weird, usa fic: strong man
Title: Strong Man
Words: 5,164
Disclaimer: Not mine. Just borrowing. zombres gave me permission.
Summary: Shamelessly fluffy Ben/Olivia babyfic. Angie asked, I delivered.
Note: This is a story set post zombres' Weird, USA novel. She has been kind enough to let me play with her characters. This story takes place two or three years after the post-novel fic that Angie wrote for me the other day. But, really, all you need to know is that it's Ben/Liv babyfic.
They've never done anything by halves.
Break up with John and leave on a year-long roadtrip. Get attacked by a werewolf and confess your undying love. Nearly die and get married a few weeks later.
Get pregnant and accept a three-month art fellowship in South Africa.
Whatever. Par for the course. Or so Charlie laughs when they call to tell her both bits of news.
Olivia nearly turned down the fellowship, but Ben wouldn't let her. Three months was almost nothing to people who had roamed for so many years, and all the time and effort she had put in at the museum for the last year had led up to this moment, this fellowship. It was too good of an opportunity to let go.
So they went. Olivia's days were spent touring with other artists and she would come back to their apartment at night, her hands stained with charcoal, her face alight with stories and ideas. Ben wandered the city while she was away, checking in with Robbie's contacts who lived nearby to see if anything hinky was afoot, if there were any souls he could help along the way. It wasn't the exciting life Ben had gotten used to, but this was nice, too, and the smile permanently etched on Olivia's face was more than worth it.
"You need a job," she said, lying across their bed one night.
"We're only here for nine more weeks."
"And you're bored."
"Am not!"
"Benjamin." Normally he would have caved; that tone of voice, the use of his full name - did it every time. He was a sucker for her and she knew it; luckily for him, she was picky about when she used this particular superpower. But tonight, fresh from the shower, the tank top riding up on her barely rounded stomach as she braids her wet hair, he's just struck dumb by the sight of her, voice be damned. He's in Africa with his pregnant wife, how could he possibly be bored?
"Because you're alone all day!" she says, grinning.
"Did I say that out loud?"
"Dad's a little slow," Olivia mumbles, so low Ben can barely hear, but his ears burn and his throat tightens. Fuck, he's totally fried.
+++++++++
Olivia doesn't even get to pester him again about finding something to do the next morning; one of Robbie's contacts calls to say that he's heard "things" about a daycare two blocks from their apartment. There's a spirit trapped there, the man says, and Ben strains to hear the details through his accent. There's at least one Sensitive child there, a little boy who can't stop crying and screaming. Would Ben mind stopping by and opening a door?
There's a crying kid, what's he supposed to say?
The daycare teacher, Miss Kali, meets him at the door and seems completely comfortable with the idea that he's some sort of world-traveling ghost wrangler, here to help a spirit move on to the next world. The children are taking their naps, she says; can he wait twenty minutes to get started?
Turns out twenty minutes is all he needs to fill out a volunteer form.
An hour later, as the door closes and the spirit fades away, Ben feels something tugging at him. Unlike the nagging feeling he got when he first walked in and noticed the spirit, this feeling is centered solely on his right foot. He blinks away the after images of the ghost and looks down at the dark eyes of a little boy sitting on his foot, his arms wrapped tightly around Ben's calf.
"Hello," Ben smiles. The boy doesn't smile back, but his eyes soften. So far, so good.
"You have found a friend." Ben turns - the little boy along for the ride - and sees Kali, smiling at him. She squats next to Ben's leg and runs a hand along the boy's hair. "He has been very distraught these past few days. He must realize that you have helped the spirit flee this place."
"He's the sensitive one?" Now that he's looking for it, Ben can see the dried tear tracks across the boy's cheeks. He reaches out with his thumb and clears them away; the boy, amazingly, doesn't pull away from the stranger who touches him so gently.
"His name is Amari. It means strong."
"I can tell; little man's got quite a grip," Ben says, then smiles down at the boy again. "Hello, Amari. I'm Ben."
Amari stares for another full minute and Ben stares right back; if this boy is a Seer, maybe that's all he really needs to know Ben. Maybe he can see all of Ben's hopes and fears and loves just by staring. Amari's grip loosens a tiny bit and he holds up one hand; Ben grabs it and hauls the boy up to his chest, feels the child's skinny arms wrap around his neck instead.
"You are good with children," Kali observes.
"Um, this is kind of new, actually."
"Ah, you volunteer to learn?" She pauses and squints at him and then laughs. "And when is yours due?"
"That obvious, huh? Another six months or so but I figure practice makes perfect." He's rubbing circles on Amari's back; he's not sure why he started, but the boy melts into him, all heavy-warm weight, and Ben finds it comforting, like when Olivia falls asleep on top of him while they watch movies on the couch.
"You are a natural. Amari lets few touch him; he has been here nearly six months and I have been hugged only once." The teacher skirts her hand over Amari's head again, barely touching his hair, before a pair of children on the other side of the room begin shouting and she walks away.
"Does that make me special, strong man?" Ben whispers, his head close to Amari's. The little fingers on the back of Ben's neck flex, like he's playing the piano on Ben's vertebrae, and Ben knows that means yes. "I think you're special, too. You and me. We're capital-S Special."
At the end of the day, as parents arrive to pick up their kids, Ben apologizes to Kali. He feels a little guilty, volunteering to help her in the classroom and then spending the entire day with little Amari, but - honestly - he had so much fun that the apology carries little weight. Amari is wrapped around his leg again and Ben takes labored steps around the room; the boy seems to like the ride. The classroom clears out, slowly but surely, until Kali and Amari and Ben are all that is left.
"Time to go," Kali calls, pointing at the coat rack on the far wall. "Amari, your jacket, please." The boy peels himself from Ben and follows Kali's pointing finger.
"He's yours?" Ben asks.
"Oh no," Kali shakes her head. "Amari is the recipient of a scholarship; he was a very lucky boy to win the lottery. He lives at the orphanage downtown, but one of our patrons pays for him to spend his days here, learning. I take him back to the orphanage at the end of every day."
Ben walks with her to take Amari to his home.
And then takes Amari himself the next day.
And the next.
