(no subject)
1. What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before?
Nothing really flashy. I started a 101 list? Nothing much new on it, but the whole setting goals and actively pursuing them thing is not something that often works out for me, so I guess that's new?
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My resolution was to take better care of myself, and I succeeded! Having received news late in 2012 that my insulin levels were all screwy and also having known for several years that eating gluten was not really a good idea for me, I went about researching and implementing a better way of eating. And I stuck to it. And I felt healthy! It was amazing. I intend to keep it up, and I think I'll succeed because it's not a diet, it's a forever kind of deal. It's not "just until I lose weight" or "until I feel fitter", it's a really, truly forever thing. Here, these foods that taste amazing, these are the foods thou shalt not eat at all ever under any circumstances because they make you sick. So sayeth your doctor and your digestive tract. Which sucks, but I didn't even realise how sick I felt all the damn time before I stopped feeling sick all the damn time. Life is better when I'm not constantly holding back the desire to puke.
For next year, my resolutions are to find some kind of meaningful employment, save money, and get the hell out of Perth. Preferably in that order, but if it can only be managed in a different order that'll do just fine too.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not super close, but my second cousin Marney died. She was always lovely to me, and she taught me some really neat sewing tricks, and when I was little I always looked forward to seeing her. She'd been sick a long time and I hadn't seen much of her for years because cancer is a total bitch and the treatment for it is also a total bitch. I wish there had been more time for me to get to know her as an adult.
5. What countries did you visit?
Fiji. I spent two weeks on a volunteer program, which meant I got to see what life in the small, impoverished villages is like as well as the more touristy resort areas. It was fascinating, humbling, depressing and exhilerating. The touristy bits were relaxing and fun.
6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
A job. Money. More excitement and positive experiences and fun.
7. What date from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
None really stand out.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finished my Dip Ed. Wasn't sure I'd find the motivation for it, but I did! Now there are a few more letters after my name, and at least in theory, I'm much more employable now.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Couldn't find a decent job before or after finishing the Dip Ed. To be fair, this is not entirely my fault; the state government has cut a lot of funding in education, and schools just aren't hiring graduate teachers. But then, I couldn't even hold down the crappy customer service position I had (also not really my fault- my boss had other stuff going on that meant she couldn't afford to keep me on). Employment stuff was generally shitty.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing too serious. A few parasites and infections from Fiji were about as exotic as it got, and they were nothing scary. Other than that, just a couple of colds. Skirting the edges of depression again, but I'm not there yet.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Another professional dance costume- a Pharonics great loop. Not as nice (nor as expensive) as the Bella, but of a very high quality and it's teal and I love it a whole lot.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Hm. I'm afraid that nobody especially stands out here. Generally speaking I've been quite pleased with my Mum though? Over the last few years she's been making a real effort to defend me from bullies- on the occasions when she recognises that I am being bullied. She's getting better at recognising when that happens too though? At least in some contexts. She has even come to partially accept (in a grudging kind of way) that I don't want to spend a lot of time with my Grandma who is a bigot and also generally judgemental and overbearing. And in group conversations where somebody else is being homophobic, Mum has been speaking up against them which I never ever expected to happen, and it means so much to me.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Nothing too drastic, but I did get a bit fed up with some of the dancing crowd. Too many creative temperaments and big personalities all up in each others' business. Also, my family continues to make me roll my eyes and/or fly into a rage on a regular basis but I've made my peace with not having a close relationship with most of them so that's fine.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Spent a chunk in Fiji at the start of the year, and other than that it was the usual rent/food/bills. A bit went on dancing which is really an investment in both mental and physical health, but I didn't spend as much as I have in the past on it even though I took up Swing as well as continuing with bellydancing. There was definitely no extra money to spend on anything else; I barely made it through as it was.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Fiji. That was all the way back in January though, so most of the excitement was in 2012. I guess finishing my degree was pretty satisfying, but I wouldn't say I was really x3 excited about it.
16. What song will always remind you of 2013?
Well, as per usual I haven't listened to the radio so there's nothing much I can pin down here!
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? Happier (not difficult! 2012 was pure awfulness)
Older or wiser? - A little of both
Richer or poorer? - Very slightly richer, but likely about to be poorer again so...
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Looking for work in a sensible and efficient way. Actually getting work would've been a nice bonus.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Procrastinating. So much.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent the actual day with my parents and Mark. With the exception of 2010 when I was up in the Swiss alps with Mark, this was the smallest Christmas I can ever remember and also the most pleasant. There was lots of good food and absolutely no fighting, which was a first. Hey, maybe that should've been my answer to question 1! We did also have a bigger family do on the Sunday before Christmas, but it didn't feel a lot like Christmas and was fairly dull.
