Okay women, you need to either stop or tell your friends to stop wearing those giant fucking sunglasses! I understand that you have faces that you'd like to hide entirely from the outside world, while looking chic and or sexy at the same time, but what you're doing is no better than walking outside with a burlap sack on your head (actually, the ( Read more... )

Some of you might be aware that last night, the World's Greatest Deliberative Body (that is, if deliberating means taking giant dumps on the American people) fell one vote short of creating a constitutional amendment banning the desecration of flags because as we all know, it's a thing that happens far too often (like the alarming four times it's ( Read more... )

Excuse me while I channel the corpse of Eddie Money but I've got two tickets to paradise Ireland! In September, I shall be traveling with some lovely people to Dublin, Kilkenny, Cork, Kilarney, Limerick and Galway. Here's the thing though: I have no idea what we should do while we are there except drink. Apparently every guide book and online site ( Read more... )

Hey, how's it going? Guess where we were this past weekend?


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Back when I was a kid, television writers used to have characters named Skippy, Cockroach and Boner. These days all we get are normal names and I think that's just terrible!

Speaking of terrible, X-Men: The Last Stand is terrible. Actually I'm being a little harsh but it wasn't memorable at all. Seriously, I don't even remember what happened in ( Read more... )

I just went to the vending machine at work to grab a tasty snack and to my horror this is what I found in the machine:


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The first thing anyone asks you when you return from the casino is "did you win anything?" In truth, this is typically a pointless question because even if you won anything, you likely promptly gave it back while paying for the room, the food and random drinks. We didn't win a thing, and likely would not have lost much had it not been for the evil ( Read more... )

The other day I got called into a conference room with my boss because apparently people were complaining that I was leaving work fifteen to thirty minutes early on a regular basis. My boss immediately said that he could care less because he knew I was a fast worker and didn't feel the need to have me waste time on the internet just to stay here ( Read more... )

Everyone knows that spoiled milk smells god-awful; there's no use debating that fact. What everyone does not know however is that I got the pleasure of experiencing that smell without any milk in sight. See, while on the subway yesterday, I was minding my own business while reading my book when an old woman walked past me with her mouth wide open. ( Read more... )

A hundred dollars can buy a lot of beers. A hundred dollars can get you groceries for the week (as long as you don't have a huge family or shop at Whole Foods). A hundred dollars can net you a pair of pants and perhaps some shoes to match. A hundred dollars can almost pay your gas bills for your home for a month, even though it's officially May 2nd ( Read more... )