+++++++++
Olivia has never felt so inspired. Not even on their roadtrip had she had so many ideas, seen so many beautiful things she wanted to capture. She's so incredibly proud of the work that she's doing here; with a portfolio from this fellowship, she might even be able to apply for that professorship Ben found on one of his weekly My Wife Needs An Awesome Artist Job web searches. But it's not just the art: it's the place and the people and her husband and - stupid hormones - the baby and she's never felt so alive and carefree. Ben looked at her funny when she said that last night, but as much as she loved the roadtrip so much of it was clouded by danger. It feels like none of what they saw can touch them here, like they've passed through the mountain tunnel and the noon-day sun is blinding them.
She finishes early one Wednesday and decides to surprise Ben by picking him up instead of the other way around. Honestly, she wants to see this daycare more than anything else; Ben comes out rapturous every day, the smile on his face giving him premature age lines. She's always known he would be a good father, but seeing him come home every night so absolutely joyful about the time he spends with those kids makes her so glad that he can know it now, too.
The daycare is easy to find, and it's such a change from what she remembers back home: there is no security or keycards, but the building doesn't seem unsafe. Olivia walks inside and looks around, trying to figure out where Ben might be.
"Can I help you?" Olivia spins, smiles at the woman peeking her head out of a classroom door.
"Yes, hi, sorry. I'm looking for my husband, Ben Hawthorne. He volunteers--"
The woman smiles: "Ben! Yes, of course. You must be his Olivia; come in, come in."
Olivia follows her into the room - Kali, she remembers Ben telling her the teacher's name - and smiles gently at the two little girls who are tying their shoes near the coat rack. It's the end of the day and nearly all of the children have already been picked up by their parents. She's searching the primary-colored room, looking for Ben, when Kali nudges her shoulder and points to the far corner: "Ben and Amari always end the day with a book."
Now that Kali has said the little boy's name aloud, Olivia can admit it to herself: she wants to meet Amari.
Ben has rhapsodized about the children in general, but he always comes back around to Amari. Amari, the little boy with the dark, dark eyes who looks at him and just knows everything. Every damn thing, Liv, he crows over dinner. We don't even have to talk. We just look at each other and know. He's just like me.
Olivia can recognize when Ben's in love. She has some experience with it.
She finds them in the corner: Ben has folded himself into a beanbag chair and Amari is curled up on her husband's chest. Ben is reading a story, with voices for each character, and rather than looking at the pictures, Amari is staring open-mouthed at Ben. Ben must realize this because, although he is careful to keep displaying the pictures where Amari could see, he pauses every few lines to look down at the boy and pull a funny face. Olivia's heart does a funny little flip; just because she knows he’ll be good with their kids doesn't mean seeing evidence of it doesn't make everything in her seize up with joy.
"Oh please don't go," Ben grumbles, "we'll eat you up we love you-- hey! Liv!"
He drops the book and wraps an arm around Amari's back; the little boy scrambles up higher on his chest and hugs his neck as Ben climbs to his feet. The action has a practiced air to it, as though Ben has spent every afternoon of the past four weeks doing the exact same thing. Olivia smiles, a little breathless. Oh, the future looks so good.
"What are you doing here?" Ben laughs, bouncing Amari a little until the boy is settled in his arm, and then he reaches out and wraps her in a one-armed hug. The boy gets trapped in the middle and Olivia raises a calming hand to his back. Amari turns and reaches out, places his palm on Olivia's cheek. Ben ducks his head, his nose right at the boy's temple: "Amari, this is my Olivia. Can you say hello?" Olivia knows from Ben's stories that the boy doesn't talk, but his hand on her cheek keeps her looking right at him and Amari stares back.
And it's just like Ben says, that he knows somehow. She can feel it, even if she can't know him back in the same way. She may not be capital-S Special, but she can recognize it after so many years with Ben and Charlie and Robbie. She is drawn to these people, to keep them grounded, or so Robbie says. She is starting to feel how Ben sounds when he comes home from an afternoon spent here.
"Hello, Amari. My Ben has told me so much about you." The boy's lips twitch, the barest hint of a smile, before he pulls away sharply and buries his face in Ben's neck, suddenly shy.
"Oh, my strong man, did you see how Olivia loves?" Ben whispers, winking at his wife. "So fierce, I know; I don't know how to handle it either."
"Ben," she protests, but he just smiles at her, his tongue between his teeth.
"Ben, it is time to go home," Kali calls from the doorway, swinging her jacket around her shoulders. Amari slides down Ben’s body and toddles to the coat rack all on his own. Ben's shoulders dip, not enough for Kali to notice, but Olivia is an expert in Benjamin Hawthorne and she can see how disappointed he is that it's time to take Amari back to the orphanage.
It's not a bad place, he said one night, safe in the darkness. The kids look fed and it's clean and everything but it's not a home. Amari's lucky he got that scholarship, that he can get out and meet other kids during the day.
(But he's not meeting other kids, Olivia remembers thinking. He's falling in love with you.)
Olivia and Ben walk Amari back to the orphanage, the little boy between them, swinging from their hands. On a corner, as they wait to cross the street, Amari abandons Ben's hand to step on Olivia's foot and wrap his arms around her thigh. "Told ya he'd like you," Ben smirked. Olivia doesn't answer, just cups the back of Amari's skull, holding him in place until the light changes.
Ben's right about the orphanage: it's nice enough and the kids look cared for, but it's not a home. It's a way-station. Before they get to the door, Ben crouches so he's eye level with Amari; Olivia watches them stare at each other for a minute before Ben leans forward just enough to rest his forehead against Amari's.
"I will see you tomorrow," Ben says. The boy’s head jerks, barely a nod, then he turns and runs to the door, knocking with his little fists until one of the caretakers opens the door, picks him up, and waves to Ben.
They walk back to their apartment in silence, Ben absentmindedly swinging their hands between them as though Amari is still there.
+++++++++
"How old will Amari be in February?" Olivia asks over dinner. The baby is due in February. Ben slurps up his spaghetti, eyes rolling to the ceiling in thought.
"Um, two-and-a-half or three, I think. Why?"
