No Strings Attached?
Title: No Strings Attached?
Pairing: TaguMaru (Junno/Nakamaru)
Rating: NC-17 (Smut warning - I tried.)
Genre: Smut, fluff, romance, slight angst?
Summary: Sex was just a game for them - A bet, if you will. It was just supposed to be a no-strings-attached kind of thing.
Sex is just a game.
It wasn’t something unfamiliar to either of them. The wordless visits that happened time after time, leaving them both feeling satisfied. Nakamaru didn’t like to think that he was taking advantage of his and Taguchi’s relationship, so he didn’t. There was no danger or risk involved, as long as they were never caught, and never thought more of it than what it was.
And what was it? Well, one could call it a “friends with benefits” type deal. Nakamaru never knew when Taguchi would visit, but he was always ready, and vice versa. One time during a rather - heated performance, they couldn’t really wait and took the risk in the dressing room. Thankfully none of the other members had walked in on them. How they had come about this arrangement, Nakamaru couldn’t even remember. To think about it, it was a weird deal; but it did benefit them both, so no harm right?
-
His doorbell rang late in the afternoon when he was lounging on the couch, nothing much to do. Nakamaru chuckled a bit to himself, knowing immediately that it was Taguchi. Nobody else would visit him at this time during the week. Nakamaru took his time in sauntering over to the door and opening it.
“Hey Yuichi, were you expecting me?” The taller man asked with a grin, pushing past him to go inside, holding a small bag. Nakamaru eyed it, curious of what Taguchi could have brought with him.
“Well no, but I knew it was you,” he answered, looking up to meet Taguchi’s eyes. There was a hint of something in them that Nakamaru hadn’t seen often, but he immediately recognized it as mischief.
“What’s in the bag?” He asked bluntly as Taguchi began humming to himself and didn’t answer, wordlessly heading to his bedroom. Nakamaru’s stomach fluttered with excitement as he followed after his band mate moments later.
“I thought we could try something a bit different,” Taguchi relayed with a slight smirk. Nakamaru raised his eyebrow, not sure whether to feel nervous or excited. With Taguchi, “new” could mean anything.
“Strip and get on the bed,” he ordered. Nakamaru shuddered a bit and moved to comply. There was some sort of rush he got when Taguchi became dominant like this. By the time Nakamaru was clothes less and lying on the bed, Taguchi was shirtless. Nakamaru’s heart rate sped up as his eyes trailed the others firm, defined chest and torso.
“What are you going to do?” He asked in a low voice.
“Just watch and see,” he replied almost in a sing song voice as he crawled onto the bed to straddle Nakamaru’s hips, causing his breath to catch in his throat. In an instant, Taguchi’s lips were on his own and Nakamaru found it hard to breathe for a moment before returning the kiss with just as much vigour. He wasn’t aware of anything except Taguchi’s lips searing against his own, their tongues melding together with an almost sort of expertise. He felt Taguchi’s touch burning against his bare skin, lingering and leaving him wanting more.
Nakamaru wondered what Taguchi was doing when the latter suddenly had his arms lifted, but the thought didn’t cross his mind twice until he heard a click and felt the cold of metal digging into his wrists. He gasped in recognition and pulled away, staring at him.
“C-cuffs, Junno?” He stuttered, going wide-eyed as Taguchi stared back down at him, smirk in place.
“I told you, something new,” Taguchi’s hands started trailing down his sides, causing Nakamaru to squirm and whine. He was already feeling overly needy. He didn’t want to show that, so he tilted his head back and tried to keep in the small sounds as Taguchi trailed kisses down his neck and moving to his chest.
What Nakamaru hated about this was that he couldn’t use his hands; having a sense taken away was horrible yet invigorating at the same time. Taguchi’s tongue was now trailing a path down his chest, stopping briefly to swirl around his navel. Nakamaru let out a low whine, arching upwards against Taguchi.
“Now now Yuichi, patience,” he murmured, suddenly palming Nakamaru’s half hard erection, causing him to gasp out. His hands jerked in the cuffs, and he was already yearning to touch. He settled for closing his eyes, breaths coming out in soft pants as Taguchi continued to touch him, leaving his skin searing under the touch.
“J-just do something,” Nakamaru practically hissed, tugging at the chains and feeling the cold metal digging into his skin.
“Patience is a virtue,” he murmured in a low voice near his ear, suddenly nipping at his earlobe. Nakamaru groaned.
“You have…You get me frustrated so easily.”
“I thought that’s why we had this little deal.” Taguchi raised his eyebrow, giving him a smile.
“N-not always in that way,” he gasped out as Taguchi started grinding his hips into Nakamaru’s slowly.
“I hate you, you know that?” Taguchi fiddled and undid his own belt, grinning down at Nakamaru.
“Sure you do, Yuichi. Sure you do.” Nakamaru’s words were cut off with a sharp moan as Taguchi took his length in his hand, pumping him slowly. His wrists jerked in the cuffs as his hips arched, moaning under the touch. Before he could even realize it, Taguchi had removed his pants and was reaching towards to beside table. Soon after that, his mouth gaped when slick fingers pushed past his entrance, moving in and out quickly.
“I-I thought you said patience was a virtue,” he said between gasps.
“I know,” Taguchi responded, a bit red in the face. Nakamaru looked down, noticing his now obvious erection with a laugh before cringing. The feeling of the metal was rubbing his wrists raw already.
“See, you can’t be patient either,” his words were cut off as Nakamaru bit his lip when Taguchi added another finger inside him.
“Shut up,” Taguchi murmured, ducking his head. The younger man was surely blushing. Nakamaru relaxed against the bed with a low whine as Taguchi removed his fingers and started preparing himself.
“Hurry up,” Nakamaru practically growled, lifting his hips, desperate for any sort of contact. “Fuck.” Taguchi quirked an eyebrow.
“Soon enough,” he grinned, causing Nakamaru to flush.
“Sh-shut up,” he panted. He gasped when suddenly Taguchi’s lips were on his again, and something a lot bigger than his fingers was pushing past his entrance. He was almost desperate to touch Taguchi, run his hands down the latter’s back, but he couldn’t. He settled for gripping at the chain and grumbling to himself, groaning as Taguchi set a rather fast pace with his thrusts. Unable to use his hands, Nakamaru grinded his hips up against Taguchi as the other continued thrusting, letting out little pants now and then. Nakamaru’s wrists felt numb as they thrashed a bit more. He let out a soft whimper and gave up, still moving his hips with Taguchi’s. The latter filled him so much that it almost hurt, but at the same time he was hitting all the right spots, making it hard for Nakamaru to see straight, let alone think. He knew his release was coming soon, and Taguchi must have sensed that as well as his movements slowed, causing Nakamaru to groan in frustration and wrap his legs tight around Taguchi’s waist, trying to keep going.
“Yu-Yuichi stop it,” Taguchi forced out, using one hand to grasp at his hips, and the other to take Nakamaru’s throbbing member in his hands.
“Fuck Junno,” he shuddered.
“You aren’t allowed to cum yet,” Taguchi ordered in a low voice. Nakamaru couldn’t concentrate on anything other than Taguchi’s touch paired with the feeling of the latter being inside of him. He continued muttering under his breath, occasionally interrupted by moans and whimpers.
“ I- fuck Junno I can’t,”
“I thought you had more control than that,” Taguchi hummed between pants. Nakamaru’s mouth opened but he didn’t respond, struggling to hold himself back as Taguchi continued to touch him. The pain from the handcuffs digging into his skin didn’t make it any better. Nakamaru didn’t like to believe that he was an M, but the pain turned him on even more.
“I-I really can’t,” Nakamaru gasped out. Taguchi’s hips sped up again, now probably working towards his own release. The older member wordlessly pleaded for Taguchi to hurry up, as it was starting to become painful holding himself back. Taguchi must have sensed this because he leant down and whispered in Nakamaru’s ear.
