Twenty One.
Title: Twenty One
Author: countingcr0ws
Pairing/ Characters: Yunjae
Rating: PG
Form: One-shot
Genre: AU, Relatively Happy, Romance, School Life, Slice of Life
Summary: Hyunjoong suffers from unrequited love.
Inspired by: Prompt
"Yunho says that he'll be taking me out tomorrow."
I only grunted in reply as I tried to focus on my notes, conscious of his stare at the back of my head.
I wasn't going to turn back to look at him at all.
"Where do you think he'd bring me?" He continued idly as the edge of the wooden bed creaked softly.
"Dinner maybe." I mumbled in reply, and I could imagine him nodding slowly in consideration.
There was a soft sound as he fell backwards, and I only lowered my head as I held my pencil tighter.
"What about you, Hyunjoong?" He asked idly, and I whipped backwards quickly, unintentionally meeting his soft eyes as he looked at me, propped up on the bed casually with an arm.
"What about me what?" The words came out slowly, and my voice was hoarse. I couldn't help but regret turning back to look at him.
"What about you? Are you spending Valentine's day with anybody?" He pushed himself closer towards the edge of the bed in excitement, his eyes shining with mirth like it always did at the prospect of a juicy gossip.
I didn't reply.
"Oh come on, Hyunjoong! There has to be somebody that's caught your eyes! All those girls pouring themselves over you after every match, plus those yicky ones that stare at you along the corridors?" He mocked a shiver as his lips twitched teasingly.
"And I'm sure that you must have gotten over the person you were talking about during high school," he urged as he dropped his chin onto my bedspread with a soft puff of air that I caught.
His arm was probably tired from holding himself up. Jaejoong was a conundrum of sorts, and I sometimes wondered what his muscles were even for.
I shrugged hesitantly, and he wiggled his brows at me as he tipped his head over the edge of the bed, a smile splitting across his face as he pointed at me slowly while he mouthed 'upside down' with a soft giggle.
- - - - -
If I had known earlier, I would probably have intervened.
The first time should have set alarm bells in my mind, but it didn't. Jaejoong was the kind of loud and boisterous, and he never made his sexual orientation a secret, openly mooning about the hotties that he had seen and met.
And I, had unfortunately learnt to brush it off causally after being so close with him for so many years.
We had just been in college for four months when he had tossed his water bottle that he had gone to refill onto the grass, dropping down quickly beside me as he ranted crazily about 'the cutest guy he had met while filling water.'
Jaejoong had a few things that he was infinitely proud of, and one of it was his water bottle. He considered it a point to boast about; that he had been toting the same bottle for six years.
Said bottle had a faded cartoon print of water beans (just bean shaped cartoons that were titled as 'water' beans) on it, which he fondly referred to it as 'Monster Bean.' And he would carry it almost reverently, studiously rinsing it with dish soap at the common sink every night before filling it with water the next day like a small child.
In my opinion, that was one of the many reasons why I loved him so much.
He had this childlike quality about him, and maybe it was because he was the youngest in his family. He was so freely childish and it made me want to protect him and make sure that he always carried that demeanor without second-guessing himself, to ensure that nobody would tear him down for it.
I vividly remember righting Monster Bean carefully on the lawn, idly registering how warm the bottle was.
The college was dotted with coolers, but maybe it was due to a lack of funds or otherwise, but majority of it was rusted, and extremely gross.
Jaejoong had went to the utility room to refill his bottle as usual (where it had a state-of-art water purifier). It was a trade secret that few knew about, and he told me about how he had been ambling his way along the corridor, and said guy was just leaving the room, how he had caught the other's eyes, and it was so earnest and kind, he could feel his face heating up instantaneously, and he felt so lost in the other's fathomless depths.
And oh, oh how they had danced about in the entrance, how the guy had sidled up against the wall before apologizing to him, and his voice, oh gosh, his voice...
I had only brushed it off carelessly that day as I pushed my notes into his hands with the reminder that we had a test in the next period.