Olivia sets her fork down and taps the hand that resting next to his drink glass. He flips his hand over and laces their fingers together. "I'm going to ask you a question, Ben, and I want you to be 100% honest with me."
Ben looks a little offended: "When am I not?"
"I mean, I don't want you to deny anything or get embarrassed. Just answer." He nods, a crease forming over the bridge of his nose at her serious tone. "How long have you wanted to adopt Amari?"
His eyes go wide, his grip on her fingers slacken. "Liv, I haven't--"
"What did I just say?"
"Honest, right." He swallows once, twice, then pulls his hand away and drops his head to the table. "Fuck, Liv, I'm trying not to. Honest."
"Ben--"
"It's crazy, I know it. It's stupid and impossible," he raises his head, pleading. "I hate whenever the thought crops up but he's just so perfect. He's such a perfect little boy. He's so like me. I mean." His knee jerks, knocking the underside of the table, and then he has to stand, starts pacing in the kitchen. "I mean, I don't know what I was like when I was that little, if Harry could see that Charlie and I were like him at that age. But I look at him and I know: he's going to grow up like us, Liv, Seeing things, and it breaks my heart that he doesn't have anyone to share that with."
Olivia watches him ball his hands into fists, run his knuckles along the outside of his legs. She had suspected all this with the way Ben talked about Amari the past few weeks, but watching them together for only a half hour had cemented it.
"Benji, come here," she says, softly, and he hangs back a moment, embarrassed at the weakness but longing for her touch. He sits on the floor next to her chair and lays his head on her knee. "It's not crazy, Benji."
"Olivia, I appreciate this but, yes, it is. We're here for less than five more weeks and then we're back to the States and then we'll have a kid of our own--"
"You love him. And he loves you."
"Olivia, please." She's making this worse. She just wants to make it better.
"I love him, too." Ben raises his eyes, wanting so much to trust her but skeptical all the same. "I love him for how much you love him. I love him for making you so much more confident about Junior. I know what you mean, about him looking at you and Seeing and just knowing; I could feel it, too, Ben. I love him for knowing me and trusting me in seconds." She threads her hands through his hair. "I can't imagine the man you'd be if you hadn't had Harry. He wasn't always the most forthcoming, but he helped you so much on our trip, didn't he?" Ben nodded, his chin digging into her thigh. "You needed him to help you deal."
"Yeah."
"Amari needs you. I can see it. And you need him."
He closes his eyes again, raises a hand and lays it on her stomach. "That's selfish," he sighs. "I need you and Junior, too, and you need me. I can't--"
"Junior could use a big brother."
"Olivia, stop--"
"Benjamin." There she goes again, with that tone. He sits up straight, his hand still on her stomach, and meets her eye. "I want him, too. You're right, he's perfect. And he knows us and loves us and... can't you imagine it? Those dark little eyes, seeing everything? Can you imagine seeing the world through his eyes? Can you imagine what he can share with Junior?" She sighs. "I just... I know this. I know that he's ours just like I know that you love me."
Ben surges up onto his knees, hands framing her face, and kisses her. She smiles into his mouth, thankful she's getting her point across. This isn't the kind of thing that should be a snap decision, and although it's only been a few hours since she met Amari, it doesn't feel like a snap decision. It feels like she's loved the boy since the first time Ben came home from the daycare.
"You have to be sure," he whispers. "Like, one hundred and ten percent. I don't want you to do this for me; it will never work if you do this for me. I need you to be sure that we're doing this for us."
"For all four of us," she swears, and the laugh that breaks forth from Ben's chest makes her own heart crack open.
She has two children.
+++++++++
Tears pool in Kali's eyes before Ben can even finish asking if she knows the caretakers at the orphanage, if she knows how international adoptions work. He's worried that she doesn't approve but she rests her hands on his shoulders and reassures him: "God bless you, Ben. My heart would have broken if you had abandoned the boy." She promises to call the orphanage and get him some information before shooing him out of the office to play with Amari.
International adoptions take months, a year at least; there's no way they'll be able to get him home before the baby comes. It bothers Ben a little but there's nothing to be done for it and maybe they can come visit a few times; he socked away the rest of Harry's money and it's been building up interest. Visiting his son - shit, he has to lean against the wall, he wants to make Amari his son - is the best way he can think to spend the money.
Amari stands in the doorway, waiting for Ben.
"Strong man," Ben smiles, "climb on up. I have something to ask you." Amari runs forward, grabs hold of the cargo pockets on Ben's pants, and starts hauling himself up. Benji helps him climb until the boy is sitting on his hip and they sneak off into a corner. "Amari, look at me." The boy stares. "Would you like to come home with me and Olivia? Would you like to leave this place and live with us and be a big brother?"
Ben imagines he should feel silly, asking these questions of a two-year-old, but Amari looks almost thoughtful as he stares back at Ben, and then he starts to nod enthusiastically, the most overt communication he's ever displayed. Ben smiles that face-cracking grin, reaches into his pocket with one hand to text Olivia, who's painting at a nature preserve.
Our boy wants to come home.
+++++++++
When they leave, five weeks later, they stop by the orphanage on their way to the airport. The caretakers there know them well by this point, and they smile and hug and offer best wishes on their flight home before leaving them with Amari to say goodbye. Ben's holding up pretty well but Olivia can't stop leaking tears. Every time Ben offers his handkerchief she punches him in the shoulder: "These hormones are all your fault."
She sits down and Amari sits on her knees, facing her. He leans forward, rubbing his nose against her rounded stomach. "What are you doing, my strong man?"
Ben laughs at the image: "Uh, yeah, that's me. I taught him eskimo kisses last week."
"Did you now?" Olivia hugs the boy closer. "You kissing Junior?" Amari nods; he still hasn't spoken yet, but in the weeks since they started the paperwork, since they began spending every minute possible with him, he's started communicating through more than just looks. "One last kiss before we go, then; can I have one, too?" Amari stands on her knees and rubs his nose against hers. Ben takes a picture with his phone. He loves the way they look together, dark Amari and pale Olivia. They’re turning him into a sap. Or, well, an even bigger sap.