“Let go.” Relief and pleasure flooded through him, his vision fuzzing out as he yanked at the handcuffs and came hard. Taguchi let out a gasp as Nakamaru clenched around him, sending him over the edge not too long after. He rode out his orgasm before collapsing against Nakamaru, breathing heavily. The latter flinched, leaning his head back as he managed to catch his breath, the two of them laying in the silence, just listening to their own breathing. It was a while before Nakamaru spoke up again.
“Junno…”
“Hmm, what is it?”
“Can you unlock me now please? Taguchi then sat up slowly, untangling and removing himself from Nakamaru, who held back a whine. He grabbed the key from the bed-side table, reaching over Nakamaru’s head to undo the handcuffs. Nakamaru’s arms were stiff and his wrists were aching, red and raw. That would definitely leave marks. Taguchi smiled apologetically before getting up to clean himself up. He knew he’d be wearing long sleeves to work the next day.
Sometimes it was a game; a game to see who could last longer, a game to see who could push the other over the edge first. Sometimes it was a way to release built up pressure or tension. Nakamaru knew that Taguchi needed it as much as he did. Maybe they were taking advantage of each other. But if it was a mutual thing, it didn’t really matter, right? There was no cuddling after or anything of the sort; it was fine as long as no other feelings got involved. Or at least that was what Nakamaru had initially thought.
*~*He and Taguchi still kept on with their relationship as if this little deal hadn’t existed. They still went out together to eat, played video games together, and nothing about it was awkward or uncomfortable. In fact, the balance with their relationship was a good one, in more ways than one. That didn’t mean that Nakamaru wasn’t scared of ruining it though, because that was always a possibility; even with them. It was a nagging thought at the back of Nakamaru’s mind, but usually he just pushed it back. He almost wondered if Taguchi ever wondered the same. He probably didn’t.
“Yuichi,” his thoughts were interrupted by Ueda’s voice coming from the doorway. “Do you want to go to dinner together?” Nakamaru set down his hand-held game and nodded, standing up and grabbing his things, tugging his sleeves down further on his arms. He hoped that nobody had seen the still dark red marks left by the handcuffs.
“Sure, let’s go.” He walked out with Ueda, being sure to close the door behind him. Ueda was silent as they walked down the street to the place they usually went. They walked side-by-side; Nakamaru figured that Ueda was thinking and/or day dreaming based on his silence. It didn’t take them long to arrive at the restaurant, order and then sit down at their usual booth.
“You know there’s something different about you lately,” Ueda pointed out randomly, sipping at his water. Nakamaru furrowed his eyebrows slightly and looked at Ueda curiously.
“Eh, different? How do you mean?” Ueda’s eyes scanned him for a long moment and then the younger member shrugged.
“I don’t know, somehow you seem more, cheerful and not as tense and stuff. I was just wondering if there was any reason for that.” Nakamaru gaped for a moment before composing himself and shaking his head.
“With filming wrapping up I guess I just feel better? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He passed off smoothly with a shrug, heart beating quickly. Ueda‘s eyebrows raised in what Nakamaru recognized as amusement and he raised his hands a bit.
“Okay Yuichi, if you say so. But I’m glad that you seem happier lately, you’ve been so stressed.” Nakamaru sat back, allowing his posture to loosen a bit as he smiled at his friend.
“Yeah I’m glad too.”
“Are you sure there’s no other reason though?” Ueda raised an eyebrow curiously. Nakamaru cleared his throat and shrugged.
“Not really?” He held firm under Ueda’s gaze. The younger member let out a sigh after a few moments, his face falling slightly.
“You know how well I know you, right Yuichi? But it’s fine.” Nakamaru couldn’t help but feel bad.
“It’s a sensitive thing,” Nakamaru decided to say, wishing he could hit himself. Ueda would definitely be suspicious now. Ueda’s eyebrow shot up in surprise.
“Sensitive, what does that mean?”
“It…it means what it sounds like.” Nakamaru cringed, not wanting to say more. He didn’t need Ueda to start assuming things that weren’t true.
“You do know I expect to hear about whatever this is, right?” Ueda asked, a suggestive grin on his face. Nakamaru nodded once, repressing a sigh.
“Yeah I know, and you will, just not now.”
*~*
Nakamaru paced across Taguchi’s living room as the latter made them tea, thinking of what he could do.
“Yuichi, calm down, nothing will happen.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about, Junno. I don’t know what to tell Tat-chan now.” There was silence from the kitchen for a moment as Taguchi was thinking.
“Tell him you have a girlfriend,” he suggested, coming back into the room with two steaming mugs of tea. Nakamaru’s steps halted and he stared at Taguchi.
“But then he’d want to meet her and want proof. Plus I think he knows I’m gay so that wouldn’t work.” Taguchi scrunched his nose slightly as Nakamaru took one of the mugs from him with a slight bow of his head.
“Yeah I didn’t think of that.” Nakamaru sighed and took a sip of the tea, fighting the urge to continue pacing.
“It’s not like I can tell him about what we have going on here.” Taguchi glanced at him, surprise evident in his expression.
“So this is the reason you’ve been happier lately then?” Nakamaru opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out as he shrugged.
“Well, yeah.” Taguchi turned away and went back to the kitchen. Nakamaru furrowed his eyebrow and watched him, setting his mug down and beginning to pace again. Taguchi returned a few moments later, setting his own mug down.
“Yuichi,” he started, taking hold of Nakamaru’s shoulders to still him. “It’ll be okay, it will.” Nakamaru worried his lip between his teeth for a moment.
“I don’t know what to tell him.”
“Don’t you think you’re worrying about this too much? I mean you could just say something simple and he’d probably buy it.” Taguchi shrugged, hands still on his shoulders. Nakamaru found his heart rate increasing as he stared at Taguchi, but he passed it off as nerves.
“Something simple… He knows me so well though, he’d know if I was lying.” Nakamaru shrugged out of Taguchi’s hold and began pacing again, causing the latter to sigh.
Nakamaru didn’t even feel him come so close until a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind, causing him to stiffen as Taguchi’s nose pressed against the back of his head. His face heated up and he stood completely still as Taguchi pressed his lips against Nakamaru’s neck.
“It’ll be fine, okay?” He whispered. Nakamaru shivered and relaxed in his embrace, nodding once.
“Sure, sure it will be.”
“It will be,” Taguchi murmured. “Now tell me, do you need anything?” Nakamaru flushed deeper and shook his head slowly.
“Just you are fine.”
“And what do you want from ‘just me?’” This whole scene struck Nakamaru as kind of odd. Usually there wasn’t much touching or hugging between them like this from either of their parts. Nakamaru gave a soft sigh, deciding to just enjoy the moment.
“Mm…how about the usual?” Taguchi grinned and nodded, removing his arms from Nakamaru, who felt the lack of warmth immediately. Taguchi then took his hand and led him to the bedroom. He smiled softly to himself as he followed.
Taguchi always knew exactly what to say.
*~*A few days later, KAT-TUN had a meeting to discuss possible concert dates and ideas for their new year’s event. Throughout the meeting, Nakamaru could sense Ueda sending him little glances. He did his best to ignore them and focus on what they were doing on hand, but it was hard when he was torn about meeting Ueda’s glances or sending his own to Taguchi. That would definitely look suspicious, wouldn’t it? He shook the thought off as the others started standing up, dismissing themselves politely from the meeting. Was it over already?
Nakamaru stood up and bowed politely as well, thanking the staff for their hard work as he slipped out of the room.
“Yuichi~” he spun around at the sound of his name, seeing Taguchi approaching him with a grin.
“Ah Junno,” he responded with a nod, turning to face him completely. “What’s up?”
“I was wondering if you wanted to hang out, maybe get a drink or something.” Nakamaru furrowed his eyebrows slightly, thinking that was kind of sudden. Since when did Taguchi want to “hang out” with him? They really didn’t spend much time together outside of work and their deal, so why now?
“Ah sure,” he nodded and shrugged his jacket on, making sure he had his keys and wallet before following Taguchi out.
They walked in silence, since neither of them had taken their vehicle to work; it was a nice enough day to walk. Nakamaru wanted to say something to break the silence that held a bit thick in the air, but he wasn’t sure what he could say. The older man shoved his hands in his pockets and continued walking, wondering where they were going.