Had I known that it would turn out like this, I would probably have confessed right then.
Who was I kidding? I wouldn't have. Even if I was armed with the knowledge that Jaejoong would cease to be mine (was he even once?) then, I would probably only look at him sadly while I pondered about the idea of chapters in life, and how the plot could swerve in just an instant.
There were some things that I never knew how to say, and professing my love to the other would easily top the list.
I loved Jaejoong, I really did.
I really do.
I've never known when, but I vaguely remember my heart racing as I watched him curling his hair behind his ear in high school one day. It was then, that I realised. I realised that I loved Jaejoong quite terribly.
I loved his soft fingers, his pale legs, his dark hair, his expressive eyes, his curving lips, his muscular arms, his endless theories, everything. I wanted to touch him, to hold his hand, to wrap my arms around him, to feel his warm pulse that fuelled my happiness. I wanted him so badly that I couldn't say it.
- - -
We both took up a psychology module in our first year, and I remember the professor asking a show of hands of the students who had experienced heartbreak. I don't recall what he covered that day, but I couldn't forget how he described heartbreak- an incredible bitterness that had your chest aching and you wanted to cry, or hit something if you were the aggressive type.
I suppose I was the aggressive type then.
Passive aggressive maybe.
My first heartbreak came after a pre-season heart-to-heart initiated by my football team's captain.
I snuck back into our shared dorm close to two, and was greeted by a sight of Jaejoong with his face buried into a bouquet of flowers.
"Are you secretly seeing somebody?" I asked in mild jest.
Thinking back, I can't believe that it didn't click within my mind. But then again, it was too far a leap for my brain to process.
Jaejoong held a part time job in a pub just outside the campus, and he performed by invitation. He had a really good voice, and it could probably draw tears from a stone if he bothered to try.
He only laughed at me as he tossed it onto my bed carelessly. I occupied the lower bunk, but it was a holding place for Jaejoong's junk during the day.
"I had an hour thirty of performance tonight, so I was taking requests as usual, and for the last song, somebody requested Honey Funny Bunny," he nodded enthusiastically and I just pulled a grimace, it was a song from Jaejoong's favorite band. I could imagine how pleased he must have been to actually be requested to perform his idol's song.
"You know the lyrics, right?"
I pulled my leg up onto the swivel chair with a careless nod. Obviously I would. He had played the disc so many times while we were cramming for our entrance exams, for goodness's sake.
"Then oh my god, then guess who came up at the end!"
He covered his megawatt smile with the back of his hand as he doubled over in laughter. I could feel my sides lurching as I watched how happy he was, his eyes literally shining.
I was blinded, bitterly so.
"Yunho came up with the bouquet and he got onto one knee," he scrambled up as he shook me by the shoulders, his expression wild and animated.
"Can you believe it! He got onto one knee, and he told me that he never believed in love at first sight, but I made him think otherwise and he asked if I would go out together with him." His words were coming out in a rush like he always did when he was excited, and he was incredibly so, unconsciously yelling in happiness despite the ungodly hour.
He had even forgotten to cover his mouth as he smiled openly, haphazardly painted in euphoria and exuberance.
I was flooded with thoughts right then. He hadn't even told me who Yunho was, but I knew enough without even asking.
And Yunho had done it.
He had said the one thing that I could never do, and he had jumped my queue.
But was there even one?
But at the same time, as much as my heart panged, I couldn't help but note idly how good Jaejoong looked. This happiness suited him, yet I wanted to cry, to burst out wailing right then as I slapped his hands off in betrayal.
I only smiled wanly at him, my face a mask of complete composure.
"Did you accept?"
I didn't even know why I bothered to ask. If he hadn't, he wouldn't be clutching the bouquet with such adoration, would he? Even Jaejoong knew it, and he made an extravagant show of rolling his eyes. I suppose I just wanted to hear it, to confirm the status of my heart.
"Obviously! He's so cute, and he was so perfect, and he likes Dong Bang Shin Ki, and he said..."