Olivia starts to cry again, so Ben picks up the boy and hugs him to his chest. Amari wraps his arms around Ben's neck and holds tight, like he can understand what's happening, that they have to leave him for a while. Ben pulls back and presses his forehead against Amari's: "We are coming back. Okay?"
And Amari sees and knows. And they go.
+++++++++
"Jesus Christ, only you two could go to Africa for three months and come home with a kid. While you're already having another kid. What the hell is wrong with you and which one is getting named after me?"
"Amari already has a name, Charlie."
"I'm just saying Amari Charles Hawthorne has a nice ring to it."
+++++++++
They've only been home three weeks when Robbie calls them on a Saturday morning. Olivia is eating ice cream for breakfast - "this is the best part of being pregnant," she declares, "I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and no one can judge me" - and Ben's just shut the freezer door when his phone rings.
"What's up?"
"Hey, you guys should go get on Skype." Robbie sounds excited and a little distracted; there are noises in the background and Ben thinks Charlie might be trying to grab the phone.
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah, we're fine, we just have a surprise for you." Ben's eyes stray to Olivia but before he can even entertain the thought Robbie cuts in. "No, not that. Just--"
Charlie shouts in the background: "Benji! Get Olivia and get on Skype and message Amari1."
Ben's socks slide on the floor and he leans heavily against the fridge. Olivia looks at him, eyes crinkled in concern, but he's staring the wall. "What... what did you do?" he asks, breathless.
Robbie laughs: "Just a little early adoption present from me and Charlotte. We bought the orphanage a new laptop, under the condition that you guys can Skype Amari and talk to him whenever you want."
Ben slides down the fridge, his knees jelly, and Olivia drops to his side. "Ben, are you...?"
"Robbie, how can we possibly--"
"Go! Go! Go!" Charlie shouts and, even though he hasn't thanked them properly, Ben hangs up and pulls Olivia to her feet.
"Benji, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing, c'mon." He tugs her into the bedroom; he checked his email from bed this morning. "Robbie and Charlie have a surprise for us, that's all, come see." He makes her close her eyes while he signs in to Skype, while he calls Amari1. One of the caretakers answers and Olivia recognizes the woman's voice and gasps, peeking through her fingers as the woman leaves the screen and comes back a minute later with Amari in tow.
"Oh, my strong man," Olivia breathes, and she smiles, her whole face lighting up.
It's not exactly the same; Amari's a tactile little boy and Ben's chest aches with the need to hug him, but Amari grins, wider than Ben's ever seen, when he catches sight of them on the screen. He stands on his chair and reaches for the camera, patting it so his whole hand covers the screen, like he's trying to reach through and touch them. Olivia laughs and Ben hugs her and they start to tell Amari how much they miss him and how they can't wait to have him home.
They call twice a week. The caretakers know to have Amari set up with the computer at the pre-arranged times and they take turns: sometimes they talk to him together and sometimes they go one-on-one. Olivia says he needs bonding time with both of them. Ben spends his one-on-one time telling Amari stories; sometimes they are true, culled from the roadtrip or his and Olivia's travels since. Other times, he reads him picture books, a huge stacked checked out from the library. Sometimes he tells Amari about Harry.
(Oh, Harry. Ben likes to imagine sometimes how Harry would have reacted to this.)
When Olivia has her time with Amari, Ben paints one of the kids' rooms next door and listens to her laugh and talk through the walls. She got some of those baby sign language DVDs and starts to teach him ASL. They don't know whether Amari doesn't want to talk or if he can't; Ben wondered aloud to Robbie one night if it might have something to do with his Sight and Rob offered to look into it. They've agreed that when they get Amari home they'll have him checked out, but Olivia doesn't really mind. She tells Ben that if he never talks, she doesn't care; she already knows how well he can connect and communicate without speech, and she's always wanted to learn sign language anyway.
At the end of every call, Amari leans forward and blows them a kiss - Olivia taught him how on one of their last visits.
+++++++++
Ben's not totally sure that he's supposed to have a laptop in the maternity ward but this is important. As soon as Olivia fell asleep, he ran home and got it, frustrated with himself for forgetting it in the first place. They have a scheduled call today and Ben doesn't want to miss it.
Not when he can introduce his son to his daughter.
Whoa, there go his knees again. He doesn't remember ever being this shaky and unstable before Olivia flipped over the pregnancy test and a plus sign stared up at them. He just... he has a son. And a daughter. Holy shit.
Olivia's awake when he gets back to the room, feeding Scout. He starts to apologize for leaving but she waves it away when he drops his backpack. "You got the laptop, right? We have to call in few minutes." Ben grabs the over-bed table and wheels it over so Olivia won't have to move. He stops for a moment to lean over and kiss Scout, her white-blond hair against his lips. She's a little Olivia - and, oh, how glad Ben was to see that - long and skinny and pale. How opposite his children are.
When the call goes through, Amari grins at them but then his face drops, eyes wide in awe. "Amari, my strong man, you have a little sister." Scout has stopped eating, snuggled up against Olivia's chest, and she holds the baby higher so Amari has a good view. "This is Jean Louise, but we're going to call her Scout, remember?"
Amari holds up three fingers and brings them to his temple. Ben drops heavily into the chair next to Olivia's bed. She didn't tell him that she already taught Amari how to sign their daughter's name. "Good boy," he whispers. Amari smiles at the praise and then looks at Scout again before patting his chest.
Olivia laughs: "Mine? Is that what you're saying?" Amari repeats the motion. "Yeah, Amari, she's yours, your sister."
Ben leans over to put his head between his knees and when he leaves the screen Amari's forehead wrinkles in concern. "Daddy's okay, Amari," Olivia soothes. She shifts Scout to one arm and reaches out to rub Ben's back with the other. "He's just a little overwhelmed. Too much love in the room."
+++++++++
Ten months later, Ben carries Amari as they walk through the airport, Robbie one step behind him with the luggage. In the pickup lobby, Charlie holds Scout like a sack of potatoes and the little girl babbles and claps and occasionally gets distracted by the colorful tattoos on her aunt's arms. When Ben and Amari round the corner, Olivia runs forward, catching both her boys in a bone-crushing hug.
Ben kisses Olivia's forehead: "Hey, strong man, looks like Mama and your baby sis are glad to have you home."
