BtVS Fic: Chicken Dancing (Season 4 Ensemble + Dawn, G, 1/1)

Jul 04, 2006 13:07

For stoney321’s Gud Summries ficathon.

Title: Chicken Dancing
Author: cordelianne
Characters: Ensemble (Buffy, Xander, Willow, Riley, Giles, Anya, Tara, Spike, Dawn, Joyce)
Rating: G
Word Count: 3,870
Feedback: Yes please! Concrit is very welcome by email.
Disclaimer: Not mine, Joss owns them.
Summary: Demons, teenagers, fire, water and blue goo. General silliness. Inspired by the summaries Riley finally gets a clue and Xander finds out where all the toilet paper went, which I sort of used as prompts.
A/N: This is set in season 4, between "A New Man" and "The I in Team." However, Dawn is in the story because this is one of the false memories that the monks created.
Thanks: To spookymonkey and savoytruffle for their support, invaluable assistance and betas. Also thanks to ‘col for help with the Anya dialogue.


Chicken Dancing
By Cordelianne

“It’s finished. Complete.” Buffy flops down onto Giles’ couch. “Ended. Finis. And lots of other words that mean done.”

Buffy swigs some diet coke and rests her head on the back of the couch, closing her eyes.

“I take it you’re referring to ‘stage one’?” Giles looks up from his book. “I’m assuming the dreaded ‘stage two’ is -”

“Un huh.” Buffy shakes her head, eyes still closed. “We’re pretending that ‘stage two’ is not a reality.” She sighs. “I have a rich fantasy life. And a very sweet boyfriend.”

“Clearly.” Giles takes off his glasses and polishes them. “Did you have time to -”

“I mean, this totally sucks. It’s the suckiest. I’m like completely exhausted. I’ve gotten no homework done.”

“Hmm.”

“This is worse than when Angel was all evil and I was patrolling 24-7 like a mad woman. Mad and hurt teenager really. Whatever.” She waves her hand. “This sucks.”

“Yes. Well, it will all be worth it.”

Buffy cracks her eyes open and gives Giles her best you did not just say that to me look. “If by ‘worth it’ you mean throbbing headaches then, yeah, it’ll be worth it.”

“I’m sure that -” Giles is interrupted by the door flying open followed by loud, high-pitched shrieks and their source, a pig-tailed and grinning Dawn.

“This is going to be the best birthday ever. Carrie Everwood’s will never top this and it will be way cooler than Marissa’s bowling party and Janice says this will sew up my popularity and then I’ll be like Harry Potter but no one will hate me and try to kill me.” She pauses for breath and Giles pours himself a generous helping of Scotch. Buffy’s eyes are shut again. “I’m still worried that Jared won’t be able to come but Janice says that Carrie heard from Jensen - who she’s totally dating, so unfair - who heard from Jared that he’s picked out a present for me. For me!”

“Dawn, is -?” Buffy starts.

“Jared coming is key to Tom and Mike and James and all the hot guys coming. So you and mom -”

“Dawn!” Buffy pushes herself up and glares at her sister. Giles sighs and sips his scotch.

“It’s just that -”

“Dawn.” Buffy’s using her I’m about to dust you voice. “Why are you here?”

“Oh, right. Mom wants to know if you need a ride back to campus. I told her that -”

“Yes. C’mon, we’re leaving.” Buffy swings her bag over her shoulder and grabs her soda with one hand, pushing Dawn towards the door with the other. “See ya, Giles.”

“If only that had been a demon,” Giles tells his drink. “So much less noise.”

***

“It just doesn’t sound like fun.” Anya crosses her arms.

“Fun has nothing to do with it,” Xander explains. “Well, it is about fun but not for us.”

“That makes no sense.” Anya frowns. “I want you to be happy - and me, I want me to be happy too - and this will not make us happy. We’re not going.”

Xander pulls her down onto the couch next to him. “We can’t not go. Okay, I definitely have to go. I’ll understand if you don’t want to. You haven’t been a teenage girl - real teenage girl - for a very very long time.”

“I get why we celebrated Buffy’s birthday - rituals like that are good for friends - but Dawn isn’t your friend.” Her frown deepens and she runs her hand along Xander’s arm.

“No. She’s, uh, she’s … well, she’s the Dawnster. She’ll be really disappointed if I’m not there.” He kisses Anya’s ear. “Besides she has a crush on me. And how could she not?”

“Yes, you are very attractive,” Anya states seriously.