21. Did you fall in love in 2013?
No.
22. How many one-night stands?
None.
23. What was your favourite TV program?
Supernatural remains very high on my list. I also discovered Lost Girl, which I love more than words can express, and I loved re-watching a few seasons of Star Trek: Voyager which is even better than I remember from my childhood.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No.
25. What was the best book you read?
It's shameful how little I read this year. I don't think I've read any long fantasy novels at all D:
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
In keeping with not listening to the radio, I did not discover anything much current or that would be considered new to anybody else. I did find that I really enjoy Gin Wigmore though, and going back further, also VAST and PJ Harvey.
27. What did you want and get?
Having some goals to work towards gave me some of that sense of purpose I wanted so much. I figured out that for want of better and more fulfilling dreams I ought to finish the degree, so I did. And I worked out that after that, I needed to move the hell out of Perth and start anew someplace else, so I knew that after the degree I'd need a job and money and plans. So I've been attempting to do the money-saving work, the planning work, and also the mental/emotional work of preparing to uproot and say goodbye. I wouldn't say I 100% have a sense of purpose in this because I don't know exactly where I'm going or if it's going to work out or if I'll enjoy it or if it'll even be satisfying, but I've got a hell of a lot more than I did last year.
28. What did you want and not get?
Real, meaningful employment that pays reasonable wages and makes use of my qualifications. A sense of fulfillment and connection and satisfaction with what I already have. Frustratingly, I do have more of these things now than I did before I decided to leave it all behind though. It's all contradictory and messy and difficult, so the certainty that I said I wanted last year is still a thing I'm missing.
29. What was your favourite film of this year?
I very much enjoyed Les Miserables, and Thor 2 was good fun, but I can say without any reservation that my absolute top of the list favourite bar none was Pacific Rim. Aside from being extremely entertaining sci-fi/action with lovable characters and good effects and exactly the right amount of cheesiness and a plot structure that is outside the norm for the genre and for Hollywood, I really loved how inclusive it was in terms of race, nationality, gender and disability. Not perfect by any stretch but much much better than most films.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I did absolutely nothing for my birthday. I was 27. I felt pretty ambivalent about it.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Earning decent money at a non-sucky job. Jeez, I'm feeling like a broken record here.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
Stuff that was already in my wardrobe because I was too broke to buy anything new, even from an op shop.
33. What kept you sane?
The decision to leave Perth. Knowing that whatever is shitting me off is going to get left behind really helps to put things in perspective.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Still Misha Collins! I also got sucked into fangirling over Tom Hiddleston. And I really want to be BFFs (with or without benefits, either way) with Felicia Day, because she is super cute and awesome and interested in stuff I love and I adore her.
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
I've burned out a bit on politics. I still care, a lot, about a lot of different issues, but I haven't been very involved in anything. The most obvious things that have stirred me include marriage rights, the treatment of asylum seekers, climate change and the horrible clusterfucktastrophe that was the outcome of the federal election.
36. Who did you miss?
I didn't see a lot of my best friend M, although we did catch up now and then. She had a very busy year with work and our schedules were not great at matching up for free time.
37. Who was the best new person you met?
I met some lovely people in Fiji. The other volunteers were all quite young, between 18 and 22, and I'm old enough that I found a lot of them kinda grating. But some of them were mature and interesting and fun.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:
The time to do things is NOW. Not later. Not in some just-around-the-corner future when x condition is met and x is not a thing you have any control over making happen. There is no other time to do things but NOW.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Not any particular lyric from this one, but the overall theme of procrastinating and having dreams and going nowhere and envying/resenting the hell out of your peers who seem to have it all worked out? I've been relating so hard to that this year, especially having decided not to go to my 10 year high school reunion because I felt like too much of a failure to face the old bitch brigade. It's pathetic, but there it is.
I'm looking forward to 2014. Back when I was doing Honours in 2009 and 2010 was the last time I felt fulfilled, and I was depressed back then and Mark was depressed too so it's really a bit crap that that's my baseline for what a good year feels like. 2011 was bland and frustrating, 2012 was horrific in more ways than I can count, and 2013 has been bland and frustrating again. Here's hoping next year works out at least a little bit sparklier. I must be due some happiness. I think I'm starting to get the hang of the whole responsible adult taking control of her life shtick, so maybe I'll be able to make some good things happen.