Words: 5,164
Disclaimer: Not mine. Just borrowing. zombres gave me permission.
Summary: Shamelessly fluffy Ben/Olivia babyfic. Angie asked, I delivered.
Note: This is a story set post zombres' Weird, USA novel. She has been kind enough to let me play with her characters. This story takes place two or three years after the post-novel fic that Angie wrote for me the other day. But, really, all you need to know is that it's Ben/Liv babyfic.
They've never done anything by halves.
Break up with John and leave on a year-long roadtrip. Get attacked by a werewolf and confess your undying love. Nearly die and get married a few weeks later.
Get pregnant and accept a three-month art fellowship in South Africa.
Whatever. Par for the course. Or so Charlie laughs when they call to tell her both bits of news.
Olivia nearly turned down the fellowship, but Ben wouldn't let her. Three months was almost nothing to people who had roamed for so many years, and all the time and effort she had put in at the museum for the last year had led up to this moment, this fellowship. It was too good of an opportunity to let go.
So they went. Olivia's days were spent touring with other artists and she would come back to their apartment at night, her hands stained with charcoal, her face alight with stories and ideas. Ben wandered the city while she was away, checking in with Robbie's contacts who lived nearby to see if anything hinky was afoot, if there were any souls he could help along the way. It wasn't the exciting life Ben had gotten used to, but this was nice, too, and the smile permanently etched on Olivia's face was more than worth it.
"You need a job," she said, lying across their bed one night.
"We're only here for nine more weeks."
"And you're bored."
"Am not!"
"Benjamin." Normally he would have caved; that tone of voice, the use of his full name - did it every time. He was a sucker for her and she knew it; luckily for him, she was picky about when she used this particular superpower. But tonight, fresh from the shower, the tank top riding up on her barely rounded stomach as she braids her wet hair, he's just struck dumb by the sight of her, voice be damned. He's in Africa with his pregnant wife, how could he possibly be bored?
"Because you're alone all day!" she says, grinning.
"Did I say that out loud?"
"Dad's a little slow," Olivia mumbles, so low Ben can barely hear, but his ears burn and his throat tightens. Fuck, he's totally fried.
+++++++++
Olivia doesn't even get to pester him again about finding something to do the next morning; one of Robbie's contacts calls to say that he's heard "things" about a daycare two blocks from their apartment. There's a spirit trapped there, the man says, and Ben strains to hear the details through his accent. There's at least one Sensitive child there, a little boy who can't stop crying and screaming. Would Ben mind stopping by and opening a door?
There's a crying kid, what's he supposed to say?
The daycare teacher, Miss Kali, meets him at the door and seems completely comfortable with the idea that he's some sort of world-traveling ghost wrangler, here to help a spirit move on to the next world. The children are taking their naps, she says; can he wait twenty minutes to get started?
Turns out twenty minutes is all he needs to fill out a volunteer form.
An hour later, as the door closes and the spirit fades away, Ben feels something tugging at him. Unlike the nagging feeling he got when he first walked in and noticed the spirit, this feeling is centered solely on his right foot. He blinks away the after images of the ghost and looks down at the dark eyes of a little boy sitting on his foot, his arms wrapped tightly around Ben's calf.
"Hello," Ben smiles. The boy doesn't smile back, but his eyes soften. So far, so good.
"You have found a friend." Ben turns - the little boy along for the ride - and sees Kali, smiling at him. She squats next to Ben's leg and runs a hand along the boy's hair. "He has been very distraught these past few days. He must realize that you have helped the spirit flee this place."
"He's the sensitive one?" Now that he's looking for it, Ben can see the dried tear tracks across the boy's cheeks. He reaches out with his thumb and clears them away; the boy, amazingly, doesn't pull away from the stranger who touches him so gently.
"His name is Amari. It means strong."
"I can tell; little man's got quite a grip," Ben says, then smiles down at the boy again. "Hello, Amari. I'm Ben."
Amari stares for another full minute and Ben stares right back; if this boy is a Seer, maybe that's all he really needs to know Ben. Maybe he can see all of Ben's hopes and fears and loves just by staring. Amari's grip loosens a tiny bit and he holds up one hand; Ben grabs it and hauls the boy up to his chest, feels the child's skinny arms wrap around his neck instead.
"You are good with children," Kali observes.
"Um, this is kind of new, actually."
"Ah, you volunteer to learn?" She pauses and squints at him and then laughs. "And when is yours due?"
"That obvious, huh? Another six months or so but I figure practice makes perfect." He's rubbing circles on Amari's back; he's not sure why he started, but the boy melts into him, all heavy-warm weight, and Ben finds it comforting, like when Olivia falls asleep on top of him while they watch movies on the couch.
"You are a natural. Amari lets few touch him; he has been here nearly six months and I have been hugged only once." The teacher skirts her hand over Amari's head again, barely touching his hair, before a pair of children on the other side of the room begin shouting and she walks away.
"Does that make me special, strong man?" Ben whispers, his head close to Amari's. The little fingers on the back of Ben's neck flex, like he's playing the piano on Ben's vertebrae, and Ben knows that means yes. "I think you're special, too. You and me. We're capital-S Special."
At the end of the day, as parents arrive to pick up their kids, Ben apologizes to Kali. He feels a little guilty, volunteering to help her in the classroom and then spending the entire day with little Amari, but - honestly - he had so much fun that the apology carries little weight. Amari is wrapped around his leg again and Ben takes labored steps around the room; the boy seems to like the ride. The classroom clears out, slowly but surely, until Kali and Amari and Ben are all that is left.
"Time to go," Kali calls, pointing at the coat rack on the far wall. "Amari, your jacket, please." The boy peels himself from Ben and follows Kali's pointing finger.
"He's yours?" Ben asks.
"Oh no," Kali shakes her head. "Amari is the recipient of a scholarship; he was a very lucky boy to win the lottery. He lives at the orphanage downtown, but one of our patrons pays for him to spend his days here, learning. I take him back to the orphanage at the end of every day."
Ben walks with her to take Amari to his home.
And then takes Amari himself the next day.
And the next.
