i don't know what that means
Ah summer. When everything worth watching but "Psych" is on hiatus (and yes, sadly, "Lost" really is over until February) and you suddenly have all this time in the evenings where you don't know what to do with yourself. Out of habit you turn on the television at 10 on Wednesday or 9 on Thursday or whatever and a rerun (or, God-forbid, a summer reality show) is staring at you. Alas.
A while ago ack_attack made a post on why everyone should watch Battlestar Galactica. I am shamelessly stealing the idea and telling you Why You Should Watch Bones. Hey, you've got all summer to catch up! [NOT DIAL-UP SAFE.]
I like to describe Bones as the cuter, cornier cousin of CSI. To put it [very] simply: Booth (FBI agent) and Brennan (forensic anthropologist) work together - and with Brennan's staff at the Medico-Legal Lab at the Jeffersonian Institute - to solve murders. Yay for justice! While Bones does have the crime-of-the-week and it is, on the surface, about solving murders and catching bad guys, this show is way more character-driven than any of the other crime shows on tv. It's hard to pick a favorite character because you will love them all. It's more about the characters than the crimes.
Here's the thing though: Bones isn't the smartest show on tv. It's not the cleverest, it's not the most well-crafted, it's not the best written. You know what it is though? FUN. Television doesn't always need to be serious or make you think or be amazing all the time; sometimes you just want to watch tv and have fun and that's what Bones is all about. This show'll make you smile. It's pure crack, actually; just as crazy and just as addicting.
Dr. Temperance "Bones" Brennan
[Emily Deschanel]
Brennan is a forensic anthropologist which means she works with bones. Hence the nickname, though her partner, Booth, is the only person who calls her that. She's super book smart but when it comes to some common sense things and pretty much anything pop culture she's totally clueless. You'll find her saying "I don't know what that means" a lot. When she was 15, her parents disappeared, her older brother walked out, and she went into the foster system so she has some abandonment issues now. She really wants a gun.
"If you drive one more block I'm screaming 'kidnap' out the window."
Special Agent Seeley Booth
[Angel David Boreanaz]
Booth is the Jeffersonian's FBI liason. Basically, when he gets called in on a murder case and the body is so badly decomposed/burned/whatever that it can't be easily identified he works with Brennan. He used to be an Army Ranger sniper. Fandom has labeled him a "Catholic manwhore" which is a pretty accurate description, though Angela likes to refer to him as Brennan's "knight in shining FBI standard-issue body armor." Also, he wears crazy socks and funky boxers and a belt buckle that says "Cocky."
"What? You want me to spit in my hand? We're Scully and Mulder."
THE SQUINT SQUAD
The Squints are Hodgins, Zach, and Angela. On the most basic level, just know this: the Squints are cooler than you and no matter how much they are in an episode, they always always always need more screentime.
Booth: He's got no sense of discretion, that kid. Typical squint.
Brennan: I don't know what that means.
Booth: When cops get stuck we bring in people like you, ya know? Squints. You know, squint at things.
Brennan: Oh you mean people with very high IQs and basic reasoning skills?
Dr. Jack Hodgins
[TJ Thyne]
Hodgins has three doctorates [entomology, botany, and minerology] and he's the resident "bug and slime" guy. He hates the word 'dirt.' He's a conspiracy theorist who likes to tease Zach and annoy Dr. Goodman. Hodgins will make you love decontamination showers, I promise. Come second season, you'll find out he's quite the romantic. (If nothing else, just stare at TJ's unbelievably blue eyes.)
"Is it paranoia that Monica Lewinsky was a KGB trained sex agent mole?"
Angela Montenegro
[Michaela Conlin]
Angela is the artist at the Jeffersonian who does facial reconstruction primarily but she also does a lot of computer stuff, too: figuring out what was on a degraded piece of paper found with the skeleton, using a body mass recognition program with mall security tapes, that kind of thing. Plus, she designed the Angelator which is a totally sweet 3D simulator.... thing. It's cool, trust me. Angela is Brennan's best friend, even though she's as relaxed and free-spirited as Brennan is uptight and socially awkward.
"You know, diving head first in a pit of cadavers is no way to handle a messy breakup."
Zachary Uriah Addy
[Eric Millegan]
Zach is Brennan's grad student assistant. He's about as adorkable as they come. He also pwns scientific jargon like you wouldn't believe. Example: "I rectified their erroneous assumptions concerning polyvinyl replication." Zach is about as socially awkward (if not moreso in some ways) as Brennan.
"How much warning did you give people before you sniped them?"
THE BOSSES
Dr. Daniel Goodman
[Jonathan Adams]
Dr. Goodman is the administrator, boss-type dude at the Jeffersonian. He used to be an archeologist so he comes in sometimes and enlightens them as to why it is important to note where a person keeps their keys in a room and such. He and Hodgins don't see eye-to-eye. At the very least, you will want this man to read you a bedtime story (in other words, he has an awesome voice).