Nothing really flashy. I started a 101 list? Nothing much new on it, but the whole setting goals and actively pursuing them thing is not something that often works out for me, so I guess that's new?
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My resolution was to take better care of myself, and I succeeded! Having received news late in 2012 that my insulin levels were all screwy and also having known for several years that eating gluten was not really a good idea for me, I went about researching and implementing a better way of eating. And I stuck to it. And I felt healthy! It was amazing. I intend to keep it up, and I think I'll succeed because it's not a diet, it's a forever kind of deal. It's not "just until I lose weight" or "until I feel fitter", it's a really, truly forever thing. Here, these foods that taste amazing, these are the foods thou shalt not eat at all ever under any circumstances because they make you sick. So sayeth your doctor and your digestive tract. Which sucks, but I didn't even realise how sick I felt all the damn time before I stopped feeling sick all the damn time. Life is better when I'm not constantly holding back the desire to puke.
For next year, my resolutions are to find some kind of meaningful employment, save money, and get the hell out of Perth. Preferably in that order, but if it can only be managed in a different order that'll do just fine too.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not super close, but my second cousin Marney died. She was always lovely to me, and she taught me some really neat sewing tricks, and when I was little I always looked forward to seeing her. She'd been sick a long time and I hadn't seen much of her for years because cancer is a total bitch and the treatment for it is also a total bitch. I wish there had been more time for me to get to know her as an adult.
5. What countries did you visit?
Fiji. I spent two weeks on a volunteer program, which meant I got to see what life in the small, impoverished villages is like as well as the more touristy resort areas. It was fascinating, humbling, depressing and exhilerating. The touristy bits were relaxing and fun.
6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
A job. Money. More excitement and positive experiences and fun.
7. What date from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
None really stand out.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finished my Dip Ed. Wasn't sure I'd find the motivation for it, but I did! Now there are a few more letters after my name, and at least in theory, I'm much more employable now.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Couldn't find a decent job before or after finishing the Dip Ed. To be fair, this is not entirely my fault; the state government has cut a lot of funding in education, and schools just aren't hiring graduate teachers. But then, I couldn't even hold down the crappy customer service position I had (also not really my fault- my boss had other stuff going on that meant she couldn't afford to keep me on). Employment stuff was generally shitty.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing too serious. A few parasites and infections from Fiji were about as exotic as it got, and they were nothing scary. Other than that, just a couple of colds. Skirting the edges of depression again, but I'm not there yet.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Another professional dance costume- a Pharonics great loop. Not as nice (nor as expensive) as the Bella, but of a very high quality and it's teal and I love it a whole lot.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Hm. I'm afraid that nobody especially stands out here. Generally speaking I've been quite pleased with my Mum though? Over the last few years she's been making a real effort to defend me from bullies- on the occasions when she recognises that I am being bullied. She's getting better at recognising when that happens too though? At least in some contexts. She has even come to partially accept (in a grudging kind of way) that I don't want to spend a lot of time with my Grandma who is a bigot and also generally judgemental and overbearing. And in group conversations where somebody else is being homophobic, Mum has been speaking up against them which I never ever expected to happen, and it means so much to me.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Nothing too drastic, but I did get a bit fed up with some of the dancing crowd. Too many creative temperaments and big personalities all up in each others' business. Also, my family continues to make me roll my eyes and/or fly into a rage on a regular basis but I've made my peace with not having a close relationship with most of them so that's fine.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Spent a chunk in Fiji at the start of the year, and other than that it was the usual rent/food/bills. A bit went on dancing which is really an investment in both mental and physical health, but I didn't spend as much as I have in the past on it even though I took up Swing as well as continuing with bellydancing. There was definitely no extra money to spend on anything else; I barely made it through as it was.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Fiji. That was all the way back in January though, so most of the excitement was in 2012. I guess finishing my degree was pretty satisfying, but I wouldn't say I was really x3 excited about it.
16. What song will always remind you of 2013?
Well, as per usual I haven't listened to the radio so there's nothing much I can pin down here!
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? Happier (not difficult! 2012 was pure awfulness)
Older or wiser? - A little of both
Richer or poorer? - Very slightly richer, but likely about to be poorer again so...
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Looking for work in a sensible and efficient way. Actually getting work would've been a nice bonus.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Procrastinating. So much.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent the actual day with my parents and Mark. With the exception of 2010 when I was up in the Swiss alps with Mark, this was the smallest Christmas I can ever remember and also the most pleasant. There was lots of good food and absolutely no fighting, which was a first. Hey, maybe that should've been my answer to question 1! We did also have a bigger family do on the Sunday before Christmas, but it didn't feel a lot like Christmas and was fairly dull.