+++++++++
Olivia has never felt so inspired. Not even on their roadtrip had she had so many ideas, seen so many beautiful things she wanted to capture. She's so incredibly proud of the work that she's doing here; with a portfolio from this fellowship, she might even be able to apply for that professorship Ben found on one of his weekly My Wife Needs An Awesome Artist Job web searches. But it's not just the art: it's the place and the people and her husband and - stupid hormones - the baby and she's never felt so alive and carefree. Ben looked at her funny when she said that last night, but as much as she loved the roadtrip so much of it was clouded by danger. It feels like none of what they saw can touch them here, like they've passed through the mountain tunnel and the noon-day sun is blinding them.
She finishes early one Wednesday and decides to surprise Ben by picking him up instead of the other way around. Honestly, she wants to see this daycare more than anything else; Ben comes out rapturous every day, the smile on his face giving him premature age lines. She's always known he would be a good father, but seeing him come home every night so absolutely joyful about the time he spends with those kids makes her so glad that he can know it now, too.
The daycare is easy to find, and it's such a change from what she remembers back home: there is no security or keycards, but the building doesn't seem unsafe. Olivia walks inside and looks around, trying to figure out where Ben might be.
"Can I help you?" Olivia spins, smiles at the woman peeking her head out of a classroom door.
"Yes, hi, sorry. I'm looking for my husband, Ben Hawthorne. He volunteers--"
The woman smiles: "Ben! Yes, of course. You must be his Olivia; come in, come in."
Olivia follows her into the room - Kali, she remembers Ben telling her the teacher's name - and smiles gently at the two little girls who are tying their shoes near the coat rack. It's the end of the day and nearly all of the children have already been picked up by their parents. She's searching the primary-colored room, looking for Ben, when Kali nudges her shoulder and points to the far corner: "Ben and Amari always end the day with a book."
Now that Kali has said the little boy's name aloud, Olivia can admit it to herself: she wants to meet Amari.
Ben has rhapsodized about the children in general, but he always comes back around to Amari. Amari, the little boy with the dark, dark eyes who looks at him and just knows everything. Every damn thing, Liv, he crows over dinner. We don't even have to talk. We just look at each other and know. He's just like me.
Olivia can recognize when Ben's in love. She has some experience with it.
She finds them in the corner: Ben has folded himself into a beanbag chair and Amari is curled up on her husband's chest. Ben is reading a story, with voices for each character, and rather than looking at the pictures, Amari is staring open-mouthed at Ben. Ben must realize this because, although he is careful to keep displaying the pictures where Amari could see, he pauses every few lines to look down at the boy and pull a funny face. Olivia's heart does a funny little flip; just because she knows he’ll be good with their kids doesn't mean seeing evidence of it doesn't make everything in her seize up with joy.
"Oh please don't go," Ben grumbles, "we'll eat you up we love you-- hey! Liv!"
He drops the book and wraps an arm around Amari's back; the little boy scrambles up higher on his chest and hugs his neck as Ben climbs to his feet. The action has a practiced air to it, as though Ben has spent every afternoon of the past four weeks doing the exact same thing. Olivia smiles, a little breathless. Oh, the future looks so good.
"What are you doing here?" Ben laughs, bouncing Amari a little until the boy is settled in his arm, and then he reaches out and wraps her in a one-armed hug. The boy gets trapped in the middle and Olivia raises a calming hand to his back. Amari turns and reaches out, places his palm on Olivia's cheek. Ben ducks his head, his nose right at the boy's temple: "Amari, this is my Olivia. Can you say hello?" Olivia knows from Ben's stories that the boy doesn't talk, but his hand on her cheek keeps her looking right at him and Amari stares back.
And it's just like Ben says, that he knows somehow. She can feel it, even if she can't know him back in the same way. She may not be capital-S Special, but she can recognize it after so many years with Ben and Charlie and Robbie. She is drawn to these people, to keep them grounded, or so Robbie says. She is starting to feel how Ben sounds when he comes home from an afternoon spent here.
"Hello, Amari. My Ben has told me so much about you." The boy's lips twitch, the barest hint of a smile, before he pulls away sharply and buries his face in Ben's neck, suddenly shy.
"Oh, my strong man, did you see how Olivia loves?" Ben whispers, winking at his wife. "So fierce, I know; I don't know how to handle it either."
"Ben," she protests, but he just smiles at her, his tongue between his teeth.
"Ben, it is time to go home," Kali calls from the doorway, swinging her jacket around her shoulders. Amari slides down Ben’s body and toddles to the coat rack all on his own. Ben's shoulders dip, not enough for Kali to notice, but Olivia is an expert in Benjamin Hawthorne and she can see how disappointed he is that it's time to take Amari back to the orphanage.
It's not a bad place, he said one night, safe in the darkness. The kids look fed and it's clean and everything but it's not a home. Amari's lucky he got that scholarship, that he can get out and meet other kids during the day.
(But he's not meeting other kids, Olivia remembers thinking. He's falling in love with you.)
Olivia and Ben walk Amari back to the orphanage, the little boy between them, swinging from their hands. On a corner, as they wait to cross the street, Amari abandons Ben's hand to step on Olivia's foot and wrap his arms around her thigh. "Told ya he'd like you," Ben smirked. Olivia doesn't answer, just cups the back of Amari's skull, holding him in place until the light changes.
Ben's right about the orphanage: it's nice enough and the kids look cared for, but it's not a home. It's a way-station. Before they get to the door, Ben crouches so he's eye level with Amari; Olivia watches them stare at each other for a minute before Ben leans forward just enough to rest his forehead against Amari's.
"I will see you tomorrow," Ben says. The boy’s head jerks, barely a nod, then he turns and runs to the door, knocking with his little fists until one of the caretakers opens the door, picks him up, and waves to Ben.
They walk back to their apartment in silence, Ben absentmindedly swinging their hands between them as though Amari is still there.
+++++++++
"How old will Amari be in February?" Olivia asks over dinner. The baby is due in February. Ben slurps up his spaghetti, eyes rolling to the ceiling in thought.
"Um, two-and-a-half or three, I think. Why?"