I couldn't even hear any longer.
My heart was pronounced dead on the scene.
Later that night, when he left to wash Monster Bean, I approached his bouquet tentatively, my eyes stinging with sadness and acerbic envy.
Acutely conscious of my actions, I tore a soft crimson petal slowly, and I reached to strip another blankly when the image of Jaejoong's spirited expression surfaced within me.
Finally releasing the pressure between my fingers almost disappointedly, I picked the lone object of my vengeance coolly before proceeding to tear it into tiny shreds, my fingers moist with the petal's sap.
Tossing the confetti bits out of the window, I pressed my face against the glass, stung with the consequence of my helplessness.
- - -
I never wanted to admit it, but he was good.
He was.
A good boyfriend, I mean.
And I hated it.
A lot.
I didn't.
I didn't hate it.
He made Jaejoong happy.
So I didn't hate how good he was.
But I did.
It's a very complicated affair.
I don't know whether I hated it.
I must hate him though.
I don't.
Really.
I do.
- - -
Jaejoong wasn't exactly high maintenance, but he had offbeat interests and preoccupations that few could keep up with. He particularly liked to go cloud spotting and would spend time sitting at a corner of a building (he hated to be under the sun) while he peered at the clouds with a look of child-like awe and wonderment. The first time he told me that he was spending the weekend cloud spotting with the other, I had whipped my head up in disbelief, mildly reeling in betrayal. It was an activity that both of us engaged in exclusively, and he did invite me apologetically, but I couldn't, so I didn't take his offer up.
He came back with a story of how Yunho had brought him to this meadow at some weird place complete with a picnic spread and a huge-assed umbrella, how great the day had been, and how perfect Yunho was, and I, been the poster child of constipation.
Green in face, and completely tight in the anus.
- - -
There were times where I hung out with Yunho individually, and he was nice.
He wasn't.
I'm lying.
He was funny, and he had a laid back air about him, incredibly confident in his own skin, laughing freely, eyes curving with his cosmetically arranged pearly whites.
Jaejoong had a photograph of a younger Yunho with his crooked teeth in his wallet, and he would always pause to beam at it subconsciously whenever he paid for anything.
It made me itch quite incredibly in jealousy.
I sometimes wished that he hadn't had his teeth done. Maybe Jaejoong wouldn't have liked him then.
Because I had perfect teeth.
And he didn't.
I've always had perfect teeth.
-
Yunho could subdue Jaejoong in ways that I couldn't.
It's not how it sounds like. It's just that Jaejoong goes easy on him.
There are some things I say that you shouldn't believe.
Yunho's just really good at being firm with Jaejoong in ways that I never could, and I hated it.
I don't.
But I do.
Jaejoong loves to spend money. He liked to spend his money on things that he never needed, as if he based his sustenance on it.
His sisters were much older than him, and most of them already had families, complete with children. He was the only one who was still schooling, and they often sent food, or presents to him. We had both just gotten a new backpack from his fourth sister, but he stayed up cooing at photographs of his favorite Dong Bang Shin Ki idol posing with the bags the other had specially designed for a brand.
A mere week after the line of bags had launched, he came back early from an outing with Yunho huffy and agitated. Setting my book down in glee, I moved to make space for him on my bed.
He launched into how they had went bag shopping, only that Yunho had slapped his hand whenever he pointed to the salesgirls what he wanted. He was completely livid and furious as he went on about how Yunho was an idiot and an asshole, and he seemed as if he wanted to cry right then.
To be honest, I wanted to laugh quite terribly.
I liked him best when he was passionate, and exacerbated by his dissatisfaction with Yunho (albeit how mildly right Yunho had been), I was in a jubilant mood.
I nodded along with him, as I subtly egged him on on his diatribe of how terrible the other was.
If I could get Jaejoong back through this, why not?
Smoothing his hair softly as he fell silent, I listened as his breaths slowed while he looked straight ahead at the drab white of the dorm's walls. He suddenly burst out laughing so loudly then I couldn't help but jump in shock.