“I know of this bar nearby,” Taguchi said, as if reading his thoughts. Nakamaru blinked in confusion before nodding a few times.
“Alright.”
“We can play darts and billiards and such,” he continued, and Nakamaru could sense the grin on his face. He couldn’t help but chuckle as he nodded.
“I see, that sounds like fun.” Taguchi nodded, a bounce in his step as Nakamaru continued to follow after him.
“Why this suddenly?” He asked out loud. “I mean, why me?” Taguchi turned back to him, waiting for him to catch up before ruffling his hair, causing Nakamaru to exclaim in complaint.
“It’s because I enjoy your company, silly.” The older felt his face heat up slightly, and he cursed in my mind. Why was he suddenly getting all flustered? He shook it off as Taguchi continued to walk, following him again. He’d enjoy their time together, as he always did.
*~*The few days later Nakamaru had filming for Shuichi. It was a long day on set and he continued to get lost in his thoughts, causing him to get in trouble with the staff a couple of times. He considered that it might have been because he was drinking the previous day again, but his mind was clear of everything except random racing thoughts.
“Nakamaru-san this is unlike you,” one of them said, approaching him after filming was done, looking at him with concern. Nakamaru rubbed the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly, bowing after.
“I know, and I’m really sorry.”
“Make sure to rest more, and make sure it doesn’t happen again okay?” Nakamaru gave a short nod and bowed again before taking his leave off set.
Nakamaru couldn’t figure out what was going on with his mind, but he couldn’t seem to focus on work. That was unusual for him; usually he was right on top of things. His mind didn’t settle on one particular thing, which was weirder yet. He decided he would just go straight home, cancelling meal plans with Kame, saying he wasn’t feeling well. He could sense the concern in Kame’s voice when the younger told him to take care, but he couldn’t help it; he just didn’t want to do anything. His mind was elsewhere and he knew he wouldn’t be very good company.
Once at home, Nakamaru placed his keys on the table and flopped on his sofa, checking his phone for messages, to see none. He chewed on his lower lip slightly, wondering if he should resist the urge to call or text Taguchi. Nakamaru didn’t know what had been bothering him, but he did know that Taguchi could make him feel better again. That seemed to be the case no matter what they were doing. Nakamaru was generally grateful for someone like Taguchi in his life. The idol let his phone drop to his side on the couch, letting out a soft sigh. He wouldn’t bother Taguchi; he was probably busy anyway.
He stared at it for a while before picking it up again with a long sigh, selecting the new message option.
[Message from Nakamaru to Taguchi] Hey, are you busy?
He set his phone down again only for it to buzz again a few moments later.
[Message from Taguchi to Nakamaru] Not at all, do you want me to come over?
Nakamaru couldn’t help the smile that appeared after he read that, texting back right away.
[Message from Nakamaru to Taguchi] If you wouldn’t mind, yes.
The next response was almost immediate.
[Message from Taguchi to Nakamaru] Of course I don’t mind~! I’ll be over soon.
Nakamaru didn’t bother replying to that, letting his phone fall back onto the couch. Everything was neat enough that he didn’t have to tidy up before Taguchi arrived - even if it wasn’t, he wouldn’t really care anyway. He was already relatively neat, and Taguchi would have straightened up anything that was out of place. The older man let his posture slump against the sofa, letting out a soft sigh. He wondered what was going on with him mind to cause him to be like this - it bothered him quite a lot. What bothered him more was that his thoughts seemed to drift to Taguchi quiet often.
It didn’t take long for said man to get to his house. The doorbell rang once and Nakamaru got up to answer it, letting the other in.
“Thanks for coming on such short notice.”
“No problem, I’m always happy to come over,” he stated, smiling brightly as per usual. “Now, what’s up? You look troubled.” Nakamaru looked at him for a few moments silently. Could Taguchi really read him that well?
“I don’t really know, to be honest,” he answered after a few moments with a slight frown, shaking his head. “I feel bothered and I have no idea why.” Taguchi frowned slightly and moved closer to him, touching his shoulder.
“Sit down; can I make you tea or something?” Nakamaru shook his head.
“No it’s fine, I just want company.” Taguchi nodded again and nudged him back over to the sofa, where they both sat.
How close Taguchi sat, their arms brushing, the contact had a certain effect of comfort on Nakamaru, no matter how small the gesture was. Nakamaru chewed his lip as he attempted to resist the urge to lean against Taguchi, to show him that what he was craving most was that contact. What really worried him though was that it wasn’t in the normal sense - the thing he was craving was different.
This time what he wanted was completely innocent.
Since when did he need something like that? Since when did he need something like that with Taguchi?
“Hello, Earth to Yuichi,” he snapped out of his thoughts when Taguchi shook him slightly. Even with that touch, Nakamaru felt more at ease. He was torn between moving closer to Taguchi and scooting away. He decided to just sit still looking at his hands on his knees.
“Maybe it’s stress?” Taguchi suggested softly, not removing his hand from Nakamaru’s shoulder.
“Maybe, that’s the most likely explanation.” Taguchi’s hand started rubbing Nakamaru’s shoulder in a massage type manner. Nakamaru let out
a deep breath, still torn between moving closer and moving away. He stuck with the middle option, sitting still.
“Don’t worry about it though,” he said after a moment. Nakamaru was also wondering why Taguchi was so open about touching him like this, even though they were in private. Wasn’t that part of their original deal? Taguchi’s next words were cut off by a sharp intake of breath, and Nakamaru looking back up.
“Yuichi?” Nakamaru glanced at Taguchi out of the corner of his eye, noting the taller man’s look of obvious concern.
“Hmm, it’s nothing.” Just the shocking revelation that Taguchi could have possibly gotten a little past their deal - did Taguchi like him? All of the pieces were clicking into place. Taguchi asked him to hang out a lot which was different in itself. They did hang out outside of work, but not nearly that often; not that Nakamaru was complaining at all. In fact, he really enjoyed the other’s company.
Nakamaru had no idea what to do. He couldn’t really ask Taguchi to leave, and he couldn’t leave since it was his own house. He tried to calm his thoughts as he tried to tune back into what Taguchi had said.
“…and you know that whatever it is, I’m here for you right?”
“Yeah, I know that,” he gave a forced smile and nodded, standing up and starting to pace.
“Yuichi you’re kind of scaring me here,” Taguchi sighed after a moment, getting up as well and placing his hands on Nakamaru’s shoulders again. “Yuichi, stop.” Nakamaru avoided Taguchi’s gaze, but stopped pacing. “Tell me what’s on your mind?”
“I wouldn’t even know where to begin,” he muttered softly, turning away.
“You aren’t having bad thoughts are you?” He asked, frowning more. Another thing that Taguchi knew of was his tendency to overthink everything.
“N-no it’s not that,” he waved a hand dismissively.
“You’d tell me if it was though, right?”
“I would,” he answered without hesitation. How could he bring up what he was thinking now with Taguchi? He had no idea how that would go over. Maybe he was even accusing the other of nothing; maybe he was way off in his thoughts. Nakamaru had no way of knowing, and he wasn’t just going to ask. He noticed Taguchi was staring at him, worrying his lip between his teeth. Nakamaru’s heart thudded in his chest.
It all makes sense.
Do I have feelings too?
When did this get so out of hand?
Tell me that this isn’t true…
Thoughts raced in his mind as Nakamaru began pacing again, silence hanging heavy in the air around them, only interrupted by Nakamaru’s footfalls. Taguchi must have figured that speaking was futile, as Nakamaru was lost in his own thoughts. Nakamaru snapped out of them and sent a glance at Taguchi, who was staring at him with a frown.
“I- I’m sorry,” he said finally, letting out a soft sigh as he turned away again.
“Yuichi talk to me please, sorry about what?”
“Do you like me?” Nakamaru asked, ignoring the question. Taguchi’s mouth opened in a gape, and the flush that slowly colored his face told Nakamaru the answer without Taguchi saying anything.
“I- I can’t. We had a deal.” Nakamaru frowned at his words, turning his body to face Taguchi completely.
