hay guys what's going on in this journal
Note to self: not updating for 6 months leaves a lot of catching up to do. But when your life is devoid of emo moments, what purpose does a LiveJournal serve?
I have come to the realization lately that I should be extremely thankful for everything my parents have done for me - in fact, for them being around at all - and for the extremely loving and supportive enviroment they tried to give me all through my life and even still today. This may seem like a glaringly obvious thing to be thankful for but I have made some observations lately that having a solid family life growing up is incredibly important physically and mentally. I see trends in people who do not have parents or whose parents are seperated that have become way too common to be coincidence. Part of the reason for such a realization has come from recent experiences coupled with past ones, and part of it comes from a pretty intense biography I just finished reading.
Something about not having a dad makes girls go absolutely batshit insane. They seem to have no basic concept of how to treat others; or maybe it's just their behavior towards guys. I don't know, I'm not a psychiatrist. People like Liz and Maria, people who never really had fathers (or the ones they had were less than worthless), have no regard for respecting others unless it benefits them. It's a disturbing trend that I hoped I would have learned to avoid, but I have shown myself in the past to have a very poor ability to learn from my mistakes. That or an appetite for punishment.
I guess now is a good time to say that Liz passed away on September 2nd of last year. She was in a car with a drunk driver and wasn't wearing her seat belt. He ran off the road; she was thrown from the car. That's all I really know. She lived in Orange County at the time. She had moved to Vegas at the beginning of the year but transferred herself to California at some point, evidently. Her body was cremated, but there was no funeral or memorial service. Partly due to lack of funds, and partly because for some reason Katie's mom didn't want to have one. I don't know what happened to her ashes. I think they were scattered over the ocean.
Hearing this news was one of the strangest experiences I've ever had. Katie called me when she got into town and flat out told me what happened. "Liz is dead," she said matter-of-factly. Katie has always been one for not showing her emotions. My first response was disbelief; I came very close to saying "bullshit," but I was at a loss for words more than anything. I was saddened by the news as I was somewhat close to her for a while, but it had been so long since I had talked to her it wasn't as big of a shock as it could have been. It took me several days to even really wrap my mind around what had happened. Her death didn't bother me as much as seeing Katie so desperately heartbroken; the night I took her home after we went around to see everyone she knew while she was in town, I just stared at her for a few seconds while the reality of the situation finally hit me. After leaving her grandparents' house I had to pull over and cry for a while to deal with what had happened.
I still think about Liz fairly frequently, as I feel some sort of indirect guilt for what happened to her. Perhaps that's a common feeling among people who have lost someone close to them. I don't know. I lost my grandfathers when I was younger but their deaths were more than expected. With Liz, I spent almost the entire time we knew each other trying to help her. I guess I wanted to save her from herself. Her leaving knoxville and eventually dying struck me as some sort of failure to break through. I often wonder what her thoughts were that night getting into the car; I wonder if she did what she did out of negligence or out of apathy for her well-being. For some reason the latter sticks with me more, because I always believed she wasn't really concerned with whether or not she would survive to see the next day. I guess I blame myself for that too.
On a lighter note, Sean got engaged to Katie in the summer. Why he did this is beyond me, as he's never been one for commitment and he had only been dating her for a few months when it happened. He just recently announced that he is moving down to Florida in a couple of months (where she goes to school), a decision which baffles me even more. After watching him during Katie's visit over christmas break I have come to the conclusion that the tables of domination have finally been turned on Sean and he's in his first relationship where he is not in control. This seems to be the only explanation for his behavior. I'm not terribly upset though as he and I rarely hang out any more anyway. I have felt an increasing distance with most of my highschool friends lately, although I'm not sure what is causing it.
I failed three classes last term (Matrix Algebra, Thermodynamics and Basic Circuits for those of you keeping score). I decided near the end of the semester to take this semester off and just get a break from the constant stress that school has been doling out. I'm going to work full time until I return to school in the summer semester. I just got a job at a temp agency, and my first assignment is working at Jackson-Hewitt preparing people's taxes. I've been in training all week. The job seems incredibly easy and it pays significantly more than Sears did. The only other thing I can really say with certainty is that the people I work with are all fucking insane, but that's another story in itself.