He sat up quickly, and my hand fell onto the bedspread coldly as he doubled over, his laughter giving way to gut-wrenching sobs.
"Are you okay?" I whispered softly after a few final seconds, and he shook his head, looking up at me with a wry smile.
His bitter smile was mixed with tears, and I remember being rooted in fright as I stared at him who seemed so distant then. I didn't know what to do, nor the right words to say. For a moment, I wished that Yunho was here to help.
He suddenly excused himself, picking only his phone up as he shot out of the room.
I only caught a glimpse of his lonely back before the door clicked shut.
Yunho's childish chubby face beamed at me from Jaejoong's opened wallet, and I kicked it off my bed in a huff as I flopped onto my bed, yelling aloud in frustration.
I remember it being almost two in the morning that day, and Jaejoong wasn't back yet. I had been calling his phone incessantly, but he wasn't picking up.
It was close to exam period for the seniors and there were still people milling about at the lobby so I picked a random stack of notes as I sat at the study room distractedly, occasionally glancing up at the entrance as I waited for my crush to return.
I didn't know what time it was when I finally saw him, but I was just flipping the first page after rereading the few lines for the hundredth time when I saw them.
To be absolutely honest, Jaejoong was a looker. Maybe I'm a little biased, especially with my excess feelings, but I really thought that he was good looking. He wasn't handsome, but more so on the pretty, dangerous side.
Maybe love did that to you, but at that moment, Jaejoong looked completely relaxed and contented as he went on and on about something, his hand sgesturing vigorously as his eyes danced while Yunho listened in with that perfect smile.
He had an arm around Jaejoong's waist, and I could feel my soul curling with spite and animosity.
Jaejoong had an uncanny slim waist that he was conscious of, and he absolutely hated it whenever anyone took notice of it, jumping even when I brushed against it. Yet there he was, completely at ease with Yunho's stinking hand placed in a selfish, showy act of property on his waist. I wanted to burst out of the room screaming, but my legs couldn't move an inch.
My butt was glued permanently onto the cool seat.
Yunho suddenly leaned in as they reached the lift, and when he withdrew, a loose smile was plastered over my best friend's face, his eyes unfocused, as he laughed in a way that I had never seen before. I could feel the tendrils of jealousy braiding itself around my heart as Jaejoong suddenly pulled Yunho close, to kiss him so passionately that I felt like a voyeur in that instant.
I looked down at my fingers that were white from pressing against my palms forcefully, my vision blurring in hurt.
- - - - -
"So? Who's the secret person that you like so much?" His face was getting flushed from the blood rush from his position.
"There's so much that you haven't been telling me, Hyunjoong," he whined cutely and I felt myself retreating in control.
"I don't know, I just think that we haven't been as close since we came to college." He titled his head, and he looked really odd, his hair falling straight, swaying in mid air as he shook his head.
I wanted to correct him, and inject that we hadn't been as close ever since Yunho, but I couldn't.
Yunho was perfect for him in ways that I couldn't even be.
No, he wasn't. Yunho was a complete terror.
"Who's it, Hyunjoong?" He egged a second time, as he rocked on the bed impatiently, his hair swaying like corn stalks in the wind.
I looked at him, my throat constricted, acutely aware of the crazy thumping of my pulse in my brain.
"It's you, Jae. I love you, and I've loved you ever since high school."
I looked squarely at him as his legs fell off the wall, his mouth wide open in shock. He blinked at me, once, twice, thrice, four times, five times, six times, seven times, eight times, nine times, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty.
"Nah! Come on! I'm just joking!" I laughed coolly, and he shot out of the bed immediately to hit me hard on the shoulder.
"Oh my fucking god! You idiot! You fucking scared me for a moment, oh my god!" He exclaimed loudly as he clutched his heart for emphasis.
I only reached up to rub the spot in pain as I blinked at him.
Twenty one.
- - - - -
A/N: Clearing out my note app, initially posted at 'Prompt' above.