“Wh-what do you mean by that, Junno?” Taguchi stayed silent, chewing on his lower lip.
“I can’t like you, because I knew you wouldn’t like me back…”
“That’s…” His eyes widened as he stared at Taguchi. “Um, I’m sorry… But, could you please leave? I- I have to think.” Taguchi looked down, and Nakamaru could have sworn that that was one of the first times he had seen the former so sad. He cursed himself inwardly as Taguchi went towards the door.
“I’ll see you, then.” Without another word, the door closed behind him.
*~*Nakamaru stayed home from work the next day, claiming he was sick to avoid seeing Taguchi - to avoid seeing anybody. He felt like he was a mess, and he didn’t want to do anything. He had gotten multiple messages from both Kame and Ueda, who were undoubtedly worried. Nakamaru ignored his phone, knowing that the two of them knew to leave him alone if he wasn’t even answering. They probably thought he was sick, but he really didn’t care.
He was curled upon the couch in a warm sweater with a cup of tea, staring at the wall. What could he do about this revelation? Taguchi liked him… Nakamaru chewed on his lip, sighing deeply. They had a deal - a deal that left no room for other feelings. How could things just turn to this so quickly? Nakamaru averted his gaze from the wall, sighing deeply as his head rested on the arm of the couch.
What scared him was that he wasn’t even entirely sure of his feelings for Taguchi anymore. They felt stronger than lust. Nakamaru’s eyes closed as his thoughts began to slow down, almost coming to a complete stop fast enough to make his breath catch in his throat.
“I like him…?” He murmured under his breath, covering his face with his hands. Somehow Nakamaru considered this as a bad thing. It was almost as if he lost the bet, even if Taguchi had had the feelings first. Nakamaru didn’t know though, maybe he had feelings a while ago and was just realizing them now. He resisted the urge to get up and start pacing again, pressing his face into the sofa with a groan.
He liked Taguchi Junnosuke.
Taguchi Junnosuke liked him.
Nakamaru felt a fluttery feeling in his stomach as he flipped over, staring at the ceiling.
“…Maybe this isn’t such a bad thing.”
*~*It was about a week before Nakamaru decided to get in contact with Taguchi again.
[Message from Nakamaru to Taguchi] Hey… Are you busy right now?
Nakamaru almost threw his phone down, heart pounding as he paced, waiting for a reply. It felt like it had been a lot longer than a couple of
minutes before his phone pinged with a message.
[Message from Taguchi to Nakamaru] I’m not. Should I come over?
[Message from Nakamaru to Taguchi] Please.
Nakamaru chewed on his lip, feeling sick with nerves. He almost dropped his phone when it pinged again.
[Message from Ueda to Nakamaru] Yuichi where have you been lately? I’m worried.
Nakamaru took a few deep breaths and stared at his phone before clicking the reply button.
[Message from Nakamaru to Ueda] Sorry, Tatchan. Don’t worry ne? I just haven’t been feeling great lately, but I’m sure I’ll be better soon.
Nakamaru continued to pace, running a hand through his hair and letting out a low groan. Why was this so difficult? His hand tugged at the sleeve of his long, oversized sweater as he let out a deep sigh, sitting on the edge of the table. He heard his phone go off again, but he ignored it this time.
Could he really do this?
Nakamaru didn’t have time to think anymore as he heard a knock on the door. He stood up and took a deep breath to brace himself, going to open the door. As expected, it was Taguchi on the other side, giving him a small smile.
“Hey, Yuichi,” he greeted a bit tiredly. Nakamaru gave a slight bow of his head and stepped aside for Taguchi to come in, the latter shrugging off his coat as he brushed past the door. Nakamaru closed it behind him as Taguchi set his coat down and greeted his dog, trying to hide the shaking of his hands as he turned to face the other again.
“So…What’s up?” Nakamaru chewed on his lower lip for a moment, just staring at Taguchi. He couldn’t help but notice how tired he looked.
“Can I get you anything?” Nakamaru asked instead, averting his gaze to Choco, who was happily dozing in her bed.
“No thanks,” Taguchi shook his head, smile falling a bit. Nakamaru felt his chest throbbing, and he felt sad to see Taguchi like that.
“Want to sit down for a while then?” Taguchi just nodded quietly and set his coat down, going over to the living room to sit on the couch. Nakamaru shoved his hands into the pockets on his sweater, hoping Taguchi wouldn’t notice them shaking.
“How are you?” He asked first, sitting down next to the taller one. Taguchi stayed silent for a moment before shrugging.
“I’m fine, busy and all.” He looked like he wanted to say something else, but he didn’t. Nakamaru nodded slightly, deciding not to push. “How are you?”
“Me? Ah I’m fine too,” he answered quickly. Nakamaru sat back as an awkward silence fell over them, cursing himself.
“Listen,” they both said at the same time. Taguchi gave a more genuine smile. Nakamaru did too.
“I miss you, and I’m sorry,” Taguchi said, turning his gaze to the wall. “I should have known that would have screwed things up.” Nakamaru’s eyes widened as he waved his hand in dismissal.
“No, no. You didn’t screw anything up. Um, listen, I think…” Taguchi’s gaze turned to him, looking curious. “I think…Why I freaked out that day, it was because I was scared, and I only realized that recently.”
“Scared of what?” He asked hesitantly. Nakamaru opened his mouth to respond before sighing.
“Of my own feelings, I guess.” Taguchi’s eyebrows furrowed slightly as he continued to stare at him, probably waiting for more of an explanation.
“I, Junno I like you too,” he looked away. He heard the sharp intake of breath from Taguchi as he rubbed the back of his neck, face heating up.
“Yuichi… You do?” Taguchi’s voice sounded so quiet, almost small. “H-how?” Nakamaru looked at him incredulously.
“What do you mean how? There’s actually a lot that could answer to how,” he said the second half of the sentence in a low voice. The silence hung over them again, as Nakamaru could feel Taguchi shifting on the couch.
“Ah… Can you give me a for instance?” He asked finally, voice still quiet.
“Well…” Nakamaru began after another moment of silence. “You know me better than most people, you know exactly what to say to make me feel better, and you’re just generally a great person despite how lame you are.” He heard Taguchi give a soft chuckle at that. Nakamaru turned back around to face him, even though his face was still bright red.
“I like you, I know that’s a break in our little deal, but I do.”
“That was a bit of an unspoken rule though, right?” He asked softly, and Nakamaru finally noticed the tinge of red in his cheeks. Nakamaru exhaled softly before smiling.
“You’re right, it kind of was. Sometimes it expands from just being a game.”
“Though this isn’t exactly a normal game that we have.”
“Well even so, playing games is something we have in common, right?” Taguchi’s smile widened and he nodded.
“It is,” he said.
The two continued to stare at each other, and suddenly Nakamaru’s chest felt a lot lighter than it had before. Without giving it a second thought, Nakamaru leaned in and pressed his lips against Taguchi’s, resting a hand on his shoulder. Taguchi was kissing him back after an instant, caressing Nakamaru’s cheek and sending shivers down his spine. Kissing with Taguchi had never before felt so intimate and…nice.
“It’s like…completely new,” Taguchi murmured after they pulled away. Nakamaru bit his lip and looked into Taguchi’s eyes.
“It is,” he replied quietly. Taguchi initiated the next kiss, wrapping his arms around Nakamaru.
“You look cute in that sweater,” Taguchi said suddenly, hugging him tight. Nakamaru flushed again, but relaxed in Taguchi’s arms with a soft chuckle.
“Oh, um, how long have you known that you liked me?” Nakamaru asked quietly, looking up at him. Taguchi met his gaze for a moment before turning away and blushing.
“Quite a while I think. Maybe…before the deal even started.” Nakamaru’s mouth dropped open as he laughed, swatting Taguchi’s chest.
“You’re an idiot, you know that right?” Taguchi turned back to him with a pout.
“That’s mean, Yuichi.”
“You didn’t let me finish,” Nakamaru continued, heart fluttering as he poked Taguchi’s chest.