Xander grins, cups Anya’s face and kisses her. She breaks free and hits him.

“Hey!”

“What?” Xander asks in a careful tone.

“You - you’re using your lips to get me to go to the stupid party.”

“Is it working?” Xander takes her hand in his and plays with her fingers.

“But you almost never see Buffy. Why do we have to do something for her and her small sister?”

“Cause it’s what humans do. And did I mention there’d be games?” He kisses her cheek.

“I do enjoy games,” Anya says. “Will they be the kind of games where we get naked? Those are my favorite kind of games.”

“Less with the naked, more with the good clean fun.” He holds up his hand. “And when I say ‘clean fun’ I don’t mean naked showering - which is fun, very fun what with the naked and the ... refocusing - I mean games where we can win things. Like prizes.”

“Prizes! Like with poker?” Anya bounces up. “Should I bring cards? What about board games, like Clue or Monopoly? I want to be the banker!”

“So, I’m taking that as a yes then.”

“Yes. I’ve decided we will go after all.”

***

Willow gathers the spell ingredients. “Yeah, sorry. I really have to go.”

“That’s okay.” Tara looks down and flips through a spell book. “It’s - I’m glad you came.”

“Of course.” Tara peers up through her lashes and Willow continues, “I’ve always wanted to try the Wycetser spell.”

She finishes shoving newt eyes and mandrake root into her bag and Tara flips some more pages.

“I’ve never done it before. Okay, I’ve done it but at home alone in my room with no one around,” Willow says, her cheeks flooding with color. “I’ve never done it with another girl before.”

“Same for me. I mean, there were a few times with this girl in high school … but never like this.” Tara’s eyes are fixed on the book.

“I know what you mean. It’s nice - good - really good - awesome actually to spend time with you,” Willow says.

Tara ducks her head but not before Willow catches the big smile on her face.

“We’re still on for tomorrow, right?” Willow tucks her hair behind her ear and smoothes her skirt.

“Oh! Yes! Tomorrow will - I mean that sounds, um, nice. It’ll be nice.”

“I guess nice is a theme with us.” Willow grins as Tara ducks her head down so far her face is hidden by a curtain of hair.

“It’s more - I mean ...”

“It’s okay. I get it. Me too.” Willow crouches down in front of her. “We’ll get some girl-girl time tomorrow, but I gotta run.”

“Sorry.” Tara jumps up and rushes over to the door. She smiles at Willow’s feet.

“So, I should ...” Willow gestures at the door and takes a step towards Tara, who yanks the door open.

Willow touches her arm and Tara’s eyes flicker up. They make eye contact for a moment.

“Bye.” Willow waves and slips out.

***

Yells fill the air and Buffy sighs. Riley puts his arm around her shoulder.

“At least they’re having fun,” he says.

“The key word in that sentence being ‘they’.”

“Aw, Buff. They’re appreciating all your hard work,” Xander says as he scans the area. He’s followed closely by Anya, who is studying a sheet of paper on a clipboard.

“Yes. Being rewarded for hard work is good.” Anya nods at Buffy, then fixes her attention back on the list.

“Um, thanks.” Buffy returns to ranting at Riley. “I still can’t believe mom agreed to this idea. A birthday party. At night. In Sunnydale.” She shakes her head. “Sometimes I wonder if she’s returned to ‘see-no-evil mom mode’.”

“I’m sure that -” Riley starts.

“I don’t think they realize that I’ve had to patrol this park for the last three weeks. Three weeks!”

“You’ve made it demon-free.” Riley nods.

“As long as no vamp -” Buffy swivels her head in the direction of a lighter flaring “- ire.” She reaches into her back pocket, but her hand stops part-way when she sees who lit the cigarette. “Spike.” She sighs.

“Slayer.”

Spike leans against a swing set and brings the cigarette to his lips with the air of an invited guest as Buffy marches over to him.

Riley takes a step towards them, stops, and heads over to Xander and Anya, who are having an animated conversation involving lots of gesturing and pointing at Anya’s clipboard.

“What are you doing here?” Buffy demands in her best Officer Buffy voice.

“Collecting for the Red Cross.” Spike ashes on one of the swings. “Want to donate? It’s for a good cause.”

“Tonight - and just for tonight - I don’t care if you get the Ladies Auxiliary to open their veins for you to drink from -” A hopeful look crosses Spike’s face. “- as long as you’re far far away from here. I don’t want you ruining Dawn’s birthday.”

