I'm Thankful for My Friends: AMANDA
I am a day late with this friendship post. Something nearly awful happened yesterday and, remarkably, my reaction to it didn’t include tears. I was so calm and reasonable - so unlike me - and it made me realize the supreme difference my friend Amanda has made in my life.
This is what went down: I was hammering away on my novel (read: looking at pictures from my 15th high school reunion on Facebook) and all of a sudden my computer started having a meltdown. A gazillion popups popped up - error messages with scary words: Trojan! Virus! Spyware! Infected! I couldn’t remember the last time I’d backed up my files. I knew they were somewhat backed up, but not completely. The last couple chapters of my latest book were definitely NOT backed up. The essay I had just painstakingly written was not backed up - though I had, at least, forwarded an early version of it to a couple of friends.
My heart started to pound. I shut down and restarted - and literally crossed my fingers and prayed that the computer would actually turn back on. Seconds seemed to be taking an hour to pass. Finally there was the Welcome screen, a seemingly good sign. The picture of my godson and his big brother - my desktop background - popped up. But just as my breathing started to slow to normal, I got an error message. And another, and another. Error messages abounded. I couldn’t close them as fast as they were opening up. I tore into the hall closet to find where I’d stashed the computer manuals, and I dialed Dell Customer Support - so nervous that I misdialed the first couple times, and hoped the misdialing wasn’t a sign of inevitable failure. As the hold music played, I thought up an affirmation and began repeating it in my head: The computer is fixed and my files are saved. The computer is fixed and my files are saved. And then I thought, Thank goodness I have learned to channel Amanda.
I met Amanda through a mutual friend, the fabulous Jennie, though I can’t remember the first time we met - sometime before Jennie’s wedding, because I drove Amanda to the wedding. Perhaps it was at a birthday party. It annoys me that I don’t know for sure because that is the kind of thing I pride myself on remembering. I do recall that at one point Jennie mentioned Amanda had a blog (her old blog), so I googled her name and found it and read the most recent entry. It was so lyrical and amazing, and sometimes funny and sometimes sad, and just completely honest. I spent the next couple hours reading the entire backlog. I wanted to be that brave in my writing, and I wanted to be Amanda’s friend.
Not to brag, but I’m a pretty good friend-picker. I tend to decide I want someone to be my friend, and then I get to be their friend and invariably they are just as fabulous as I knew they would be (that was not a grammatically correct sentence, but I’m letting it go). As I got to know Amanda better, I found out just how generous she is - generous with her time, which I think is the hardest thing for people to give, but Amanda makes it seem effortless. She has come to nearly every book event I’ve ever been part of. If I’m upset, she is there to talk. If I want her opinion on something I’ve written, she makes time to read it. She has a full-time job, she writes novels in her spare time (and by the way, they are GORGEOUS), she is becoming certified to teach intensati (a mind/body workout - she says you can go to www.satilife.com for more info) and she’s going to start mentoring students. She always reads the book for book club, unlike some people I know (OK: me), and she’s very fashionable, which I suppose doesn’t have anything to do with being emotionally generous, but it seems relevant. Two years ago, she used her vacation time to travel to the Philippines and be part of a team that helped kids with cleft lip and palete. Last summer she spent her vacation volunteering at a camp for girls who had lost their mothers. And yet, somehow, her apartment is always clean. How does she find the time?
My coping skills have changed and improved since knowing Amanda. She taught me about affirmations - to come up with a list of things I want to have happen, and repeat them in present tense, as if they’ve already come true. I’m not talking about pie-in-the-sky things like winning the Mega Millions Lottery (which I definitely want to have happen). My affirmations are much more personal than that - they involve things I’m actively working on, that I need to believe will be realized. Sometimes I think, I will never be good enough. I should just give up now. And then I start to repeat my affirmations - repeat the ones that directly contradict my greatest fears. I know it sounds weird and cheesy, but they just work. I’ve never been a good sleeper, but now I am sleeping better at night. I owe that, at least in part, to Amanda.
I was on the phone with Dell Customer Support for five hours and three minutes - yes, I was counting. Even when the woman on the other end of the phone told me there was a distinct possibility that my files wouldn’t be saved, I didn’t lose my cool. I repeated my affirmation: The computer is fixed and my files are saved. I asked what else we could try. And you know what? It all worked out. Five hours and three minutes later, my files were intact, the viruses cured or expelled or whatever happens to computer viruses when they are no longer infecting your system. I’m not sure what would have happened otherwise - if I had been my old self, crying and short-tempered, it’s possible I would have given up sooner and let the customer service rep talk me through the erasing and rebooting process, all the while weeping. I think channeling Amanda’s energy saved my works in progress. This is why she’ll always end up in the acknowledgments.
