tuesday morning letters
Dear Debit Card,
There is money in that account, and I know your magnet strip works, so there is no excuse for not providing me with money that I need to procure my delicious morning muffin and soda.
Broke thanks to you,
Lex
Dear Sam,
I patronize your bodega pretty much every day, and you greet me with some kind of random lesson each morning. I enjoy the lessons, and I especially enjoy you spotting me breakfast this morning because I had no cash.
YOU ROCK.
xoxo,
Lex
Dear fellow Parkway travelers,
LEARN TO DRIVE.
No love at all,
Lex
Dear other people on Route 4,
OMFG, do we have to do this EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN MORNING? Yes, the road goes from three lanes to two. It is NOT A SURPRISE. PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE IT'S THE END OF THE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD every time.
In conclusion, I hate you.
Lex
Dear Township of Englewood,
Please stop putting up random one-way detours. It complicates an already complicated commute exponentially.
:-(,
Lex
Dear PSE&G,
You were scheduled to install that main on Thursday. Yet you are here right now installing it. Is today Thursday? I don't think it's Thursday.
No, THANK YOU for screwing up my week's schedule. I really appreciate it.
:-|,
Construction Manager (yes, the one without a dick)
There is money in that account, and I know your magnet strip works, so there is no excuse for not providing me with money that I need to procure my delicious morning muffin and soda.
Broke thanks to you,
Lex
Dear Sam,
I patronize your bodega pretty much every day, and you greet me with some kind of random lesson each morning. I enjoy the lessons, and I especially enjoy you spotting me breakfast this morning because I had no cash.
YOU ROCK.
xoxo,
Lex
Dear fellow Parkway travelers,
LEARN TO DRIVE.
No love at all,
Lex
Dear other people on Route 4,
OMFG, do we have to do this EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN MORNING? Yes, the road goes from three lanes to two. It is NOT A SURPRISE. PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE IT'S THE END OF THE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD every time.
In conclusion, I hate you.
Lex
Dear Township of Englewood,
Please stop putting up random one-way detours. It complicates an already complicated commute exponentially.
:-(,
Lex
Dear PSE&G,
You were scheduled to install that main on Thursday. Yet you are here right now installing it. Is today Thursday? I don't think it's Thursday.
No, THANK YOU for screwing up my week's schedule. I really appreciate it.
:-|,
Construction Manager (yes, the one without a dick)