (Timothy Hutton, Mary Tyler Moore, Donald Sutherland). It had been on my to-see list for cultural literacy purposes for some time, but I'm really glad to now have it under my belt because it's a great movie at face value-- not just for cultural literacy. If you haven't seen it, I recommend it. It really demonstrates how fairly normal people can inflict tremendous damage on their children without even trying, much like your parent might be doing in your example. Maybe the movie wouldn't be illuminating for you at all, given the industry you work in, but I found it to be an elegant portrait of dysfunctional normalcy.
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(Heh, thanks, that was fun!)
I've heard of that movie, but never seen it. Now I'm even more motivated to check it out.
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Hearing all this crap about what you deal with child and parent wise gives me a whole new perspective on my friend's mother. This woman has 5 kids. The middle one (and only boy) is autistic. Mom has had many sugeries on her back (taking out/fusing disks etc.) and some how manages to raise 4 girls and an autistic son. I sorta lose a little respect for your parent an her 2 kid situation and gain a whole new respect for my friend's mom!
(the down side to college is learning about all the things your child might be born with.)
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I hear ya on that downside...
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