show me how you do
Urgh, posting this here and adding it to the list of 'shit I need to fix and finish.'
Five years, and Jay still isn't sure he likes Heechul when he's high. After a few bowls, he goes unresponsive, quiet, likes to tuck himself into the far end of the couch with his feet curled up close and his eyes half shut. It will take Jay two or three tries before Heechul will answer a question, if he answers at all. He has a test, though: he tells Heechul how much he looks like Heebum at the moment, and if Heechul's eyes narrow, then he knows Heechul is just pretending to be as high as he looks.
But most nights, Heechul only glances at him through his lashes, eyes vacant and pupils blown dark. Those nights, Heechul won't say a word.
Jay doesn't like Heechul when he's high because he misses his voice. He thinks of what Heechul would sound like in this state- words coming out in soft stutters, maybe a little pained, just rough enough to catch on all of Jay's ragged edges and tear him apart. Jay loves Heechul when he's high because just the look and idea of it is enough to make him want to kiss Heechul until he dies.
And when Heechul's high enough, he'll let Jay do it. He won't say anything when Jay curls up onto the couch beside him, kissing against his hair just because he can. Jay can pull him in close, wind around him tight enough to suffocate, and Heechul won't complain.
One night, Jay kneels at Heechul's feet, rests his cheek on Heechul's thigh and tries to count every thread in the worn knee of his jeans. Every time he loses track, he starts over, until he falls asleep with Heechul's fingers twisted loosely in his hair.
Jay remembers once, a long time ago, before everything went to shit, coming home in the early morning to find Hankyung sprawled asleep on the living room floor, fingers curled around an empty pipe. Heechul is laying down on the couch, eyes slitted open, head tilted up toward the ceiling. His hair is a mess and he clutches into it, not moving, breathing softly through his nose. He looks completely, utterly fucked out, and Jay can't help falling on top of him, throat choked up with something he can't name, something that feels a lot like want and a little bit like need.
Jay remembers falling asleep like that, pressed up against Heechul's side, and waking up alone on the couch with Heechul and Hankyung out at a schedule. They never talked about it, and Jay hasn't smoked with anyone but Heechul since.
ETA: THIS IS NOW OFFICIALLY ONLY GOING TO BE FINISHED IF AND WHEN CREEPYTROLL WRITES ME HEARTBREAKING KANGCHUL THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME
Five years, and Jay still isn't sure he likes Heechul when he's high. After a few bowls, he goes unresponsive, quiet, likes to tuck himself into the far end of the couch with his feet curled up close and his eyes half shut. It will take Jay two or three tries before Heechul will answer a question, if he answers at all. He has a test, though: he tells Heechul how much he looks like Heebum at the moment, and if Heechul's eyes narrow, then he knows Heechul is just pretending to be as high as he looks.
But most nights, Heechul only glances at him through his lashes, eyes vacant and pupils blown dark. Those nights, Heechul won't say a word.
Jay doesn't like Heechul when he's high because he misses his voice. He thinks of what Heechul would sound like in this state- words coming out in soft stutters, maybe a little pained, just rough enough to catch on all of Jay's ragged edges and tear him apart. Jay loves Heechul when he's high because just the look and idea of it is enough to make him want to kiss Heechul until he dies.
And when Heechul's high enough, he'll let Jay do it. He won't say anything when Jay curls up onto the couch beside him, kissing against his hair just because he can. Jay can pull him in close, wind around him tight enough to suffocate, and Heechul won't complain.
One night, Jay kneels at Heechul's feet, rests his cheek on Heechul's thigh and tries to count every thread in the worn knee of his jeans. Every time he loses track, he starts over, until he falls asleep with Heechul's fingers twisted loosely in his hair.
Jay remembers once, a long time ago, before everything went to shit, coming home in the early morning to find Hankyung sprawled asleep on the living room floor, fingers curled around an empty pipe. Heechul is laying down on the couch, eyes slitted open, head tilted up toward the ceiling. His hair is a mess and he clutches into it, not moving, breathing softly through his nose. He looks completely, utterly fucked out, and Jay can't help falling on top of him, throat choked up with something he can't name, something that feels a lot like want and a little bit like need.
Jay remembers falling asleep like that, pressed up against Heechul's side, and waking up alone on the couch with Heechul and Hankyung out at a schedule. They never talked about it, and Jay hasn't smoked with anyone but Heechul since.
ETA: THIS IS NOW OFFICIALLY ONLY GOING TO BE FINISHED IF AND WHEN CREEPYTROLL WRITES ME HEARTBREAKING KANGCHUL THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME