My Take On Jack and Ianto's Current Relationship as of S2 09
I got tired of arguing these points all over the internet, and I thought I would collect them here.
Part 1: Review of S2 09
Jack Is Going to Hurt Ianto, I Know It!
Well, yes. There have never been two people in any passionate relationship who didn't end up hurting each other sometime. That said, there is nothing currently going on in their relationship that guarantees future heartbreak.
Their Relationship Has Been Stalled Since the Third Episode
We were told we'd get a "slow burn". Let's see what we've got so far:
Ep 1 -- Jack tries to hook back up with Ianto, Ianto sets boundaries.
Ep 2 -- Ianto teases Jack in private without Jack teasing back. He also puts Jack down in public without fear of retaliation.
Ep 3 -- Ianto questions Jack. When satisfied with the answer, Ianto kisses him.
Ep 4 -- Jack can't keep his eyes off Ianto most of the time he's not busy, something that continues through Episode 9 at least. Ianto and Jack show signs of being in a renewed sexual relationship. Jack asks Ianto in public if Jack deserves to be put down by someone else for something Jack did.
Ep 5 -- Jack shows how much he cares for Ianto by helping prove Ianto isn't a murderer. Ianto confesses to Jack that meeting Jack is one of the biggest events of his life. Jack kisses Ianto.
Ep 6 -- Jack and Ianto both discuss their relationship with someone else for the first time, Jack's close friend Martha. Mention of role-playing is made.
Ep 7 -- What do they do with a hockey stick?
Ep 8 -- Ianto defends their relationship to Owen as being not just about shagging.
Ep 9 -- They flirt together when alone, ending the flirting when Owen enters the room. Ianto mentions past personal conversations they've had. Ianto teases Jack in the SUV in front of Owen. Ianto dances with Jack in public.
Looks to me like they've gradually been getting more open and comfortable with each other all series. What else would you call that besides a "slow burn"?
They Don't Kiss Enough.
They've already kissed more than they did in all of S1, and we've still got 4 episodes to go.
They Should Have As Many Bedroom Scenes As the Straight Couples.
Have you noticed that we only get a bedroom scene in an episode where something happens to threaten that couple's relationship? Do you want more threats to Jack and Ianto's relationship? I'd like to see some pillow-tussling too, but keep that correlation in mind.
Jack's Relationships With Men Are Only Casual, While His Relationships With Women Are Serious.
Jack appears to have had more relationships with men than with women. Jack appears to only talk willingly about his casual relationships. Therefore, Jack has probably had more casual relationships with men than with women. However, the above statement is going one assumption too far.
Ianto Loves Jack More Than Jack Loves Ianto
Maybe, but remember that we're talking about two very emotionally damaged people. Jack apparently helped Ianto recover from what happened to him in S1. Now Jack has to recover not only from the events of the Valiant, but from the 100 years he spent in an emotional limbo waiting for the Doctor to "fix" him. That's a lot of damage. My impression is that Jack loves Ianto to the full extent that he is currently capable of loving anyone, and Jack wants very much to love Ianto more as soon as Jack is able to.
Ianto Acts Like a Doormat/Spineless Puppy Around Jack
In all but two instances over two years, Ianto has been shown as being totally in control of this relationship. He initiates their encounters, he sets the boundaries, he plays and teases Jack but Jack doesn't play and tease Ianto. He puts Jack down in public. He's the one Jack turns to and asks if Jack deserves to be put down in public. That doesn't sound like a whipped puppy to me. That sounds more like the top dog. Does the man have to start carrying a riding crop before people get the picture?
That Just Proves That Ianto is Codependent/In a Dysfunctional Relationship
Not necessarily. Power inequalities are a fact of life in certain circumstances, and this is one of them. Professionally and in terms of age and experience, Jack has boatloads more power than Ianto. I think it's commendable that he compensates for this by allowing Ianto most of the power in their still-developing personal relationship
Jack Wants to Sleep With Gwen.
Yes he does, but he's smart enough not to actually do it. Jack may talk like he thinks with his balls, but that's not the way he acts.
Jack's Relationship With Gwen is Wrong and Hurts Ianto.
I'm really uncomfortable talking about this one because I have a confession to make. I don't see what Jack is doing wrong. The reason I don't see it is because I had the same sort of relationships with other people in college while I was dating my husband-to-be.
There were men and a woman whom I fell in love with in college but whom I never once made a move on. One was already in a long-term committed relationship, and I had too much respect for both people to wish to disturb them. Another had the same personality flaws as I did, and we would only have exaggerated each others' bad periods. Another -- just wouldn't have worked out.
We were good friends but we would have been terrible lovers. That's not to say we wouldn't have had a few good sexual encounters, but at that level we would have crashed and burned eventually. So I sighed and pined and said nothing about my crushes, and 20 years later I'm still close friends with all but one of them. But if I had had to attend one of their weddings at an emotionally vulnerable time in my personal life, as Jack is at now, I don't think I would have acted any differently. I only hope I would have behaved that well. As it was, when one of them told me about an life-changing event that happened several years ago when I was feeling down, I felt as if the ground had opened up beneath me and swallowed me whole. I quickly rallied and congratulated him, but a small selfish part of me didn't like it at all, even though I had been happily married for several years and my husband was standing right beside me.
Oh yeah, my husband? Same guy I was dating all those years ago when I was having those other crushes. Far from being a "doormat" he's the biggest Alpha Male I've ever met in my life, big enough not to be threatened by my crushes on other people, wise enough to realize it was something I had to work through for reasons not connected to him, and smart enough to know that me comparing him with other people whom I also had strong feelings for but who were less-than-compatible only pointed out how perfectly compatible the two of us were and what a prize catch he was. Was he hurt by them? No, he says. It was something I had to work through, and the person he got at the end was worth the wait. Were my crushes an inevitable sign that I couldn't stay faithful to him, that I would leave him, and that our relationship would end in tears? This year will be our 20th wedding anniversary, so that would be "No."
But this isn't just my story. I've heard variations of it from real people many times over the years, albeit there's often more sex involved. It's not that uncommon. So Jack crushing on Gwen without sleeping with her and loving and sleeping with Ianto doesn't seem that absolutely terrible. It seems more like a phase Jack's going through while working on opening up his heart enough to love Ianto more than he already loves him. Does it mean heartbreak for Ianto? Maybe, but not neccessarily. We'll have to wait and see.
RTD Should Only Show Healthy Gay Relationships Between Healthy People.
RTD is a master storyteller. He knows that stories about broken people trying to piece their life together grab the audience far more than stories about healthy people cruising through life in a cloud of bliss.
That said, Ianto and Jack look like they've got a pretty healthy relationship. Personally they're both messed up six ways from Sunday, but it seems to me like they're taking great care not to mess up what they have going on between them.
Frankly, I think it's far more responsible of him to show that messed-up people (i.e. ordinary people) can have healthy relationships than to show that only healthy people can have healthy relationships.