Spike snorts. “You’re having a party here? At night? In Sunnydale?”

Buffy frowns and straightens up. “Listen, I don’t -”

“Buffy!” Dawn’s yell has Buffy yanking out her stake. “I’m having so much fun!” Dawn emerges with a harried-looking Willow close behind. Buffy sighs and replaces the stake.

“Why are you all over here and not with the rest of us?” Dawn looks over at Riley bent over checking out the underside of a bench, Xander carefully examining the outside of a garbage can and Anya giving instructions to both of them. “Are you actually doing the scavenger hunt?”

“Excitement never ends for you, does it Slayer?” Spike tosses his cigarette into the middle of the sandbox. “What’s next, pin the tail on the donkey? I can see why you don’t want me around.”

Buffy rolls her eyes and turns to Willow. “How’s it going on the front line? You don’t think mom needs me there, do you?”

“Well...”

“I’m sure it’s going fine and I should be here, on the perimeter, watching for demons. I’m like a sentry.”

“Oh! You’re like a Praetorian Guard from ancient Rome! But in the early years before they started murdering the emperors they were protecting... that probably wasn’t the best analogy.”

“Maybe I could be a Yeomen of the Guard? I look good in red and ...” Buffy’s eyes narrow at Dawn who’s inched closer to Spike and is now flipping her hair and casting glances in his direction.

“Dawn!” Buffy starts towards them.

“I found it! I got the clue!” Xander yells, waving a piece of paper he’s extracted from underneath the garbage can.

“Good job,” Anya says, nodding her approval. She makes a large check mark on her list.

“Hey, you guys! You have to see this.” Xander waves them over. “Look, we have to do the Chicken Dance!”

Willow bounces over ahead of Buffy and Dawn. “This’ll be just like -”

“- the Easter Blossoms Mixer,” she and Xander finish in unison.

Spike, who has wandered after them, raises an eyebrow, pulls out another cigarette and drops down onto the bench. He flicks open his lighter and sprawls out as if settling in for a show.

“I guess we have to do it without the music.” Xander looks around as if expecting an accordion player to appear out of thin air, which in Sunnydale is not completely out of the question.

“You don’t really need to do it, you know,” Dawn informs them. “No one will know.”

“No.” Anya shakes her head. “We cannot proceed until we’ve completed this challenge.”

“It’ll be fun. Are you dancing, Ahn?” Xander asks.

“I’ll watch. So I’ll know how for next time.”

“I don’t know if there’ll be a ...” Willow pulls him and Dawn into a small circle.

“Buffy, you in?” Willow calls.

Buffy shakes her head. “Traumatic skating rink flashbacks.” She sidles closer to Riley and lowers her voice. “You know I didn’t come up with this one, right?”

Xander and Willow make a chicken beak shape with their hands. Dawn’s hands stay at her sides. A delighted grin spreads across Spike’s face when they start flapping their arms.

“The clues may be lame but they’re hard to find. I still haven’t got a clue.” Buffy grins and Riley quickly continues. “I mean found a clue. My military training isn’t helping me here.”

Xander and Willow are wiggling their hands behind their backs and giggling while shimmying downwards. Dawn stands with her hands on her hips. Anya follows each movement, nodding.

“Maybe your mom is a secret operative with the CIA and the whole art gallery thing is a cover?” Riley muses.

“I don’t think I like the idea of mom in a slinky dress and wig seducing some guy for super secret intel.” Buffy leans against Riley.

Xander and Willow clap their hands together four times, and Dawn rolls her eyes and walks back towards the rest of the party.

“You do know that’s not what spies really do, right?” Riley asks.

“Okay. You’re done,” Anya announces. “You’re just repeating yourselves now. Once is enough.”

“But it’s supposed to repeat!” Willow gasps out her reply in between laughter.

“I think Anya has a good point. Let’s find that next clue.” Riley takes the clue from Anya. “What? This can’t be right.”

Buffy leans over and reads it. “That’s right, I think. It sounds like something mom would write.”

“Find out where all the toilet paper went,” Xander reads. “That’s a pretty wacky clue.”

“The Chicken Dance wasn’t?” Spike asks.

“That is a fun dance, I’ll have you know. You just don’t know what fun is.” Xander glares at Spike and then turns his back on him.

“You don’t think it means we have to go into the sewers do you?” Willow asks, twirling a strand of hair. “I really can’t see Mrs. Summers wanting Dawn and her friends in the sewers. Because sewers, ew. Maybe we’re looking for a metaphorical sewer?”