Olivia sets her fork down and taps the hand that resting next to his drink glass. He flips his hand over and laces their fingers together. "I'm going to ask you a question, Ben, and I want you to be 100% honest with me."
Ben looks a little offended: "When am I not?"
"I mean, I don't want you to deny anything or get embarrassed. Just answer." He nods, a crease forming over the bridge of his nose at her serious tone. "How long have you wanted to adopt Amari?"
His eyes go wide, his grip on her fingers slacken. "Liv, I haven't--"
"What did I just say?"
"Honest, right." He swallows once, twice, then pulls his hand away and drops his head to the table. "Fuck, Liv, I'm trying not to. Honest."
"Ben--"
"It's crazy, I know it. It's stupid and impossible," he raises his head, pleading. "I hate whenever the thought crops up but he's just so perfect. He's such a perfect little boy. He's so like me. I mean." His knee jerks, knocking the underside of the table, and then he has to stand, starts pacing in the kitchen. "I mean, I don't know what I was like when I was that little, if Harry could see that Charlie and I were like him at that age. But I look at him and I know: he's going to grow up like us, Liv, Seeing things, and it breaks my heart that he doesn't have anyone to share that with."
Olivia watches him ball his hands into fists, run his knuckles along the outside of his legs. She had suspected all this with the way Ben talked about Amari the past few weeks, but watching them together for only a half hour had cemented it.
"Benji, come here," she says, softly, and he hangs back a moment, embarrassed at the weakness but longing for her touch. He sits on the floor next to her chair and lays his head on her knee. "It's not crazy, Benji."
"Olivia, I appreciate this but, yes, it is. We're here for less than five more weeks and then we're back to the States and then we'll have a kid of our own--"
"You love him. And he loves you."
"Olivia, please." She's making this worse. She just wants to make it better.
"I love him, too." Ben raises his eyes, wanting so much to trust her but skeptical all the same. "I love him for how much you love him. I love him for making you so much more confident about Junior. I know what you mean, about him looking at you and Seeing and just knowing; I could feel it, too, Ben. I love him for knowing me and trusting me in seconds." She threads her hands through his hair. "I can't imagine the man you'd be if you hadn't had Harry. He wasn't always the most forthcoming, but he helped you so much on our trip, didn't he?" Ben nodded, his chin digging into her thigh. "You needed him to help you deal."
"Yeah."
"Amari needs you. I can see it. And you need him."
He closes his eyes again, raises a hand and lays it on her stomach. "That's selfish," he sighs. "I need you and Junior, too, and you need me. I can't--"
"Junior could use a big brother."
"Olivia, stop--"
"Benjamin." There she goes again, with that tone. He sits up straight, his hand still on her stomach, and meets her eye. "I want him, too. You're right, he's perfect. And he knows us and loves us and... can't you imagine it? Those dark little eyes, seeing everything? Can you imagine seeing the world through his eyes? Can you imagine what he can share with Junior?" She sighs. "I just... I know this. I know that he's ours just like I know that you love me."
Ben surges up onto his knees, hands framing her face, and kisses her. She smiles into his mouth, thankful she's getting her point across. This isn't the kind of thing that should be a snap decision, and although it's only been a few hours since she met Amari, it doesn't feel like a snap decision. It feels like she's loved the boy since the first time Ben came home from the daycare.
"You have to be sure," he whispers. "Like, one hundred and ten percent. I don't want you to do this for me; it will never work if you do this for me. I need you to be sure that we're doing this for us."
"For all four of us," she swears, and the laugh that breaks forth from Ben's chest makes her own heart crack open.
She has two children.
+++++++++
Tears pool in Kali's eyes before Ben can even finish asking if she knows the caretakers at the orphanage, if she knows how international adoptions work. He's worried that she doesn't approve but she rests her hands on his shoulders and reassures him: "God bless you, Ben. My heart would have broken if you had abandoned the boy." She promises to call the orphanage and get him some information before shooing him out of the office to play with Amari.
International adoptions take months, a year at least; there's no way they'll be able to get him home before the baby comes. It bothers Ben a little but there's nothing to be done for it and maybe they can come visit a few times; he socked away the rest of Harry's money and it's been building up interest. Visiting his son - shit, he has to lean against the wall, he wants to make Amari his son - is the best way he can think to spend the money.
Amari stands in the doorway, waiting for Ben.
"Strong man," Ben smiles, "climb on up. I have something to ask you." Amari runs forward, grabs hold of the cargo pockets on Ben's pants, and starts hauling himself up. Benji helps him climb until the boy is sitting on his hip and they sneak off into a corner. "Amari, look at me." The boy stares. "Would you like to come home with me and Olivia? Would you like to leave this place and live with us and be a big brother?"
Ben imagines he should feel silly, asking these questions of a two-year-old, but Amari looks almost thoughtful as he stares back at Ben, and then he starts to nod enthusiastically, the most overt communication he's ever displayed. Ben smiles that face-cracking grin, reaches into his pocket with one hand to text Olivia, who's painting at a nature preserve.
Our boy wants to come home.
+++++++++
When they leave, five weeks later, they stop by the orphanage on their way to the airport. The caretakers there know them well by this point, and they smile and hug and offer best wishes on their flight home before leaving them with Amari to say goodbye. Ben's holding up pretty well but Olivia can't stop leaking tears. Every time Ben offers his handkerchief she punches him in the shoulder: "These hormones are all your fault."
She sits down and Amari sits on her knees, facing her. He leans forward, rubbing his nose against her rounded stomach. "What are you doing, my strong man?"
Ben laughs at the image: "Uh, yeah, that's me. I taught him eskimo kisses last week."
"Did you now?" Olivia hugs the boy closer. "You kissing Junior?" Amari nods; he still hasn't spoken yet, but in the weeks since they started the paperwork, since they began spending every minute possible with him, he's started communicating through more than just looks. "One last kiss before we go, then; can I have one, too?" Amari stands on her knees and rubs his nose against hers. Ben takes a picture with his phone. He loves the way they look together, dark Amari and pale Olivia. They’re turning him into a sap. Or, well, an even bigger sap.
Olivia starts to cry again, so Ben picks up the boy and hugs him to his chest. Amari wraps his arms around Ben's neck and holds tight, like he can understand what's happening, that they have to leave him for a while. Ben pulls back and presses his forehead against Amari's: "We are coming back. Okay?"