Here’s my favorite picture of Jennie, Amanda and me.
This is what went down: I was hammering away on my novel (read: looking at pictures from my 15th high school reunion on Facebook) and all of a sudden my computer started having a meltdown. A gazillion popups popped up - error messages with scary words: Trojan! Virus! Spyware! Infected! I couldn’t remember the last time I’d backed up my files. I knew they were somewhat backed up, but not completely. The last couple chapters of my latest book were definitely NOT backed up. The essay I had just painstakingly written was not backed up - though I had, at least, forwarded an early version of it to a couple of friends.
My heart started to pound. I shut down and restarted - and literally crossed my fingers and prayed that the computer would actually turn back on. Seconds seemed to be taking an hour to pass. Finally there was the Welcome screen, a seemingly good sign. The picture of my godson and his big brother - my desktop background - popped up. But just as my breathing started to slow to normal, I got an error message. And another, and another. Error messages abounded. I couldn’t close them as fast as they were opening up. I tore into the hall closet to find where I’d stashed the computer manuals, and I dialed Dell Customer Support - so nervous that I misdialed the first couple times, and hoped the misdialing wasn’t a sign of inevitable failure. As the hold music played, I thought up an affirmation and began repeating it in my head: The computer is fixed and my files are saved. The computer is fixed and my files are saved. And then I thought, Thank goodness I have learned to channel Amanda.
I met Amanda through a mutual friend, the fabulous Jennie, though I can’t remember the first time we met - sometime before Jennie’s wedding, because I drove Amanda to the wedding. Perhaps it was at a birthday party. It annoys me that I don’t know for sure because that is the kind of thing I pride myself on remembering. I do recall that at one point Jennie mentioned Amanda had a blog (her old blog), so I googled her name and found it and read the most recent entry. It was so lyrical and amazing, and sometimes funny and sometimes sad, and just completely honest. I spent the next couple hours reading the entire backlog. I wanted to be that brave in my writing, and I wanted to be Amanda’s friend.
Not to brag, but I’m a pretty good friend-picker. I tend to decide I want someone to be my friend, and then I get to be their friend and invariably they are just as fabulous as I knew they would be (that was not a grammatically correct sentence, but I’m letting it go). As I got to know Amanda better, I found out just how generous she is - generous with her time, which I think is the hardest thing for people to give, but Amanda makes it seem effortless. She has come to nearly every book event I’ve ever been part of. If I’m upset, she is there to talk. If I want her opinion on something I’ve written, she makes time to read it. She has a full-time job, she writes novels in her spare time (and by the way, they are GORGEOUS), she is becoming certified to teach intensati (a mind/body workout - she says you can go to www.satilife.com for more info) and she’s going to start mentoring students. She always reads the book for book club, unlike some people I know (OK: me), and she’s very fashionable, which I suppose doesn’t have anything to do with being emotionally generous, but it seems relevant. Two years ago, she used her vacation time to travel to the Philippines and be part of a team that helped kids with cleft lip and palete. Last summer she spent her vacation volunteering at a camp for girls who had lost their mothers. And yet, somehow, her apartment is always clean. How does she find the time?
My coping skills have changed and improved since knowing Amanda. She taught me about affirmations - to come up with a list of things I want to have happen, and repeat them in present tense, as if they’ve already come true. I’m not talking about pie-in-the-sky things like winning the Mega Millions Lottery (which I definitely want to have happen). My affirmations are much more personal than that - they involve things I’m actively working on, that I need to believe will be realized. Sometimes I think, I will never be good enough. I should just give up now. And then I start to repeat my affirmations - repeat the ones that directly contradict my greatest fears. I know it sounds weird and cheesy, but they just work. I’ve never been a good sleeper, but now I am sleeping better at night. I owe that, at least in part, to Amanda.
I was on the phone with Dell Customer Support for five hours and three minutes - yes, I was counting. Even when the woman on the other end of the phone told me there was a distinct possibility that my files wouldn’t be saved, I didn’t lose my cool. I repeated my affirmation: The computer is fixed and my files are saved. I asked what else we could try. And you know what? It all worked out. Five hours and three minutes later, my files were intact, the viruses cured or expelled or whatever happens to computer viruses when they are no longer infecting your system. I’m not sure what would have happened otherwise - if I had been my old self, crying and short-tempered, it’s possible I would have given up sooner and let the customer service rep talk me through the erasing and rebooting process, all the while weeping. I think channeling Amanda’s energy saved my works in progress. This is why she’ll always end up in the acknowledgments.
Here’s my favorite picture of Jennie, Amanda and me.