[Myungyeol] Of Stones and Sunshine
Title: Of Stones and Sunshine
author: cr187
Rating: PG
Summary: Myungsoo was stone, Sungyeol was the sunshine that kept him warm.
“I swear your face never changes, L.” Hoya told him once with a straight face. They had finished practice early, years ago when they were still trainees, and it was only them left in the studio.
Myungsoo had looked up with shock but caught a glimpse of himself in the wall-length mirror. His face was stoic - there wasn’t even a hint of hurt on his features. Myungsoo was stone.
The mouth he’d begun to open in defense closed and Hoya just shook his head as he left.
Staring at his reflection, Myungsoo found that the person who looked back at him was indifferent. As though there was nothing in the world that would ever interest him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~*
“Never mind, L, you wouldn’t understand anyway.” Sungjong snapped at him, rising to his feet in a single angry movement. Myungsoo watched him walk away feeling sick inside.
He was trying. He tried to tell Sungjong that he was sorry - that everything was going to get better from this point on - but the words wouldn’t come. While thinking of a response that would save his maknae from pain he had only hurt Sungjong, his friend, more.
“Woah!” Sunggyu suddenly cried out as Sungjong stomped past him. “What’s wrong?”
“Everything!” Sungjong snapped. “Those damn boys at school are bullying me again and L doesn’t give a shit. It’s my fault for thinking he’d actually make me feel better.”
Sunggyu stared at L with wide eyes as Sungjong pushed his way past the leader and into the crowded living room.
“He’s just upset -“ Sunggyu began but L raised a hand.
“It’s fine.” Myungsoo felt a pit form in his stomach - fueled by misunderstanding and sorrow. “He’ll get over it.”
Sunggyu’s eyes narrowed at the last sentence and Myungsoo realized too late that it came out wrong.
“L, I understand that you are more conservative with your emotions than most but I’m hoping that that personality you like to play with isn’t becoming you.” He started out the door. “There’s a difference between acting and reality.”
The door closed and the sounds from the living room seemed that much farther away.
Myungsoo looked down at his hands, clenching and unclenching them slowly and staring at the crescent moon indents beginning to form on his palms. Pain registered - it registered right where it should, and he felt his mouth tighten at the sensation, but when he looked at the mirror in the room it was only him.
The same old, stoic boy that wasn’t acting - the person in the mirror was him and he was seriously sick.
He’d lost his emotions somewhere along the way and he wasn’t quite sure how to get them back.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“You need to stop being all depressed, Myungsoo.” Sungyeol told him during breakfast causing everyone to stop what they were doing and stare at Myungsoo.
“Depressed? L?” Dongwoo suddenly asked, examining his band mate closely. “How can you tell? He looks fine.”
Myungsoo felt like his eyes were about to pop out of his head and suddenly he was sick to his stomach.
“Are you depressed, L?” Woohyun asked and the question sounded awkward when said aloud. After all, how could stoic-L be worried about something.
He couldn’t find his voice so he just shook his head, watching as Sungyeol’s eyes narrowed.
“Bullshit.” His friend snapped from the other end of the table.
“Sungyeol.” Sunggyu said firmly.
“You guys are so oblivious to the obvious!” Sungyeol pointed at Myungsoo who kept shaking his head. “There’s something obviously bothering Myungsoo - he hasn’t eaten a single bite of his cereal and his eyes are completely blood shot. He’s not sleeping and he’s talking even less than usual! Clearly we have a problem.”
“Sungyeol,” Myungsoo’s voice cracked, so he cleared his throat and repeated himself. “Sungyeol I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m fine - I’m just not hungry. Also I haven’t been talking much because you talk enough for the both of us.”
Utter silence filled the kitchen and Hoya ran his hand over his face. Once again Myungsoo realized too late that what he was about to say was offensive as Sungyeol stared at him with reproach.
“I meant -“ He began, feeling desperate to mend the wound with Sungyeol.
“L, I think you’ve said enough.” Sungjong stated, leaning his head on his hand and not meeting Myungsoo’s eyes. “Just drop it.”
And that’s exactly what INFINITE did. They sat in an awkward silence for the rest of their meal, one by one members leaving until only Sungyeol and Myungsoo sat facing each other.
There was a sort of desperation inside Myungsoo that had never been there before - he couldn’t let Sungyeol be angry with him. Anyone but him.
“Sungyeol I -“
“Save it.” Sungyeol’s voice was hard and Myungsoo met his dark eyes with regret. “I don’t understand what your problem is with letting the others know you’re in pain. Don’t give me that look Myungsoo - I know you and you’re not difficult to read. Ever.”
Myungsoo played with his hands while waiting for Sungyeol to finish. A sigh escaped his older friend as he stood up.
“Just…get it out okay?” Myungsoo felt Sungyeol’s hand grazed his cheek as he left the room.
There was a sudden wetness on his cheek and for one, stupid moment Myungsoo thought it was raining until he remembered he was inside. Raising a rand to his face he felt the salty trails, and stood so quickly that his chair tipped back making a loud crash as he ran to the bathroom.