“You’re my favorite idiot.”
Pairing: TaguMaru (Junno/Nakamaru)
Rating: NC-17 (Smut warning - I tried.)
Genre: Smut, fluff, romance, slight angst?
Summary: Sex was just a game for them - A bet, if you will. It was just supposed to be a no-strings-attached kind of thing.
Sex is just a game.
It wasn’t something unfamiliar to either of them. The wordless visits that happened time after time, leaving them both feeling satisfied. Nakamaru didn’t like to think that he was taking advantage of his and Taguchi’s relationship, so he didn’t. There was no danger or risk involved, as long as they were never caught, and never thought more of it than what it was.
And what was it? Well, one could call it a “friends with benefits” type deal. Nakamaru never knew when Taguchi would visit, but he was always ready, and vice versa. One time during a rather - heated performance, they couldn’t really wait and took the risk in the dressing room. Thankfully none of the other members had walked in on them. How they had come about this arrangement, Nakamaru couldn’t even remember. To think about it, it was a weird deal; but it did benefit them both, so no harm right?
-
His doorbell rang late in the afternoon when he was lounging on the couch, nothing much to do. Nakamaru chuckled a bit to himself, knowing immediately that it was Taguchi. Nobody else would visit him at this time during the week. Nakamaru took his time in sauntering over to the door and opening it.
“Hey Yuichi, were you expecting me?” The taller man asked with a grin, pushing past him to go inside, holding a small bag. Nakamaru eyed it, curious of what Taguchi could have brought with him.
“Well no, but I knew it was you,” he answered, looking up to meet Taguchi’s eyes. There was a hint of something in them that Nakamaru hadn’t seen often, but he immediately recognized it as mischief.
“What’s in the bag?” He asked bluntly as Taguchi began humming to himself and didn’t answer, wordlessly heading to his bedroom. Nakamaru’s stomach fluttered with excitement as he followed after his band mate moments later.
“I thought we could try something a bit different,” Taguchi relayed with a slight smirk. Nakamaru raised his eyebrow, not sure whether to feel nervous or excited. With Taguchi, “new” could mean anything.
“Strip and get on the bed,” he ordered. Nakamaru shuddered a bit and moved to comply. There was some sort of rush he got when Taguchi became dominant like this. By the time Nakamaru was clothes less and lying on the bed, Taguchi was shirtless. Nakamaru’s heart rate sped up as his eyes trailed the others firm, defined chest and torso.
“What are you going to do?” He asked in a low voice.
“Just watch and see,” he replied almost in a sing song voice as he crawled onto the bed to straddle Nakamaru’s hips, causing his breath to catch in his throat. In an instant, Taguchi’s lips were on his own and Nakamaru found it hard to breathe for a moment before returning the kiss with just as much vigour. He wasn’t aware of anything except Taguchi’s lips searing against his own, their tongues melding together with an almost sort of expertise. He felt Taguchi’s touch burning against his bare skin, lingering and leaving him wanting more.
Nakamaru wondered what Taguchi was doing when the latter suddenly had his arms lifted, but the thought didn’t cross his mind twice until he heard a click and felt the cold of metal digging into his wrists. He gasped in recognition and pulled away, staring at him.
“C-cuffs, Junno?” He stuttered, going wide-eyed as Taguchi stared back down at him, smirk in place.
“I told you, something new,” Taguchi’s hands started trailing down his sides, causing Nakamaru to squirm and whine. He was already feeling overly needy. He didn’t want to show that, so he tilted his head back and tried to keep in the small sounds as Taguchi trailed kisses down his neck and moving to his chest.
What Nakamaru hated about this was that he couldn’t use his hands; having a sense taken away was horrible yet invigorating at the same time. Taguchi’s tongue was now trailing a path down his chest, stopping briefly to swirl around his navel. Nakamaru let out a low whine, arching upwards against Taguchi.
“Now now Yuichi, patience,” he murmured, suddenly palming Nakamaru’s half hard erection, causing him to gasp out. His hands jerked in the cuffs, and he was already yearning to touch. He settled for closing his eyes, breaths coming out in soft pants as Taguchi continued to touch him, leaving his skin searing under the touch.
“J-just do something,” Nakamaru practically hissed, tugging at the chains and feeling the cold metal digging into his skin.
“Patience is a virtue,” he murmured in a low voice near his ear, suddenly nipping at his earlobe. Nakamaru groaned.
“You have…You get me frustrated so easily.”
“I thought that’s why we had this little deal.” Taguchi raised his eyebrow, giving him a smile.
“N-not always in that way,” he gasped out as Taguchi started grinding his hips into Nakamaru’s slowly.
“I hate you, you know that?” Taguchi fiddled and undid his own belt, grinning down at Nakamaru.
“Sure you do, Yuichi. Sure you do.” Nakamaru’s words were cut off with a sharp moan as Taguchi took his length in his hand, pumping him slowly. His wrists jerked in the cuffs as his hips arched, moaning under the touch. Before he could even realize it, Taguchi had removed his pants and was reaching towards to beside table. Soon after that, his mouth gaped when slick fingers pushed past his entrance, moving in and out quickly.
“I-I thought you said patience was a virtue,” he said between gasps.
“I know,” Taguchi responded, a bit red in the face. Nakamaru looked down, noticing his now obvious erection with a laugh before cringing. The feeling of the metal was rubbing his wrists raw already.
“See, you can’t be patient either,” his words were cut off as Nakamaru bit his lip when Taguchi added another finger inside him.
“Shut up,” Taguchi murmured, ducking his head. The younger man was surely blushing. Nakamaru relaxed against the bed with a low whine as Taguchi removed his fingers and started preparing himself.
“Hurry up,” Nakamaru practically growled, lifting his hips, desperate for any sort of contact. “Fuck.” Taguchi quirked an eyebrow.
“Soon enough,” he grinned, causing Nakamaru to flush.
“Sh-shut up,” he panted. He gasped when suddenly Taguchi’s lips were on his again, and something a lot bigger than his fingers was pushing past his entrance. He was almost desperate to touch Taguchi, run his hands down the latter’s back, but he couldn’t. He settled for gripping at the chain and grumbling to himself, groaning as Taguchi set a rather fast pace with his thrusts. Unable to use his hands, Nakamaru grinded his hips up against Taguchi as the other continued thrusting, letting out little pants now and then. Nakamaru’s wrists felt numb as they thrashed a bit more. He let out a soft whimper and gave up, still moving his hips with Taguchi’s. The latter filled him so much that it almost hurt, but at the same time he was hitting all the right spots, making it hard for Nakamaru to see straight, let alone think. He knew his release was coming soon, and Taguchi must have sensed that as well as his movements slowed, causing Nakamaru to groan in frustration and wrap his legs tight around Taguchi’s waist, trying to keep going.
“Yu-Yuichi stop it,” Taguchi forced out, using one hand to grasp at his hips, and the other to take Nakamaru’s throbbing member in his hands.
“Fuck Junno,” he shuddered.
“You aren’t allowed to cum yet,” Taguchi ordered in a low voice. Nakamaru couldn’t concentrate on anything other than Taguchi’s touch paired with the feeling of the latter being inside of him. He continued muttering under his breath, occasionally interrupted by moans and whimpers.
“ I- fuck Junno I can’t,”
“I thought you had more control than that,” Taguchi hummed between pants. Nakamaru’s mouth opened but he didn’t respond, struggling to hold himself back as Taguchi continued to touch him. The pain from the handcuffs digging into his skin didn’t make it any better. Nakamaru didn’t like to believe that he was an M, but the pain turned him on even more.
“I-I really can’t,” Nakamaru gasped out. Taguchi’s hips sped up again, now probably working towards his own release. The older member wordlessly pleaded for Taguchi to hurry up, as it was starting to become painful holding himself back. Taguchi must have sensed this because he leant down and whispered in Nakamaru’s ear.