“I think the best way to find this metaphorical sewer of which Willow speaks is to split up,” Anya says in a loud authoritative voice. She grabs Xander’s arm, clipboard still clasped in her other hand. “I’m with Xander!”

“I’m with Buffy.” Riley pulls her in the opposite direction to the one Xander and Anya are heading in.

“But... I don’t think...” Willow sighs. “Fine. Let’s split up. That’s a peachy plan.”

“All alone, love?” Spike lights yet another cigarette. “Even the boy’s too distracted by his new girl to notice you.”

“Hey! You don’t know what you’re talking about, mister.” Willow faces Spike, hands on hips.

“I know that high school friends aren’t ‘friends forever’, or whatever greeting card crap you believe.”

“Oh yeah?” Willow huffs. “Cause an evil vampire knows all about friendship.”

“I know about forever. And nothing’s forever.” Spike exhales smoke in her direction. “You think everything’s going fine and then it’s Chaos Demons, and worse, Fungus Demons!” He slumps down. “She broke my heart and now she’s off killing without me. So much for eternity together.”

“O-kay. I think I’ll just go check on Mrs. Summers.” Willow starts backing away.

He pulls a flask out of his inner pocket and starts pouring the contents down his throat.

***

“Xander, are you alright?” Anya paces beside a large overhanging tree. “Be careful not to get scratches. That might attract vampires. Or mosquitoes.”

“I’m okay, Ahn. But, uh, thanks,” Xander calls from behind the branches. “It’s kinda hot in here and - oh! Toilet paper! It’s everywhere!”

“Good job.” She makes another check on her list.

“There’s so much of it, it’s like the tree is growing toilet paper! And yes, I do know that paper comes from trees.” Xander’s hand appears and tosses some rolls onto the ground close to Anya’s feet.

“I’ll inform the others.” She picks up a roll of toilet paper and holds it over her head. “Xander has found out where all the toilet paper went! We have the toilet paper! Buffy, Ri -”

Anya’s yells are drowned out by the screams of 30 teenagers.

Xander stumbles out of the tree, clutching a roll of toilet paper in each hand. “That doesn’t sound like happy screams of joy.”

He runs towards the shrieks, toilet paper streaming behind him. Anya hurries after him, clutching her clipboard.

They arrive at the same time as Buffy and Riley to find the party-goers huddled together as eight very large, scaly demons advance upon them.

“Inhalo Exuros. Fire breathers,” Riley whispers.

“Hey!” Buffy shouts. “Do you have an invitation?”

“Oh crap.” Anya glares at Buffy. “Now he’s coming towards us.”

“Anya,” Xander groans.

Buffy whirls around. “You two -” she points at Xander and Anya - “get everyone into the bathrooms and bar the door.”

“What are you going to do?” Anya asks.

“Distract them. Kill them.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Xander says. He and Anya dash over to start herding the guests to safety. When one of the demons gets close, Xander hurls the toilet paper rolls at it.

“Fire breathers, are they?” Buffy scans the area. “Where’s Will? I need one more person.”

“Do I hear the screams of the innocent?” Spike steps up beside her, staggering a little and almost bouncing. “Now this is my kind of party!”

“As long as you’re here,” Buffy turns to Spike, “what I want you to do is...”

***

“Hurry! Move Faster!” Anya shoves Janice into the bathroom and yanks Xander in with her.

“Are we all here?” Xander looks around the room. “Wait. Where’s Willow?”

“All accounted for. Willow left before the demons came.” Joyce lowers her voice on ‘demons’. “She said something about an assignment.”

Anya directs some party-goers to hold the door closed. Her hand moves to her clipboard as if she wants to check off Escape from demons, bar door.

***

Buffy runs, and all eight demons follow her. Occasional bursts of fire lap at her heels. She speeds down a sharp incline.

“Now!”

Two demons roll past her and into the pond below, sizzling and melting into blue puddles of goo when they hit the water. She turns and gives Riley and Spike the thumbs up. Two more demons suffer the same fate as she runs back up the hill.

The remaining four demons circle around Riley and Spike. Buffy tosses one demon into the pond before it even has time to realize she’s behind it.

Now it’s three on three, with the fire breathers having the edge.

Spike dodges a potentially dust-inducing flame and knocks the demon down with a sharp kick. He picks it up, swinging it around.

“Think a little fire can scare me?” Spike yells at the demon as it hurtles towards the water.