The tenses are weird, pardon me.
Author: countingcr0ws
Pairing/ Characters: Yunjae
Rating: PG
Form: One-shot
Genre: AU, Relatively Happy, Romance, School Life, Slice of Life
Summary: Hyunjoong suffers from unrequited love.
Inspired by: Prompt
"Yunho says that he'll be taking me out tomorrow."
I only grunted in reply as I tried to focus on my notes, conscious of his stare at the back of my head.
I wasn't going to turn back to look at him at all.
"Where do you think he'd bring me?" He continued idly as the edge of the wooden bed creaked softly.
"Dinner maybe." I mumbled in reply, and I could imagine him nodding slowly in consideration.
There was a soft sound as he fell backwards, and I only lowered my head as I held my pencil tighter.
"What about you, Hyunjoong?" He asked idly, and I whipped backwards quickly, unintentionally meeting his soft eyes as he looked at me, propped up on the bed casually with an arm.
"What about me what?" The words came out slowly, and my voice was hoarse. I couldn't help but regret turning back to look at him.
"What about you? Are you spending Valentine's day with anybody?" He pushed himself closer towards the edge of the bed in excitement, his eyes shining with mirth like it always did at the prospect of a juicy gossip.
I didn't reply.
"Oh come on, Hyunjoong! There has to be somebody that's caught your eyes! All those girls pouring themselves over you after every match, plus those yicky ones that stare at you along the corridors?" He mocked a shiver as his lips twitched teasingly.
"And I'm sure that you must have gotten over the person you were talking about during high school," he urged as he dropped his chin onto my bedspread with a soft puff of air that I caught.
His arm was probably tired from holding himself up. Jaejoong was a conundrum of sorts, and I sometimes wondered what his muscles were even for.
I shrugged hesitantly, and he wiggled his brows at me as he tipped his head over the edge of the bed, a smile splitting across his face as he pointed at me slowly while he mouthed 'upside down' with a soft giggle.
- - - - -
If I had known earlier, I would probably have intervened.
The first time should have set alarm bells in my mind, but it didn't. Jaejoong was the kind of loud and boisterous, and he never made his sexual orientation a secret, openly mooning about the hotties that he had seen and met.
And I, had unfortunately learnt to brush it off causally after being so close with him for so many years.
We had just been in college for four months when he had tossed his water bottle that he had gone to refill onto the grass, dropping down quickly beside me as he ranted crazily about 'the cutest guy he had met while filling water.'
Jaejoong had a few things that he was infinitely proud of, and one of it was his water bottle. He considered it a point to boast about; that he had been toting the same bottle for six years.
Said bottle had a faded cartoon print of water beans (just bean shaped cartoons that were titled as 'water' beans) on it, which he fondly referred to it as 'Monster Bean.' And he would carry it almost reverently, studiously rinsing it with dish soap at the common sink every night before filling it with water the next day like a small child.
In my opinion, that was one of the many reasons why I loved him so much.
He had this childlike quality about him, and maybe it was because he was the youngest in his family. He was so freely childish and it made me want to protect him and make sure that he always carried that demeanor without second-guessing himself, to ensure that nobody would tear him down for it.
I vividly remember righting Monster Bean carefully on the lawn, idly registering how warm the bottle was.
The college was dotted with coolers, but maybe it was due to a lack of funds or otherwise, but majority of it was rusted, and extremely gross.
Jaejoong had went to the utility room to refill his bottle as usual (where it had a state-of-art water purifier). It was a trade secret that few knew about, and he told me about how he had been ambling his way along the corridor, and said guy was just leaving the room, how he had caught the other's eyes, and it was so earnest and kind, he could feel his face heating up instantaneously, and he felt so lost in the other's fathomless depths.
And oh, oh how they had danced about in the entrance, how the guy had sidled up against the wall before apologizing to him, and his voice, oh gosh, his voice...
I had only brushed it off carelessly that day as I pushed my notes into his hands with the reminder that we had a test in the next period.