“Let go.” Relief and pleasure flooded through him, his vision fuzzing out as he yanked at the handcuffs and came hard. Taguchi let out a gasp as Nakamaru clenched around him, sending him over the edge not too long after. He rode out his orgasm before collapsing against Nakamaru, breathing heavily. The latter flinched, leaning his head back as he managed to catch his breath, the two of them laying in the silence, just listening to their own breathing. It was a while before Nakamaru spoke up again.
“Junno…”
“Hmm, what is it?”
“Can you unlock me now please? Taguchi then sat up slowly, untangling and removing himself from Nakamaru, who held back a whine. He grabbed the key from the bed-side table, reaching over Nakamaru’s head to undo the handcuffs. Nakamaru’s arms were stiff and his wrists were aching, red and raw. That would definitely leave marks. Taguchi smiled apologetically before getting up to clean himself up. He knew he’d be wearing long sleeves to work the next day.
Sometimes it was a game; a game to see who could last longer, a game to see who could push the other over the edge first. Sometimes it was a way to release built up pressure or tension. Nakamaru knew that Taguchi needed it as much as he did. Maybe they were taking advantage of each other. But if it was a mutual thing, it didn’t really matter, right? There was no cuddling after or anything of the sort; it was fine as long as no other feelings got involved. Or at least that was what Nakamaru had initially thought.
*~*He and Taguchi still kept on with their relationship as if this little deal hadn’t existed. They still went out together to eat, played video games together, and nothing about it was awkward or uncomfortable. In fact, the balance with their relationship was a good one, in more ways than one. That didn’t mean that Nakamaru wasn’t scared of ruining it though, because that was always a possibility; even with them. It was a nagging thought at the back of Nakamaru’s mind, but usually he just pushed it back. He almost wondered if Taguchi ever wondered the same. He probably didn’t.
“Yuichi,” his thoughts were interrupted by Ueda’s voice coming from the doorway. “Do you want to go to dinner together?” Nakamaru set down his hand-held game and nodded, standing up and grabbing his things, tugging his sleeves down further on his arms. He hoped that nobody had seen the still dark red marks left by the handcuffs.
“Sure, let’s go.” He walked out with Ueda, being sure to close the door behind him. Ueda was silent as they walked down the street to the place they usually went. They walked side-by-side; Nakamaru figured that Ueda was thinking and/or day dreaming based on his silence. It didn’t take them long to arrive at the restaurant, order and then sit down at their usual booth.
“You know there’s something different about you lately,” Ueda pointed out randomly, sipping at his water. Nakamaru furrowed his eyebrows slightly and looked at Ueda curiously.
“Eh, different? How do you mean?” Ueda’s eyes scanned him for a long moment and then the younger member shrugged.
“I don’t know, somehow you seem more, cheerful and not as tense and stuff. I was just wondering if there was any reason for that.” Nakamaru gaped for a moment before composing himself and shaking his head.
“With filming wrapping up I guess I just feel better? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He passed off smoothly with a shrug, heart beating quickly. Ueda‘s eyebrows raised in what Nakamaru recognized as amusement and he raised his hands a bit.
“Okay Yuichi, if you say so. But I’m glad that you seem happier lately, you’ve been so stressed.” Nakamaru sat back, allowing his posture to loosen a bit as he smiled at his friend.
“Yeah I’m glad too.”
“Are you sure there’s no other reason though?” Ueda raised an eyebrow curiously. Nakamaru cleared his throat and shrugged.
“Not really?” He held firm under Ueda’s gaze. The younger member let out a sigh after a few moments, his face falling slightly.
“You know how well I know you, right Yuichi? But it’s fine.” Nakamaru couldn’t help but feel bad.
“It’s a sensitive thing,” Nakamaru decided to say, wishing he could hit himself. Ueda would definitely be suspicious now. Ueda’s eyebrow shot up in surprise.
“Sensitive, what does that mean?”
“It…it means what it sounds like.” Nakamaru cringed, not wanting to say more. He didn’t need Ueda to start assuming things that weren’t true.
“You do know I expect to hear about whatever this is, right?” Ueda asked, a suggestive grin on his face. Nakamaru nodded once, repressing a sigh.
“Yeah I know, and you will, just not now.”
*~*
Nakamaru paced across Taguchi’s living room as the latter made them tea, thinking of what he could do.
“Yuichi, calm down, nothing will happen.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about, Junno. I don’t know what to tell Tat-chan now.” There was silence from the kitchen for a moment as Taguchi was thinking.
“Tell him you have a girlfriend,” he suggested, coming back into the room with two steaming mugs of tea. Nakamaru’s steps halted and he stared at Taguchi.
“But then he’d want to meet her and want proof. Plus I think he knows I’m gay so that wouldn’t work.” Taguchi scrunched his nose slightly as Nakamaru took one of the mugs from him with a slight bow of his head.
“Yeah I didn’t think of that.” Nakamaru sighed and took a sip of the tea, fighting the urge to continue pacing.
“It’s not like I can tell him about what we have going on here.” Taguchi glanced at him, surprise evident in his expression.
“So this is the reason you’ve been happier lately then?” Nakamaru opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out as he shrugged.
“Well, yeah.” Taguchi turned away and went back to the kitchen. Nakamaru furrowed his eyebrow and watched him, setting his mug down and beginning to pace again. Taguchi returned a few moments later, setting his own mug down.
“Yuichi,” he started, taking hold of Nakamaru’s shoulders to still him. “It’ll be okay, it will.” Nakamaru worried his lip between his teeth for a moment.
“I don’t know what to tell him.”
“Don’t you think you’re worrying about this too much? I mean you could just say something simple and he’d probably buy it.” Taguchi shrugged, hands still on his shoulders. Nakamaru found his heart rate increasing as he stared at Taguchi, but he passed it off as nerves.
“Something simple… He knows me so well though, he’d know if I was lying.” Nakamaru shrugged out of Taguchi’s hold and began pacing again, causing the latter to sigh.
Nakamaru didn’t even feel him come so close until a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind, causing him to stiffen as Taguchi’s nose pressed against the back of his head. His face heated up and he stood completely still as Taguchi pressed his lips against Nakamaru’s neck.
“It’ll be fine, okay?” He whispered. Nakamaru shivered and relaxed in his embrace, nodding once.
“Sure, sure it will be.”
“It will be,” Taguchi murmured. “Now tell me, do you need anything?” Nakamaru flushed deeper and shook his head slowly.
“Just you are fine.”
“And what do you want from ‘just me?’” This whole scene struck Nakamaru as kind of odd. Usually there wasn’t much touching or hugging between them like this from either of their parts. Nakamaru gave a soft sigh, deciding to just enjoy the moment.
“Mm…how about the usual?” Taguchi grinned and nodded, removing his arms from Nakamaru, who felt the lack of warmth immediately. Taguchi then took his hand and led him to the bedroom. He smiled softly to himself as he followed.
Taguchi always knew exactly what to say.
*~*A few days later, KAT-TUN had a meeting to discuss possible concert dates and ideas for their new year’s event. Throughout the meeting, Nakamaru could sense Ueda sending him little glances. He did his best to ignore them and focus on what they were doing on hand, but it was hard when he was torn about meeting Ueda’s glances or sending his own to Taguchi. That would definitely look suspicious, wouldn’t it? He shook the thought off as the others started standing up, dismissing themselves politely from the meeting. Was it over already?
Nakamaru stood up and bowed politely as well, thanking the staff for their hard work as he slipped out of the room.
“Yuichi~” he spun around at the sound of his name, seeing Taguchi approaching him with a grin.
“Ah Junno,” he responded with a nod, turning to face him completely. “What’s up?”
“I was wondering if you wanted to hang out, maybe get a drink or something.” Nakamaru furrowed his eyebrows slightly, thinking that was kind of sudden. Since when did Taguchi want to “hang out” with him? They really didn’t spend much time together outside of work and their deal, so why now?
“Ah sure,” he nodded and shrugged his jacket on, making sure he had his keys and wallet before following Taguchi out.
They walked in silence, since neither of them had taken their vehicle to work; it was a nice enough day to walk. Nakamaru wanted to say something to break the silence that held a bit thick in the air, but he wasn’t sure what he could say. The older man shoved his hands in his pockets and continued walking, wondering where they were going.
