I Feel Like a Failure
Why is it when you think your life is heading towards the right direction, something comes along and screws things up? Like everything I feel like my life is finally going well something bad happens. Like I had a chance to move to Orlando 3 times and then my car will die and I have to spend money on getting it fixed and I have to turn down the offer to move. Or when I have friends who want to hang out with me or a wedding, and I have to decline because I have to work.
It just seems sometimes that God doesn’t want me to be happy. Like I have a moment when I’m happy and Boom, something wrong happens. I find myself asking God, “Am I not suppose to be happy? Am I not allowed to have what I want in life? You give me these desires and dreams, but you don’t allow me to follow them out. Why do you give me these dreams then?” I find myself feeling like a failure because of these worthless dreams that I have. I mean I just want to give up and fell miserable about life, but I try to be optimistic like the fool I am.
I mean lately my life was looking good. I was back in college, I got a new car, new camera, laptop, and my very own apartment. I was happy, but happiness is only short lived. Now my money is all gone and I owe the bank money again. I failed all but one of my classes, and I fear I’m going to loose my car and apartment. I mean I try to tell myself, “At least I still have my job” but I don’t want to think what would happen if I lost my job. I’ve been in situations like this before, and it seems to work out at the end, but it’s just annoying to have to go through it again.
Now since I failed my classes I lost my financial aid. I mean it didn’t seem I had a choice but to fail my classes. I had a couple of teachers who didn’t teach well enough, I try to take an on-line course, and that was hell. Because the I try to do some of the class at work (dumb I know) and every time I took a timed test I get nothing but phone calls, and once the time was up it will be dead the rest of the night until I try to take the test again. Now there were some of the classes I was late a lot, because my lazy butt didn’t want to get out of bed on time. My mom tries to comfort me, but she made me feel worst. She said, “Not everyone is cut out for college” That made me start to cry because I kept hearing, “You’re a Failure Bobby. You’re going to loose your nice car and nice apartment, and kiss you dreams good bye because you’re so lazy and you’re a failure”
I mean I don’t really feel like a failure, but I’m totally not happy the way my life is going right now. I want to change it so badly, but it seems like I lost my opportunity when it comes my way. I wish I had like a way to improve my life.
It just seems sometimes that God doesn’t want me to be happy. Like I have a moment when I’m happy and Boom, something wrong happens. I find myself asking God, “Am I not suppose to be happy? Am I not allowed to have what I want in life? You give me these desires and dreams, but you don’t allow me to follow them out. Why do you give me these dreams then?” I find myself feeling like a failure because of these worthless dreams that I have. I mean I just want to give up and fell miserable about life, but I try to be optimistic like the fool I am.
I mean lately my life was looking good. I was back in college, I got a new car, new camera, laptop, and my very own apartment. I was happy, but happiness is only short lived. Now my money is all gone and I owe the bank money again. I failed all but one of my classes, and I fear I’m going to loose my car and apartment. I mean I try to tell myself, “At least I still have my job” but I don’t want to think what would happen if I lost my job. I’ve been in situations like this before, and it seems to work out at the end, but it’s just annoying to have to go through it again.
Now since I failed my classes I lost my financial aid. I mean it didn’t seem I had a choice but to fail my classes. I had a couple of teachers who didn’t teach well enough, I try to take an on-line course, and that was hell. Because the I try to do some of the class at work (dumb I know) and every time I took a timed test I get nothing but phone calls, and once the time was up it will be dead the rest of the night until I try to take the test again. Now there were some of the classes I was late a lot, because my lazy butt didn’t want to get out of bed on time. My mom tries to comfort me, but she made me feel worst. She said, “Not everyone is cut out for college” That made me start to cry because I kept hearing, “You’re a Failure Bobby. You’re going to loose your nice car and nice apartment, and kiss you dreams good bye because you’re so lazy and you’re a failure”
I mean I don’t really feel like a failure, but I’m totally not happy the way my life is going right now. I want to change it so badly, but it seems like I lost my opportunity when it comes my way. I wish I had like a way to improve my life.