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Suicide is Painless
I don't know how to get the fucking pain to stop, but I know that suicide isn't it. -
Drought
It's been a while since I've posted. Mostly because I'm afraid what would come out of me if I tried to post again.
Because I haven't updated The Corsair Journal for so long, I'm sure that anybody who ever followed it isn't anymore. Fine by me, really. The Journal was really more an exercise for helping me set some of my private thoughts and ( Read more... ) -
Getting back in the rhythm
I really miss writing every day. I've got to get back in the rhythm of writing every day again. I just have to discipline myself to do it ( Read more... ) -
Class
I'm in class all day today. I'm attending class at FAU for my VMware 5 certification. It's actually a re-sit; I started the class in October just as I moved out of my house. Naturally, my mind was elsewhere during much of the class. So, they're being nice enough to let me re-sit it. I'm told I can resit the course as many times as I need to to pass ( Read more... ) -
Slowly coming around
This is the first time I've felt like writing a journal entry in a long time. Quite a lot has happened, none of which I really want to talk about in any great detail ( Read more... ) -
A text I want to send to Butterfly
I woke up this morning, and my first thoughts were of you, as they always are and always were. I was thinking about you, wondering how you are, wondering if you missed me, wondering how you were coping with our breakup--the same way I have every morning for nearly three weeks. It's automatic. So automatic that I momentarily forgot all about the ( Read more... ) -
Acceptance
Monday was a no good, very bad day.
Butterfly told me, in no uncertain terms, that she's in love with another man--and that, more than any other single factor, is the reason she wants me gone from her life.
Prior, I begged her to tell me why; why is it that she would choose a life of hardship and struggling and poverty over repairing a marriage to me ( Read more... ) -
Date
I had a date last night.
For the very first time in over six years, I had a date. A genuine, honest-to-goodness date.
And it was a fun date, too. A successful date. I will have more dates with this person, to who I have yet to assign a pseudonym.
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I also went to the Italian Festival in Jupiter with Sunshine (this wasn't the date--it was ( Read more... ) -
Weeks
It's been two weeks since Butterfly and I separated.
This has been, without doubt, the most difficult two weeks of my life.
Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.
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Tired
I'm so tired of crying. So tired.
I'm on a break in my VMware class. I don't want to take another Xanax. It's the only thing that makes me feel normal, but I don't want to be an addict. I took a quarter of one Monday, and I don't want another one.
I have to try to ride this out on my own.
I just know that whatever it is inside me that keeps making ( Read more... )