“I know of this bar nearby,” Taguchi said, as if reading his thoughts. Nakamaru blinked in confusion before nodding a few times.
“Alright.”
“We can play darts and billiards and such,” he continued, and Nakamaru could sense the grin on his face. He couldn’t help but chuckle as he nodded.
“I see, that sounds like fun.” Taguchi nodded, a bounce in his step as Nakamaru continued to follow after him.
“Why this suddenly?” He asked out loud. “I mean, why me?” Taguchi turned back to him, waiting for him to catch up before ruffling his hair, causing Nakamaru to exclaim in complaint.
“It’s because I enjoy your company, silly.” The older felt his face heat up slightly, and he cursed in my mind. Why was he suddenly getting all flustered? He shook it off as Taguchi continued to walk, following him again. He’d enjoy their time together, as he always did.
*~*The few days later Nakamaru had filming for Shuichi. It was a long day on set and he continued to get lost in his thoughts, causing him to get in trouble with the staff a couple of times. He considered that it might have been because he was drinking the previous day again, but his mind was clear of everything except random racing thoughts.
“Nakamaru-san this is unlike you,” one of them said, approaching him after filming was done, looking at him with concern. Nakamaru rubbed the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly, bowing after.
“I know, and I’m really sorry.”
“Make sure to rest more, and make sure it doesn’t happen again okay?” Nakamaru gave a short nod and bowed again before taking his leave off set.
Nakamaru couldn’t figure out what was going on with his mind, but he couldn’t seem to focus on work. That was unusual for him; usually he was right on top of things. His mind didn’t settle on one particular thing, which was weirder yet. He decided he would just go straight home, cancelling meal plans with Kame, saying he wasn’t feeling well. He could sense the concern in Kame’s voice when the younger told him to take care, but he couldn’t help it; he just didn’t want to do anything. His mind was elsewhere and he knew he wouldn’t be very good company.
Once at home, Nakamaru placed his keys on the table and flopped on his sofa, checking his phone for messages, to see none. He chewed on his lower lip slightly, wondering if he should resist the urge to call or text Taguchi. Nakamaru didn’t know what had been bothering him, but he did know that Taguchi could make him feel better again. That seemed to be the case no matter what they were doing. Nakamaru was generally grateful for someone like Taguchi in his life. The idol let his phone drop to his side on the couch, letting out a soft sigh. He wouldn’t bother Taguchi; he was probably busy anyway.
He stared at it for a while before picking it up again with a long sigh, selecting the new message option.
[Message from Nakamaru to Taguchi] Hey, are you busy?
He set his phone down again only for it to buzz again a few moments later.
[Message from Taguchi to Nakamaru] Not at all, do you want me to come over?
Nakamaru couldn’t help the smile that appeared after he read that, texting back right away.
[Message from Nakamaru to Taguchi] If you wouldn’t mind, yes.
The next response was almost immediate.
[Message from Taguchi to Nakamaru] Of course I don’t mind~! I’ll be over soon.
Nakamaru didn’t bother replying to that, letting his phone fall back onto the couch. Everything was neat enough that he didn’t have to tidy up before Taguchi arrived - even if it wasn’t, he wouldn’t really care anyway. He was already relatively neat, and Taguchi would have straightened up anything that was out of place. The older man let his posture slump against the sofa, letting out a soft sigh. He wondered what was going on with him mind to cause him to be like this - it bothered him quite a lot. What bothered him more was that his thoughts seemed to drift to Taguchi quiet often.
It didn’t take long for said man to get to his house. The doorbell rang once and Nakamaru got up to answer it, letting the other in.
“Thanks for coming on such short notice.”
“No problem, I’m always happy to come over,” he stated, smiling brightly as per usual. “Now, what’s up? You look troubled.” Nakamaru looked at him for a few moments silently. Could Taguchi really read him that well?
“I don’t really know, to be honest,” he answered after a few moments with a slight frown, shaking his head. “I feel bothered and I have no idea why.” Taguchi frowned slightly and moved closer to him, touching his shoulder.
“Sit down; can I make you tea or something?” Nakamaru shook his head.
“No it’s fine, I just want company.” Taguchi nodded again and nudged him back over to the sofa, where they both sat.
How close Taguchi sat, their arms brushing, the contact had a certain effect of comfort on Nakamaru, no matter how small the gesture was. Nakamaru chewed his lip as he attempted to resist the urge to lean against Taguchi, to show him that what he was craving most was that contact. What really worried him though was that it wasn’t in the normal sense - the thing he was craving was different.
This time what he wanted was completely innocent.
Since when did he need something like that? Since when did he need something like that with Taguchi?
“Hello, Earth to Yuichi,” he snapped out of his thoughts when Taguchi shook him slightly. Even with that touch, Nakamaru felt more at ease. He was torn between moving closer to Taguchi and scooting away. He decided to just sit still looking at his hands on his knees.
“Maybe it’s stress?” Taguchi suggested softly, not removing his hand from Nakamaru’s shoulder.
“Maybe, that’s the most likely explanation.” Taguchi’s hand started rubbing Nakamaru’s shoulder in a massage type manner. Nakamaru let out
a deep breath, still torn between moving closer and moving away. He stuck with the middle option, sitting still.
“Don’t worry about it though,” he said after a moment. Nakamaru was also wondering why Taguchi was so open about touching him like this, even though they were in private. Wasn’t that part of their original deal? Taguchi’s next words were cut off by a sharp intake of breath, and Nakamaru looking back up.
“Yuichi?” Nakamaru glanced at Taguchi out of the corner of his eye, noting the taller man’s look of obvious concern.
“Hmm, it’s nothing.” Just the shocking revelation that Taguchi could have possibly gotten a little past their deal - did Taguchi like him? All of the pieces were clicking into place. Taguchi asked him to hang out a lot which was different in itself. They did hang out outside of work, but not nearly that often; not that Nakamaru was complaining at all. In fact, he really enjoyed the other’s company.
Nakamaru had no idea what to do. He couldn’t really ask Taguchi to leave, and he couldn’t leave since it was his own house. He tried to calm his thoughts as he tried to tune back into what Taguchi had said.
“…and you know that whatever it is, I’m here for you right?”
“Yeah, I know that,” he gave a forced smile and nodded, standing up and starting to pace.
“Yuichi you’re kind of scaring me here,” Taguchi sighed after a moment, getting up as well and placing his hands on Nakamaru’s shoulders again. “Yuichi, stop.” Nakamaru avoided Taguchi’s gaze, but stopped pacing. “Tell me what’s on your mind?”
“I wouldn’t even know where to begin,” he muttered softly, turning away.
“You aren’t having bad thoughts are you?” He asked, frowning more. Another thing that Taguchi knew of was his tendency to overthink everything.
“N-no it’s not that,” he waved a hand dismissively.
“You’d tell me if it was though, right?”
“I would,” he answered without hesitation. How could he bring up what he was thinking now with Taguchi? He had no idea how that would go over. Maybe he was even accusing the other of nothing; maybe he was way off in his thoughts. Nakamaru had no way of knowing, and he wasn’t just going to ask. He noticed Taguchi was staring at him, worrying his lip between his teeth. Nakamaru’s heart thudded in his chest.
It all makes sense.
Do I have feelings too?
When did this get so out of hand?
Tell me that this isn’t true…
Thoughts raced in his mind as Nakamaru began pacing again, silence hanging heavy in the air around them, only interrupted by Nakamaru’s footfalls. Taguchi must have figured that speaking was futile, as Nakamaru was lost in his own thoughts. Nakamaru snapped out of them and sent a glance at Taguchi, who was staring at him with a frown.
“I- I’m sorry,” he said finally, letting out a soft sigh as he turned away again.
“Yuichi talk to me please, sorry about what?”
“Do you like me?” Nakamaru asked, ignoring the question. Taguchi’s mouth opened in a gape, and the flush that slowly colored his face told Nakamaru the answer without Taguchi saying anything.
“I- I can’t. We had a deal.” Nakamaru frowned at his words, turning his body to face Taguchi completely.
