Basil
Title: Basil
Author: countingcr0ws
Pairing/ Characters: Yunjae
Rating: PG
Form: One-shot
Genre: AR, School Life, Slice-of-Life
Summary: The three months together hasn't done much to bridge the gap between them.
Inspiration: Chae Dong Ha, Reddit quote about pedestals,
Named after my crush.
Looking back, he wasn't surprised that it had turned out this way. Even while walking away from the other, he still wished desperately that the boy would call and pull him back.
It was such a hopeful, silly thought that he couldn't help but laugh bitterly to himself as he wiped his hair back, the pieces of his heart crunching under his soles with every reluctant step.
- - - - -
While he would always associate Yunho with the hottest of summers, he knew that he could never bring himself to dislike the warm days.
-
He had been preparing to cross the street when he first laid eyes on the other on an equally merciless afternoon. It was the very moment that he felt like he had received the whole world, the tinkle of the shop bell as the door opened to reveal the boy with the distracted grin and ice-cream cone.
It was indescribable. Maybe it was how the weather complemented Yunho's disposition, the way the other swung his bag backwards distractedly as he ran across the road, passing him.
Or maybe the steadiness of the other, that called out to him. He could never find the words to describe the feelings that Yunho drew from him. It was the stature itself, the solid reassurance that made him feel safe and grounded.
Right then, he could only stand there frozen, his mind still displaying the snapshot of the boy framed by the sharp white of the door, even after he had long disappeared.
-
Everything becomes strangely simplified when you love another. Despite the loneliness and bouts of frustration, a glimpse of Yunho was enough to make Jaejoong's day. He found himself taking detours, staying in school late, scanning the crowd obsessively for the boy. The habit became second-nature, the sight of the boy making his heart tight, the swirl of want threatening to wash him away. He would take a few moments to collect himself, eyes cast downwards, counting his breath as he filed the image of the other away carefully.
Whenever he passed the other, his nerves would flare and the lightness he felt was indescribable. Jaejoong would always be conscious in the rare moments that he was at the apex of happiness, that nothing could ever be better.
But the moment you put someone on a pedestal, not only do you put yourself at a status lower, you also give them the opportunity to look down at you (not that Yunho ever did so). For so long, Jaejoong had shrouded himself with the unrequited affection he had for Yunho that when he finally attained the other, the feelings he had for Yunho was capable to fill a river's basin while the other felt none apart from a relatively tame excitement at the potential of his new-found relationship.
Too lost in his consummate happiness of the close physical proximity between them, Jaejoong couldn't see the imbalance in their relationship. He would fall asleep with giddy disbelief, unaware that his adoration of the other wasn't quite the typical of couples; and that he was assimilating poorly into his role of a lover. His touches were reverent and careful, the smiles he caught at a higher frequency making him shiver involuntarily like it used to.
A season passed, and he was laying above Yunho, the other's smile languorous and indulgent when Jaejoong found himself thinking about how otherworldly the boy looked; how much his heart ached to touch him. As Yunho switched their positions with a lustful smile, the severity of his thought struck him in the space of the moment; with the realization that the times spent together had done nothing to reduce the prior perceived distance between them. The obsession he had with the other had remained, if not become stronger. His mind had become so used to filing and collecting snippets of Yunho that the relationship had only given him more opportunities and freer access to do so.
-
Ending the relationship required less courage than that to initiate it. It was the pain of losing the person he idolized that made it difficult.
He had never anticipated that he would ever have the chance to pull the classic 'it's not you, it's me' card in his life. Because while he loved Yunho, it was hard to imagine the other as his boyfriend. It was obvious that Yunho couldn't quite understand, but he didn't blame him anyway. He didn't even quite understand himself in the first place.
Shrugging helplessly as he stepped backwards, Jaejoong looked at Yunho sadly, recording the sensations of Yunho's warm breath against his skin.
Somehow, he knew that he would probably always love Yunho for the traits he had observed from afar, and the small details he had learnt during their relationship.
The breeze that blew against his face as he turned to leave was as warm as that on the first day when he had seen the boy.
Looking back, he wasn't surprised that it had turned out this way. Even while walking away from the other, he still wished desperately that the boy would call and pull him back.
- - - - -
A/N; I'm in Munich right now, and the days are passing really quickly. Wrote this while travelling to Neuschwanstein castle today. Leave a comment? I really haven't been active for so long.