Had I known that it would turn out like this, I would probably have confessed right then.
Who was I kidding? I wouldn't have. Even if I was armed with the knowledge that Jaejoong would cease to be mine (was he even once?) then, I would probably only look at him sadly while I pondered about the idea of chapters in life, and how the plot could swerve in just an instant.
There were some things that I never knew how to say, and professing my love to the other would easily top the list.
I loved Jaejoong, I really did.
I really do.
I've never known when, but I vaguely remember my heart racing as I watched him curling his hair behind his ear in high school one day. It was then, that I realised. I realised that I loved Jaejoong quite terribly.
I loved his soft fingers, his pale legs, his dark hair, his expressive eyes, his curving lips, his muscular arms, his endless theories, everything. I wanted to touch him, to hold his hand, to wrap my arms around him, to feel his warm pulse that fuelled my happiness. I wanted him so badly that I couldn't say it.
- - -
We both took up a psychology module in our first year, and I remember the professor asking a show of hands of the students who had experienced heartbreak. I don't recall what he covered that day, but I couldn't forget how he described heartbreak- an incredible bitterness that had your chest aching and you wanted to cry, or hit something if you were the aggressive type.
I suppose I was the aggressive type then.
Passive aggressive maybe.
My first heartbreak came after a pre-season heart-to-heart initiated by my football team's captain.
I snuck back into our shared dorm close to two, and was greeted by a sight of Jaejoong with his face buried into a bouquet of flowers.
"Are you secretly seeing somebody?" I asked in mild jest.
Thinking back, I can't believe that it didn't click within my mind. But then again, it was too far a leap for my brain to process.
Jaejoong held a part time job in a pub just outside the campus, and he performed by invitation. He had a really good voice, and it could probably draw tears from a stone if he bothered to try.
He only laughed at me as he tossed it onto my bed carelessly. I occupied the lower bunk, but it was a holding place for Jaejoong's junk during the day.
"I had an hour thirty of performance tonight, so I was taking requests as usual, and for the last song, somebody requested Honey Funny Bunny," he nodded enthusiastically and I just pulled a grimace, it was a song from Jaejoong's favorite band. I could imagine how pleased he must have been to actually be requested to perform his idol's song.
"You know the lyrics, right?"
I pulled my leg up onto the swivel chair with a careless nod. Obviously I would. He had played the disc so many times while we were cramming for our entrance exams, for goodness's sake.
"Then oh my god, then guess who came up at the end!"
He covered his megawatt smile with the back of his hand as he doubled over in laughter. I could feel my sides lurching as I watched how happy he was, his eyes literally shining.
I was blinded, bitterly so.
"Yunho came up with the bouquet and he got onto one knee," he scrambled up as he shook me by the shoulders, his expression wild and animated.
"Can you believe it! He got onto one knee, and he told me that he never believed in love at first sight, but I made him think otherwise and he asked if I would go out together with him." His words were coming out in a rush like he always did when he was excited, and he was incredibly so, unconsciously yelling in happiness despite the ungodly hour.
He had even forgotten to cover his mouth as he smiled openly, haphazardly painted in euphoria and exuberance.
I was flooded with thoughts right then. He hadn't even told me who Yunho was, but I knew enough without even asking.
And Yunho had done it.
He had said the one thing that I could never do, and he had jumped my queue.
But was there even one?
But at the same time, as much as my heart panged, I couldn't help but note idly how good Jaejoong looked. This happiness suited him, yet I wanted to cry, to burst out wailing right then as I slapped his hands off in betrayal.
I only smiled wanly at him, my face a mask of complete composure.
"Did you accept?"
I didn't even know why I bothered to ask. If he hadn't, he wouldn't be clutching the bouquet with such adoration, would he? Even Jaejoong knew it, and he made an extravagant show of rolling his eyes. I suppose I just wanted to hear it, to confirm the status of my heart.
"Obviously! He's so cute, and he was so perfect, and he likes Dong Bang Shin Ki, and he said..."
I couldn't even hear any longer.