“Wh-what do you mean by that, Junno?” Taguchi stayed silent, chewing on his lower lip.
“I can’t like you, because I knew you wouldn’t like me back…”
“That’s…” His eyes widened as he stared at Taguchi. “Um, I’m sorry… But, could you please leave? I- I have to think.” Taguchi looked down, and Nakamaru could have sworn that that was one of the first times he had seen the former so sad. He cursed himself inwardly as Taguchi went towards the door.
“I’ll see you, then.” Without another word, the door closed behind him.
*~*Nakamaru stayed home from work the next day, claiming he was sick to avoid seeing Taguchi - to avoid seeing anybody. He felt like he was a mess, and he didn’t want to do anything. He had gotten multiple messages from both Kame and Ueda, who were undoubtedly worried. Nakamaru ignored his phone, knowing that the two of them knew to leave him alone if he wasn’t even answering. They probably thought he was sick, but he really didn’t care.
He was curled upon the couch in a warm sweater with a cup of tea, staring at the wall. What could he do about this revelation? Taguchi liked him… Nakamaru chewed on his lip, sighing deeply. They had a deal - a deal that left no room for other feelings. How could things just turn to this so quickly? Nakamaru averted his gaze from the wall, sighing deeply as his head rested on the arm of the couch.
What scared him was that he wasn’t even entirely sure of his feelings for Taguchi anymore. They felt stronger than lust. Nakamaru’s eyes closed as his thoughts began to slow down, almost coming to a complete stop fast enough to make his breath catch in his throat.
“I like him…?” He murmured under his breath, covering his face with his hands. Somehow Nakamaru considered this as a bad thing. It was almost as if he lost the bet, even if Taguchi had had the feelings first. Nakamaru didn’t know though, maybe he had feelings a while ago and was just realizing them now. He resisted the urge to get up and start pacing again, pressing his face into the sofa with a groan.
He liked Taguchi Junnosuke.
Taguchi Junnosuke liked him.
Nakamaru felt a fluttery feeling in his stomach as he flipped over, staring at the ceiling.
“…Maybe this isn’t such a bad thing.”
*~*It was about a week before Nakamaru decided to get in contact with Taguchi again.
[Message from Nakamaru to Taguchi] Hey… Are you busy right now?
Nakamaru almost threw his phone down, heart pounding as he paced, waiting for a reply. It felt like it had been a lot longer than a couple of
minutes before his phone pinged with a message.
[Message from Taguchi to Nakamaru] I’m not. Should I come over?
[Message from Nakamaru to Taguchi] Please.
Nakamaru chewed on his lip, feeling sick with nerves. He almost dropped his phone when it pinged again.
[Message from Ueda to Nakamaru] Yuichi where have you been lately? I’m worried.
Nakamaru took a few deep breaths and stared at his phone before clicking the reply button.
[Message from Nakamaru to Ueda] Sorry, Tatchan. Don’t worry ne? I just haven’t been feeling great lately, but I’m sure I’ll be better soon.
Nakamaru continued to pace, running a hand through his hair and letting out a low groan. Why was this so difficult? His hand tugged at the sleeve of his long, oversized sweater as he let out a deep sigh, sitting on the edge of the table. He heard his phone go off again, but he ignored it this time.
Could he really do this?
Nakamaru didn’t have time to think anymore as he heard a knock on the door. He stood up and took a deep breath to brace himself, going to open the door. As expected, it was Taguchi on the other side, giving him a small smile.
“Hey, Yuichi,” he greeted a bit tiredly. Nakamaru gave a slight bow of his head and stepped aside for Taguchi to come in, the latter shrugging off his coat as he brushed past the door. Nakamaru closed it behind him as Taguchi set his coat down and greeted his dog, trying to hide the shaking of his hands as he turned to face the other again.
“So…What’s up?” Nakamaru chewed on his lower lip for a moment, just staring at Taguchi. He couldn’t help but notice how tired he looked.
“Can I get you anything?” Nakamaru asked instead, averting his gaze to Choco, who was happily dozing in her bed.
“No thanks,” Taguchi shook his head, smile falling a bit. Nakamaru felt his chest throbbing, and he felt sad to see Taguchi like that.
“Want to sit down for a while then?” Taguchi just nodded quietly and set his coat down, going over to the living room to sit on the couch. Nakamaru shoved his hands into the pockets on his sweater, hoping Taguchi wouldn’t notice them shaking.
“How are you?” He asked first, sitting down next to the taller one. Taguchi stayed silent for a moment before shrugging.
“I’m fine, busy and all.” He looked like he wanted to say something else, but he didn’t. Nakamaru nodded slightly, deciding not to push. “How are you?”
“Me? Ah I’m fine too,” he answered quickly. Nakamaru sat back as an awkward silence fell over them, cursing himself.
“Listen,” they both said at the same time. Taguchi gave a more genuine smile. Nakamaru did too.
“I miss you, and I’m sorry,” Taguchi said, turning his gaze to the wall. “I should have known that would have screwed things up.” Nakamaru’s eyes widened as he waved his hand in dismissal.
“No, no. You didn’t screw anything up. Um, listen, I think…” Taguchi’s gaze turned to him, looking curious. “I think…Why I freaked out that day, it was because I was scared, and I only realized that recently.”
“Scared of what?” He asked hesitantly. Nakamaru opened his mouth to respond before sighing.
“Of my own feelings, I guess.” Taguchi’s eyebrows furrowed slightly as he continued to stare at him, probably waiting for more of an explanation.
“I, Junno I like you too,” he looked away. He heard the sharp intake of breath from Taguchi as he rubbed the back of his neck, face heating up.
“Yuichi… You do?” Taguchi’s voice sounded so quiet, almost small. “H-how?” Nakamaru looked at him incredulously.
“What do you mean how? There’s actually a lot that could answer to how,” he said the second half of the sentence in a low voice. The silence hung over them again, as Nakamaru could feel Taguchi shifting on the couch.
“Ah… Can you give me a for instance?” He asked finally, voice still quiet.
“Well…” Nakamaru began after another moment of silence. “You know me better than most people, you know exactly what to say to make me feel better, and you’re just generally a great person despite how lame you are.” He heard Taguchi give a soft chuckle at that. Nakamaru turned back around to face him, even though his face was still bright red.
“I like you, I know that’s a break in our little deal, but I do.”
“That was a bit of an unspoken rule though, right?” He asked softly, and Nakamaru finally noticed the tinge of red in his cheeks. Nakamaru exhaled softly before smiling.
“You’re right, it kind of was. Sometimes it expands from just being a game.”
“Though this isn’t exactly a normal game that we have.”
“Well even so, playing games is something we have in common, right?” Taguchi’s smile widened and he nodded.
“It is,” he said.
The two continued to stare at each other, and suddenly Nakamaru’s chest felt a lot lighter than it had before. Without giving it a second thought, Nakamaru leaned in and pressed his lips against Taguchi’s, resting a hand on his shoulder. Taguchi was kissing him back after an instant, caressing Nakamaru’s cheek and sending shivers down his spine. Kissing with Taguchi had never before felt so intimate and…nice.
“It’s like…completely new,” Taguchi murmured after they pulled away. Nakamaru bit his lip and looked into Taguchi’s eyes.
“It is,” he replied quietly. Taguchi initiated the next kiss, wrapping his arms around Nakamaru.
“You look cute in that sweater,” Taguchi said suddenly, hugging him tight. Nakamaru flushed again, but relaxed in Taguchi’s arms with a soft chuckle.
“Oh, um, how long have you known that you liked me?” Nakamaru asked quietly, looking up at him. Taguchi met his gaze for a moment before turning away and blushing.
“Quite a while I think. Maybe…before the deal even started.” Nakamaru’s mouth dropped open as he laughed, swatting Taguchi’s chest.
“You’re an idiot, you know that right?” Taguchi turned back to him with a pout.
“That’s mean, Yuichi.”
“You didn’t let me finish,” Nakamaru continued, heart fluttering as he poked Taguchi’s chest.
“You’re my favorite idiot.”