"Go polish a bone, Mr. Addy."
Dr. Camille Saroyan
[ River's teacher Walt's mom Tamara Taylor]
For reasons that are never really explained, Dr. Goodman leaves at the end of the first season and Cam is brought in to be the new boss. You will not like Cam at first, I can almost guarantee it. Give her a few episodes though, she'll begin to grow on you eventually. She's a coroner so she deals with whatever flesh may still be attached to Brennan's bones.
"There’s a loop, people, and I’m in it. Not only am I in it, I’m the big curvy part."
There are also some totally awesome recurring characters like Deputy Director Sam Cullen (Booth's boss / John M. Jackson) and Caroline Julian (totally kick-ass federal prosecutor / Patricia Belcher).
Some people who have guest-starred: Stephen Fry, Adam Baldwin, Fredric Lehne, Eddie McClintock, Reid Scott, Kyle Gallner, Scott Lawrence, Michael Bowen, and Glenn Morshower, to name a few. (Apparently there are lots of VM people on Bones but since I don't watch VM, I don't know.)
What? The pretty people aren't enough? You want more reasons to watch? Okay, fine.
Hodgins makes up words like "wanktard" and "pornado."
You know you want to call someone a wanktard.
The characters (and writers, apparently) are geeks.
The following have been referenced/mentioned on Bones: X-Files, Star Trek, Stargate, Battlestar Galactica, James Bond, Monty Python, Lord of the Rings, Firefly, and Star Wars (at least three times). Oh and The Beatles, too, 'cause when Booth calls Hodgins "Ringo," it's made of win.
Hot Blooded
David Boreanaz and Emily Deschanel singing and air-guitaring to Foreigner's "Hot Blooded" is so totally worth it.
Pirates!!
Yes, that's right: there's an episode all about pirates. :D
Zach: So you believe in pirates?
Hodgins: Pirates aren't Santa, Zach. They did exist. They did have treasures, and they did bury it.
Zach: You know, I had an eye patch when I was six.
Hodgins: Who didn't, my friend? Who didn't?
There's [basically] a Fight Club episode.
And it rocks Booth's socks.
There's enough UST to give Moonlighting, X-Files, and The West Wing fans nostalgia.
In other words: Booth and Brennan need to make out. Rightnow. But you know they won't 'cause UST is fuel (it's such a vicious circle).
And throughout all of this, they still kick ass and solve crime.
And some random pretty, if visuals will help you decide.
"I don't know what that means."
A while ago ack_attack made a post on why everyone should watch Battlestar Galactica. I am shamelessly stealing the idea and telling you Why You Should Watch Bones. Hey, you've got all summer to catch up! [NOT DIAL-UP SAFE.]
I like to describe Bones as the cuter, cornier cousin of CSI. To put it [very] simply: Booth (FBI agent) and Brennan (forensic anthropologist) work together - and with Brennan's staff at the Medico-Legal Lab at the Jeffersonian Institute - to solve murders. Yay for justice! While Bones does have the crime-of-the-week and it is, on the surface, about solving murders and catching bad guys, this show is way more character-driven than any of the other crime shows on tv. It's hard to pick a favorite character because you will love them all. It's more about the characters than the crimes.
Here's the thing though: Bones isn't the smartest show on tv. It's not the cleverest, it's not the most well-crafted, it's not the best written. You know what it is though? FUN. Television doesn't always need to be serious or make you think or be amazing all the time; sometimes you just want to watch tv and have fun and that's what Bones is all about. This show'll make you smile. It's pure crack, actually; just as crazy and just as addicting.
Dr. Temperance "Bones" Brennan
[Emily Deschanel]
Brennan is a forensic anthropologist which means she works with bones. Hence the nickname, though her partner, Booth, is the only person who calls her that. She's super book smart but when it comes to some common sense things and pretty much anything pop culture she's totally clueless. You'll find her saying "I don't know what that means" a lot. When she was 15, her parents disappeared, her older brother walked out, and she went into the foster system so she has some abandonment issues now. She really wants a gun.
"If you drive one more block I'm screaming 'kidnap' out the window."
Special Agent Seeley Booth
[Angel David Boreanaz]
Booth is the Jeffersonian's FBI liason. Basically, when he gets called in on a murder case and the body is so badly decomposed/burned/whatever that it can't be easily identified he works with Brennan. He used to be an Army Ranger sniper. Fandom has labeled him a "Catholic manwhore" which is a pretty accurate description, though Angela likes to refer to him as Brennan's "knight in shining FBI standard-issue body armor." Also, he wears crazy socks and funky boxers and a belt buckle that says "Cocky."
"What? You want me to spit in my hand? We're Scully and Mulder."