I guess that's all I've got to say at this point.
I have come to the realization lately that I should be extremely thankful for everything my parents have done for me - in fact, for them being around at all - and for the extremely loving and supportive enviroment they tried to give me all through my life and even still today. This may seem like a glaringly obvious thing to be thankful for but I have made some observations lately that having a solid family life growing up is incredibly important physically and mentally. I see trends in people who do not have parents or whose parents are seperated that have become way too common to be coincidence. Part of the reason for such a realization has come from recent experiences coupled with past ones, and part of it comes from a pretty intense biography I just finished reading.
Something about not having a dad makes girls go absolutely batshit insane. They seem to have no basic concept of how to treat others; or maybe it's just their behavior towards guys. I don't know, I'm not a psychiatrist. People like Liz and Maria, people who never really had fathers (or the ones they had were less than worthless), have no regard for respecting others unless it benefits them. It's a disturbing trend that I hoped I would have learned to avoid, but I have shown myself in the past to have a very poor ability to learn from my mistakes. That or an appetite for punishment.
I guess now is a good time to say that Liz passed away on September 2nd of last year. She was in a car with a drunk driver and wasn't wearing her seat belt. He ran off the road; she was thrown from the car. That's all I really know. She lived in Orange County at the time. She had moved to Vegas at the beginning of the year but transferred herself to California at some point, evidently. Her body was cremated, but there was no funeral or memorial service. Partly due to lack of funds, and partly because for some reason Katie's mom didn't want to have one. I don't know what happened to her ashes. I think they were scattered over the ocean.
Hearing this news was one of the strangest experiences I've ever had. Katie called me when she got into town and flat out told me what happened. "Liz is dead," she said matter-of-factly. Katie has always been one for not showing her emotions. My first response was disbelief; I came very close to saying "bullshit," but I was at a loss for words more than anything. I was saddened by the news as I was somewhat close to her for a while, but it had been so long since I had talked to her it wasn't as big of a shock as it could have been. It took me several days to even really wrap my mind around what had happened. Her death didn't bother me as much as seeing Katie so desperately heartbroken; the night I took her home after we went around to see everyone she knew while she was in town, I just stared at her for a few seconds while the reality of the situation finally hit me. After leaving her grandparents' house I had to pull over and cry for a while to deal with what had happened.
I still think about Liz fairly frequently, as I feel some sort of indirect guilt for what happened to her. Perhaps that's a common feeling among people who have lost someone close to them. I don't know. I lost my grandfathers when I was younger but their deaths were more than expected. With Liz, I spent almost the entire time we knew each other trying to help her. I guess I wanted to save her from herself. Her leaving knoxville and eventually dying struck me as some sort of failure to break through. I often wonder what her thoughts were that night getting into the car; I wonder if she did what she did out of negligence or out of apathy for her well-being. For some reason the latter sticks with me more, because I always believed she wasn't really concerned with whether or not she would survive to see the next day. I guess I blame myself for that too.
On a lighter note, Sean got engaged to Katie in the summer. Why he did this is beyond me, as he's never been one for commitment and he had only been dating her for a few months when it happened. He just recently announced that he is moving down to Florida in a couple of months (where she goes to school), a decision which baffles me even more. After watching him during Katie's visit over christmas break I have come to the conclusion that the tables of domination have finally been turned on Sean and he's in his first relationship where he is not in control. This seems to be the only explanation for his behavior. I'm not terribly upset though as he and I rarely hang out any more anyway. I have felt an increasing distance with most of my highschool friends lately, although I'm not sure what is causing it.
I failed three classes last term (Matrix Algebra, Thermodynamics and Basic Circuits for those of you keeping score). I decided near the end of the semester to take this semester off and just get a break from the constant stress that school has been doling out. I'm going to work full time until I return to school in the summer semester. I just got a job at a temp agency, and my first assignment is working at Jackson-Hewitt preparing people's taxes. I've been in training all week. The job seems incredibly easy and it pays significantly more than Sears did. The only other thing I can really say with certainty is that the people I work with are all fucking insane, but that's another story in itself.
I guess that's all I've got to say at this point.