(no subject)
Wow, Thao and Dr. Jennings were right. The start of 2nd year is definitely the slump, when you know just enough to know how much you *don't* know and really freak out and feel like this whole thing is impossible... and then things start clicking together at last and you get over the rough patch. It also helps with this new system of doing the genpath part of the boards first (which I passed, lol) so a) you get a taste of what the boards exams is like (and thus where to 敲 the 竹竿 when studying), and b) that hit of external validation *really* friggin helps my mental state. It's kind of pathetic in a way, but I basically knew I had passed right after I took it (was counting points and checked some of the things I'd half-guessed) and that right there instantly made me feel more on a par with the actual pathologists in the department, more like a "real pathologist" lol.
Also, just learning to study marathon-slog-style instead of frenetically expecting myself to know everything right this instant. A year's worth of food looks like an impossible mountain when it's all sitting in front of you in a heap, but eating it bite by bite over the course of a year is manageable... same with this studying. It also helps that I have a much better idea of what I need to study and what the scope is actually supposed to be, so I'm not flailing around and wasting my time/energy as much.
The other day I was on necropsy duty and one of the 4th year students commented that pathologists were basically the smartest people he'd ever encountered because they knew everything about every disease... and a while back, during the vet hospital internal medicine rounds, one of the internal medicine faculty joked that he totally didn't understand histology photomicrographs, that it was all pink and purple blobs to him XD I often feel inferior to the actual practicing veterinarians who're in the trenches actually dealing with these diseases in real life and having to come up with diagnoses and treatment plans on incomplete information, so it's nice to be reminded that I have some expertise that *they* don't have, heh.
Pankaj and In Joong are feeling the crunch, freaking out about taking Phase II of boards in September. We're supposed to be getting in 2 new residents, one to replace Shambhu and one to replace In Joong - since In Joong's 3 years will be up and he'll be out no matter what; Pankaj is taking boards early in 2 years, and previously we'd just let the PhD people attempt boards in 2 years with no real plan for when they passed, so Shambhu (who also did the 2-year thing) was in a terrific limbo for a while where he was drawing his residents' salary and doing minimal work while running around interviewing at potential job places, and then as soon as he found one he up and ran and left us in the lurch, essentially, so we'd been getting by while being short one resident for these last couple of months. Plus with all the senior pathologists gone/retired/about to retire, the pathologists ("grownups" lol) have also been shorthanded (*and* the necropsy floor techs are also shorthanded, basically everything's been on fire for the last couple of months)
So anyway long story short, after Pankaj we're implementing a policy that if you're going to take boards in 2 years, then you're out whether you passed or not so your space (and funding) can be freed up for a new resident. Because this ad hoc method really sucks for everyone else left behind. :P
Also, I am the most organized and responsible one out of the three remaining residents apparently, so I'm in charge of organizing the weekly resident rounds and everything. Basically I hadn't wanted to be the one to wrangle everyone (In Joong's a shirker and Pankaj is very lassiez-faire/easygoing and they're each at least 10 years and 1 Ph.D older than me) but one of the pathologists, Dr. Ganta, has made it his mission to rebuild the resident program after it basically fell apart when Shambhu stopped engaging with us and turtled to study for boards and get a job. (Dr. Ganta wants to blame Shambhu for abandoning us, but I'm more inclined to blame In Joong as the remaining senior resident for being COMPLETELY FUCKING USELESS, but either way the upshot is that there was absolutely no continuity of institutional memory and Pankaj and I had no idea of how things were supposed to be so we just sort of flailed around individually on our own). Anyway so with Dr. Ganta to back me up, at least the other two are sort of falling in line - and when they inevitably fall behind, I'm NOT fucking nursemaiding them, we're all adults here and if they can't keep up then that's their business. I just find it kind of sad that *I'm* the most... whatever it is even that I am and they are not. Organized, responsible, efficient? (Pankaj has always marveled at my multitasking skills, lol...)
Anyway so that's where I'm at right now. Hopefully the new residents come and are nice and can get up to speed in time so I don't have to do everything when Pankaj and In Joong get their pre-boards time off to study...