THE SQUINT SQUAD
The Squints are Hodgins, Zach, and Angela. On the most basic level, just know this: the Squints are cooler than you and no matter how much they are in an episode, they always always always need more screentime.
Booth: He's got no sense of discretion, that kid. Typical squint.
Brennan: I don't know what that means.
Booth: When cops get stuck we bring in people like you, ya know? Squints. You know, squint at things.
Brennan: Oh you mean people with very high IQs and basic reasoning skills?
Dr. Jack Hodgins
[TJ Thyne]
Hodgins has three doctorates [entomology, botany, and minerology] and he's the resident "bug and slime" guy. He hates the word 'dirt.' He's a conspiracy theorist who likes to tease Zach and annoy Dr. Goodman. Hodgins will make you love decontamination showers, I promise. Come second season, you'll find out he's quite the romantic. (If nothing else, just stare at TJ's unbelievably blue eyes.)
"Is it paranoia that Monica Lewinsky was a KGB trained sex agent mole?"
Angela Montenegro
[Michaela Conlin]
Angela is the artist at the Jeffersonian who does facial reconstruction primarily but she also does a lot of computer stuff, too: figuring out what was on a degraded piece of paper found with the skeleton, using a body mass recognition program with mall security tapes, that kind of thing. Plus, she designed the Angelator which is a totally sweet 3D simulator.... thing. It's cool, trust me. Angela is Brennan's best friend, even though she's as relaxed and free-spirited as Brennan is uptight and socially awkward.
"You know, diving head first in a pit of cadavers is no way to handle a messy breakup."
Zachary Uriah Addy
[Eric Millegan]
Zach is Brennan's grad student assistant. He's about as adorkable as they come. He also pwns scientific jargon like you wouldn't believe. Example: "I rectified their erroneous assumptions concerning polyvinyl replication." Zach is about as socially awkward (if not moreso in some ways) as Brennan.
"How much warning did you give people before you sniped them?"
THE BOSSES
Dr. Daniel Goodman
[Jonathan Adams]
Dr. Goodman is the administrator, boss-type dude at the Jeffersonian. He used to be an archeologist so he comes in sometimes and enlightens them as to why it is important to note where a person keeps their keys in a room and such. He and Hodgins don't see eye-to-eye. At the very least, you will want this man to read you a bedtime story (in other words, he has an awesome voice).
"Go polish a bone, Mr. Addy."
Dr. Camille Saroyan
[ River's teacher Walt's mom Tamara Taylor]
For reasons that are never really explained, Dr. Goodman leaves at the end of the first season and Cam is brought in to be the new boss. You will not like Cam at first, I can almost guarantee it. Give her a few episodes though, she'll begin to grow on you eventually. She's a coroner so she deals with whatever flesh may still be attached to Brennan's bones.
"There’s a loop, people, and I’m in it. Not only am I in it, I’m the big curvy part."
There are also some totally awesome recurring characters like Deputy Director Sam Cullen (Booth's boss / John M. Jackson) and Caroline Julian (totally kick-ass federal prosecutor / Patricia Belcher).
Some people who have guest-starred: Stephen Fry, Adam Baldwin, Fredric Lehne, Eddie McClintock, Reid Scott, Kyle Gallner, Scott Lawrence, Michael Bowen, and Glenn Morshower, to name a few. (Apparently there are lots of VM people on Bones but since I don't watch VM, I don't know.)
What? The pretty people aren't enough? You want more reasons to watch? Okay, fine.
Hodgins makes up words like "wanktard" and "pornado."
You know you want to call someone a wanktard.
The characters (and writers, apparently) are geeks.
The following have been referenced/mentioned on Bones: X-Files, Star Trek, Stargate, Battlestar Galactica, James Bond, Monty Python, Lord of the Rings, Firefly, and Star Wars (at least three times). Oh and The Beatles, too, 'cause when Booth calls Hodgins "Ringo," it's made of win.
Click to view
Hot Blooded
David Boreanaz and Emily Deschanel singing and air-guitaring to Foreigner's "Hot Blooded" is so totally worth it.
Pirates!!
Yes, that's right: there's an episode all about pirates. :D
Zach: So you believe in pirates?
Hodgins: Pirates aren't Santa, Zach. They did exist. They did have treasures, and they did bury it.
Zach: You know, I had an eye patch when I was six.
Hodgins: Who didn't, my friend? Who didn't?
There's [basically] a Fight Club episode.
And it rocks Booth's socks.
There's enough UST to give Moonlighting, X-Files, and The West Wing fans nostalgia.
In other words: Booth and Brennan need to make out. Rightnow. But you know they won't 'cause UST is fuel (it's such a vicious circle).
And throughout all of this, they still kick ass and solve crime.
And some random pretty, if visuals will help you decide.
"I don't know what that means."