My heart was pronounced dead on the scene.
Later that night, when he left to wash Monster Bean, I approached his bouquet tentatively, my eyes stinging with sadness and acerbic envy.
Acutely conscious of my actions, I tore a soft crimson petal slowly, and I reached to strip another blankly when the image of Jaejoong's spirited expression surfaced within me.
Finally releasing the pressure between my fingers almost disappointedly, I picked the lone object of my vengeance coolly before proceeding to tear it into tiny shreds, my fingers moist with the petal's sap.
Tossing the confetti bits out of the window, I pressed my face against the glass, stung with the consequence of my helplessness.
- - -
I never wanted to admit it, but he was good.
He was.
A good boyfriend, I mean.
And I hated it.
A lot.
I didn't.
I didn't hate it.
He made Jaejoong happy.
So I didn't hate how good he was.
But I did.
It's a very complicated affair.
I don't know whether I hated it.
I must hate him though.
I don't.
Really.
I do.
- - -
Jaejoong wasn't exactly high maintenance, but he had offbeat interests and preoccupations that few could keep up with. He particularly liked to go cloud spotting and would spend time sitting at a corner of a building (he hated to be under the sun) while he peered at the clouds with a look of child-like awe and wonderment. The first time he told me that he was spending the weekend cloud spotting with the other, I had whipped my head up in disbelief, mildly reeling in betrayal. It was an activity that both of us engaged in exclusively, and he did invite me apologetically, but I couldn't, so I didn't take his offer up.
He came back with a story of how Yunho had brought him to this meadow at some weird place complete with a picnic spread and a huge-assed umbrella, how great the day had been, and how perfect Yunho was, and I, been the poster child of constipation.
Green in face, and completely tight in the anus.
- - -
There were times where I hung out with Yunho individually, and he was nice.
He wasn't.
I'm lying.
He was funny, and he had a laid back air about him, incredibly confident in his own skin, laughing freely, eyes curving with his cosmetically arranged pearly whites.
Jaejoong had a photograph of a younger Yunho with his crooked teeth in his wallet, and he would always pause to beam at it subconsciously whenever he paid for anything.
It made me itch quite incredibly in jealousy.
I sometimes wished that he hadn't had his teeth done. Maybe Jaejoong wouldn't have liked him then.
Because I had perfect teeth.
And he didn't.
I've always had perfect teeth.
-
Yunho could subdue Jaejoong in ways that I couldn't.
It's not how it sounds like. It's just that Jaejoong goes easy on him.
There are some things I say that you shouldn't believe.
Yunho's just really good at being firm with Jaejoong in ways that I never could, and I hated it.
I don't.
But I do.
Jaejoong loves to spend money. He liked to spend his money on things that he never needed, as if he based his sustenance on it.
His sisters were much older than him, and most of them already had families, complete with children. He was the only one who was still schooling, and they often sent food, or presents to him. We had both just gotten a new backpack from his fourth sister, but he stayed up cooing at photographs of his favorite Dong Bang Shin Ki idol posing with the bags the other had specially designed for a brand.
A mere week after the line of bags had launched, he came back early from an outing with Yunho huffy and agitated. Setting my book down in glee, I moved to make space for him on my bed.
He launched into how they had went bag shopping, only that Yunho had slapped his hand whenever he pointed to the salesgirls what he wanted. He was completely livid and furious as he went on about how Yunho was an idiot and an asshole, and he seemed as if he wanted to cry right then.
To be honest, I wanted to laugh quite terribly.
I liked him best when he was passionate, and exacerbated by his dissatisfaction with Yunho (albeit how mildly right Yunho had been), I was in a jubilant mood.
I nodded along with him, as I subtly egged him on on his diatribe of how terrible the other was.
If I could get Jaejoong back through this, why not?
Smoothing his hair softly as he fell silent, I listened as his breaths slowed while he looked straight ahead at the drab white of the dorm's walls. He suddenly burst out laughing so loudly then I couldn't help but jump in shock.