Gripping the porcelain sink so tightly his knuckles were white Myungsoo stared at his reflection. The tears wouldn’t stop falling and suddenly he couldn’t bear to stand any longer. Crouching low and pushing against the tiled wall Myungsoo shook as he cried for the first time in a long time. The cool linoleum felt comforting against his suddenly hot face as everything that had been bothering him finally boiled over the surface of the bowl he’d kept them in.
He was sorry: sorry for every emotion he lacked, sorry for every time he could have said something but didn’t - sorry that for every word he’d never spoken someone he cared about had been hurt. Sorry that somewhere along his run for fame he’d left his emotions behind with his old life and sorry that he wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to get them back.
Myungsoo didn’t even notice the bathroom door silently opening and clicking shut, only registered the warm arms that held him close and the familiar scent that always made smiling that much easier. Sungyeol rubbed his back as he calmed down, never saying a word, and simply hummed a song that Myungsoo vaguely recognized.
“I’m not L.” He said suddenly, not caring that his statement didn’t make sense.
“I know.” Sungyeol responded automatically like it was a truth that couldn’t be denied because in Sungyeol’s eyes all he’d ever seen was Myungsoo.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” A smile spread across Sungyeol’s face, so priceless that Myungsoo felt his heart stop. Wiping his tears away with one hand he suddenly leaned in close and captured Sungyeol’s lips with his own. Sungyeol stiffened and then relaxed, a laugh suddenly escaping as Myungsoo pulled back.
“What?” Myungsoo sniffed as he wiped the last tears away from his eyes, watching with only confusion as Sungyeol continued to laugh. “What?”
“It’s just,” Sungyeol sat up and gasped for breath. “I think this is the weirdest situation I’ve ever been in.” When Myungsoo stared at him, he rolled his eyes. “Think about it: the boy who shows little to no emotions is suddenly bawling his eyes out on the bathroom floor in an unexpected angst-fest while kissing his very male best friend. It’s kind of funny.”
Myungsoo suddenly chuckled and then a full laugh followed it. He rose to his feet and helped Sungyeol up while they both laughed.
Myungsoo saw his reflection, usually indifferent and immaculate and found a stranger staring back at him. His eyes were bright red with a thin layer of water lingering, his cheeks red in patches, parts of his head had tile indentions, and his hair was everywhere.
The stranger in the mirror smiled wider.
“Sungyeol,” He turned to the boy who had always know him inside out. “Have you ever wondered what sunshine tastes like?”
Sungyeol looked at him like he was crazy.
“Want to know?”
Myungsoo didn’t wait for an answer and pulled the taller boy to him, a smile forming as his lips captured Sungyeol’s.
It tastes like you.
author: cr187
Rating: PG
Summary: Myungsoo was stone, Sungyeol was the sunshine that kept him warm.
“I swear your face never changes, L.” Hoya told him once with a straight face. They had finished practice early, years ago when they were still trainees, and it was only them left in the studio.
Myungsoo had looked up with shock but caught a glimpse of himself in the wall-length mirror. His face was stoic - there wasn’t even a hint of hurt on his features. Myungsoo was stone.
The mouth he’d begun to open in defense closed and Hoya just shook his head as he left.
Staring at his reflection, Myungsoo found that the person who looked back at him was indifferent. As though there was nothing in the world that would ever interest him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~*
“Never mind, L, you wouldn’t understand anyway.” Sungjong snapped at him, rising to his feet in a single angry movement. Myungsoo watched him walk away feeling sick inside.
He was trying. He tried to tell Sungjong that he was sorry - that everything was going to get better from this point on - but the words wouldn’t come. While thinking of a response that would save his maknae from pain he had only hurt Sungjong, his friend, more.
“Woah!” Sunggyu suddenly cried out as Sungjong stomped past him. “What’s wrong?”
“Everything!” Sungjong snapped. “Those damn boys at school are bullying me again and L doesn’t give a shit. It’s my fault for thinking he’d actually make me feel better.”
Sunggyu stared at L with wide eyes as Sungjong pushed his way past the leader and into the crowded living room.
“He’s just upset -“ Sunggyu began but L raised a hand.
“It’s fine.” Myungsoo felt a pit form in his stomach - fueled by misunderstanding and sorrow. “He’ll get over it.”
Sunggyu’s eyes narrowed at the last sentence and Myungsoo realized too late that it came out wrong.
“L, I understand that you are more conservative with your emotions than most but I’m hoping that that personality you like to play with isn’t becoming you.” He started out the door. “There’s a difference between acting and reality.”
The door closed and the sounds from the living room seemed that much farther away.
Myungsoo looked down at his hands, clenching and unclenching them slowly and staring at the crescent moon indents beginning to form on his palms. Pain registered - it registered right where it should, and he felt his mouth tighten at the sensation, but when he looked at the mirror in the room it was only him.
The same old, stoic boy that wasn’t acting - the person in the mirror was him and he was seriously sick.
He’d lost his emotions somewhere along the way and he wasn’t quite sure how to get them back.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“You need to stop being all depressed, Myungsoo.” Sungyeol told him during breakfast causing everyone to stop what they were doing and stare at Myungsoo.