And Amari sees and knows. And they go.
+++++++++
"Jesus Christ, only you two could go to Africa for three months and come home with a kid. While you're already having another kid. What the hell is wrong with you and which one is getting named after me?"
"Amari already has a name, Charlie."
"I'm just saying Amari Charles Hawthorne has a nice ring to it."
+++++++++
They've only been home three weeks when Robbie calls them on a Saturday morning. Olivia is eating ice cream for breakfast - "this is the best part of being pregnant," she declares, "I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and no one can judge me" - and Ben's just shut the freezer door when his phone rings.
"What's up?"
"Hey, you guys should go get on Skype." Robbie sounds excited and a little distracted; there are noises in the background and Ben thinks Charlie might be trying to grab the phone.
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah, we're fine, we just have a surprise for you." Ben's eyes stray to Olivia but before he can even entertain the thought Robbie cuts in. "No, not that. Just--"
Charlie shouts in the background: "Benji! Get Olivia and get on Skype and message Amari1."
Ben's socks slide on the floor and he leans heavily against the fridge. Olivia looks at him, eyes crinkled in concern, but he's staring the wall. "What... what did you do?" he asks, breathless.
Robbie laughs: "Just a little early adoption present from me and Charlotte. We bought the orphanage a new laptop, under the condition that you guys can Skype Amari and talk to him whenever you want."
Ben slides down the fridge, his knees jelly, and Olivia drops to his side. "Ben, are you...?"
"Robbie, how can we possibly--"
"Go! Go! Go!" Charlie shouts and, even though he hasn't thanked them properly, Ben hangs up and pulls Olivia to her feet.
"Benji, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing, c'mon." He tugs her into the bedroom; he checked his email from bed this morning. "Robbie and Charlie have a surprise for us, that's all, come see." He makes her close her eyes while he signs in to Skype, while he calls Amari1. One of the caretakers answers and Olivia recognizes the woman's voice and gasps, peeking through her fingers as the woman leaves the screen and comes back a minute later with Amari in tow.
"Oh, my strong man," Olivia breathes, and she smiles, her whole face lighting up.
It's not exactly the same; Amari's a tactile little boy and Ben's chest aches with the need to hug him, but Amari grins, wider than Ben's ever seen, when he catches sight of them on the screen. He stands on his chair and reaches for the camera, patting it so his whole hand covers the screen, like he's trying to reach through and touch them. Olivia laughs and Ben hugs her and they start to tell Amari how much they miss him and how they can't wait to have him home.
They call twice a week. The caretakers know to have Amari set up with the computer at the pre-arranged times and they take turns: sometimes they talk to him together and sometimes they go one-on-one. Olivia says he needs bonding time with both of them. Ben spends his one-on-one time telling Amari stories; sometimes they are true, culled from the roadtrip or his and Olivia's travels since. Other times, he reads him picture books, a huge stacked checked out from the library. Sometimes he tells Amari about Harry.
(Oh, Harry. Ben likes to imagine sometimes how Harry would have reacted to this.)
When Olivia has her time with Amari, Ben paints one of the kids' rooms next door and listens to her laugh and talk through the walls. She got some of those baby sign language DVDs and starts to teach him ASL. They don't know whether Amari doesn't want to talk or if he can't; Ben wondered aloud to Robbie one night if it might have something to do with his Sight and Rob offered to look into it. They've agreed that when they get Amari home they'll have him checked out, but Olivia doesn't really mind. She tells Ben that if he never talks, she doesn't care; she already knows how well he can connect and communicate without speech, and she's always wanted to learn sign language anyway.
At the end of every call, Amari leans forward and blows them a kiss - Olivia taught him how on one of their last visits.
+++++++++
Ben's not totally sure that he's supposed to have a laptop in the maternity ward but this is important. As soon as Olivia fell asleep, he ran home and got it, frustrated with himself for forgetting it in the first place. They have a scheduled call today and Ben doesn't want to miss it.
Not when he can introduce his son to his daughter.
Whoa, there go his knees again. He doesn't remember ever being this shaky and unstable before Olivia flipped over the pregnancy test and a plus sign stared up at them. He just... he has a son. And a daughter. Holy shit.
Olivia's awake when he gets back to the room, feeding Scout. He starts to apologize for leaving but she waves it away when he drops his backpack. "You got the laptop, right? We have to call in few minutes." Ben grabs the over-bed table and wheels it over so Olivia won't have to move. He stops for a moment to lean over and kiss Scout, her white-blond hair against his lips. She's a little Olivia - and, oh, how glad Ben was to see that - long and skinny and pale. How opposite his children are.
When the call goes through, Amari grins at them but then his face drops, eyes wide in awe. "Amari, my strong man, you have a little sister." Scout has stopped eating, snuggled up against Olivia's chest, and she holds the baby higher so Amari has a good view. "This is Jean Louise, but we're going to call her Scout, remember?"
Amari holds up three fingers and brings them to his temple. Ben drops heavily into the chair next to Olivia's bed. She didn't tell him that she already taught Amari how to sign their daughter's name. "Good boy," he whispers. Amari smiles at the praise and then looks at Scout again before patting his chest.
Olivia laughs: "Mine? Is that what you're saying?" Amari repeats the motion. "Yeah, Amari, she's yours, your sister."
Ben leans over to put his head between his knees and when he leaves the screen Amari's forehead wrinkles in concern. "Daddy's okay, Amari," Olivia soothes. She shifts Scout to one arm and reaches out to rub Ben's back with the other. "He's just a little overwhelmed. Too much love in the room."
+++++++++
Ten months later, Ben carries Amari as they walk through the airport, Robbie one step behind him with the luggage. In the pickup lobby, Charlie holds Scout like a sack of potatoes and the little girl babbles and claps and occasionally gets distracted by the colorful tattoos on her aunt's arms. When Ben and Amari round the corner, Olivia runs forward, catching both her boys in a bone-crushing hug.
Ben kisses Olivia's forehead: "Hey, strong man, looks like Mama and your baby sis are glad to have you home."