i dont think its selfish. i know its not exactally the same but during that time i was also feeling the loss of a friend. its not easy. and there is so much of me that wants to be home. and all of me knows that i will be. i just dont know the day yet. and you'd actually be surprised to know that very few people (as in only andy) know every detail of what makes me upset or happy. i call you and read you my writing. i dont do that with other people. i still have so much fun with you. i still feel close to you. i am in my mind, close to you. no one here knows anything about my life before. and thats a lot of me now. im not all that different when it comes right down to it. and im sure that when i am back every thing will pick up from where it left off. i just dont know what day it will be. its not just andy. its two years of life that i will be doing the exact same thing i did to my california life to. it was so hard the first time. and now it will be hard because it will feel like ive just lost the love of my life again. for the second
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