“Depressed? L?” Dongwoo suddenly asked, examining his band mate closely. “How can you tell? He looks fine.”
Myungsoo felt like his eyes were about to pop out of his head and suddenly he was sick to his stomach.
“Are you depressed, L?” Woohyun asked and the question sounded awkward when said aloud. After all, how could stoic-L be worried about something.
He couldn’t find his voice so he just shook his head, watching as Sungyeol’s eyes narrowed.
“Bullshit.” His friend snapped from the other end of the table.
“Sungyeol.” Sunggyu said firmly.
“You guys are so oblivious to the obvious!” Sungyeol pointed at Myungsoo who kept shaking his head. “There’s something obviously bothering Myungsoo - he hasn’t eaten a single bite of his cereal and his eyes are completely blood shot. He’s not sleeping and he’s talking even less than usual! Clearly we have a problem.”
“Sungyeol,” Myungsoo’s voice cracked, so he cleared his throat and repeated himself. “Sungyeol I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m fine - I’m just not hungry. Also I haven’t been talking much because you talk enough for the both of us.”
Utter silence filled the kitchen and Hoya ran his hand over his face. Once again Myungsoo realized too late that what he was about to say was offensive as Sungyeol stared at him with reproach.
“I meant -“ He began, feeling desperate to mend the wound with Sungyeol.
“L, I think you’ve said enough.” Sungjong stated, leaning his head on his hand and not meeting Myungsoo’s eyes. “Just drop it.”
And that’s exactly what INFINITE did. They sat in an awkward silence for the rest of their meal, one by one members leaving until only Sungyeol and Myungsoo sat facing each other.
There was a sort of desperation inside Myungsoo that had never been there before - he couldn’t let Sungyeol be angry with him. Anyone but him.
“Sungyeol I -“
“Save it.” Sungyeol’s voice was hard and Myungsoo met his dark eyes with regret. “I don’t understand what your problem is with letting the others know you’re in pain. Don’t give me that look Myungsoo - I know you and you’re not difficult to read. Ever.”
Myungsoo played with his hands while waiting for Sungyeol to finish. A sigh escaped his older friend as he stood up.
“Just…get it out okay?” Myungsoo felt Sungyeol’s hand grazed his cheek as he left the room.
There was a sudden wetness on his cheek and for one, stupid moment Myungsoo thought it was raining until he remembered he was inside. Raising a rand to his face he felt the salty trails, and stood so quickly that his chair tipped back making a loud crash as he ran to the bathroom.
Gripping the porcelain sink so tightly his knuckles were white Myungsoo stared at his reflection. The tears wouldn’t stop falling and suddenly he couldn’t bear to stand any longer. Crouching low and pushing against the tiled wall Myungsoo shook as he cried for the first time in a long time. The cool linoleum felt comforting against his suddenly hot face as everything that had been bothering him finally boiled over the surface of the bowl he’d kept them in.
He was sorry: sorry for every emotion he lacked, sorry for every time he could have said something but didn’t - sorry that for every word he’d never spoken someone he cared about had been hurt. Sorry that somewhere along his run for fame he’d left his emotions behind with his old life and sorry that he wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to get them back.
Myungsoo didn’t even notice the bathroom door silently opening and clicking shut, only registered the warm arms that held him close and the familiar scent that always made smiling that much easier. Sungyeol rubbed his back as he calmed down, never saying a word, and simply hummed a song that Myungsoo vaguely recognized.
“I’m not L.” He said suddenly, not caring that his statement didn’t make sense.
“I know.” Sungyeol responded automatically like it was a truth that couldn’t be denied because in Sungyeol’s eyes all he’d ever seen was Myungsoo.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” A smile spread across Sungyeol’s face, so priceless that Myungsoo felt his heart stop. Wiping his tears away with one hand he suddenly leaned in close and captured Sungyeol’s lips with his own. Sungyeol stiffened and then relaxed, a laugh suddenly escaping as Myungsoo pulled back.
“What?” Myungsoo sniffed as he wiped the last tears away from his eyes, watching with only confusion as Sungyeol continued to laugh. “What?”
“It’s just,” Sungyeol sat up and gasped for breath. “I think this is the weirdest situation I’ve ever been in.” When Myungsoo stared at him, he rolled his eyes. “Think about it: the boy who shows little to no emotions is suddenly bawling his eyes out on the bathroom floor in an unexpected angst-fest while kissing his very male best friend. It’s kind of funny.”
Myungsoo suddenly chuckled and then a full laugh followed it. He rose to his feet and helped Sungyeol up while they both laughed.
Myungsoo saw his reflection, usually indifferent and immaculate and found a stranger staring back at him. His eyes were bright red with a thin layer of water lingering, his cheeks red in patches, parts of his head had tile indentions, and his hair was everywhere.
The stranger in the mirror smiled wider.
“Sungyeol,” He turned to the boy who had always know him inside out. “Have you ever wondered what sunshine tastes like?”
Sungyeol looked at him like he was crazy.
“Want to know?”
Myungsoo didn’t wait for an answer and pulled the taller boy to him, a smile forming as his lips captured Sungyeol’s.
It tastes like you.