Bad grammar alert. Tensal issues? help
Author: countingcr0ws
Pairing/ Characters: Yunjae
Rating: PG
Form: One-shot
Genre: AR, School Life, Slice-of-Life
Summary: The three months together hasn't done much to bridge the gap between them.
Inspiration: Chae Dong Ha, Reddit quote about pedestals,
Named after my crush.
Looking back, he wasn't surprised that it had turned out this way. Even while walking away from the other, he still wished desperately that the boy would call and pull him back.
It was such a hopeful, silly thought that he couldn't help but laugh bitterly to himself as he wiped his hair back, the pieces of his heart crunching under his soles with every reluctant step.
- - - - -
While he would always associate Yunho with the hottest of summers, he knew that he could never bring himself to dislike the warm days.
-
He had been preparing to cross the street when he first laid eyes on the other on an equally merciless afternoon. It was the very moment that he felt like he had received the whole world, the tinkle of the shop bell as the door opened to reveal the boy with the distracted grin and ice-cream cone.
It was indescribable. Maybe it was how the weather complemented Yunho's disposition, the way the other swung his bag backwards distractedly as he ran across the road, passing him.
Or maybe the steadiness of the other, that called out to him. He could never find the words to describe the feelings that Yunho drew from him. It was the stature itself, the solid reassurance that made him feel safe and grounded.
Right then, he could only stand there frozen, his mind still displaying the snapshot of the boy framed by the sharp white of the door, even after he had long disappeared.
-
Everything becomes strangely simplified when you love another. Despite the loneliness and bouts of frustration, a glimpse of Yunho was enough to make Jaejoong's day. He found himself taking detours, staying in school late, scanning the crowd obsessively for the boy. The habit became second-nature, the sight of the boy making his heart tight, the swirl of want threatening to wash him away. He would take a few moments to collect himself, eyes cast downwards, counting his breath as he filed the image of the other away carefully.
Whenever he passed the other, his nerves would flare and the lightness he felt was indescribable. Jaejoong would always be conscious in the rare moments that he was at the apex of happiness, that nothing could ever be better.
But the moment you put someone on a pedestal, not only do you put yourself at a status lower, you also give them the opportunity to look down at you (not that Yunho ever did so). For so long, Jaejoong had shrouded himself with the unrequited affection he had for Yunho that when he finally attained the other, the feelings he had for Yunho was capable to fill a river's basin while the other felt none apart from a relatively tame excitement at the potential of his new-found relationship.
Too lost in his consummate happiness of the close physical proximity between them, Jaejoong couldn't see the imbalance in their relationship. He would fall asleep with giddy disbelief, unaware that his adoration of the other wasn't quite the typical of couples; and that he was assimilating poorly into his role of a lover. His touches were reverent and careful, the smiles he caught at a higher frequency making him shiver involuntarily like it used to.
A season passed, and he was laying above Yunho, the other's smile languorous and indulgent when Jaejoong found himself thinking about how otherworldly the boy looked; how much his heart ached to touch him. As Yunho switched their positions with a lustful smile, the severity of his thought struck him in the space of the moment; with the realization that the times spent together had done nothing to reduce the prior perceived distance between them. The obsession he had with the other had remained, if not become stronger. His mind had become so used to filing and collecting snippets of Yunho that the relationship had only given him more opportunities and freer access to do so.
-
Ending the relationship required less courage than that to initiate it. It was the pain of losing the person he idolized that made it difficult.
He had never anticipated that he would ever have the chance to pull the classic 'it's not you, it's me' card in his life. Because while he loved Yunho, it was hard to imagine the other as his boyfriend. It was obvious that Yunho couldn't quite understand, but he didn't blame him anyway. He didn't even quite understand himself in the first place.
Shrugging helplessly as he stepped backwards, Jaejoong looked at Yunho sadly, recording the sensations of Yunho's warm breath against his skin.
Somehow, he knew that he would probably always love Yunho for the traits he had observed from afar, and the small details he had learnt during their relationship.
The breeze that blew against his face as he turned to leave was as warm as that on the first day when he had seen the boy.
Looking back, he wasn't surprised that it had turned out this way. Even while walking away from the other, he still wished desperately that the boy would call and pull him back.
- - - - -
A/N; I'm in Munich right now, and the days are passing really quickly. Wrote this while travelling to Neuschwanstein castle today. Leave a comment? I really haven't been active for so long.
Bad grammar alert. Tensal issues? help