Buffy makes fast work of her demon. Riley manages to knock the last demon to the ground, but gets sent flying into a nearby tree. Spike strides over, picks the demon up and tosses it, watching with glee as it turns to goo.

“Look!” Riley sits up and pulls a piece of paper off a branch of the tree. “A clue! I finally got a clue!”

Spike sneers. “Little slow on the uptake aren’t you?”

***

Everyone stumbles out of the restroom with dazed looks on their faces. Joyce gives Buffy a quick hug and heads towards the miraculously unharmed cake.

“Let’s all eat cake,” Joyce calls.

As they direct Dawn and her friends outside and towards the cake, Xander smiles and leans towards Buffy.

“Thank god for public bathrooms having concrete walls or else we’d be toast. Literally.”

“Fire demons are definitely not my favorite.” Buffy keeps a girl from walking into the door frame. “Maybe I should worry about mom. She’s very blasé about all this.”

“She is very chill considering Dawn and her friends almost became monster chow,” Xander says. “And she came up with that wonky toilet paper clue. I wonder if it was about toilet papering trees?”

“Maybe your mom wanted those teenagers dead,” Anya suggests. “I understand that. They are very loud.” A girl with tears streaming down her face stops and stares at Anya. “I wasn’t talking about you.” Anya pats the girl on the head and shoves her towards the others.

“To continue with this disturbing train of thought,” Riley says, continuing to hold the clue he found. “Maybe she’s not upset about the demons because she’s a double agent working for an evil agency that pretends to be the CIA.”

“That’s stupid.” Anya shakes her head. “The CIA is full of demons, and they don’t tolerate impersonators.”

“CIA evil. Check.” Buffy peers in at the empty bathroom. “Where’s Willow?”

***

Willow is standing with her hand poised to knock when the door opens.

“Hi!” She reshapes her hand into a small wave.

A huge grin spreads across Tara’s face. “Hi. Why are you here? I mean, come in. Come in.”

“But weren’t you going out?”

Tara’s face flushes bright red. “Yes, but I don’t have to.”

“I don’t want to ruin your plans.” Willow shifts from foot to foot.

“You could never do that. I mean, I was going to study at the library but we can do that here.” Tara ducks her head. “Or do something else.”

“This will be so much better than running around after giggling teenagers. I’m all for studying. And I always like something else.”

“So the party wasn’t fun?” Tara opens the door wider.

“It had its moments.”

“Like what?”

“There was dancing.” Willow steps into the room. “You know, we should dance some time.”

Tara’s hand grazes Willow’s arm as she closes the door. “I’d like that.”

***

“So then Spike offered to throw the kids in the lake but I reminded him of the chip and he sulked off. Which was good ‘cause Riley was getting all twitchy about exactly who Spike is and I’m so not up for that explanation right now.” Buffy takes a sip of tea, grimaces and adds more sugar.

“We must discuss this Initiative business.” Giles bites into a cookie.

“Right.” Buffy nods. “So anyway, fortunately - or not so good if you don’t like blunt sex talk - Anya suggested she and Xander leave for, well, you know.”

Giles coughs and takes a swallow of tea.

“And that got us off the ucky topic of Spike. I’m just hoping that this most recent birthday disaster has taught mom to never ever again throw a party.”

“It is unfortunate that it was the annual feast day for the Inhalo Exuros.” Giles puts down his tea cup and glances at his bookcases. “I really should have prepared you for that.”

“No worries. It was a Summers’ party. They’re always doomed to disaster and demons.” Buffy grabs a cookie and lounges back on the couch. “I’m just happy it’s over and there are no more ‘stages’.”

“There must have been some fun at the party,” Giles says.

“Let’s see. Demons, teenagers, fire, water and blue goo. Not exactly the Fourth of July... unless you like your fireworks extra demony. Oh! And the Chicken Dance.”

“There were chickens?”

“It’s this dance, the tune goes sort of like this.” Buffy hums the tune.

“Oh dear lord, that’s an atrocious song.” Giles frowns at Buffy. “You can stop now.”

She stops and grins at him. “Is it stuck in your head now?”

Giles nods, his eyes focusing on the Scotch bottle.

“Just be glad I didn’t start singing ‘It’s a small world’.”

“Yes, that is a small mercy.”

*end*

If you'd like to bring back fond memories you can listen to the Chicken Dance song here. *g*

btvs ensemble fanfic, fanfic, btvs

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