21. Did you fall in love in 2013?
No.
22. How many one-night stands?
None.
23. What was your favourite TV program?
Supernatural remains very high on my list. I also discovered Lost Girl, which I love more than words can express, and I loved re-watching a few seasons of Star Trek: Voyager which is even better than I remember from my childhood.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No.
25. What was the best book you read?
It's shameful how little I read this year. I don't think I've read any long fantasy novels at all D:
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
In keeping with not listening to the radio, I did not discover anything much current or that would be considered new to anybody else. I did find that I really enjoy Gin Wigmore though, and going back further, also VAST and PJ Harvey.
27. What did you want and get?
Having some goals to work towards gave me some of that sense of purpose I wanted so much. I figured out that for want of better and more fulfilling dreams I ought to finish the degree, so I did. And I worked out that after that, I needed to move the hell out of Perth and start anew someplace else, so I knew that after the degree I'd need a job and money and plans. So I've been attempting to do the money-saving work, the planning work, and also the mental/emotional work of preparing to uproot and say goodbye. I wouldn't say I 100% have a sense of purpose in this because I don't know exactly where I'm going or if it's going to work out or if I'll enjoy it or if it'll even be satisfying, but I've got a hell of a lot more than I did last year.
28. What did you want and not get?
Real, meaningful employment that pays reasonable wages and makes use of my qualifications. A sense of fulfillment and connection and satisfaction with what I already have. Frustratingly, I do have more of these things now than I did before I decided to leave it all behind though. It's all contradictory and messy and difficult, so the certainty that I said I wanted last year is still a thing I'm missing.
29. What was your favourite film of this year?
I very much enjoyed Les Miserables, and Thor 2 was good fun, but I can say without any reservation that my absolute top of the list favourite bar none was Pacific Rim. Aside from being extremely entertaining sci-fi/action with lovable characters and good effects and exactly the right amount of cheesiness and a plot structure that is outside the norm for the genre and for Hollywood, I really loved how inclusive it was in terms of race, nationality, gender and disability. Not perfect by any stretch but much much better than most films.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I did absolutely nothing for my birthday. I was 27. I felt pretty ambivalent about it.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Earning decent money at a non-sucky job. Jeez, I'm feeling like a broken record here.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
Stuff that was already in my wardrobe because I was too broke to buy anything new, even from an op shop.
33. What kept you sane?
The decision to leave Perth. Knowing that whatever is shitting me off is going to get left behind really helps to put things in perspective.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Still Misha Collins! I also got sucked into fangirling over Tom Hiddleston. And I really want to be BFFs (with or without benefits, either way) with Felicia Day, because she is super cute and awesome and interested in stuff I love and I adore her.
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
I've burned out a bit on politics. I still care, a lot, about a lot of different issues, but I haven't been very involved in anything. The most obvious things that have stirred me include marriage rights, the treatment of asylum seekers, climate change and the horrible clusterfucktastrophe that was the outcome of the federal election.
36. Who did you miss?
I didn't see a lot of my best friend M, although we did catch up now and then. She had a very busy year with work and our schedules were not great at matching up for free time.
37. Who was the best new person you met?
I met some lovely people in Fiji. The other volunteers were all quite young, between 18 and 22, and I'm old enough that I found a lot of them kinda grating. But some of them were mature and interesting and fun.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:
The time to do things is NOW. Not later. Not in some just-around-the-corner future when x condition is met and x is not a thing you have any control over making happen. There is no other time to do things but NOW.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Not any particular lyric from this one, but the overall theme of procrastinating and having dreams and going nowhere and envying/resenting the hell out of your peers who seem to have it all worked out? I've been relating so hard to that this year, especially having decided not to go to my 10 year high school reunion because I felt like too much of a failure to face the old bitch brigade. It's pathetic, but there it is.
Click to viewI'm looking forward to 2014. Back when I was doing Honours in 2009 and 2010 was the last time I felt fulfilled, and I was depressed back then and Mark was depressed too so it's really a bit crap that that's my baseline for what a good year feels like. 2011 was bland and frustrating, 2012 was horrific in more ways than I can count, and 2013 has been bland and frustrating again. Here's hoping next year works out at least a little bit sparklier. I must be due some happiness. I think I'm starting to get the hang of the whole responsible adult taking control of her life shtick, so maybe I'll be able to make some good things happen.