i want so much more.
I havent felt like this in a long time. I dont know how to feel, wether its right or wrong, who could be hurt, what i could gain/lose. No details here. If you know me well enough, youll know what im talkin about, probably. Ill go into some more things right now. I havent updated in a long time. I think it's due time.
On a light note, School... is crazy, but not horrible. Actually, its somewhat nice. I dont have any very hard classes, I like a couple of the people, and the atmosphere isnt bad most of the time. We moved our lockers. AMAZING news. thats a Big plus. That will make my life so much easier. My locker will be by Al now. cool stuff. hes one cool fella. Well, as far as classes go, Chemistry is boring even though Mr. Grover is really cool. Bible III is boring. Nothing new to learn in that class, really. Ive had bible class since k4. Not much more they can tell us. same old stories over and over. English is cool. New teacher. Shes obviously less intelligent than the slowest of the students in the class. Who spells "object" wrong? no other teacher i know of. Linguistics is insane. Crazy French lady with the thickest accent EVER. PLus, its a college class. and you can get negative grades. Civics. Boring class but great fun. HILARIOUS times. Economics is CRAP. SOOO boring but VERY easy. sleep class there. at one point, 6 out of 9 people in the class were sleeping. Advanced Guitar is my savior of the day. SOOO fun. and i know the piece by heart already. so i pretty much have a jam period for almost 2 more months.
on another note. i felt very VERY weird today. i love where i live. LOVE it. i stood out on my deck today and felt an overwhelming sadness. i miss the summer experiences i had more than anything. they wrent social memories, just personal revelations and finding myself. i miss it so much. i walked for an hour and a half today. into the middle of nowhere. it was so pleasant despite the horrible sun. i want to just go somewhere.. alone.. or with one close person. and just... see things. nature. scenery. thats why i MUST go on the trip to greece/italy this summer. it would be the experience of a lifetime ive really been feeling bad about some stuff lately. myself, my realtionships, and other stuff. idk. i love learning. but i want to drop out of school. life seems so much mroe free away from there. i wont go through with dropping out. but the other day, i didnt go, and i worked on some other stuff... and it was so fulfilling. life is amazing when spent the right way.
ive been sleeping lately. idk why. i think im getting sick. i sleep so much more than usual. and i dont liek it. i feel like im wasting time when i sleep. its a great thing, but its a waste. i think where im going with all this is i want so much more out of life. but i dont know what would make me feel complete. i think everyone goes through lonliness, but mines to the point of envy. STRONG envy. i want so much more. SO much more.
I was just called "friend". that feels really good. idk who my friends really are anymore. i feel so distant.
im going to start writing my newest novel soon. VERY soon. updates on that will follow.