Loss
So today after work I got home, put my tarp in the cab of the truck and got Trin's leash. She didn't want to come with me at first, so she was kinda cowering on her bed. After I got the lead on her and coaxed her out of the yard she hopped up into my truck with no protest. She actually got in without my forcing her, hehe. So I started my engine to keep the cab from getting too hot and Cassie walked up from the bus-stop. She asked if I was going to the vet's, and I barely kept any ounce of composure as I nodded and she helped me seatbelt Trin into the cab. Trin laid down during the short drive.
I pulled into the parking lot and told Cassie to stay with the dog in the truck with the engine on and the AC on so I could see what stuff I needed to fill out. I signed my paperwork and paid... crying while the people talked to me, lol, and went out to bring Trin inside so she didn't have to be crammed in the back of my truck cab. They weighed her again and she had lost eleven pounds since my last visit (she was 68 pounds last time we were there, and 57 tonight). I knew she had been losing weight, because I could feel and see it, but seeing it on the scale was almost gut-wrenching. They took us into the back room and Cassie and I sat together talking and waiting for the vet. She came into the room several minutes later and looked Trin over. I told her everything that I had done in my efforts to avoid this visit, and she shook her head, saying that even if I had come up with the money for surgery it probably would not have helped.
So she went to the back to get the first shot that they were going to give to Trin, which was a sedative. Cassie played with Trin, making her do this cute little nibbly thing at her fingers that I will never ever forget. So the vet comes back in and asked me to hold Trin's head. I held her and the lady gave Trin the shot. My dog yelped, and the vet actually started, lol. Trin's little yelpy bark thing scared her. She said that she had forgotten that shepherds sound like that. She left the room, and I guided Trin over to the blankets they had put down for us.
Trin got real still. We coaxed her into lying on the floor and Cassie and I sat and talked to her while the sedative worked. She was pretty much out of it before a full minute was up and I was glad that I had not waited to bring her over to the blankets. The vet came in again and asked if we were ready to finish the job. I felt my body kinda lock up. I tugged at Trin's ears and the vet started to explain what would happen when they did it. I shook my head. I really didn't want to watch when she stopped breathing. I told her that and she gave me a little doggy lapel pin and I laughed a little, because the pin is kinda silly. I asked to keep the collar and the vet obliged me, helping me get it off since I was too shaky to do it myself. I thanked her for her help and stumbled out of the room.
"As far as she knows, you were there with her until the end," that is something the vet told me that will be hard to forget.
We got home and I threw away the dog bed and dishes. I kept her favorite toys though and her collar and leashes. I feel horrible for saying this, but I am almost glad that it's done. I'm happy that she's not in pain anymore and that I don't have to watch her waste away into nothing. I miss her, but I feel that it was time to let her go. It will be weird to not have her guarding me at night when I am home alone. She always made me feel very safe.
I couldn't have asked for a better dog. Thanks Trinity for always being such a good friend. You will be missed.
I pulled into the parking lot and told Cassie to stay with the dog in the truck with the engine on and the AC on so I could see what stuff I needed to fill out. I signed my paperwork and paid... crying while the people talked to me, lol, and went out to bring Trin inside so she didn't have to be crammed in the back of my truck cab. They weighed her again and she had lost eleven pounds since my last visit (she was 68 pounds last time we were there, and 57 tonight). I knew she had been losing weight, because I could feel and see it, but seeing it on the scale was almost gut-wrenching. They took us into the back room and Cassie and I sat together talking and waiting for the vet. She came into the room several minutes later and looked Trin over. I told her everything that I had done in my efforts to avoid this visit, and she shook her head, saying that even if I had come up with the money for surgery it probably would not have helped.
So she went to the back to get the first shot that they were going to give to Trin, which was a sedative. Cassie played with Trin, making her do this cute little nibbly thing at her fingers that I will never ever forget. So the vet comes back in and asked me to hold Trin's head. I held her and the lady gave Trin the shot. My dog yelped, and the vet actually started, lol. Trin's little yelpy bark thing scared her. She said that she had forgotten that shepherds sound like that. She left the room, and I guided Trin over to the blankets they had put down for us.
Trin got real still. We coaxed her into lying on the floor and Cassie and I sat and talked to her while the sedative worked. She was pretty much out of it before a full minute was up and I was glad that I had not waited to bring her over to the blankets. The vet came in again and asked if we were ready to finish the job. I felt my body kinda lock up. I tugged at Trin's ears and the vet started to explain what would happen when they did it. I shook my head. I really didn't want to watch when she stopped breathing. I told her that and she gave me a little doggy lapel pin and I laughed a little, because the pin is kinda silly. I asked to keep the collar and the vet obliged me, helping me get it off since I was too shaky to do it myself. I thanked her for her help and stumbled out of the room.
"As far as she knows, you were there with her until the end," that is something the vet told me that will be hard to forget.
We got home and I threw away the dog bed and dishes. I kept her favorite toys though and her collar and leashes. I feel horrible for saying this, but I am almost glad that it's done. I'm happy that she's not in pain anymore and that I don't have to watch her waste away into nothing. I miss her, but I feel that it was time to let her go. It will be weird to not have her guarding me at night when I am home alone. She always made me feel very safe.
I couldn't have asked for a better dog. Thanks Trinity for always being such a good friend. You will be missed.