He sat up quickly, and my hand fell onto the bedspread coldly as he doubled over, his laughter giving way to gut-wrenching sobs.
"Are you okay?" I whispered softly after a few final seconds, and he shook his head, looking up at me with a wry smile.
His bitter smile was mixed with tears, and I remember being rooted in fright as I stared at him who seemed so distant then. I didn't know what to do, nor the right words to say. For a moment, I wished that Yunho was here to help.
He suddenly excused himself, picking only his phone up as he shot out of the room.
I only caught a glimpse of his lonely back before the door clicked shut.
Yunho's childish chubby face beamed at me from Jaejoong's opened wallet, and I kicked it off my bed in a huff as I flopped onto my bed, yelling aloud in frustration.
I remember it being almost two in the morning that day, and Jaejoong wasn't back yet. I had been calling his phone incessantly, but he wasn't picking up.
It was close to exam period for the seniors and there were still people milling about at the lobby so I picked a random stack of notes as I sat at the study room distractedly, occasionally glancing up at the entrance as I waited for my crush to return.
I didn't know what time it was when I finally saw him, but I was just flipping the first page after rereading the few lines for the hundredth time when I saw them.
To be absolutely honest, Jaejoong was a looker. Maybe I'm a little biased, especially with my excess feelings, but I really thought that he was good looking. He wasn't handsome, but more so on the pretty, dangerous side.
Maybe love did that to you, but at that moment, Jaejoong looked completely relaxed and contented as he went on and on about something, his hand sgesturing vigorously as his eyes danced while Yunho listened in with that perfect smile.
He had an arm around Jaejoong's waist, and I could feel my soul curling with spite and animosity.
Jaejoong had an uncanny slim waist that he was conscious of, and he absolutely hated it whenever anyone took notice of it, jumping even when I brushed against it. Yet there he was, completely at ease with Yunho's stinking hand placed in a selfish, showy act of property on his waist. I wanted to burst out of the room screaming, but my legs couldn't move an inch.
My butt was glued permanently onto the cool seat.
Yunho suddenly leaned in as they reached the lift, and when he withdrew, a loose smile was plastered over my best friend's face, his eyes unfocused, as he laughed in a way that I had never seen before. I could feel the tendrils of jealousy braiding itself around my heart as Jaejoong suddenly pulled Yunho close, to kiss him so passionately that I felt like a voyeur in that instant.
I looked down at my fingers that were white from pressing against my palms forcefully, my vision blurring in hurt.
- - - - -
"So? Who's the secret person that you like so much?" His face was getting flushed from the blood rush from his position.
"There's so much that you haven't been telling me, Hyunjoong," he whined cutely and I felt myself retreating in control.
"I don't know, I just think that we haven't been as close since we came to college." He titled his head, and he looked really odd, his hair falling straight, swaying in mid air as he shook his head.
I wanted to correct him, and inject that we hadn't been as close ever since Yunho, but I couldn't.
Yunho was perfect for him in ways that I couldn't even be.
No, he wasn't. Yunho was a complete terror.
"Who's it, Hyunjoong?" He egged a second time, as he rocked on the bed impatiently, his hair swaying like corn stalks in the wind.
I looked at him, my throat constricted, acutely aware of the crazy thumping of my pulse in my brain.
"It's you, Jae. I love you, and I've loved you ever since high school."
I looked squarely at him as his legs fell off the wall, his mouth wide open in shock. He blinked at me, once, twice, thrice, four times, five times, six times, seven times, eight times, nine times, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty.
"Nah! Come on! I'm just joking!" I laughed coolly, and he shot out of the bed immediately to hit me hard on the shoulder.
"Oh my fucking god! You idiot! You fucking scared me for a moment, oh my god!" He exclaimed loudly as he clutched his heart for emphasis.
I only reached up to rub the spot in pain as I blinked at him.
Twenty one.
- - - - -
A/N: Clearing out my note app, initially posted at 'Prompt' above.
The tenses are weird, pardon me.